WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2016
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Good morning all,
Just sitting here with 1st coffee catching up with all of you. Seems most of you get to the gym or at spend a significant amout of time in activities. Today I will work on mom's house. I keep thinking how I would MUCH rather ne working on a quilt. There is a silver lining there. Mom taught me to sew when I was 7. She's stashed lots of fabric & assorted notions. So far we have foumd enough spools of thread to fill a 5 gallon bucket. SIL also sews and has her charities. We'refinding stuff to donate & personal use. We will get this finished and have time & supplies to keep us busy for quite awhile.
Guess I need to start posting at computer instead of smart phone so I can have 2 windows open to include encouraging comments to each of you. I'll try that this evening.
All of you have a "loosimg" day
Sioux in Tulsa
Isn't that fun...cleaning out your mom's house. You find the personal treasures that your parents never mentioned. You wondered what they were thinking when they put those things away. My mom finally has a permanent room at the nursing home, so my SIL and I have been working on the collection of cooking and food processing items that my mom collected. Some of the items we have asked her if she wants to give to a favourite grandchild or donate or sell. I was hoping to finish it before spring when work, gardening and yard work takes front and center of everyone's attention but that hasn't happened.0 -
Will have to get my miles in walking on the rebounder - Men's World curling Gold medal game is on.... Canada versus Denmark..... yeah go Canada!!!
Lillian in West Central Saskatchewan.... watching it snow AGAIN!!!0 -
Lillian - Yes I am finding lots of treasures. Letters my dad wrote declaring his undying love to her (lasted maybe 3 years), a photo album with those black pages and photo booth shots (remember) when mom was 11, 12, to 15, all identified with silver writing. Many years ago you could buy envelopes from post office with postage embossed (6 cents) found stack of those. To get to the treasres we have to handle a lot of $%*t. But all of this MUST be done.
Happy Sunday
Sioux in Tulsa0 -
Pip yum!
Heather love the blue tongues. I like stories that have strong woman in them too. Looking forward to reading your story. Found a copy of This Book Will Make You Calm by your DDIL. Will start it after finishing the current books on anger I am reading. Some calm after the storm...
Reflections:
Lerner's next story on who does the house work illustrates the one who over functions in the pair. No surprise it is the woman. The woman Lisa becomes more resentful as time progresses. Lisa is the one who is dissatisfied. She is the one who needs to address the problem because no one else can do it for her. When she came at him do it my way no positive changes happened. (Been there;done that) When Lisa started making changes out of responsibility for herself and not as a move against her husband a positive change in the relationship took place. The hardest part was to get herself from over functioning and accept how her husband would do or not do things and to give credit for his contributions. She did have to resist jumping in and fixing things when he pouted. When she framed this as his problem it made it somewhat easier to stand firm. I agree with her as a woman it is hard for me to let others sit with their feelings and let them learn to handle them. I am trying to remember the member in our group here who is a preschool teacher who talked about how she encouraged parents not to rush in to solve their children's problems but to give them a chance to handle them and figure them out themselves. As a teacher I face that almost every time I go into a classroom the children look to me to solve their problems with one another. Often I find myself saying did you tell they other person "I do not like that. " If that student refused to honor you did you move away i.e. try to solve the problem on your own first.
The author does discusses fighting: Fighting in itself as long as no one is hurt is not the issue. What hopefully come out of the fight is clarifying to oneself what is the real issue and the need for change. ( in this case it was Lisa over functioning)
When I take the stand of fixing everyone else's problem (Oh if they would just listen to me everything would be fine!) I believe I have that kind of power. I often become annoyed and reactive to that other person. I know how well that works. NOT! When I finally realize this is not working do I stop and do something different? NO! It is so much easier to solve others problems and not my own. It is not trying to help others with their problems that gets me into trouble. It is when I become reactive and assume responsibility for things I am not responsible. Also it is when I try to have control over those things I have no control over. (Serenity prayer I need you) I agree when I find myself over functioning in a relationship I end feeling very angry and facilitate the growth of no one including myself.
I watched a friend of mine teaching one day. One of her students was getting ready for recess. This was my friend's lunch break. It would have been easier just to help the child get dressed and be on her way. She gave that student space and time to get ready on her own. She expected and believed that student could figure out how to solve her own problem. Needless to say she was an incredible teacher. When I am tempted to over function I remember her.
Quote:
Between the stimulus and the response there is a space.
It is what you do with that space that can make all the difference.
Sometimes for me the biggest challenge is creating that space.
Margaret
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This is so great that I felt compelled to repost it for myself and anyone who might have missed it yesterday
I will be going out in a few minutes to begin the morning dog walk that will last about 90 minutes....later today, a friend is coming over for a "walk and talk" that should last an hour. I am a big fan of walking for fun and exercise.
Thank you Katla for sharing this with us0 -
Is it to late to join this group? Enjoyed reading the tidbits of of everyone's life. Sounds like a great group for encouragement. I have been using MFP for awhile now on my own and new to the community, would appreciate the camaraderie of women. Not sure how to join though.0
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Heather ~ I loved Little Women, The Secret Garden, and all the Wuthering Height (sp?) type books. Could get lost in all the stories. Growing up, I loved all of the Shirley Temple movies and later the movie, Rebecca.
Beth ~ So sorry you have had a difficult weekend dealing with your disabled son. Hugs for you and him.
I have decided to just veg today. Actually, I mostly veg every day but today DH is still at his weekend show so I get to do it by myself. LOL
Carol0 -
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Happy Sunday everyone, I am taking charge of the refrigerator once again, it seems to get away from me during the work week, but I shall prevail.
Making my lentil soup and chicken soup today as well as giving the kitchen floor a very thorough cleaning. Feels good to get moving after a very lethargic day yesterday, we all, as a family, had no get up and go, today, we are all feeling energetic! Dh is playing his last day of soccer before he has to face miniscus repair.
Your Body on Walking is my new favorite inspirational post. Thanks all for support and sharing.
Karen from NY0 -
morning~
we went down and fed DFIL brought a small bookcase from dad's house to one of the resident's there that is a big reader.. fit right on top of his bureau so that is easier to get to than bed down to the floor.. set all his books and he is all set..
went into Tom's office and asked what would make him happy? he said he doesn't know..asked if he had another woman , he said yes ya ok. (he doesn't)
and he is off to work in the yard.. I would like to just sit for a bit and then do some housework,but will end up going out to help him..0 -
Dear all you awesome ladies I am back from Peru. I really missed all of you. Past night and this morning, I read everything posted since March 29. Whew. So many ups and downs. Sylvia , Joyce , Beth and so many facing health and family health issues-thinking of you.
I missed all you wonderful gals (did I mention that? ) and the thought of your support kept me on track. In fact, I came back 1.2 pounds lighter even though I could not eat any fresh vegetables or most fruits the entire trip. I may never touch potatoes or rice again. Heather and PennyI did try ceviche and loved it. I ate sushi and sashimi regularly when I worked in Japan and so I should have expected to enjoy it. Of course, the texture and seasoning were completely different. Unfortunately, a colleague used this trip as an opportunity to completely pig out despite diabetes.Kept ordering several entrees in order to "try" the dish but would finish just about everything, including the French fries that came with every order. Hard to watch someone committing suicide with a fork as that reminded me of my overeating days not too long ago.
It was a very stressful trip, albeit fascinating. No time to get to Machu Picchu (actually had work as reason for trip) but did explore the northern coastal regions- the centers of Moche culture-the famous ceramics, gold, and the adobe cities. No altitude problems and since all were older, probably for the best. Other been there, not me, but I was not project manager in charge of schedule. The archeological sites and museums were empty. They were all fabulous. Saw only one school group at El Brujo, none anywhere else. In some musems, there were no other visitors or only 2 or 3, even in Lima, with the exception of the Larco, a privately built museum with copius English, gift shops and restaurant. Tourists and overseas student groups all go to Lima and fly right to Cusco missing the heart of most of Peruvian civilization. The roads to the sites are horrendous and ill-marked so my Spanish skills got a real workout. I was the only one who knew any Spanish so I did most of the reading in musems, asking directions, and speaking with waiters, hotel personnel and store clerks. Exhausting as my reading and translation skills are far better than speaking. Of course, I bore the brunt of poor signage, bad traffic and directions that landed us in the middle of construction zones or dirt roads that "could not possibly be the right way to a major archeological treasure" . The person driving would go some other way only to find out that I was right. I wish I had been able to use some of the Dance of Anger wisdom that I missed. I just seethed in silence, getting more and more depressed until I said something towards the end of the trip.
As far as your water discussions I missed, climate change has had a major effect on a number of coastal sites, particularly Chan Chan, a city of 100,000 that is having to be re-restored and the Huacas of Sun and Moon that were basically destroyed during latest El Nino. Of course, we could not drink any water and conserved water during showers, etc. It was hard to imagine how rural population keeps anything clean and dust free. No water supply lines and no sewage treatment plants. There are water tanks on tops of homes but unless they are regularly disinfected, can't be used for potable water. Then again, who knows about the water quality being delivered. There are laundries in small towns and the kids all looked clean and tidy in their school uniforms, many teenagers busy texting while walking. Cell towers all over.
I was impressed by the numbers of new colleges (high schools), technical colleges (equivalent to associate degree institutions in US), technical training schools and universities all over Peru, public, private, and parochial. This bodes well for Peru's future.
I will post pictures when I get a chance. Have lots of work facing me. Please forgive me for not responding to individual concerns.
CJ0 -
Good morning all! It is my last day of vacation, so I slept in and am enjoying a late breakfast of coffee, toast and a protein shake. I have been enjoying mainly reading all of the posts over the past few days.
lawmiller1- You have joined! Just remember to bookmark the page, so that you don't lose it. (Click on the star at the top of the page) Also, tell us a little about you and your goals (as much as you want) and sign your posts with what you would like us to call you. I am referred to mainly by KJ, but my name is Kelly.
Allie- Wow, you have been busy! Don't write off those old books. Find a used book store, many of them will take them and may even pay you a bit for some of them. I have a couple of favorite used book stores and I LOVE that musty old book smell when I walk in the door!
Sioux and Allie- hearing of your trials and treasures in going through your parents things reminds me of when my sibs and I had to clean out my parent's house after they passed away. Lots of tears and memories shared as we went through everything. One of the items that I chose to bring into my home was a set of china Christmas bells. (There was a whole octave set, but I broke a couple bells when I was young). About 10 years of having these bells and displaying them in my home at Christmas; my daughter was helping me put deco up and unpacked the bells and found tucked into the bottom of the box a letter that I had written to my father when I was in Mexico for a year. Written at 20 years old and SO homesick. I keep it in that box and read it each year. I am just touched that he saved it.
Heather- I loved Little Women, too. I still have my musty old copy. My favorite, and probably most influential book(s) on my life as a child and adult is the Little House series. I still have the series and I still read The Long Winter during the winter months. As a child I read those books and it was like a different world and I wished that I could do the things that family did (pioneer stuff). As an adult, I read with amazement at how hard they worked and how hard their lives were. I see things that I didn't see when I was young (the racism and bigotry) and the sorrows and hardships are more heartfelt and understandable.
Margaret and BArbie-I have holds placed on Dance/Anger and Strong Women books. I wanted to read them over Spring Break, but I guess everyone else in the area did too! Can't wait to read them though! Margaret; now I am interested in the Anger book written by the man. I DO find it interesting in the different way they have phrased their titles. The woman "dances with" and the man "controls" anger. I find that, in itself, a interesting look into the difference in how men and women think and deal with emotions.
Cheri- I, too, have "goal" clothes in my closet. I am currently wearing a size 16 jean, but not comfortably! LOL! But I have made it a habit to get rid of the larger clothes as I start to go down in size, to keep me from back sliding. My husband tells me "Go buy a new pair that is more comfortable." I always reply with "NO! I will NOT buy a size larger!" So...I suck it in and stick it out until the weight comes off and I can move to the next size lower. WE got this!
I got my hair cut a couple of days ago. It is a modified bob, just a tad shorter in back than in front and thinned so that it lays better. My dh noticed (he usually doesn't notice) and said "Geez! You look just like Laura! (our SIL)" He is not fond of her, so this was said with some disdain. I rolled my eyes and replied: "You look just like your brother, but you don't hear me complaining about it!" He is a twin and his twin is a dirtbag. Regardless, some times it is so obvious that he was the baby of the family and not spanked enough as a child!
Oh well, getting everything ready for daycare to start up again in the morning. Then the afternoon evening to enjoy the last few hours of vacay. I need to eat carefully today, so I can include a drink or two tonight, to bid adieu to some time off.0 -
CJ- Your trip sounds both wonderful and mentally exhausting for you! I can't imagine visiting another country and not learning enough of the language to get by (order your meals, exchange pleasantries with locals, get directions, etc.). It is obvious by your trip that there are many people who feel otherwise! How sad for them! I am so glad you tried and liked the ceviche! That is one thing that I really miss about living in that area; the fresh seafood dishes and the ceviche! Glad to have you back! Can't wait to hear more of your adventures!0
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CJ - Thanks so much for telling us about your trip. Like most trips, it sounds a mixed bag, but unforgettable nonetheless. I didn't get to that part of Peru, but would have loved to. I didn't get to the Nazca Lines either.
But for a work trip you did very well. :flowerforyou: Being forced to speak Spanish is the very best way to learn. BRAVO!
When I was in Peru I was joining in for a while with my son's gap year trip. He was with his long term girlfriend, whom I loved. She ate spaghetti bolognese at every restaurant and everything came covered in a layer of grilled cheese! My son and I wanted to try guinea pig, a speciality dish, so we picked a restaurant famous for it. It was delicious, with a crackly, golden skin like pork, but the girlfriend nearly freaked out as she had a pet guinea pig at home. To please us she had the tiniest nibble, shuddering the whole time! I think Peru was my best ever trip, despite being on a budget. I was there a month, travelling around, sometimes on my own, sometimes with them and the place and the indigenous people made a profound impression on me.
We may be going to the Yucatan Peninsular next January to see the Mayan ruins.
Waiting for the travel company to send us an agenda.
Do tell us more, when you have the time. And a pic or two. :flowerforyou:
Love Heather UK0 -
Good morning All, I bought a variation of a Fitbit, a Garmin Vivofit, and it's nagging me already. It shows a red line if I haven't walked in a hour, then ticks more every 15 minutes if I don't get up and walk at least 2 minutes to make the red disappear. I'm an old lady, retired RN, and I did my time of being on my feet all day, walking and pushing beds from the recovery room to the patient's room. I want to fuss at this gadget but I did bring it on myself. I think it will gently remind me what is important but it's hard to be weaving at the loom and have to get up after just one hour. I get so immersed in what I'm weaving that time gets away from me. Here's a bit of one of my last coverlets. It was such good relaxing therapy. Patsy
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Just checking in. Reading all your posts to keep up on everything.
Husband off on another interview this time Ohio Northern University. Leaves today and interviews tomorrow. Still waiting to hear back from Virginia Commonwealth University and Radford University (both in VA) which is where we really want to live. Also waiting on several others to return "verdicts". Public universities take so long in their processing....ugh!
Our daughter who is moving from Chicago to Richmond VA may have a lead on an apt there. Her cousin is going to go and check it out for her tomorrow. With her sensory disorder she needs an upper floor, corner unit and that is exactly what this one is. Hopeful!
I think I am totally over the bug I had. The head doesn't hurt and my stomach has finally settled. Phew.
We've had snow off and on for several days. Um...it's April already enough!
Hugs to all in need! Kudos to all those deserving!
Cheri
Snowy, rainy, cold Fairlawn, oHIo0 -
afternoon again ladies~
I am mentally worn out... I am tired of the bullchip!! with all I do for everyone including the old goat he is still the most miserable man I have ever met..I told him off but good a bit ago.
Listed his 3 favorite things, The dogs, himself and money.. I dont cook to his liking, I dont clean to his liking ..never a nice thing to say at all it is bit#h,bit#h all the time..
I told him you want a divorce lets go ,because I will be dam#ed if I will live another 20 yrs like this..
We don't go anywhere or do anything fun anymore and all he does is keep himself busy to the point of exsaustion to not spend time with me.. It's rediculous... and I told him flat out.. I know the only reason you are not divorcing me is because of money. that is it..
The man needs antidepressant's he truly does but will not go to the Dr and will not get them..0 -
lawmiller1 wrote: »Is it to late to join this group? Enjoyed reading the tidbits of of everyone's life. Sounds like a great group for encouragement. I have been using MFP for awhile now on my own and new to the community, would appreciate the camaraderie of women. Not sure how to join though.we are glad to have you with us...it is never too late...you joined just by posting....now you have to keep coming back and join the conversation. I read this thread every morning while I eat my breakfast and it gives me what I need to keep on keeping on all day.
Barbie from beautiful sunny NW Washington 
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Patsy what a wonderful way to relax.
CJ what an astonishing trip. Yes pictures please. It is so amazing the treasures you find when you are willing and have time to go off the beaten track. Good for you. Your story does remind me of the two woman who argued about when to take the dog to the vet from Dance with Anger. Being over powered when giving your input is frustrating.
KJLa what I have read in both books so far is the message of anger being a signal for change. Even though their approach is different underlying information is similar. I do think trying to understand it from both perspectives is helpful. We do come from a tradition where men take charge and women obey.(This was our history.) For me that is what is so exciting about living in this time is there is a movement towards working more as a team.
Cheri glad you are feeling better.
Heather I would have a hard time with the guinea pig too. I had a wonderful pet guinea pig I named Happy. I know it is considered a delicacy in that part of the world. Heather your DDIL is correct in that in bringing down my stress levels I feel calmer. I having only given the book a quick preview so far. That comment spoke to me because I am feeling it.
Alison I am sorry to hear how painful and exhausting things have become between you and Tom. (((Hugs))) Prayers! I believe in you!
I woke up to something fun. If you get a paper that carries Everyday Cheapskate by Mary Hunt. I am the Margaret that talks about paying attention to your receipts at the store and it can end up saving you quite a bit of money. Made my day! Margaret 0 -
Hi I am New her. I like simple goals they are much easer to remember!
- honestly enter my food
- put extra toward my debt each payday
- Continue to chip away at my "things that Annoy me " list
- Stretch before I get out of bed0
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