The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

Went to yoga after work. I really loved it. Felt so peaceful afterwards. Then went to eat with my son. Had a club soda with a few cherries. Made mint tea and going to read. Lots of time on my hands. But feeling good.

I have to admit I am surprised to see a few people on here who have been AF for years....it kinda says that you have to always stay vigilant and the demon never completely goes away.

I'm making a recipe this weekend that calls for red wine. I have LOTS on hand, but do not want to open for the recipe. I want to wait till my guests are here to uncork it BECAUSE I do NOT want an opened bottle of wine on hand. Just cause!! I don't have a problem with wine in the recipe because the alcohol burns off anyway. Can anyone think of a substitute...Red wine vinegar perhaps?? It calls for 1/2 c. so vinegar may not be the thing to use...I don't have to use wine, but if anyone has an idea, please suggest.

My dinner is in 3 days and I can unload the wine I've been stockpiling!! Interestingly, I was watching a movie the other night & they were drinking wine with dinner...it was this one guy who was obviously stress drinking if you get my drift...in the scene he was upset & it was just the way he was drinking that I got this craving for the chillax factor, out of the blue...SO, I'm looking forward to having the alcohol gone. Even though my liquor store is only 1/2 block away, it is still 1/2 block away. I don't like having it so convenient in the case of a major crave!!!

When I reflect on the last 10-15 years, I am amazed I kept it together as much as I did. The stars aligned when I moved to this neighborhood. A potential alcohol (me) surrounded by people who drink at every single occasion. And plan events around drinking. It’s like the saying “we are the company we keep”. We say that to our children and I believe it to be true for adults. So, who knows if I would have become an alcoholic if I moved to a different street. But I do now that this journey has given me extra compassion with people who are addicted to anything. Was it in the stars I become an alcoholic? Probably. I still haven’t found the reason yet however.

NormInv wrote: »

I have to admit I am surprised to see a few people on here who have been AF for years....it kinda says that you have to always stay vigilant and the demon never completely goes away.

I was clean and sober for 10 years with the help of a supportive partner and family. I was too full of myself in saying I had this beat for good. My circle of loved ones started passing away in 2011 through 2016. They are all watching over me now. I managed without a drink focusing on being superman and trying to keep it all together for others by being their caregivers. I needed that responsibility. It's been two years of no responsibility.

This year I truly feel the loss or I should say being alone. I did before but it was mixed with grieving. The grieving has subsided because they are in a better place. Here I am. What to do now? I slipped this year because I started feeling that I was staying sober for them in trying to be responsible or that I didn't want to disappoint them. That little demon that I thought I had conquered came up behind me and yelled "What's the use!"

Day #6 Clean & Sober

lorrainequiche59 wrote: »

@MrSunshinez Death is an enemy!! Sorry for your losses. Sounds like you were dealing with some overwhelming grief. Takes courage to get back on the sober train. Hoping the best for you. You're in a great place to get some support to keep you on track.

Thank you! Yes, it was a traumatic situation one right after the other. When I seemed to work on the depression something else happened but here we are. Yes, I'm feeling the strength and sending it out too. We can do this together!

There was a blurb on MSN yesterday with comments from celebrities who do not drink, most because they have an issue. I'd like to share a comment from Daniel Radcliffe..it begins by saying he loves life as a sober person and said, "My life is a lot better & less chaotic. I just felt like I was chasing chaos & making my life difficult, all the time thinking I was having fun. So it feels very nice not to be putting myself in danger, to be waking up in the mornings & not thinking, "On my god, who am I going to hear from? What did I do? It's a life lived without dread & fear and it's lovely."

I very rarely got drunk, but often "close to drunk." Close enough to feel crappy in the a.m. & sluggish through the day having to pull myself through my job. Close enough to have to check my phone to see if a particular number was on my log cause I had this vague recollection of talking to someone, but couldn't remember the conversation...and if I saw a 20 min or hour long call, my stomach would bottom out!! That was some of my fear & dread. It indicated that, "There's something wrong with this!!!"

Last eve on the way to my meeting, I passed our neighborhood OPP station & saw a friendly officer waiting to enter the highway...as I approached I automatically looked at my speed (it's a bit of a trap there cause it is 50 and just the other side of the OPP lane way it turns to 70 & they take great pleasure in stopping anyone who transgresses) I was at 60 & didn't want to slow down giving the guy any reason to suspect me of something....anyway, he pulls out behind me & followed me several kilos to the intersection where I needed to turn...it was nerve wracking...first of all I have a heavy foot so it's a conscious effort to regulate my speed...the limit is 80 km, so I worked very hard to keep it at 90....he would follow closely, then pull back for a distance, then speed up again & get close again etc...at one point I thought that he's either going to pull me over or pass me, but he hung back once again...AND THEN at the light he turned behind me, but my next turn was into my meeting place. Phew!!!

On the way home, it was smooth sailing until I got to the intersection before my place. There were two OPP vehicles, lights flashing...on either side of the road...initially I thought they had someone pulled over, but they didn't...then I wondered if it might be a ride check but other vehicles were driving right through...so I slowed down & did the same....

Get to the point Lorraine!!! The point is THIS: If I were drinking and had one/two/three & felt I would take the chance to drive cause I tricked myself into thinking I was fine to drive.......I was fearful enough just driving and doing nothing wrong...I could imagine how many people driving through that scene last night may have felt if they had a drink or two...as I watched people drive through I wondered how many people were scared poopy driving between those cruisers.

NormInv wrote: »

I have to admit I am surprised to see a few people on here who have been AF for years....it kinda says that you have to always stay vigilant and the demon never completely goes away.

Only 18 months for me this time. I have had a problem with deciding I would have it under control if i started back. Trying very hard to make it different this time, accepting that I can't drink.

AA really doesn't work for me. I don't believe in a higher power and I think I am capable of doing this myself though accountability to others helps.

I had my physical yesterday afternoon. My weight was 158 with clothes on, except shoes, which were off for height check. Height is still 5'8", probably from improved posture and stretching. So my documented BMI is 24.0. BP 120/75, HR 64, don't smoke, no longer drink (over 18 months now) and I turned 60 a few days ago with visible abs. My primary was really pleased with that and so am I. I was in the 220s 2 years ago and the 170s last year.