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Unwanted advice at gym
Replies
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I agree with everyone who says the phone thing is a red flag. I also don't believe his being in the same area as you and is a coincidence at all. You can "feel" it when you're being watched, even when it's not obvious.
I have been followed by men twice (both at Target, different years and cities), and it definitely felt different than when some guy just happens to be in the same area as me. These guy gave me the creeps, and my intuition was confirmed when they approached me. One tried to get me into his van. In both cases the police were eventually notified.
Consequently, I am NOT nice when it comes to men who do this BS. I witnessed a guy pulling the stalker routine on another woman at my gym, and I was very loud about telling him what is and is not appropriate. He stopped the behavior. I understand not all women are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and the desire to avoid wrongfully offending someone (or invoking the wrath of someone who is a predator or mentally unstable) is strong, so I agree that enlisting the help of a trainer/staff member/fiance/friend is a good idea.
Protect yourself. Most people are genuine and good, but this guy doesn't sound like one of them.14 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »If that's you in your profile pic, he was hitting on you. Not very effectively, obviously.
This pretty much sums up the situation.
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You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...11
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psychod787 wrote: »You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...
This is one of the more refreshing comments I've read. Cheers!4 -
psychod787 wrote: »You know, this thread has just strengthened my resolve to be a sociable person. Not every man who talks to a lady wants to kill, skin, and wear her head as a hat. Conversely, not every woman who speaks to a man wants to sleep with him or is after something. Might make me a pariah, but kitten it...
I thought this thread was mostly about picking the appropriate time to socialize and not being a jerk when you do it. I think there is always a good chance that when someone is exercising they may not wish to be sociable at that moment.
I talk to men and women who are strangers to me all the time. It really is not a big deal most of the time.
I very recently was alone with a woman on a parking lot. I was there because an after hours meeting was cancelled and I was not informed and she pulled in and raised her hood. I was careful to make sure she knew I was approaching because she might not be comfortable. After I got her attention and she spoke to me she looked back at her car and proceeded to tell me what she thought was wrong. Because she was comfortable enough to take her eyes off me I knew she was not alarmed so I finished my approach and made sure she was okay.13 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.8
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ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?2 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
Sure it may be, but I don't think most medical professionals are continuously hoping that people hurt themselves or end up with XYZ illness/disorder.1 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
im not saying i want them to get injured i want to prevent that from happening that is why i want so badly to advise people of the risks. but everyone on this thread is saying to leave them alone and not approach them which it makes it hard for me since im in the business of helping people.1 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
Sure it may be, but I don't think most medical professionals are continuously hoping that people hurt themselves or end up with XYZ illness/disorder.
exactly i only want to help prevent injury0 -
That kind of thing doesn't just happen at the gym. My husband, who has never set foot in a gym or worked out a day in his life constantly gives me advice on how to work out - bench presses, lifts, how to run (he's never run more than the distance from the car to the entrance of the shopping center in the rain). I find it offensive and condescending - especially since he is very out of shape.16
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KrispyNoodles wrote: »That kind of thing doesn't just happen at the gym. My husband, who has never set foot in a gym or worked out a day in his life constantly gives me advice on how to work out - bench presses, lifts, how to run (he's never run more than the distance from the car to the entrance of the shopping center in the rain). I find it offensive and condescending - especially since he is very out of shape.
Have you tried to put a stop to it?3 -
@PTA4LYF I think you would be the exception for me. If you approached me and introduced yourself as a physical therapist, asked what my goals are, then gave me a pointer on how to not injure myself after you saw me doing something very wrong, I'd be grateful. I'm sure not everyone would be ok with that, but I will always take into consideration a truly professional opinion, especially taking into account that I have to pay a large sum of money every time I go see my PT. Free is great!4
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KrispyNoodles wrote: »That kind of thing doesn't just happen at the gym. My husband, who has never set foot in a gym or worked out a day in his life constantly gives me advice on how to work out - bench presses, lifts, how to run (he's never run more than the distance from the car to the entrance of the shopping center in the rain). I find it offensive and condescending - especially since he is very out of shape.
couch-spud-splaining
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Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
a) You don't need an excuse
b) 'No' is a complete sentence
c) He's the one who broke the social contract first
d) I know all of that is easier to say/think than do
so e) Read 'The Gift of Fear'.12 -
ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
im not saying i want them to get injured i want to prevent that from happening that is why i want so badly to advise people of the risks. but everyone on this thread is saying to leave them alone and not approach them which it makes it hard for me since im in the business of helping people.
I think I mentioned in this thread that I once had a PT who simply had to turn around when she saw someone squatting in such a way with such a large amount of weight that he was bound to hurt himself. Telling him to do something different would have been a liability issue which I would almost assume her practice (part of a medical school that is also one of the larger employers in the metro area) likely also has rules that their staff have to abide by pertaining to that. If he had actually gotten hurt then that's likely when she would have stepped in.
If you're really conflicted, I would consult with other physical therapists and/or whatever board you practice under.1 -
If it were me I would just ignore him completely, put on my RBF and give very short uninterested responses if he made any attempts to talk to me. He sounds like a total weirdo.
Ideally I would actually be assertive and tell him it feels like he is following me around and it's making me uncomfortable and to please leave me alone, but I know I would be too scared to say that.3 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
a) You don't need an excuse
b) 'No' is a complete sentence
c) He's the one who broke the social contract first
d) I know all of that is easier to say/think than do
so e) Read 'The Gift of Fear'.
Endorsed, including maybe/especially the bolded.3 -
Bench press the guy and be done with it. What a jerk. 😠
This.
It sounds like he was trying to hit on you, and was actually a do*che in doing so. When you didn't fawn over him, he decided you were upset (which, by the way, you were completely allowed to be, because who tf interrupts someone's workout without being invited?) If you want him to p*ss off and he won't, I would talk to the front desk staff. It's not okay for him to interrupt you for an ego-boost. Or, maybe headphones, though I know that's not always do-able while lifting.0 -
Hey guys so just an update incase anybody is interested. I've seen this guy a couple of times since and he always chooses the workout station facing me. It makes me uncomfortable but i just try to avoid eye contact and get on with it. Today when I finished training and was about to leave i saw him hang around at the entrance he was leaving to. I saw him standing there and didnt want to bump into him so i tried to mess with my phone for a bit and put my coat on to give him a chance to leave but he was still standing there and i had to leave for work so i decided to just go. When I walked past he asked could he make a phone call on my phone because his went dead and he needed to call his sister. I stupidly gave him my phone. I know that wasnt the smartest move but I just felt so akward and put on the spot. Then he started asking how was training and asking me my name.
This may all turn out just to be a guy who's a little too aggressive, yet harmless . . . but:
Some people with predatory intent test potential targets by pushing them to do things that make that person just a little uncomfortable. If the target complies "to be nice" or "because they didn't know what to do", then the predator knows they have someone they can manipulate.
You do not want to be that person.
Especially if a situation like that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I'd encourage you not to cooperate or be nice. Walk away. You don't have to be super-rude or anything. Just tell him you're in a rush, don't have time, if he tries something like the "use your phone" gambit. If he acts inclined to follow you, go back into the gym, talk to a manager or trainer in a separate private area if possible, and have them escort you to your car (maybe ask them to pretend you're getting something from the car to give or show them, if you're worried about escalating). If you sense that he's going to be pushy, move to make sure you're standing where the gym personnel can overhear the whole conversation.
It's OK to be brusque or "not nice" or to not have time to interact with someone who is making you uncomfortable. It's OK to assert yourself. Please be careful.
Yeah I guess I have to work on being more assertive. If I could go back I wouldve told him I don't have time but it was just one of those moments where I was caught off guard. My phone was in my hand and I couldn't think of an excuse. I know I don't owe him anything. In the gym he always seems to be where I am. If im at the weights so is he, if im doing cardio so is he.... I havent reported it to anyone because it could be a coincidence and I'd hate to excuse somebody in the wrong. I'll keep an eye on it an observe the situation.
a) You don't need an excuse
b) 'No' is a complete sentence
c) He's the one who broke the social contract first
d) I know all of that is easier to say/think than do
so e) Read 'The Gift of Fear'.
Thank you for the suggestion to read 'The Gift of Fear'. I'm only on chapter 6, but it is indeed enlightening. It prompted a conversation with a co-worker who is going to have her college-age daughter read it. The statistic that three out of four women are victims of violence is true in my immediate family.4 -
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@psychod787 Fantastic! Very funny...and yet, oddly familiar.1
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psychod787 wrote: »
OMG that was hilarious...1 -
What an a**. He said... you look PO'd? Next time tell him he's flirting wrong and he's really killing himself.0
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ok heres the deal. ive been a physical therapist for 28 years every time i go to the gym i see at least 6 people using improper form for exercise, cardio or weight lifting some to the point that they can hurt their back or injure muscles. i want to approach them and help them because id hate to see them get hurt but i dont because as very well mentioned here in all the posts people will get offended. so my resolve is i say to myself ok i guess i will see them in a month in my clinic when they are recovering from some musculoskeletal injury.
Is it not better for business that way?
Sure it may be, but I don't think most medical professionals are continuously hoping that people hurt themselves or end up with XYZ illness/disorder.
exactly i only want to help prevent injury
If you had your business card on you and identified yourself when you approached, I think I'd be okay with it.
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I've only had one guy correct me (very politely, asking permission first) years ago. We became friends and, to this day, I follow and incorporate his advice frequently. Very rarely I'll pass the good along to someone I see *really* hurting themselves, always asking if I can mention something first (usually a female). They're usually super sweet and happy to receive advice.
I recently had a guy ask me for help training core. After a few weeks we spent some time and trained for maybe 90 minutes. He was very kind.
That said, seems like the guy you interacted with was not so emotionally aware/sensitive. Plenty of those. Don't let it get to you. I'd give him a simple, dead eye locked, "I'm good, bro," throw the headphones back in and get on with my workout while ignoring him. Nothing makes gymbros balls shrivel like a female pair larger than theirs.3 -
Sadly, or maybe thankfully depending on what theyre going to say absolutely no one speaks to each other at my gym. No nods, hellos, hi or bye. Its the most unfriendly place Ive ever been. So I just hunker down and do my thing. Shame really. Tell him politely thanks but you're fine as you are. He probably thought he was being helpful, so just tell him thanks but no thanks.0
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just_Tomek wrote: »Thanx for the advice, carry on. Who cares.
For some people the gym can be intimidating. You're putting yourself out there. I didn't go to the gym for years cause I was self concious of having people see me work out and I know alot of people feel the same at the start. I thought the way he said it was rude
Ive only been going to the gym for the last 3 or 4 months and Ive managed to get over myself doing the post run stretches on the floor with my *kitten* and knees in the air etc. I was too scared to begin with, being by fair the oldest at 46 and the fattest there. Its full of teenagers chatting on the equipment (which annoys the hell out of me), men doing their thing, and women getting on with their thing, and no one looks at anyone else, no one acknowledges each other. Its dead boring and bloody unfriendly. But thankfully it means no one gives a hoot if im laying on a matt with my butt in the air. Yay.
I did try to start a conversation with another woman once. I commented she looked as if she’d had a great run, really fast going. Was there a special plan she was doing, such as C25K etc. She just looked at me as if i was a local nutter. I was like, lady im just being friendly runner to runner but whatever. Never again lol. But no one has commented to me about anything ive been doing, not yet anyway. I think id just be like thanks yeah ill look into it, and scarper!
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https://youtu.be/n1GUQVo1Lps
That girl in pink.
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