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Unwanted advice at gym
Replies
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Cherimoose wrote: »
Exactly what I was gonna say.2 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.28 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.7 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. He may be puppy dogging you because he has an innocent crush on you. Regardless of his intentions though you have the right to be comfortable. That phone situation is kind of a flag on it being innocent though. It still could be but when I read it my first thought was "yikes."
None of us were there so I would ask yourself what you would tell a dear friend to do if she was in this situation. Chances are the first answer that comes to mind is your instinctive evaluation of the situation and a proportional response.6 -
Next time don’t lend strangers your phone, they can be some drug addict, dealer, criminal- you don’t want anything tied to you. I was just being nice once and let some random dude use my phone, and this security guard came up to me and gave me that same advice that stuck with me forever, no more nice girl since. There’s some crazies out there.
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mentallyinmaldives wrote: »One time this girl with a rat face and the body of a praying mantis told me I was going to “hurt myself” doing tricep dips off of a bench. I laughed and said mind ya business. There’s a reason that even at my most out of shape, I am more built than you
Discussing way to judge and refer to another person.3 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
In other posts you have discussed your fiancé, is there any way you could get him to go with you to the gym once or twice? At this point, this guy would be making me nervous, and having someone there with you might be the easiest way to convince him you aren’t available. Not to mention, you were hoping to get your fiancé into a more healthful lifestyle so it would kill two birds with one stone.
If you can’t swing that, I agree that having gym staff walk you to your car when he’s loitering outside sounds like a good plan.8 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
I don't want to scare you, but unless you were standing over him and saw that all he did was dial a phone number, you might want to get someone to check your phone for tracking software, spyware, etc.7 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
In other posts you have discussed your fiancé, is there any way you could get him to go with you to the gym once or twice? At this point, this guy would be making me nervous, and having someone there with you might be the easiest way to convince him you aren’t available. Not to mention, you were hoping to get your fiancé into a more healthful lifestyle so it would kill two birds with one stone.
If you can’t swing that, I agree that having gym staff walk you to your car when he’s loitering outside sounds like a good plan.
A conspicuously loud lovey-dovey conversation with the fiancé via phone might also work too.3 -
I agree with everyone who says the phone thing is a red flag. I also don't believe his being in the same area as you and is a coincidence at all. You can "feel" it when you're being watched, even when it's not obvious.
I have been followed by men twice (both at Target, different years and cities), and it definitely felt different than when some guy just happens to be in the same area as me. These guy gave me the creeps, and my intuition was confirmed when they approached me. One tried to get me into his van. In both cases the police were eventually notified.
Consequently, I am NOT nice when it comes to men who do this BS. I witnessed a guy pulling the stalker routine on another woman at my gym, and I was very loud about telling him what is and is not appropriate. He stopped the behavior. I understand not all women are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and the desire to avoid wrongfully offending someone (or invoking the wrath of someone who is a predator or mentally unstable) is strong, so I agree that enlisting the help of a trainer/staff member/fiance/friend is a good idea.
Protect yourself. Most people are genuine and good, but this guy doesn't sound like one of them.14 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »If that's you in your profile pic, he was hitting on you. Not very effectively, obviously.
This pretty much sums up the situation.
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You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...11
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psychod787 wrote: »You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...
This is one of the more refreshing comments I've read. Cheers!4 -
psychod787 wrote: »You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...
I thought this thread was mostly about picking the appropriate time to socialize and not being a jerk when you do it. I think there is always a good chance that when someone is exercising they may not wish to be sociable at that moment.
I talk to men and women who are strangers to me all the time. It really is not a big deal most of the time.
I very recently was alone with a woman on a parking lot. I was there because an after hours meeting was cancelled and I was not informed and she pulled in and raised her hood. I was careful to make sure she knew I was approaching because she might not be comfortable. After I got her attention and she spoke to me she looked back at her car and proceeded to tell me what she thought was wrong. Because she was comfortable enough to take her eyes off me I knew she was not alarmed so I finished my approach and made sure she was okay.13 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.8
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ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?2 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
Sure it may be, but I don't think most medical professionals are continuously hoping that people hurt themselves or end up with XYZ illness/disorder.1 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
im not saying i want them to get injured i want to prevent that from happening that is why i want so badly to advise people of the risks. but everyone on this thread is saying to leave them alone and not approach them which it makes it hard for me since im in the business of helping people.1 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
Sure it may be, but I don't think most medical professionals are continuously hoping that people hurt themselves or end up with XYZ illness/disorder.
exactly i only want to help prevent injury0 -
That kind of thing doesn't just happen at the gym. My husband, who has never set foot in a gym or worked out a day in his life constantly gives me advice on how to work out - bench presses, lifts, how to run (he's never run more than the distance from the car to the entrance of the shopping center in the rain). I find it offensive and condescending - especially since he is very out of shape.16
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