My bf cheated on me

ButterIsGood
ButterIsGood Posts: 201 Member
edited December 19 in Chit-Chat
My bf is 36 and I'm 24. We started dating in Feb 2018. 1 week before our anniversary, he said we needed time apart and that " time will heal our relationship"... This came out of nowhere. I just found out today that he sent flowers and chocolate to one of my friends and asked her out and even told her that he can't get her out of his mind. My friend rejected him. She told me to not tell him that she told me about it. She even asked him " why are you doing this? Aren't you hurting your gfs feelings?" And his response was " don't worry about her". I'm so sad right now. My heart is so broken. I just need some people to talk to.
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Replies

  • Keep_on_cardio
    Keep_on_cardio Posts: 4,166 Member
    Idk... younger years, there’s been friends intermingled with bfs.

    Yay for your friend telling you, however being that bold sending stuff to her work and asking her out? mmmm either he’s beyond stupid, or she’s not as much as a friend that you think she is. Did you see evidence or just what she shared. She could feel guilty, in a role she played with talking to your bf.

    I went through a female feeling guilty, crying about my bf and how he lied to me ect. I ended the relationship and also, pushed our friendship to this chick can’t really be trusted. She ended up “smashing” him years later and shared that with me. I’m pretty sure in those teen years, they were both “guilty parties”. Peep the red flags..

    OP, I’d want to know all the facts from both parties and be done with it all, since she placed your feelings into it all.

  • lx1x
    lx1x Posts: 38,330 Member
    TheRoadDog wrote: »
    Move on. Don't look back. If you do you might miss what's right in front of you.

    What he said.. you're attractive lady shouldn't have problem finding the right one.
  • Horndave22
    Horndave22 Posts: 25 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »

    She's a friend I truly trust. She told me she doesn't want to start drama but is only telling me because she thinks I should know. She rejected him and even threw out the flowers and chocolate he got her. He gave her the silent treatment for a few days but talked to her yesterday about how he can't stop thinking about her and how much her rejection hurt him. Today he messaged me asking if I want the valentines day gift he had ordered for me before he had asked for time out. I said no and that I'm coming to get my own stuff this week from his place. He was shocked by this. Asking me why I was planning to do that. I told him " you've told me before that all things done in the dark will come into the light" and that I didn't love him anymore. He started acting stupid at this point hence I know he was trying to keep this whole thing hidden. With his " what are u talking about???". At the end of the convo he said " so you're giving up on me like everyone else has??" All I've done for the past year is love him and support his decisions and been there for him. This just hurts too much


    Run, don't walk. Move on.
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
    Go with your gut kid , it usually right - people will always show you who they are - believe their actions not their words - the hurt will fade with time - good luck
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    It’s always harder on the one being rejected. But there are plenty of signs that it is time to move on. He’s a heel.

    Next time you two talk tell him you’ve had a good long think about what he said and you agree that time apart is the healthiest thing for both of you. His stuff is in a box by the door. Don’t call me. I’ll call you. I need some space. I knew you would understand.

    If he tries begging or friends-with-benefits calmly reject the offer.

    My gut says this guy is a user who will try to keep you on a string (sloppy seconds) while he goes out to play the field. Cut the ties that bind.
  • Pour_Decisions
    Pour_Decisions Posts: 1,053 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.

    I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?

    This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.

    Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.

    Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.

    I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.

    I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.

    I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
  • TravisJHunt
    TravisJHunt Posts: 533 Member
    Kudos on your friend telling you at least. Now a days I find even expecting that kind of respect is tough. As others have said, I'd say that's a good sign its time to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea as the old saying goes. Sorry you got hurt, it sucks but sometimes we need to feel some pain to understand how good life can be when we experience the good times. You're young and beautiful and sound like you have a great head on your shoulders so keep the chin up and happiness will come again. Use the extra spare time to get in some extra workouts to relieve the stress and feel better, plus double bonus, add more sexiness to your body!
  • JimJamgetsfit
    JimJamgetsfit Posts: 20 Member
    Damn, your bf sounds like he'll be a forever bachelor and isnt really a BF type. I know guys like him. I mean he's 36 and still jumping from relationship to relationship. I would find a younger guy tbh. Move on, he's not the one. You're lucky he showed you his true colors as much as it hurts.
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