What's on your mind?

@Vikka_V wrote: »

Do forums ever bring about the worst in anyone else?

Last few weeks I've been feeling awful after coming here, when I used to have so much fun here. Can't explain all the emotions really. Just "down, sad, ragey and jealous"

Just keeps wrecking my day - so I abstained (for 2 days🙁) *WoW what a commitment* a couple of times these past few weeks.

...anyhow I think its a "me" problem, so I shouldn't avoid the "source" of my 'problem'?
Just work on me and stuff?

realize? desensitize? and try to come to peace with?

I missed this post. Sorry, my response is long. Feel free to skip

When I left mfp the first time, I was feeling similarly to what you described. Didn’t recognize myself. I was angry and hurt and I didn’t even know if those feelings were legit. Didn’t know how much was contrived in my own head. Mostly I was just exhausted from coming on and trying to pretend I wasn’t feeling as terrible as I was. I believe I told someone I was ready to ‘burn it all down’ and walk away.

And when I did, I almost immediately felt better.

Came back months later on a whim and had a blast for a short time, then quickly fell back into what you described. There were specific things that were happening and I’m not usually the type to read into things much but I definitely acknowledge that it is simply impossible to see and understand the big picture online. There is too much unspoken and unseen.

I left again. Almost immediately felt better.

This time I came back purely with the intention of losing the quaran15. Wasn’t even interested in posting in the forums. I did once or twice maybe, even posted about motivation in Getting Started (where @MaltedTea left a very kind comment, thank you 🥰) and before I knew it, I was back in my old stomping grounds. This time with a little anonymity, which translated as freedom. I could be completely true to myself without fear.

Now more people know who I am. I don’t mind that, it wasn’t my intention to fool people or anything. I just realized that what I enjoyed most about the forums was the carefree interaction of joking around with fellow humans who didn’t know a thing about me and didn’t care one way or another.

A dear friend of mine with whom I swear I share a brain wrote me soon after I rejoined and asked “how are you doing?” and I said to him word for word “Honestly, im doing well but it’s incredible how tenuous that feels when im back on mfp. I felt more stable a week ago”

I remember feeling that awareness of the shift in my mental state, but now, another week or two on, I have lost that awareness. So I can see how someone can become so immersed in this that they can no longer see objectively that they might be better off without it.

The way I’m talking about this suggests I could fly off the rails at any moment but I do think there are enough things about mfp that are helpful and enjoyable that I rather like being back. The people here are kinda the best anywhere.

Or maybe it’s just a sweet, sweet dopamine drip of red notification lights and reactions. Once I know for sure I’ll cure both of us

Vikka_V wrote: »

Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »

Vikka_V wrote: »

Do forums ever bring about the worst in anyone else?

Last few weeks I've been feeling awful after coming here, when I used to have so much fun here. Can't explain all the emotions really. Just "down, sad, ragey and jealous"

Just keeps wrecking my day - so I abstained (for 2 days🙁) *WoW what a commitment* a couple of times these past few weeks.

...anyhow I think its a "me" problem, so I shouldn't avoid the "source" of my 'problem'?
Just work on me and stuff?

realize? desensitize? and try to come to peace with?

I always like reading your post @Vikka_V
You're an awesome person to have here and make me think in New and different ways...

TBS.... Often times I feel like I'm here to much, and the enjoyment here ebs and flows for me just as much as anyone else I assume...

But then I look at my coworkers on their phones playing cash of clans or whatever and tell myself... Well they've got that and you've got this...

Although sometimes I feel like I've overstayed my welcome 😂... And will hiatus for one reason or another...

Sure there are other things I could and should be doing, but for a number of reasons unfortunately can't so here I am...

Thank you!

I get the "overstayed your welcome" feeling too, I got called a "thread hog" once!

And its true, there are many ways people can spend their time...I actually think foruming can be healthy...if you are enjoying it.

Sometimes I like to think of you as the final thought on most forum matters 🤷🏽‍♂️...

Mostly because you tend to come on late at night, at the end of the day and make your own version of sense out of this place 🤷🏽‍♂️

In regards to MFP, I don't take the daily banter seriously in the least and regard this forum as just an online playground.



Except for the absolute filth that occasionally arrives via PM.... and for that, I thank you all.