Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

pofoster21 wrote: »

LBuehrle8 wrote: »

I love when people get into heated "discussions" on these forums, I just sit back and let them go at it and take away the parts I want. The peope I can't handle are the people who throw in their "bullying" comments (and add nothing useful to the discussion about the OP). It's NOT bullying!! People are allowed to disagree and if someone disagrees by calling names and throwing around immature comments then that's STILL NOT BULLYING-- it's just being a huge, immature, a**!!! Rant over

Edited for spelling.

Ok one more post before I go back to work. I think the back and forth is funny but then when it gets nasty I leave. I really don't like when it gets nasty. And I don't like when people go on the attack on someone (unless they truly are stupid... not judging). That is why I mostly stay on this thread or ones that are similar.

AgentOrangeJuice wrote: »

Oh btw, for anyone wondering. I got a job offer this morning. It's going to be amazing walking out of this place in a couple of weeks with my paycheck, and 100 hours of vacation time in a check too. WOOT WOOT

pofoster21 wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

pofoster21 wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

pofoster21 wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

pofoster21 wrote: »

Alatariel75 wrote: »

caddir wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).

Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.

not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.

Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.

My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:

Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.

Me: .... yeah, I know.

Him: WHAT? How did you know?

Me: My mum told me.

Him: How the heck does your mom know????

Me: Your mum told her!

Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??

Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.

I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.

About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer

Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.

I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.

The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.

The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.

So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.


We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.



In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.

We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.

We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.

Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.

We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.

Feel free to add any follow up questions

Thank you for answering. So now I want to know...how did this come about? It seems like they were a couple first and then you joined them. How did you discover this is something you wanted to engage in? Have you all been together for a long time? And how would kids work if you decided to have them? Thanks!

I've always wanted this kind of relationship structure. Since I was about 14, even though I didn't really understand it. I don't really know how the idea came about, other than I knew I was bisexual, and being with a man and a woman seemed the ideal solution.

They are a married couple. And I have known them both for more than 15 years, before they got together. In fact, my now-girlfriend was talking to my then-boyfriend about her joining us (it didn't happen because he was a lying *kitten*). But she says she has been in love with me and stalked me since then lol. We've been good friends for about 12 years and a lot of acquaintances in our mutual interest have always assumed we were all together.

We've been very good friends for the last 12 years, spending time together, chilling out at home or going to parties, we have very similar opinions on the moral things, money, religion, work ethic etc. They've always known I was looking for a couple, I've always known they were looking for a third. But we never broached the subject of being together (largely because none of us wanted to upset the friendship)

One evening they approached me and asked if I'd like to play. I said yes, we had the intention it wouldn't be a serious long term thing, we thought we were looking for different things.

I fell in love with my girlfriend first, I realised it during our first Christmas and I panicked a bit.
At easter I realised I'd fallen in love with my boyfriend. Then I had a meltdown and emailed them to end it (email because we lived 200 miles apart, end it because we has agreed no strings, no emotions and my feelings were against our agreement and I was trying to be fair). They phoned me, told me how they felt, and what they wanted (as individuals) and asked what I wanted. We renegotiated from our original agreement and haven't really looked back, it's 3 years this year.

We are always very careful to speak as individuals, particularly when talking relationship stuff and we don't speak for each other. But conversations do happen between 2, often as a sounding board.

Both my partners have adult children. I have never wanted children, so it's not really a factor for us, although I do have shared legal custody of my 2 year old nephew (hence going to 'my' house every weekend).

This is great. It's so nice that you all found one another and that it works so well. Many couples never find that. Do your families know?

ythannah wrote: »

@orangesmartie thanks for the detailed responses... you've provided a lot of insight.

And I'm happy that you guys have all found a relationship that works!

AlciaMode wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

pofoster21 wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

pofoster21 wrote: »

Alatariel75 wrote: »

caddir wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).

Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.

not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.

Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.

My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:

Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.

Me: .... yeah, I know.

Him: WHAT? How did you know?

Me: My mum told me.

Him: How the heck does your mom know????

Me: Your mum told her!

Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??

Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.

I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.

About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer

Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.

I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.

The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.

The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.

So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.


We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.



In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.

We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.

We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.

Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.

We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.

Feel free to add any follow up questions

Sounds way more mature than most one on one relationships.

DebzNuDa wrote: »

I had a terrible weekend with my calories DH HAD to pay that stupid fight on Saturday and had 2 other couples over to eat and watch. I was doing okay until they brought a cream cake with caramel sauce, some enclairs and DH brought a apple cinnamon pie. Of course, me the pig, at a serving of EACH. Then yesterday I did the same damn thing and had a Jimmy John #5 Vito (managed to eat only one half), but added 2 servings of Jordan Almonds, 1 serving of Red Vines, a ton of vegetables (at least I ate SOMETHING healthy), a big bowl of watermelon and cantaloupe and top it all with a vendor size packet of Famous Amos Chip Chocolate cookies. I am so mad at myself

Oh well, at least I'm still alive and can get back on the wagon.

orangesmartie wrote: »

Heehee, thanks, we tend to think that when listening to the complaints of our monogamous friends but all relationships take work, friends family, partners but we tend to take them all for granted

ythannah wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

Heehee, thanks, we tend to think that when listening to the complaints of our monogamous friends but all relationships take work, friends family, partners but we tend to take them all for granted

Exactly! Which is why I'm sitting here thinking you may actually be a few steps ahead in being so conscious and deliberate about those aspects of your relationship, whereas the rest of us in more traditional partnerships just sit back and think it will all magically work out because "we're in luuuurve", at least when we're younger. (Coming from someone who got married at the age of 20, because I thought I knew it all)

quiksylver296 wrote: »

This is the ad on the side of my MFP right now, and it is making me a little uncomfortable...

BZAH10 wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

PenderDanielle wrote: »

My confession is that i really really want to lose some weight and i know exactly what i need to do to do it but i can never find the motivation to get up and do it. I Just had a baby 2 mnts ago and im the biggest i have ever been in my whole life and i feel like im disgusting my husband(even though im not he tells me how much he loves my body all the time), SO im making a pledge to really do it this time, not only for myself but for my son so i can live a loooong time to see him grow

I initially read this as "2 minutes ago" and my first thought was, wow this gal's really motivated! Lol.

Congratulations on your new baby and welcome to MFP... if you take a peek around the boards you'll find tons of posts from very ordinary folks (including new mums) who are successfully losing weight... so YOU CAN DO IT TOO.

Re Autocorrect: For some bizarre reason, every time I started to type "texting" in my phone, one of the suggestions autocorrect would come up with is "rectum". Seriously?? That's a word in common use in texting? (Anyway, the phone has since learned my text habits and no longer suggests that one.)

This type of thing happens to me all the time! I was texting my son that I left something on his "porch" and it changed it to "porcupine". Pretty sure "porch" is a much more common word. Then I used the word "also", which was changed to "silo". Really? Porcupines and silos are used more? Funny, but I am careful to proof read before sending.

quiksylver296 wrote: »

This is the ad on the side of my MFP right now, and it is making me a little uncomfortable...

spacequiztime wrote: »

m1xm0d3 wrote: »

Introducing Premium!

A $50/yr you can keep that chit. For real. >_<

OH yes.

Unless the script I used to enter my macros in gram is fixed or a new one is made, I'm just going to enter my macros goals into the food notes.

I can't believe they'd expect me to want to pay that much for "premium", especially with the app's "improved" macro / micronutrient breakdown

JPW1990 wrote: »

spacequiztime wrote: »

Wait, is there a script or something that still works to add custom macros?
http://karoshiethos.com/2013/08/13/javascript-bookmarklet-for-enhanced-macro-goals-in-myfitnesspal/
I used the script in this link but saw this when I logged in today.

As of right now, mine appears to still be working. However, I have not opened MFP in app form, and I have no intention of ever doing so again until I hear for sure that the script has been updated. I suspect that's where the problem lies.

Noelv1976 wrote: »

I've been going against my physical therapist. Been running when I should be walking