Ask a mortician

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  • SueSueDio
    SueSueDio Posts: 4,796 Member
    Yesterday on the radio, the presenter mentioned some kind of service where a person can ask to have their ashes pressed into a record and choose what song they want recorded on it, for their loved ones to play and remember them by. Have you heard of this sort of thing?

    It sounds weird to me and I'm not sure I'd want to "play" a relative like that, but maybe some people would find it cool!

    (For the record - ha, see what I did there? ;) - the song my brother and I chose for the end of my dad's service, to play as people were leaving, was Wonderful Time Up There by Pat Boone. We're not a religious family, but my parents liked Pat Boone and it's such a jolly tune that we figured it would be nice to end on! The minister agreed it was okay, so we went with it. There were a few funny looks from other family members when it first started playing, but after a minute they were all smiling as they filed out! Later my aunt told me it was a good choice. :) So I guess if any records were going to be made from my dad, that'd be the one I'd choose for him if I got a say in it!)
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    Laurie6578 wrote: »
    Can you buy your casket somewhere else and have it delivered to the mortuary or is that like bringing your own food and asking the chef to cook it? Would it put you on the wrong side of the funeral director? I'm really liking the eco options, woven casket and direct burial with no vault or embalming but I'm sure in the small town I live in they don't have those but I see you can buy them online. How does one go about finding out if those types of options are available where you live? I read on one of our local mortuary online sites that it is their policy that everyone has to be embalmed if there is a viewing. Why would they insist on that?

    Yes, you can bring your own casket. It wouldn't bother me a bit if a family wanted to supply the casket. One less thing I have to take care of. A funeral home cannot charge you for embalming if you do not want it.
    SueSueDio wrote: »
    Yesterday on the radio, the presenter mentioned some kind of service where a person can ask to have their ashes pressed into a record and choose what song they want recorded on it, for their loved ones to play and remember them by. Have you heard of this sort of thing?

    It sounds weird to me and I'm not sure I'd want to "play" a relative like that, but maybe some people would find it cool!

    (For the record - ha, see what I did there? ;) - the song my brother and I chose for the end of my dad's service, to play as people were leaving, was Wonderful Time Up There by Pat Boone. We're not a religious family, but my parents liked Pat Boone and it's such a jolly tune that we figured it would be nice to end on! The minister agreed it was okay, so we went with it. There were a few funny looks from other family members when it first started playing, but after a minute they were all smiling as they filed out! Later my aunt told me it was a good choice. :) So I guess if any records were going to be made from my dad, that'd be the one I'd choose for him if I got a say in it!)
    Very interesting! I haven't heard of that. I will definitely look into it.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    I know this is probably a difficult question, but I'm sure you've worked with a lot of people who had a relative suffering for a long time before they passed. What are your thoughts on euthanasia or assisted suicide? Does your personal stance differ from your professional stance?
  • SueSueDio
    SueSueDio Posts: 4,796 Member
    Did a quick bit of Googling - there may be other companies that do the record-pressing thing, but the one that popped up frequently is a UK company called... wait for it... "And Vinyly"...!

    Here's an article. :)
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    I know this is probably a difficult question, but I'm sure you've worked with a lot of people who had a relative suffering for a long time before they passed. What are your thoughts on euthanasia or assisted suicide? Does your personal stance differ from your professional stance?

    I think it's appropriate for certain situations. My grandfather suffered terribly with combination of cancer and heart disease, there were several times I wished he would pass away so his pain would end. Watching him struggle and wishing he would die was harder than grieving him.
  • Paul125631
    Paul125631 Posts: 6 Member
    Do fat ppl need bigger urns?
  • _BrewingAZ_
    _BrewingAZ_ Posts: 252 Member
    Hell of a thread! I could never do your job. Ever. But I'm so fascinated by your posts! Please write that book!
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    Paul125631 wrote: »
    Do fat ppl need bigger urns?

    I've never had to put ashes into two separate urns because of the person's size. The body is 70% water, tissue evaporates and the bones are what is left behind.

  • kellylynnshonting
    kellylynnshonting Posts: 108 Member
    edited February 2017
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    I know this is probably a difficult question, but I'm sure you've worked with a lot of people who had a relative suffering for a long time before they passed. What are your thoughts on euthanasia or assisted suicide? Does your personal stance differ from your professional stance?

    I think it's appropriate for certain situations. My grandfather suffered terribly with combination of cancer and heart disease, there were several times I wished he would pass away so his pain would end. Watching him struggle and wishing he would die was harder than grieving him.

    I know some states are passing the Death with Dignity Act. What are your thoughts on that? You might have already answered that with the quoted response, but this is what I thought of when I read it.
  • bronnyd
    bronnyd Posts: 278 Member
    i hope this thread lasts forever! thank you! this is so fascinating.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    I just learned that you can only bury ONE set of ashes with a person in a casket. What is the rationale behind that? I have three grandparents in urns.....well, one in an urn and two in baggies......my dad's family is freaken odd. So I told my mom when she dies, I was going to put her dad in with her, and when dad dies I'll put his parents in with him. But I can only do one per casket. I mean, there's room so why the limit?
  • BellaCullen18981
    BellaCullen18981 Posts: 12 Member
    catvlmack wrote: »
    BellaCullen18981 wrote: »
    This thread is amazing, my aunt died recently and her funeral wasn't for 21 days! there was a viewing the day before the funeral and she looked ok. She had been embalmed but i really thought she wouldn't look as Good (for lack of a better word) . How would they have managed that? we are in the uk and the funeral home have a cold storage facility not at the actual funeral directors.

    I can beat that! (This is not a competition, I'm sorry for your loss) My grandad died Christmas Eve and the funeral was 31st Jan because my dad lives in the USA and had to get home. We didn't have a viewing, but still that's a really long time, right? Uk again here, maybe we do things differently?

    Yeah can take ages in U.K. This was my first experience of a close family member passing away. In Ireland things are arranged within 3 days! Much easier for the family to deal with x
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    I worked in a large funeral home for years. We did about 600 burials/year. I was the funeral director admin. I learned so much from being there! You have people asking you some great questions. It's awesome that you're willing to share your knowledge!
  • Jimb376mfp
    Jimb376mfp Posts: 6,236 Member
    @LittleHearseDriver I thought of you today. News had a story of funeral home with "Drive Through" services. People stay in the car and go by a window.

    Have you heard about this? Thoughts?
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Can you just rent a casket? Like if I die, lay me in the pretty one for the service and then transfer me to a pine box after everyone leaves?
    Kind of like those rent a fancy dress for an evening services?

    Actually, you can rent a casket. It's more expensive than you would think though.
  • _BrewingAZ_
    _BrewingAZ_ Posts: 252 Member
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    I think they are tacky! If the deceased doesn't mean enough to an individual to go into the funeral home and pay your respects to the family then they need to keep their worthless *kitten* at home.

    But what if the deceased loved working drive thru at McDonald's and wanted to be staged as a drive thru employee (McDonald's uniform and all) as everyone drives by and says their goodbyes?
  • LittleLionHeart1
    LittleLionHeart1 Posts: 3,655 Member
    PS: I've been wanting to tell you that for the longest time. And the say anything thread was shut down. So there it is. :)
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    HyeKarma wrote: »
    I don't have any questions. But my mom has taken care of everything for herself. I do know that I would definately want someone just like you helping me. Because I'm the designated child who will make that call to the Neptune Society. Just glad I've had 2 more years with her since her CVA. And its very hard what I'm doing to help her. Basically everything from A-Z. My brother and sister where are they?? Theres a binder with all specifics of her wishes. And I'm the one to make sure those wishes are followed through. So.... I hope that its someone just like you who answers my call, and helps us. Because your one awesome person here. Not just the great job you do with your work, with alot of other things. Including your kickass selfies.
    Have a nice day. :)

    It makes things much easier on the family when they know exactly what their loved one's wishes were. I'm sorry your siblings aren't their helping you carry the load. I know how exhausting it is to care for someone who is terminally ill. **hugs** I've heard many positive things about Neptune Society.

    Thank you for your kind words.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    Hunter S. Thompson was cremated and Johnny Depp shot his ashes out of a cannon across a valley in Colorado.

    Do you sell cannons at your funeral home?

    I might be interested...

  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    Have you ever seen anyone taking funeral selfies? I went to a service for my old boss a few months back and an old coworker was happy to see people she hadn't seen in a long time. She was taking selfies in the lobby afterwards....and the casket was in the background of some of the pics. I was absolutely mortified.
    What's the most inappropriate thing you've ever witnessed?
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    I was absolutely mortified.

    ... you weren't the only one.

  • Luke_I_am_your_spotter
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter Posts: 4,179 Member
    Have you ever observed angel lust/post mortem erection? I know it's rare and I don't see how it could stay up after arterial pressure disappears...but I'm guessing if a body is sent to you quickly after death, it's possible?
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter wrote: »
    Have you ever observed angel lust/post mortem erection? I know it's rare and I don't see how it could stay up after arterial pressure disappears...but I'm guessing if a body is sent to you quickly after death, it's possible?

    Angel's lust is a myth. Erections are caused by excessive blood flow to the penis. When you're dead your heart quits pumping blood so an erection isn't possible.
  • Luke_I_am_your_spotter
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter Posts: 4,179 Member
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter wrote: »
    Have you ever observed angel lust/post mortem erection? I know it's rare and I don't see how it could stay up after arterial pressure disappears...but I'm guessing if a body is sent to you quickly after death, it's possible?

    Angel's lust is a myth. Erections are caused by excessive blood flow to the penis. When you're dead your heart quits pumping blood so an erection isn't possible.

    I heard if a man dies vertical or face down, it's possible-- at least just for a little bit. Having said that, if it is a myth, I hope to prove it wrong one day, when my time has come. Instead of having someone read my last rights, I want someone from the Guiness Book of World Records to be at my death bed.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter wrote: »
    Have you ever observed angel lust/post mortem erection? I know it's rare and I don't see how it could stay up after arterial pressure disappears...but I'm guessing if a body is sent to you quickly after death, it's possible?

    Angel's lust is a myth. Erections are caused by excessive blood flow to the penis. When you're dead your heart quits pumping blood so an erection isn't possible.

    dang, that's kinda disappointing....

    does your funeral home provide an option of a popsicle stick and some duct tape?

    I bet you could sell the *kitten* outta that.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Luke_I_am_your_spotter wrote: »
    Have you ever observed angel lust/post mortem erection? I know it's rare and I don't see how it could stay up after arterial pressure disappears...but I'm guessing if a body is sent to you quickly after death, it's possible?

    Angel's lust is a myth. Erections are caused by excessive blood flow to the penis. When you're dead your heart quits pumping blood so an erection isn't possible.

    dang, that's kinda disappointing....

    does your funeral home provide an option of a popsicle stick and some duct tape?

    I bet you could sell the *kitten* outta that.

    Life is full of disappointments. I'll be the last one to let you down.

    you're awesome!

    ... but you already know that
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