Less Alcohol- July 2018- One Day at a Time
Replies
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@ErikNJ, oh yeaahhhhh. I forgot about those disgusting shows. I'm a Food Network and Cooking Channel watcher, mainly while I'm cooking just for fun and companionship (love Ina). But then occasionally I'll see a promo for one of those shows--never watched one--and I get completely disgusted. Not only are they gross; they are immoral, in my opinion, when there is food scarcity in so many places, including our own backyards. I am embarrassed for our country when I see overfed people stuffing as much food in their faces as they can for so-called "entertainment." I have often wondered who on earth watches these shows??? I can't even take the promos.
@WinoGelato, wow! Cheetos cocktail hour. Awesome.
I guess my faith in humankind is now blown. This discussion has made me want to have kale and water for dinner.2 -
@erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment7 -
@erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment
I understand what you are saying. I can’t say for everyone else.
If you are asking my story: I never had any issues with alcoholism, and I am thankful for that. Never in my life have I been a daily drinker or had issues with needing alcohol around. I am just the type that likes a drink on the weekend after the work week. The reason I joined this thread was cause alcohol on the weekends was counteracting all the hard work I put in all week. I would work out and eat healthy on weekdays. Then Fri night and Saturday I would drink lots of high calorie craft beer and eat terrible foods. For the past 7 months I have limited myself to light beer only one night a week (occasional exceptions) and one “cheat meal”
That is my version of moderation and it is working for me. I am down 27 lbs and more motivated to keep this healthy lifestyle than I have been in 12 years7 -
I am taking this very literally (one day without drinking) and I am going to not drink tonight. I suffer from sudden panic attacks and a glass of wine definitely helps but I am going to try to breathe and wait it out. The feeling is awful but it doesn't always last that long. We'll see if I can do it. I am weightlifting, doing qi gong daily (a moving meditation), walking, eating well. I feel like I should be able to not drink alcohol. Here goes.14
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Welcome @melliness. You will find lots of support here.
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »Hi Guys! Im thankful for all your comments and posts. @Orphia I was in a really bad state of mind on Sunday which is why I reached out to my friend. I simply cannot understand why I cant just stop at two drinks. I don't think that's normal. While I was out on SAturday night, I felt like I was watching myself from above (bird's eye view) and I was thinking to myself, why do I keep doing this... going out with friends, drinking way too much, and then becoming very ill the next day or two. That just can't be normal behavior. That's really the reason I reached out my friend and AA.
I still know very little about AA. I sat there during the one hour meeting and heard a man tell a horrible tale of his experience (countless DUI's and time in prison) and of course, I sat there thinking I am NOT as bad as this poor guy. The place was packed; I think about 60 people there (mostly men) ; I thought there would be above five of us sitting in a circle of chairs talking. I didnt know it was so well attended.
My friend came with me and brought me the big book which I have yet to crack open. I think I will ease into this experience. A few kind women came up and gave me their numbers, if I ever need someone to talk to. I thought to myself, I'll probably never call them. One kind woman even bought me a daily affirmations book. Everyone was extremely welcoming.
Will I call any of them? I'm not sure. I don't like to bother people. But who knows.
I am a religious person (privately), and I do believe in a higher power. But I still havent accepted that I'm powerless over alcohol, although it seems like I am. It sounds so drastic. But maybe I am powerless. So, as you can with my ramblings, I'm still trying to work this out. I think I will go again in a week and give it another try. I think AA probably has saved millions of lives but I still dont know if I will embrace their steps or not. I am still figuring this all out.
But just for today, i wont be drinking anything but tea and water:) I love all of our open dialogue and discussion about marketing of alcohol, etc. I really do. Thanks for your support and input. I love how everyone is welcoming our newer friends. Keep it up! I am positive we are making a difference for the better in a lot of people's lives. I really hope so.
Glad to hear your doing ok, even if AA isn’t for you it’s giving you a bit of breathing space, you’ll get there, we all see that you are so strong, you can do this.
Well done for yesterday big steps.7 -
I am taking this very literally (one day without drinking) and I am going to not drink tonight. I suffer from sudden panic attacks and a glass of wine definitely helps but I am going to try to breathe and wait it out. The feeling is awful but it doesn't always last that long. We'll see if I can do it. I am weightlifting, doing qi gong daily (a moving meditation), walking, eating well. I feel like I should be able to not drink alcohol. Here goes.
Glad you joined us. I hope you make it through tonight! Let us know how it goes. There's a lot of support here. My SIL had panic attacks, they can be debilitating.
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salleewins wrote: »6 months yesterday!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!
that is AMAZING!!!4 -
@sallweewins AWESOME!!
@malliness I feel for you. I used to have panic attacks fairly regularly for a period of time. The first few times I thought I was dying. It totally confused me because the onset would usually be when the sun was setting & it was always in my own home...never out & about, in crowds or other common triggers. I had some help figuring out what was setting me off & listened to my gut when the adrenaline kicked in & I just wanted to run away. So whenever I would feel one coming on, I would begin to talk myself down & reassure myself that I wasn't dying & then set out for a very lengthy, quick paced walk to burn the adrenaline off.
I also had an "emergency" supply of tranks to chill me out if I absolutely needed them, but didn't want to develop a dependency. Plus, I wanted to be able to work through it.
I hope you are able to get some professional help so you can sort out what is triggering you. For me a huge help was telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of & it's almost like when I stopped allowing the panic to have power over me, I stopped having them. I'm not suggesting that panic attacks are the same for everyone, we all have different triggers. But I hope that, perhaps you can relate to my experience in some way & glean something helpful.
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I’m pretty proud of myself - we had a school committee meeting at a brewery and I drank water! Partly because it wasn’t on my plan to drink tonight and partly because I have a late night work call with Asia, but it was my first time going to a bar and just ordering water since starting in this group. Probably my only time other than being pregnant, to be honest!13
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WinoGelato wrote: »I’m pretty proud of myself - we had a school committee meeting at a brewery and I drank water! Partly because it wasn’t on my plan to drink tonight and partly because I have a late night work call with Asia, but it was my first time going to a bar and just ordering water since starting in this group. Probably my only time other than being pregnant, to be honest!
Good job! It does feel a little weird to be at a brewery and not drink but it’s empowering, too.5 -
JulieAL1969 wrote: »Hi Guys! Im thankful for all your comments and posts. @Orphia I was in a really bad state of mind on Sunday which is why I reached out to my friend. I simply cannot understand why I cant just stop at two drinks. I don't think that's normal. While I was out on SAturday night, I felt like I was watching myself from above (bird's eye view) and I was thinking to myself, why do I keep doing this... going out with friends, drinking way too much, and then becoming very ill the next day or two. That just can't be normal behavior. That's really the reason I reached out my friend and AA.
I still know very little about AA. I sat there during the one hour meeting and heard a man tell a horrible tale of his experience (countless DUI's and time in prison) and of course, I sat there thinking I am NOT as bad as this poor guy. The place was packed; I think about 60 people there (mostly men) ; I thought there would be above five of us sitting in a circle of chairs talking. I didnt know it was so well attended.
My friend came with me and brought me the big book which I have yet to crack open. I think I will ease into this experience. A few kind women came up and gave me their numbers, if I ever need someone to talk to. I thought to myself, I'll probably never call them. One kind woman even bought me a daily affirmations book. Everyone was extremely welcoming.
Will I call any of them? I'm not sure. I don't like to bother people. But who knows.
I am a religious person (privately), and I do believe in a higher power. But I still havent accepted that I'm powerless over alcohol, although it seems like I am. It sounds so drastic. But maybe I am powerless. So, as you can with my ramblings, I'm still trying to work this out. I think I will go again in a week and give it another try. I think AA probably has saved millions of lives but I still dont know if I will embrace their steps or not. I am still figuring this all out.
But just for today, i wont be drinking anything but tea and water:) I love all of our open dialogue and discussion about marketing of alcohol, etc. I really do. Thanks for your support and input. I love how everyone is welcoming our newer friends. Keep it up! I am positive we are making a difference for the better in a lot of people's lives. I really hope so.
I am going to offer a theory based on my observations here which by no means paint a clear picture so I may be completely off base and if so feel free to smack me upside the head...
I believe as the weather has gotten warmer and nice your resolve has declined. I think you like/love drinking in the summer. I also think you are depressed when you can't drink the way you want to and when you do you are depressed because the other side of you wants to quit or at least have less when you do drink. I believe that all the anti-alcohol knowledge you have now it is amplifying your anxiety which is making the day(s) after even worse. You have turned the demon of alcohol into a super demon because you know how bad it is for you. It is hard to reconcile that part of you wants to get this under control so badly and the other part is fighting just as hard (at times harder) against you which helps you doubt how powerful you are.
FWIW I don't think you are powerless.
I don't know if I should say more because all of this (or most of it) may not even be remotely accurate.
Please forgive me if I am wrong.
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@JulieAL1969 You know what Craig Beck would tell you. Wine is an addictive substance that effects the part of our brain that regulates impulse control. So, actually, you ARE normal if you cannot stop @ 2 drinks.
As far as whether AA is for you, only you can decide that. I thought about going initially when I decided I needed help to be AF, but didn't want to risk meeting my next alcoholic husband there....seriously, I attract troubled men, otherwise I would have given it a shot...I actually wished there was a womens' only AA. Cause I think any support is worth looking into & that's all you are doing. It may be for you & it may not. The only way you will know for sure is to give it an honest shot. One thing I would say though is go with your gut.
I think you are a very strong person, but I also feel your struggle...I feel your pain & I get the whole messed up feeling of wanting so bad to be a moderate drinker, but realizing that may not be possible. It sucks being in that spot. I've told you before how much I admire your honesty & appreciate you spilling it!! You may not realize how helpful that is to some of us, but I think you are the real deal & you WILL find your way!! 9 -
erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment
I think continued posting in this thread means the person is not being complacent. If a goal never works, doesn't work well, or stop working answers are sought. Getting it wrong and making mistakes can just be a necessary part of the journey.
I also think one of the reasons some people who choose moderation continue to post here is to occasionally ask themselves if they are okay. I, personally, continue to post here because I love the people and I have yet to really get comfortable with my present situation. I am not even ready to ask if I am okay yet, not really.8 -
@lorrainequiche59, my BFF goes0
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Oops. Hit post. She goes to an all-women’s AA and loves it. There is also an all-men’s group in my town. So they do exist. If I ever decide to check out a meeting I will definitely choose the all female group. There are mixed groups too of course.2
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erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment
I think continued posting in this thread means the person is not being complacent. If a goal never works, doesn't work well, or stop working answers are sought. Getting it wrong and making mistakes can just be a necessary part of the journey.
I also think one of the reasons some people who choose moderation continue to post here is to occasionally ask themselves if they are okay. I, personally, continue to post here because I love the people and I have yet to really get comfortable with my present situation. I am not even ready to ask if I am okay yet, not really.
Thank you for this. I am cutting back because I'm not comfortable with my intake. This thread has me evaluating and re-evaluating my goal. I too love the people here, you all give me the strength to journey on.5 -
There are women's only AA groups around here.1
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@erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment
I can relate to this, acknowledgment is halfway there.3 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I’m pretty proud of myself - we had a school committee meeting at a brewery and I drank water! Partly because it wasn’t on my plan to drink tonight and partly because I have a late night work call with Asia, but it was my first time going to a bar and just ordering water since starting in this group. Probably my only time other than being pregnant, to be honest!
Wowser well done you2 -
@donimfp Thank you for your response. I never actually checked it out, I just "assumed" & you know what "they" say about THAT!!
I'm doing good so far with the support on here & some of the resources that others have so kindly shared & compiled. I really think I'm at the place I need to be in my mind for this change in my life, BUT am going to check it out & see if our area has a female only group. It's just a good thing to know. Another resource if necessary at some point.
I'm not so sure I buy into the "powerless over alcohol" philosophy either. Except I feel, for me, that it is true that once the alcohol passes my lips, I want more. But I do have the power to not drink!! It is a choice that I am able to make at this point so I feel I'm taking my power back by abstaining. I could think I'm powerless over alcohol but I choose to think differently because rather than setting myself up to be a "victim" of something beyond my control, I am empowering myself to take control.
Everyone is doing such a great job of welcoming all the newbies that I haven't bothered SO welcome, welcome, welcome to all the newbies to our awesome group!!!6 -
UPDATE: Yes, there is a meeting for women only in our area. One close by & one not so close by. Thanks @salleewins for your reply also.
Hope everyone has a lovely day 2 -
If you are able to do your abstaining without AA, great. I personally like the group support of it and the accountability and support of a sponsor to bounce my struggles off of etc. I can call others and my sponsor and they can call me if someone wants to drink to stave it off (your sponsor will call their sponsor however and not you). I have found the meetings that I like and a sponsor that I like. I have canned 2 sponsors before. AA is not perfect, but It is perfect enough for what I need it to be. I choose to go to AA, like I choose to meet with the personal trainer for accountability with my diet and exercise at the gym. Sometimes we just were not meant to go at it alone to get these healthy goals accomplished.7
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erikNJ I understand the literal meanings and I support anyone who is making an effort no matter the level of success I just wanted to point out somewhat that possibly drinking less and moderation may not be the same thing.
There were times I drank less but alcohol still had an unshakeable hold on my life. I knew at all times how much alcohol I had in my house and I made sure that if I was away on vacation or for a weekend I didn't come home empty handed if I wasn't sure there was enough to drink at home. I could get by with less but tried to make sure I didn't have to.
Sometimes we might hide behind moderation to our detriment
I think continued posting in this thread means the person is not being complacent. If a goal never works, doesn't work well, or stop working answers are sought. Getting it wrong and making mistakes can just be a necessary part of the journey.
I also think one of the reasons some people who choose moderation continue to post here is to occasionally ask themselves if they are okay. I, personally, continue to post here because I love the people and I have yet to really get comfortable with my present situation. I am not even ready to ask if I am okay yet, not really.
Good insight. Moderation is just not easy to define in lifestyle changes like this. But having a support group to share mistakes and victories is what is keeping us going strong.
I actually do feel comfortable in my current situation. But I also know that this group has been a big part of why I have stayed strong for 7 months. Being able to come here and read stories and sometimes share my own is a part of keeping me on this track.
And yea, loving the people here is a good reason to come back as well 8 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I’m pretty proud of myself - we had a school committee meeting at a brewery and I drank water! Partly because it wasn’t on my plan to drink tonight and partly because I have a late night work call with Asia, but it was my first time going to a bar and just ordering water since starting in this group. Probably my only time other than being pregnant, to be honest!
Isn’t that first time a strange yet empowering feeling? I remember the first time I had to do that I was so worried I was gonna get made fun of - of course it being with a bunch of beer industry guys had my nerves even worse. But I just did it, and I wasn’t judged. And even as I started getting questioned sometimes I had the confidence to explain it with no worries. Now I hardly ever order a beer on work lunches. Countless occasions at bars every month where I just get water.
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Good morning friends ! I Read some of the big book yesterday. All this knowledge sure cant hurt; I also like the feeling of having a support group like YOU and now maybe I’ll form a bond with some AA members. Baby steps though. I felt very anxious and depressed yesterday; and yes @oprhia I probably do expect a lot from myself (perfectionist) based on my upbringing. Sometimes many of our issues stem from childhood and we have to break the thought patterns we developed decades ago.
@NovusDies You are probably spot on. I’m anxious if I don’t drink, because I yearn for the days when I could drink and stop. And I am anxious that I want to drink and then I’m anxious after I drink. I appreciate your words. I really do.
@erikNJ I love this thread too. And the people on here have influenced me positively in many ways. I am satisfied with how far you and I (and others) have come over the last six months. So much improvement.
@salleewins I can see the draw of AA. I know there is a group called “Women in sobriety” that exists but they dont have meetings in my town. I also saw on the schedule that AA women’s only exists like you said. I’m going to look for that. I have dipped my toe into AA and I think it will be a good support for me in general. Somewhere I can physically go to get a tune up (on my thinking).
I probably am not someone with a huge Alcohol problem but the warning signs are there, but since I now have a desire to be AF, I have magnified (like @orphia implied) my shortcomings in a way. I can now go many days with out Alcohol and feel fine, but I just want to prevent the occasional binge before i cause serious harm to myself or others.
Have a great days, friends! Xo7 -
@snoo61 I think it is smart to ask yourself if "this much" is more than you need or want. If nothing else it confirms that you are okay right now. I assume that for some people as the years go by that amount may change so asking yourself periodically is a wise course of action. I am leaving the door open but for now I am taking a wait and see approach because I am a little exhausted from the lengthy self-evaluation between May and June. Apparently even something like that should be done in moderation.
@eriknj It is funny how life can be messy. You are comfortable with how much you drink and I am uncomfortable because I stopped so abruptly without much resistance (at least on this leg of my journey). I know I should be happy but I am nagged by the old saying "if something seems to be too good to be true it usually is." My goal was never to accumulate AF days but I seem to be doing it. I think I am closing in on 80.6 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »UPDATE: Yes, there is a meeting for women only in our area. One close by & one not so close by. Thanks @salleewins for your reply also.
Hope everyone has a lovely day
Craig Beck is my go to guy for a reality check. I’m really happy for you. You have done so well! Xo1 -
@andysport1 I’m happy you found us. You have many good insights and you give us a boost of confidence with your words. Hope you are doing well on your journey.3
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Today I am praying for this poor woman. This song is beautiful and heartbreaking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z0Q2MrOtuE 4
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