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Unwanted advice at gym

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  • psychod787psychod787 Member, Premium Posts: 3,853 Member Member, Premium Posts: 3,853 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    So no one would say anything to people who are using machines like this? K.
    <snip video for reply length>

    I'm still in the "tell the staff there's a problem" camp, predominantly.

    If the staff can't be found, and circumstances politely and safely allow**, I'd consider an interaction (during a set break, say) along the lines of 'Wow, I've never seen the machine used like that! Where did you learn to do it that way, and what do you find it helpful for?" and see if there's an opportunity to suggest something safer, if only obliquely.

    ** There is, I've found, a kind of "li'l ol' lady privilege", where people expect us to be a bit honest/unfiltered/over-friendly, so they'll let us get away with saying stuff that others couldn't. (I don't make a regular habit of this; I'm just aware of it as a possibility.) OTOH, I'm not super big or strong, and some wrong-headed people can be very aggressive very abruptly, so situation-reading would be required.

    For example, as a senior (in every sense) member of my rowing club, I recognize by sight the rowers who just learned to row, and will - as pleasantly and non-accusatorily as I can muster - remind them of safety practices that they were taught in class, or help them learn/practice safety-related skills they obviously haven't quite learned yet, if I see them on the dock or out on the water doing something whacky. But this is a very different social setting than a normal gym, too.

    So much this!

    I have no qualms about (gently) chiding someone who, for example, is being horribly verbally abusive to a cashier or a store employee, especially if the abuser is trying to intimidate or frighten the employee into doing or giving them something to which they clearly aren't entitled.

    I find I can get away with this because who's gonna punch an old lady out? If they counter with abusive vitriol, I've found that in any battle of words, they are generally bringing a pea-shooter to a gun fight. B)

    PS: I'm not stupid enough to engage someone who is clearly deranged, under the influence of some kind of substance or simply plain ol' dangerous. But I will try and gently take their focus off of their target long enough so they can call security.

    PSPS: I live in Canada, so the fear of someone whackadoo pulling a gun on me is extremely remote. I would definitely not do this in other parts of the world. ;)

    Tl;dr? I'm done with a**holes and bullies in my life.

    What? No guns in the Yukon? What about the Grizzlies? 😲
  • snickerscharliesnickerscharlie Member Posts: 8,570 Member Member Posts: 8,570 Member
    psychod787 wrote: »
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    So no one would say anything to people who are using machines like this? K.
    <snip video for reply length>

    I'm still in the "tell the staff there's a problem" camp, predominantly.

    If the staff can't be found, and circumstances politely and safely allow**, I'd consider an interaction (during a set break, say) along the lines of 'Wow, I've never seen the machine used like that! Where did you learn to do it that way, and what do you find it helpful for?" and see if there's an opportunity to suggest something safer, if only obliquely.

    ** There is, I've found, a kind of "li'l ol' lady privilege", where people expect us to be a bit honest/unfiltered/over-friendly, so they'll let us get away with saying stuff that others couldn't. (I don't make a regular habit of this; I'm just aware of it as a possibility.) OTOH, I'm not super big or strong, and some wrong-headed people can be very aggressive very abruptly, so situation-reading would be required.

    For example, as a senior (in every sense) member of my rowing club, I recognize by sight the rowers who just learned to row, and will - as pleasantly and non-accusatorily as I can muster - remind them of safety practices that they were taught in class, or help them learn/practice safety-related skills they obviously haven't quite learned yet, if I see them on the dock or out on the water doing something whacky. But this is a very different social setting than a normal gym, too.

    So much this!

    I have no qualms about (gently) chiding someone who, for example, is being horribly verbally abusive to a cashier or a store employee, especially if the abuser is trying to intimidate or frighten the employee into doing or giving them something to which they clearly aren't entitled.

    I find I can get away with this because who's gonna punch an old lady out? If they counter with abusive vitriol, I've found that in any battle of words, they are generally bringing a pea-shooter to a gun fight. B)

    PS: I'm not stupid enough to engage someone who is clearly deranged, under the influence of some kind of substance or simply plain ol' dangerous. But I will try and gently take their focus off of their target long enough so they can call security.

    PSPS: I live in Canada, so the fear of someone whackadoo pulling a gun on me is extremely remote. I would definitely not do this in other parts of the world. ;)

    Tl;dr? I'm done with a**holes and bullies in my life.

    What? No guns in the Yukon? What about the Grizzlies? 😲

    Bear repellent. ;)
  • lynn_glenmontlynn_glenmont Member Posts: 8,525 Member Member Posts: 8,525 Member
    wmd1979 wrote: »
    wmd1979 wrote: »
    wmd1979 wrote: »
    Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.

    Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".

    That may be true, but I don't understand what that has to do with what I said, or why you feel the need to critique what I said. I simply stated how I would react in that situation, but I wasn't telling the OP how she should have reacted. I think she has the right to react however she feels fit. I am male, which is why I was voicing my frustration with other males that act like this in the gym.

    OK. I don't think interpreting exchanges in the format:

    X: I had this experience that really bothered me
    Y: Here's what I would do in that situation

    as Y offering advice on how to handle the situation is a bizarre interpretation, absent some kind of disclaimer like, "but that's just me."

    But that's just me.

    Last line of the OP's post reads:

    Has anyone else had an experience like this? How did you handle it? Do you think its okay to go around giving advice to strangers?

    I simply answered these questions. Never at any point did I tell OP what I thought they should do, because she didn't ask what she should have done. She asked how did you handle it? Seeing that I am a male, and I am answering for myself, I just answered how I would have reacted. I do my best not to criticize other people's words without really knowing them, the whole situation, or their intentions. I think interpreting exchanges, or making assumptions about what another person is saying is a bad idea. But that's just me.

    Then why did you assume my first response to your statement of how you would behave was a criticism of you rather than the observation that it might not turn out well for OP if she followed your example? Because that's what it was. An observation.
  • MySlimGoalsMySlimGoals Member, Premium Posts: 751 Member Member, Premium Posts: 751 Member
    If I saw a machine being misused and I was concerned the person would be hurt or the machine would be broken through misuse I would definitely approach a staff member. Let them handle it and decide what to do.

    On the theme of actual gym equipment misuse I have to admit I got a laugh out some of the things that happened in this youtube video. People do weird *kitten* but it is not up to me to police them.
    edited October 2019
  • OpulentBobbleOpulentBobble Member Posts: 18 Member Member Posts: 18 Member
    This happened to me once with deadlifts. A personal trainer (who also happened to own the gym) taught me how to do them over a period of several weeks. He was very concerned with making sure I had good form before adding any kind of weight.

    A guy thought he should comment on my form, I think I just sounded confused and said “my personal trainer said it was fine?”

    I’m sorry you had to deal w that op. You deserve to feel comfortable at the gym.
  • DiscipleOfChrist29DiscipleOfChrist29 Member Posts: 89 Member Member Posts: 89 Member
    "I feel like this thread has gotten away from everyone" - @rheddmobile

    Well said LOL
  • michelles_goalmichelles_goal Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
    It's mansplaining pure and simple....probably was looking for an introduction. It's something that really puts me off going to the Gym, so I work out at home instead. You handled the situation correctly. Just ignore them and they go away.....
  • PrivatesandbankPrivatesandbank Member Posts: 41 Member Member Posts: 41 Member
    One time this girl with a rat face and the body of a praying mantis told me I was going to “hurt myself” doing tricep dips off of a bench. I laughed and said mind ya business. There’s a reason that even at my most out of shape, I am more built than you :D
  • NovusDiesNovusDies Member, Premium Posts: 8,754 Member Member, Premium Posts: 8,754 Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.

    It appears his interest in you is not going to go away without encouragement. Also, even if he did not call his own phone he could easily ask his sister for your number. If he contacts you at all through your phone that is way over the line.
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