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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

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Replies

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    I can only speak from my experience. Hubs and I are both pretty dense and not terribly sensitive.

    Hubs: "You are eating another piece of chocolate?"
    Me: *angry glare and clutches chocolate bar obsessively*

    Me: "Why do you have a gym membership. You haven't gone in 2 years. Tell them you want your money back because your still fat."
    Hubs: "I'm gonna go next week. Did you buy beer?"

    Me & Hubs: "God we've gained so much baby weight."
    Hubs: "It's your fault for making all that awesome food on maternity leave."
    Me: "I grew a person. I need to eat. What's your excuse?"

    We openly discuss our fatness...It's sad but we are both somewhat amused by it. Good thing we found each other. There is no one else I rather eat ice cream with while watching My 600lb life.

    This made me laugh.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    @chaosbutterfly - You mention some interesting points. Often time with weight gain comes decreased activity levels. My cousin gained a good amount of weight - now she rarely wants to go out in public b/c she is afraid someone will see her that she knows. This bothers her husband b/c she will not go to family events, vacations or other events.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Relser wrote: »
    Also, people are attracted to certain types of bodies. You just are. If you fall in love with someone who then completely changes, well, you will probably feel less attracted to them. That doesn't mean that it's okay to go and commit adultery mind you, or be an *kitten* about it. If your spouse asks something along the lines of 'why aren't we as intimate as we used to be' an honest answer can be 'because I am not as attracted to you because of X" X can be weight gain or loss, growing a beard, or any number of physical things.

    And if you're not attracted to them, you don't owe them sex.
    So I guess, what I am trying to says is both spouses should have input on the other, but not in a 'do this or I'll leave you' or abusive type of mentality, but rather a supportive mentality to help foster a healthy marriage.

    See, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that you're not going to stay in a relationship (even a marriage) if it has become sexless because I believe that sex is a very important part of a healthy adult relationship. Weight gain that is making my SO unattractive to me physically will be brought up early, and if it does not change, I will leave. And I expect my SO would do the same.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    So the one's that that said they would leave the relationship - is it because you think being overly too big or overyly too thin is a choice and self inflicted?
  • Ben_there_done_that
    Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
    edited April 2017
    I think what they're saying is that, whether it's a choice or not, if there's no sex in the marriage because there's no attraction, it isn't going to last anyway. I'm sure there are more aspects to attraction than just physical appearance, though.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    So the one's that that said they would leave the relationship - is it because you think being overly too big or overyly too thin is a choice and self inflicted?

    Absent an actual disease like Prader-WIlli (which would make having an adult relationship difficult because of the mental capacity issues), or anorexia nervosa it absolutely is a choice.
    captbklee wrote: »
    I think what they're saying is that, whether it's a choice or not, if there's no sex in the marriage because there's no attraction, it isn't going to last anyway. I'm sure there are more aspects to attraction than just physical appearance, though.

    There may be more aspects, but the physical one is absolutely required for me to be attracted to someone. If it's not for you, that's fine, but for some of us it's necessary.

    A dead bedroom does not a good relationship make, and a fat out of shape partner isn't someone that I'm going to get turned on by.