Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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There are posts that I want to comment on but I need some sleep. This is a special group of people. Thank you!0
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dittoannette_15 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »@BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!
This. So. Much.
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Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I'm so sorry! That must have been so horrible, to lose both at once.
It's easy to feel guilty when you feel like you're grieving "wrong", but there is no right or wrong way to grieve--everyone is unique, and the way we process emotional things like grief can be very different. My condolences to you. 0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..
Please come to my house. I would rather restart the dryer 100 times than fold what's in there.
Uh-huh. I love when I open the dryer and the clothes are still damp because it means I can just restart it!
I don't mind laundry. I am actually very proficient with an iron and can of spray starch but I've pushed back the timer a few times when the clothes were dry but I didn't want to deal with them yet, nor did I want wrinkles by the time I actually did.
I'm sure the laundry discussion is already over, but I'm commenting anyway. My dryer has a really cool setting called wrinkle care, and it will spin the clothes every so often for a couple hours after the load is finished so the clothes don't get wrinkly! My husband is the Craigslist King! He got the front loading washer and dryer with the pedestals in red (my favorite color) for $400.
And I'm on team No Ironing! I don't buy things that need to be ironed. I don't think I've used an iron in five years! This is from page 838...so far behind. Sad face!
The only things that get ironed in our house are hubby's uniform for work and the youngest's school shirts which I bought as non iron but still look wrinkly when I take them out of the dryer. On the other hand one of my sisters irons her socks, bedding and towels. I keep telling her she has far too much time on her hands0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine?
Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.
Um there is such a thing? Who makes it?
I have a washer/dryer all in one too. It's pretty common in the UK where space is at a premium. I don't have a dishwasher though. Jealous of you people moaning about loading the dishwasher!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »I am totally judging on a female that keeps posting threads with fitness model pictures and says she wants to look like them, but she has 140 pounds to lose! I want to go tell her that she is setting herself up for failure. Baby steps, honey, baby steps!
But I don't think that would be well received.
I know which one you're talking about and it is upsetting to read. I haven't dared to look at models or fashion pictures because I know for a fact it is not achievable. At least not for a very long time anyway!0 -
CountessKitteh wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »Guys!
I got a call to schedule an interview for a lab manager position at an awesome hospital! It's actually the hospital where my FIL has been for the last few weeks post-heart attack.
Weird fact: The two previous lab managers were fired after a terrible (potential shutdown kind of terrible) inspection. One of them was the mother of one of my current employees. Awkward.
Good luck!
Thanks. It's scheduled for next Friday, the 19th. Sounds like this is a multiple interview process.
Yes, good luck!
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berndanddana wrote: »I eat powdered sugar by the spoonfuls
Try mixing it with peanut butter! It tastes exactly like the inside of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!!! I may or may not have done that by the (small) bowlful!
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Alma102724 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.
Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.
For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.
I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
I'm really sorry for your losses...and that they are so new...and how hard it is to deal with your emotions.
My mom passed away in May of last year. Fifteen days later, my 15.5 year old dog (my first "child) passed away. Three months later, one of my cats died from Cancer. It's been really hard. I still haven't come to peace with it...and most days I can't determine whether I'm sad or angry and whatever else. Hang in there.
Welcome to the best thread on MFP. It helps to vent here. 0 -
I have 2 confessions.
1. My HUGE naked *kitten* has hung in a public art gallery for the world to see. Worst thing is it was a self portrait lol
2. I also write erotic fiction.0 -
Confession: I'm terribly immature and I giggle every time I see someone post a topic like "Tips for eating out."0
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I bought a strawberry and rhubarb mini cake at Panera yesterday. I logged the whole thing but felt so guilty I could only eat half of it. I ate the best half, the top half, the half with all the fruit and crunchy, sugary bits.0
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Confession: I'm a bad friend. My best friend is moving into a new house in a couple weeks. She created an event thing on Facebook asking people to come help them move. I have no desire to help them. I hate moving myself, why would I want to move someone else? I'm also not overly fond of her family, or her husband and his family (who will be there). What makes me feel worse about my laziness is that she's 8 months pregnant and isn't able to do any of the moving/lifting. In my defense she will have (at least) her husband, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 sister-in- law (and her boyfriend), and most likely both sets of parents moving them. So... with 7-9 people helping, do I really need to be there? I feel terrible, but I still don't want to do it.
Well, normally I would have said 'Meh, she has enough people' but I'm light of the friend issues and being cut out of friendship groups going on, I'm inclined to say, maybe you should show your face at some point.0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »I really love this thread. You guys have helped me through a pretty hard time, and I have seen you help so many other people through hard times as well. People on the internet can be awful, but they can also be great. Best thread ever.
Same here. This thread has affected my life in many ways. All good ways, which is why I struggle so much to keep up. But I have to accept that I cannot. I have to balance it out with real life, but I'll be here for as long as this thread exists!
Same for me too. I feel like I've really gotten to know some of you really well, especially when we did the real name thing. Several hundred pages back. I've learned a lot and am very grateful for all of you. Thanks for being so accepting and friendly. Never go away, okay?!
Is it too late for me to get in on that and tell everyone my name? Because I was just a lurker back then... I was just wondering about that yesterday!
No! Fess up!
ETA: Late to the party again! Your name is gorgeous, Sawsan!
Your name is beautiful, Sawsan!
I've got the quintessential 90s kid name (Stephanie), which is one of many reasons my kid has a relatively different (but not "weird") name. I went by my middle name (Rene-pronounced Renee', and I spelled it like normal) most of my childhood and teen years. I didn't want to embrace my name(s), until I was an adult, which looking back was pretty stupid.
I think I missed the name section too somehow. Anyway, I have a very popular 80's name, so I can relate. My name is Amber.
I've always liked the name Amber lol. I do know there were a lot of them when I was in school, just like Stephanies lol.
Thank you. I was always jealous of my sister, because she has a much less common name and didn't have to be 'first name, last initial' all through school. I guess now she is easier to google though.
I'm late to this. Still getting caught up from yesterday afternoon.
Mine is a popular name from the 70's. I'm a Cindy. (Technically a Cynthia but I don't use that).
And for more popular names, my brother is Michael and my sister a Jennifer.0 -
Will_Run_for_Food wrote: »I was craving something sweet the other night but had absolutely nothing in the house that would satisfy me except some hot chocolate. So I ate two spoonfuls of the powder. Two spoonfuls. Of the powder.
I did that the other day, Will Run, I made the hot cocoa though, added more that a tablespoon of whipped cream....It was so yummy!!! So good, had to have 2! That was the day I signed back up on mfp!0 -
annette_15 wrote: »Whew, finally caught up... only took all day lol.
Some confessions
Theres a lot of posts, especially the very personal, heartbreaking, sad ones I wanna respond to, but I dont know what to say because I cant really relate to most of it. I havent had people close to me die, I dont have kids and I guess I've just had a pretty 'easy' life thus far. Im always scared I'll say something that comes off wrong, so I tend to ignore it. I read it all tho
Im going to EDC in two weeks time, and I ordered some pretty out of my comfort zone rave type clothing. I will probably be doing a lot of cardio leading up to it as my outfit will be WAY more revealing than I'm used to (nowhere near what other girls wear to these things tho lol) Here's the bra I got to go with my black high wasted skirt
I'll post pictures of the whole outfit after we go
I had plans earlier today but I cancelled them cause I woke up this morning with a bug bite on my eyelid and it looks really funny cause I cant open my right eye all the way lol
That top is gorgeous. What is EDC?0 -
JesslanRose wrote: »It's taken me a couple weeks to work up the courage to post this. I didn't want anyone to think I'm just being stupid...
From senior year in high school on I was morbidly obese. My highest weight hit at 400 lbs. Now that I've lost over 170 lbs I'm trying to be more self conscious about the way I walk. Like walking with my back straight, improving my posture, etc. Including trying to walk 'sexy' and make sure my butt doesn't jiggle.
I obviously can't tell if I'm actually walking sexy or walking like I have a stick up my butt, but hey I know my butts not jiggling.
Congratulations on an incredible loss!0 -
annette_15 wrote: »Whenever I email/text my gym partner, EVERY response I get from her starts with "haha". I'm all for throwing in a laugh here and there, but not every reply needs it. And it's always in the same place.
Trivial, I know.
No, I get this way with people and their "lol"..NOT NECESSARY AFTER EVERY SENTENCE! Phew, pardon the yelling but I had to get that one out. I don't think I've "lol'd" since I was 14.AngryViking1970 wrote: »Whenever I email/text my gym partner, EVERY response I get from her starts with "haha". I'm all for throwing in a laugh here and there, but not every reply needs it. And it's always in the same place.
Trivial, I know.
I am guilty of overusing the 'LOL'. I don't know why I do it; it's like a compulsion.
I probably overuse "LOL" as well. But I try not to use it after each sentence, and will edit if I feel I've used it too many times. When she replies with her "haha" half the time it's not even because something was funny.
<--- guilty as well lol
Haha0 -
pearso21123 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Last time I stayed at a hotel, I took some of the little cups of peanut butter from the continental breakfast. I'm eating one now, with a spoon, as a snack.
Thief! Just kidding. That is a fabulous idea! I buy the little pre portioned cups of hummus so I don't have to weigh it out. It's WAY more expensive, but my time is precious and I don't want to spend it weighing out a really sad amount of hummus.
No judgement, but store-bought hummus is sad no matter what size or form it comes in!
You can never beat homemade hummus. In fact, I just had some that I made a couple of days ago for dinner with Iranian-style kabab kubbideh! Yum.
I've been meaning to make hummus for weeks, but I'm worried that I will eat the entire batch in a week three days.
I usually just make enough for 8 very small servings (like enough to spread on a kabab/chicken sandwich) or two big fat servings (that would make up a whole meal) or four medium servings (enough for a side dish). All that to say that I make about 500 grams of it at a time. Heh.
Confession: I'm just really super fed-up with myself. Ever since I've started "slipping" I've basically been tightening my "restriction" belt more and more and more. Baking ingredients? Banned from the house. Sweets? Banned from the house. Butter? Banned. Sugar? Banned. And yet, I still manage to mess up, because I'm just that awesome. And you know what? I'm sick of it.
I told my husband last night that if I keep this up, we're not going to have any food left in the house at all soon. :-/ The last straw for me was when I slipped up (2000+ calories over maintenance) because of trying to bake something (out of desperation) with a bunch of substitutes that tasted NASTY, and it turned out that I could have had the same amount of the real stuff for much less calories than that... It's like I just keep on baking because baking is "bad" (and yet I really love baking) and so tempting to do because I feel like I can't ever do it again if I'm being "good".
So you know what I did? I threw out everything I've been doing for these last few months. Everything. I went out and I bought flour, sugars, butter, baking powder, chocolate, and then I baked a big ole batch of chocolate chip cookies. I now have a freezer full of cookies and two big bags of chocolate chips and a whole bunch of ingredients to bake more WHENEVER I WANT. And that feels freeing.
I did slip up eat more cookies than I intended to yesterday, BUT I didn't eat the whole tray like I did every single time before this because "I have to finish these so I won't mess up again tomorrow!". Well, it's tomorrow now. There are still plenty of cookies. And there will be plenty the day after too. And I don't need to have one right now, because I can have one later. And that feels freeing, too.
Will this work? I really have absolutely no idea. But I'm really, really, really sick of all this "forbidden" and "good" and "bad" and not being able to bake. So I'm throwing everything out of the window and starting over again. Send me good vibes?
Sorry for the novel.
It may actually work. When my husband was quitting smoking he said he had a pack of cigarettes in his pocket at all times. If he didn't, all he could think about was cigarettes. He said having them there made it so he could resist them easier- he knew he could have one if he really wanted to. So, maybe you'll be able to resist the cookies since you know they're available whenever you want one.
My grandpa did that too with cigarettes. He had his can of tobacco and tubes in his living room for over 10 years!!0
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