Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

riderfangal wrote: »

Confession for the day. Every night my son and I go for a walk (well he drives his battery operated tractor and I try to keep up). Our route takes us by a convenience store and if he has been pretty good up until this point in the day we usually stop in and he gets some little treat. We now own like 15 mini yo-yos because that seems to be his pick. Last night he talked me into buying him a bag of hickory sticks, which I happen to love but haven't eaten for a very long time. So I open them for him and of course grab a handful. Yum crunchy salty goodness . We get home and he still has like half a bag left but doesn't want them. Dilemma right, cause I know I will eat them so.... I put them under his bed while he is in the bath because I know if I left them in the cupboard I would eat them after he was asleep. This way I know there is no possibility I will go into the bedroom after he is asleep to retrieve them and chance waking him up

FluffySandwich wrote: »

I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.

On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.

rungirl1973 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts about my stepkid situation. We have decided to let it go for a while and have the court hold her in contempt if she ever tries to take us to court for something like kids braces or college tuition.

I don't understand why people have kids if they don't want to do the best for them or have them around. She sent daughter to New Mexico for a month of the summer then to stl with more family for 2 weeks. School will start in early August.

The stepson has a lot of making amends to do before he would be welcome in our home but that's a whole different story. The whole thing is a mess.

quiksylver296 wrote: »

crosbylee wrote: »

MoHousdon wrote: »

xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »

kelly_c_77 wrote: »

lilaclovebird wrote: »

Coastalpath wrote: »

This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!

Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.

Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.

Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!

Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.

Yup. This! Hugs to you.

Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.

I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!

Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.

I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.

I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.

I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.

He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.

I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?

*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*

I'm sorry, that must be tough.

Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.

While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids ). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid.

When I married my husband, I had one son and he had three daughters. We never thought of having kids and felt we had enough. I got a dog for our first anniversary; she was our kid . Well fast forward a few years and surprise! at 39 I was pregnant. We weren't trying or trying to avoid it, just happened. I had her after I turned 40. I knew I was done after that, so got that factory shut down. You never know. We love her just as much as any of the others and don't regret a minute of it. After that, his oldest daughter, who is in her 20's, had a little girl about 15 months after we had Olivia. Crazy stuff.

I just turned 40 in March and the idea of dealing with a newborn again scares me to the very fiber of my soul...

Confession: I love my son, but I didn't love the newborn/baby stage all the much. The more independent he becomes, the more I like it.

bkhamill wrote: »

kellienw335 wrote: »

orangesmartie wrote: »

I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.

Not horrified! I actually find relationships with multiples, including polygamy, fascinating. It's not for me, but I've researched it quite a bit. The fact that I feel like I kind of know you and really want you guys to be able to work this out and be happy adds a whole new level to my education on the subject. I hope that isn't somehow offensive or insensitive. I'm team Mr Mrs & Ms Orangesmartie all the way!

Me too! I understand this relationship dynamic more than anyone would know. (I have a very private side to me that others do not know about and really fear I would be judged on here if I spoke of it - not to mention this is a public forum and I don't need anyone IRL to know this stuff) The struggles within this type of relationship are real and the love is real too, it is absolutely possible to be in deep love with more than one person at the same time.

Just_Ceci wrote: »

A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-

When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.