WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2020

SuziQ - Your story about your husband's death has certainly touched me. So did yours, Karen, about your sister's birthday. It brings not only grief, but shock and undeserved guilt with it. It reminded me a bit of Joan Didion's memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, which made a profound impression on me and was one of the spurs to writing my own memoir. For anyone who doesn't know her work, her husband died right in the middle of dinner, just sitting at the table, without her even noticing until she turned around.
It sounds as if you have made very good strides in finding some peace. Last night I slept alone in the marital bed because DH was in the next room trying out the harder mattress we have in there. I thought of all of you who have lost husbands. I felt fear.
Now I'm going to make him a morning cuppa.
(((HUGS))) to you.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

SuziQ113 wrote: »

Hello everyone.

Rant on promotion. Read at your own will.

I think most of you will remember the story I shared about finally getting a promotion after almost five years of discussion with my manager. I finally put my foot down at the end of October and was told it will happen in November.

At the beginning of December my boss said the promotion was still coming, but due to open enrollment the HR department was backed up. She also said do not worry this is going to happen.

At the end of December sometime around the holidays she stopped by my desk and stated, I spoke with HR and I asked for your promotion to get completed in January.

Near the end of the first week of February I had to update her with several projects I had been working upon. At the end of the conversation I asked about the promotion. She proceeded to tell me that I must be patient. The paperwork is in process and is now at corporate. She almost made me feel like I was asking for something that was unusual. I held my tongue which at this point is becoming very difficult. I did very nicely state that during our last conversation I was informed the promotion would happen in January and I was just following up.

At that point she informed me it will occur when we get our reviews. Please note last year’s reviews for 2018 were not given to us until the end of April. So once again the promotion is being delayed over 6 months.

And, let’s face it. When one gets a promotion at the same time as one’s review it is just corporate’s way of saving money. I am sure I will hear the “oh, we got you this great jump in salary, but since it was so great your review will result in less money”. It happened the last time I was promoted and I am sure it will happen this time.

I do really like my boss. She is one of the better ones over the years. The company I work for is relatively good and the working environment is not horrible. I am overall happy there and the work is still challenging and I continue to learn new things.

But, I will say I am getting so tired of working and dealing with the politics and general BS. I cannot wait until I can take SS which is planned to be taken as soon as I can. The same thing with the pension I will receive. I will probably still work, but it will be a hobby!

It’s just crazy. I have been leading the team for over 5 years now and the promotion is still being delayed. To say I feel taken advantage of is an understatement. It is getting closer, but how long is a person supposed to wait?

For those of you who have read - thank you. I really needed to dump these toxic thoughts and just move on.

I have an idea how you feel.

• Gov't job.
• Promised a temp promotion 15 months ago.
• Recently told it probably won't go through after all.
• Now a bit of a job shake-up in our area.
• May be a position coming up soon that would be an actual promotion and although it should be coming to me because I've been doing the work, it looks to me like they've started grooming someone else for it.
• For the first time in the 6.5 years I've been working here, I'm starting to think I might be able to do better.

I'm not going to rush into anything ... maybe things will sort themselves out ... and I really want to finish my Master's first.

I don't have a Linked In profile yet, but maybe once I graduate ...


Machka in Oz

"Todo"s and "done"
Lisa ditto what Karen in VA and Tracey said about the sarcastic greeting cards. There IS a market there Brilliant re-framing! Feel there is also a market for that gift/skill, if not in greeting cards, then perhaps posters or encouraging gift items?
Flea likewise ditto Karen in VA’s “timely” comment and Machka’s recommendation to talk to a lawyer. See your DH has spoken with Lawyers, were they Utah licensed? Seems like there are significant difference in the states’ definitions of “estate” when it comes to Medicaid cost recovery.
Karen in VA what telling photos, both the swim meet prep, but especially the first meeting with Liliana.
Kate in UK ((hugs)) so hard to be far away and unable to have a private to with your brother. Is there a community center nearby he could take her for an afternoon’s respite, then meet or call you? Likely he really needs someone to give him the gift of listening first.
Katla happy anniversary, such a romantic wedding! High water mark on the fireplace? :noway: Say “Hi” to Arrow for us.
Pip “touchy gas pedal” on forever beast, somehow sounds just like you Does it talk to you in a bossy tone like my car does?
SuziQ for your loss, tho’ Heather said it better. Thanks for your wise words to Flea. Boy, howdy! does your promotion story ring true. I am SO happy to be out of the corporate politics and BS. Really hoping your title comes through before the borrowed time expires.
Beth so good to see your smiling face!
Tracey what an interesting bitter cucumber cure! Find the seasonally available Persian and English (soft skinned) cucumbers sweeter, than the waxy skinned ones available year round. That reminds me, time to order more beit alpha cucumber seeds, an F1 hybrid so saving seeds year to year won’t work.
Welcome Ani in Toronto!
Rebecca your cooking makes my mouth water, and your Athena Rose with her Papa makes my heart happy.
Janet in Tx sounds like a workable solution to me. Well done.
Machka any progress on the online course front? Hoping that bit of good could come out of the coronavirus tragedy.
Rori smiling to hear of your DH enjoying Ford vs Ferrari. Did your DH recognize the surfboard shop in the movie, or did you just know?
Marianne sounds horrible, like your son and DIL need help rearing their children. Are there any community counseling services in their area? At 6 and 9 if nothing changes, their behavior will worsen and they will get into real real trouble. Congratulations on keeping weight steady despite stress!
Terri “give thanks every morning when I wake up” Amen, sister, amen! Then give thanks for Joe, the pooches, everyone who I’ve ever loved or whoever has loved me, this beautiful place we live in… and indoor plumbing

Lighter, lovelies!
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD

Hello to all of you very fine women.

I hope everyone enjoyed or is enjoying their Sunday. I went to bed way too early and was up and down all evening. I finally got out of bed at 5 am and have enjoyed the peace and quiet. It appears like it’s going to be another cloudy day which does not help my motivation to get up and go. The plan was to clean up the courtyard – it is in desperate need of a heavy duty scrub – but everything is wet and soggy due to 24-hour off and on rain showers.

Machka – I certainly admire your dedication to completing your degree. I also worked full time during my college years. My long-term degree was my Associates. It took almost seven years! Once I completed it I decided to go in to high gear and just get it done. Here in the States almost every college has night, weekend, day, and online courses so it’s much easier to take on a full load of classes. I had switched jobs right before completing my Bachelors and the new company would pay 100% of job-related courses (less taxes because it is considered compensation). When I started the company did not require any type of post-graduation work (working for a period of time after graduation). I had heard rumors the policy was going to change. Since there was full reimbursement I found a private college that offered an every other weekend program. I attended classes Friday nights and all day Saturday every other weekend while working on my Masters. I hear and understand your frustration at work. Our situations are somewhat different, especially in sectors, but amount to the same thing. Like you, I know I can do better elsewhere but for financial and personal reasons will stay for a while longer.

Allie – I am so looking forward to your vacation! Please take lots of pictures. I think we all cannot wait to see them!!

Katla – So sorry about the typo!!! Thanks for the story of your moniker. In my youth most of the family would call me SuziQ – especially my mom. When I say it in my head I can still hear her voice and feel her love.

Tracey – I know I am not alone with my working trials. And, it’s sad to hear it is happening all around the world. Corporate greed – enough said. I hope the grocery expedition was not too difficult!

Ginny – Like your youngest son I am practicing patience. For personal and financial reasons I am staying put for now. I would love to be able to say what is exactly on my mind but I know by doing so I would probably be let go the same day.

Karen – There is quite a bit more to Charlie’s passing in that house and for a time I felt the situation and the house were like the last scene in “Carrie”. Charlie’s mother was one who loved way too hard and would not let go. Both of her parents died in the house. Years later her husband passed tragically (a fall from a skyscraper he was inspecting) while he was in the hospital dying she attempted to get them to move him so he could be at home. The hospital refused and he passed hours later. A few years later Charlie’s brother had gotten extremely sick. She would not call an ambulance because she felt she would get him well. He also ended up passing in the house. After the deaths of her husband and son she became somewhat reclusive and would fall in to depression weeks before every death anniversary. Charlie and his mom had a regular call scheduled. If she did not answer he would go in to a panic. Because of “her rules” he was not allowed to call in for a wellness check. Over the years she would not answer the phone for days and each and every time Charlie would worry himself sick. The last time she did not answer I had a funny feeling all was not well. After a few days I finally said, enough, call for a wellness check. We found she has passed in her sleep the night before the scheduled call. Fast forward six months later and he was there taking care of things and on his final night there he passed. I know this is going to sound very strange, but I swear she could not part with him. I know – very weird, but to this day……… It sounds like your partner and I have had the same experiences. I also have a funny feeling we both like our curse words – oh, how I would love to walk in to some offices and just go off. But, as with most, need the job. If I ever hit the lottery…watch out….LOL!

Heather – I think some of us are eat to live and others are live to eat. It sounds like your husband is an eat to live type. It amazes me how many can just forget about eating. Thank you for your kind words about Charlie. Even being 1000 miles away I knew something was wrong. In the beginning I often had thoughts in my head about the fact that I was not there, what if I called emergency services, etc. Due to our age gap I knew he may pass before me but I never expected to be a widow at 45. I believe when our time is up – it is up. This belief helped me put things in to perspective. Please do not feel fear – continue to enjoy DH and all of the wonderful times and memories you two are building. My last words to Charlie were I love you and I am always thankful for the time we shared. OK, tears are starting so I must stop here.

Janet TX – Churros and ice cream! Yum. A new snow cone business is opening in the shopping center nearest to me (I can actually walk there) and I am looking forward to having one. It will bring childhood memories back. My plan is to walk there when the time comes!

Flea – Your husband is a very lucky man. There is simply something different about a son and mother’s relationship which causes so much emotion/turmoil it is very difficult for them. In the end I walked away from Charlie’s mom’s house because of his children. They wanted to “take care of it” but since it was too much work just walked away. There was no call to me about their decision. I found out when the legal papers started coming in. At that point I decided to let the State do its thing. It was not worth the legal expense and stress.

Michelle – Believe me the hairdresser will know what your original hair color is if you let it grow out a little and can ease you back to your now natural color. Yes, your memory serves you well, I am in Broward County at the Palm Beach County line. Have a great time at NASCAR!!!!! I loved my Daytona experience.

Marianne – Wow, you have a challenge on your hands. I cannot help but think your DS and DDIL need to step up their parenting game. Seeing nonsense and not doing anything about it basically tells your GC their behavior is acceptable.

Barbara – I hope the title comes through too. I predict we have approximately 3-5 years until we are totally dismantled. If we do last that long it will be perfect timing for me. I have been wanting to relocate out of Florida. With the severance I would receive and the sale of my home it would put me in just the right place. With a little bit of luck and good fortune it will be a blessing.

All – Thank you for being such a supportive group! I am extremely happy I have found you.

Off to the races for me. Time is clicking away and I must complete my weekly meal planning and get in 6000+ steps in today.

Hugs to all.
SuziQ - SFL

Good morning!

Successful Saturday off work (at least got husband's tasks done). Very relaxing. Went to dinner with friends followed by shopping. I think I am in love with TJ MAXX! I love spending time with this couple too. They are good for us! I was showing my husband what I bought. His reply was very nice. A few minutes later he came back in and said, you do know that purses, shoes, and clothes don't excite me, right? My reply....I know that, but I love when you take time to look and comment anyway!

My maid (me) has been slacking in laundry. So today is laundry, shampoo carpets, and some paperwork. Need to figure out a routine for mornings too. Just feeling very relaxed this morning.

Rori- We also loved Ford v Ferrari. My husband couldn't really see individual faces, but enjoyed the movie. He spoke my love language again by doing something new with me.

Allie- Nothing wrong with having your ducks in a row for your peace of mind. My duckies would just be swimming in all directions.....squirrel!

Ginny- I am in Bellbrook, work in Centerville. My travel circle tends to stay small only because I work 50 hrs a week. Maybe one of these days we can meet up?

Marianne- I agree with many of these ladies comments. Those children are screaming for order and responsibility. Shame on the parents for not doing their job. My grands called me grumpy granny while growing up. There were certain rules that don't get broken! To this day, they follow those rules so that our time together is pleasant. My oldest granddaughter is a teenager. She popped that attitude with me only once. I looked at her and said oh NO! I was a teenager, raised two daughters through teenage years, WON'T put up with attitude! Every so often it tries to pop up and you can see her attitude change quickly! They are all good kids. Time out only works if you are quiet, diligent, and consistent. My youngest grandson was a handful for his mom, but after 2 days of spending time facing a corner away from the action, he was much better behaved. He even put himself in timeout once when bad behavior popped up. 😎 If parents won't help then at your house, you make the rules. My suggestion is figure out 3-4 important rules for you. Write them down along with consequences you can live with. At 6 and 9, you could still do a form of time out (a room with no toys and no electronics and a door to close). My sister used cleaning tasks as discipline, ie if the boys were fighting with each other they had to wash walls or clean baseboards. Also list rewards for following rules, ie a board game or baking cookies. You shouldn't have to parent, but you also shouldn't be treated with disrespect. HUGS!

PIP- LOVE IT!

SuziQ- I think that house was bad mojo. So sorry for your loss! Thankful that your last words were love.

Terri- Being thankful for every day! I believe our days are numbered as well, so I try (I said try) to make each day count!

There was probably more, but my dog needs fed, laundry needs started, carpets aren't cleaning themselves either.

Hugs to All (cause who can't use a daily hug)
Congratulations on all of our journeys, scale victories and NSVs!
Thankful for y'all every day!

Machka I am going to screen shot your instructions. Tablet harder than laptop, but more convenient. 😄


Kylia in Ohio hoping the sun shines some more today

A lot of beets and cucumbers in my future.....