I grant then ruin someone's wish...

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Replies

  • cblue315
    cblue315 Posts: 3,836 Member
    edited June 2015
    New Ice age on the way! Now we all have to wear multilayer clothing and why did I lose all that weight?

    I wish someone would clean my gutters for me.
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    Granted, you now have someone who cleans your gutters, but it's a robber who sneaks into your house late at night and starts taking things one by one.

    I wish I had a robot boyfriend who would do anything I say and not complain about it.
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    Granted, but his ai is programmed for jealously, so he blows a fuse every time another guy calls or comes to the door. You can't afford to keep replacing his fuses, so you end up giving him away.

    I wish I could control what other people say and do...
  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    Granted, you now have control of everyone else but doing all of that controlling becomes a huge job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no time to eat or sleep and so you resign from the position.

    I wish I didn't have to work
  • littlehappystitches
    littlehappystitches Posts: 121 Member
    Granted but you lose your house and all possessions as you have no money to pay for it all

    I wish to become a genii so I can grant my own wishes
  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,678 Member
    Granted, but you also fulfill your dreams/subconscious wishes, including nightmares/wishes involving misfortune!
    I wish my stomach didn't hurt like crazy!
  • jbuzzed
    jbuzzed Posts: 10,172 Member
    Granted but you'd only ever be able to eat oranges forever.

    I wish I could nap all day.
  • zkhanman
    zkhanman Posts: 132 Member
    Granted, but you wake up and found 25 years have gone by.

    I wish Google would perfectly answer any question I ever ask.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Granted but they will give you the same perfect answer repeatedly.

    I wish all the kids in my class would listen to me.
  • jbuzzed
    jbuzzed Posts: 10,172 Member
    Granted but they won't learn anything

    I wish I could have all my imperfections fixed.
  • Hey_Its_That_One_Guy
    Hey_Its_That_One_Guy Posts: 21,763 Member
    Granted but your imperfections become your strengths and everything else becomes your imperfections.

    I wish I was normal.
  • tonybalony01
    tonybalony01 Posts: 613 Member
    Granted. But everybody knows that normal is boring, and now nobody wants to talk to you because of how boring you are.

    I wish I got paid to play video games all day.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Granted by you have to actually live in the video game.


    I wish I had long hair.
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    getitamb wrote: »
    Granted by you have to actually live in the video game.


    I wish I had long hair.

    Granted, but your hair is so long because you're locked in a tower, and you need it for your Prince Charming to climb to your rescue. Unfortunately, due to a mugging, your Prince Charming us now blind and laying in the hospital with total amnesia.

    I wish people weren't so crude and obnoxious.
  • jaymvita
    jaymvita Posts: 5,787 Member
    khara2012 wrote: »
    getitamb wrote: »
    Granted by you have to actually live in the video game.


    I wish I had long hair.

    Granted, but your hair is so long because you're locked in a tower, and you need it for your Prince Charming to climb to your rescue. Unfortunately, due to a mugging, your Prince Charming us now blind and laying in the hospital with total amnesia.

    I wish people weren't so crude and obnoxious.

    Granted, but now, you are a societal pariah. People are obligated to ignore you completely. You are not to be spoken to, looked at directly or even remotely acknowledged. You cease to exist. The ensuing loneliness and isolation drive you mad within days. You gnaw your limbs off and wind up a bloody stump rocking back and forth in the middle of the street. People secretly refer to you as "Mat".

    I wish I was the chosen one.
  • Iguessicandothis
    Iguessicandothis Posts: 2,132 Member
    Granted. You've been chosen as a human sacrifice and will now die a gruesome death.

    I wish I could talk to animals.
  • dozensofthreads
    dozensofthreads Posts: 139 Member
    Granted, but you no longer understand human language.

    I wish I could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.
  • jaymvita
    jaymvita Posts: 5,787 Member
    moyen2 wrote: »
    Granted. You've been chosen as a human sacrifice and will now die a gruesome death.

    I wish I could talk to animals.

    Granted. You can talk to animals. But you only know the curse words. Every animal on earth finds you rude and insensitive and take turns smacking you around to learn you some manners. Your plaintive cries for mercy only come out as crude momma jokes which brings on more beat down. Dr. Doolittle you are not.

    I wish it didn't hurt when I bend it this way.
  • jaymvita
    jaymvita Posts: 5,787 Member
    dozensofthreads wrote: »
    Granted, but you no longer understand human language.

    I wish I could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.

    Granted. Every time you snap your fingers, a body part falls off. In your zeal, you snapped your fingers five times quickly. Your friends now call you Stumpy.

    I wish I knew how to quit you.
  • Iguessicandothis
    Iguessicandothis Posts: 2,132 Member
    dozensofthreads wrote: »
    Granted, but you no longer understand human language.

    I wish I could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.

    Granted. Only your fingers are too sweaty to snap properly, so you can never quite get it right.

  • pierportbeach
    pierportbeach Posts: 647 Member
    Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security

    I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
  • dozensofthreads
    dozensofthreads Posts: 139 Member
    jaymvita wrote: »
    dozensofthreads wrote: »
    Granted, but you no longer understand human language.

    I wish I could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.

    Granted. Every time you snap your fingers, a body part falls off. In your zeal, you snapped your fingers five times quickly. Your friends now call you Stumpy.

    I wish I knew how to quit you.

    LMFAO OH MY GOD

    Granted, but in quitting me, you also forget every single movie quote you've ever memorized and used as a joke, therefore being rendered obsolete among your pop culture centered friends and family.

    I wish I had an extra day between Saturday and Sunday.
  • Iguessicandothis
    Iguessicandothis Posts: 2,132 Member
    edited January 2016
    jaymvita wrote: »
    moyen2 wrote: »
    Granted. You've been chosen as a human sacrifice and will now die a gruesome death.

    I wish I could talk to animals.

    Granted. You can talk to animals. But you only know the curse words. Every animal on earth finds you rude and insensitive and take turns smacking you around to learn you some manners. Your plaintive cries for mercy only come out as crude momma jokes which brings on more beat down. Dr. Doolittle you are not.

    I wish it didn't hurt when I bend it this way.

    Granted, but it now hurts every time you're not bending so you have to remain in that bent position permanently.

    I wish I had perfect teeth.
  • jaymvita
    jaymvita Posts: 5,787 Member
    pierportbeach wrote: »
    Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security

    I wish I would publish a famous literary novel

    Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.

    I wish I didn't just think of that.
  • dozensofthreads
    dozensofthreads Posts: 139 Member
    moyen2 wrote: »
    dozensofthreads wrote: »
    Granted, but you no longer understand human language.

    I wish I could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.

    Granted. Only your fingers are too sweaty to snap properly, so you can never quite get it right.

    Ewwww
  • dozensofthreads
    dozensofthreads Posts: 139 Member
    jaymvita wrote: »
    pierportbeach wrote: »
    Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security

    I wish I would publish a famous literary novel

    Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.

    I wish I didn't just think of that.

    Granted, but your mind is now an endless void.

    I wish I could fall asleep right now.

  • Iguessicandothis
    Iguessicandothis Posts: 2,132 Member
    jaymvita wrote: »
    pierportbeach wrote: »
    Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security

    I wish I would publish a famous literary novel

    Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.

    I wish I didn't just think of that.

    Granted, you didn't. What you actually thought of was your parents publishing that novel and reading it to you as a bedtime story every night.

    I wish I could fly.
  • jaymvita
    jaymvita Posts: 5,787 Member
    moyen2 wrote: »
    jaymvita wrote: »
    moyen2 wrote: »
    Granted. You've been chosen as a human sacrifice and will now die a gruesome death.

    I wish I could talk to animals.

    Granted. You can talk to animals. But you only know the curse words. Every animal on earth finds you rude and insensitive and take turns smacking you around to learn you some manners. Your plaintive cries for mercy only come out as crude momma jokes which brings on more beat down. Dr. Doolittle you are not.

    I wish it didn't hurt when I bend it this way.

    Granted, but it now hurts every time you're not bending so you have to remain in that bent position permanently.

    I wish I had perfect teeth.

    Granted. You have the perfect teeth of the trespasser you just slaughtered. As chief protector of your caniballistic tribe, you are charged with safeguarding your village. Those perfect teeth make a dashing necklace that earns you first dibs on "trespasser soup". Bon appetit!

    I wish I didn't just throw up a little in my mouth.
  • Iguessicandothis
    Iguessicandothis Posts: 2,132 Member
    jaymvita wrote: »
    moyen2 wrote: »
    jaymvita wrote: »
    moyen2 wrote: »
    Granted. You've been chosen as a human sacrifice and will now die a gruesome death.

    I wish I could talk to animals.

    Granted. You can talk to animals. But you only know the curse words. Every animal on earth finds you rude and insensitive and take turns smacking you around to learn you some manners. Your plaintive cries for mercy only come out as crude momma jokes which brings on more beat down. Dr. Doolittle you are not.

    I wish it didn't hurt when I bend it this way.

    Granted, but it now hurts every time you're not bending so you have to remain in that bent position permanently.

    I wish I had perfect teeth.

    Granted. You have the perfect teeth of the trespasser you just slaughtered. As chief protector of your caniballistic tribe, you are charged with safeguarding your village. Those perfect teeth make a dashing necklace that earns you first dibs on "trespasser soup". Bon appetit!

    I wish I didn't just throw up a little in my mouth.

    Granted. You didn't just throw up in your mouth, you threw up throughout your entire body. Now your pores ooze puke and you cry vomit tears.

    I wish I had some chocolate icecream right now.
  • pierportbeach
    pierportbeach Posts: 647 Member
    @dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.

    I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
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