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This isn’t news to some of you, but 2.5 yrs ago our house burned down in the middle of the night. We got out literally with the clothes on our backs. My kids were 6 and 8 at the time.
As luck would have it, we owned some rental properties in town and a 3 br apt was vacant. When we moved in, we carried everything we owned in a few plastic bags. The apartment was extremely small, but we were just thankful to have a place. It’s not like we had anything to store anyway.
Two months later, the adjoining building to ours caught fire in the middle of the night. This was perhaps more traumatic than the first one because it created a sense of meaningless chaos in my kids. They started to worry that literally anything could catch fire at any moment. Luckily our building wasn’t damaged, but we couldn’t say the same for their sense of safety and well-being.
We put them both in mental health counseling and after six months or so, they were doing okay enough to discontinue sessions. But this past spring, my daughter (who is now 9) developed night terrors and severe bedtime anxiety to the degree that I was sleeping with her every night.
We took her back to counseling at her request. Months later they determined that she would really benefit from pharmaceuticals. Having used anti-depressants myself, I was both for this and against this. Ultimately we decided to try them.
This week I have graduated from sleeping in her room all night to sleeping in the guest bedroom down the hall. Sometimes she comes and wakes me, but three times this week she was able to go back to her room and fall asleep without me. I’m so happy for her progress and proud that she ever told us she needed the professional help in the first place. As a guilt-prone mom (now there’s a redundancy!) I felt inadequate at times that I couldn’t help her. But mostly I’m just so incredibly thankful to have professional help available and to live in a time where the stigma surrounding mental health issues has largely dissipated. And I’m thankful especially that if nothing else, she is learning that it’s absolutely okay to seek out the help she needs.
Thanks for listening ❤️
When they are older, they're going to cherish and idolize you for seeing them through all this...
And that goes for many if you I can think of and your stories as well 💕3 -
The last episode of South Park delivered on the funny factor for sure but left me feeling kinda sad in the end when one of the kids "Stan" basically broke down about how he just wants his life back...
It got me thinking about how this whole thing is impacting our kids... No more soccer games, attending sporting events, play grounds are closed, no attending school and being with their friends... It's kind of a *kitten* time to be a kid for sure...
But then I'm just reminded of my 80yr old grandfather who lost both parents by age 11, his last grandmother by age 15, his eldest sister by age 18, younger brother by age 21, another sister not long after that, buried his wife, buried his favorite (my mother), and I could go on but you get the point...
He once gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received "Jesse I know life gets hard, but you can't think weak, you've gotta think strong"...
So I guess I'll recognize just how fortunate I am that no one I know has died from covid and try to remind my boy how lucky we actually are...
Don't mind me... I'm just thinking through thing I suppose...8 -
I feel bad sometimes when I think about how hurtful I may havr been to some people on this site in the past. I know having anxiety and a rough time in my personal life, and illness shouldn't be used as a excuse but for me, it had everything to do with that. When I think of the things I've said to some people here I feel ashamed. I guess hurt people hurt people.7
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Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »I feel bad sometimes when I think about how hurtful I may havr been to some people on this site in the past. I know having anxiety and a rough time in my personal life, and illness shouldn't be used as a excuse but for me, it had everything to do with that. When I think of the things I've said to some people here I feel ashamed. I guess hurt people hurt people.
Kind of spinning off your post, I think a lot about people I've hurt in the past too. Not really on here, but in general. Hurt people do tend to hurt people. It's a hard thing to work through sometimes.2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »The last episode of South Park delivered on the funny factor for sure but left me feeling kinda sad in the end when one of the kids "Stan" basically broke down about how he just wants his life back...
It got me thinking about how this whole thing is impacting our kids... No more soccer games, attending sporting events, play grounds are closed, no attending school and being with their friends... It's kind of a *kitten* time to be a kid for sure...
But then I'm just reminded of my 80yr old grandfather who lost both parents by age 11, his last grandmother by age 15, his eldest sister by age 18, younger brother by age 21, another sister not long after that, buried his wife, buried his favorite (my mother), and I could go on but you get the point...
He once gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received "Jesse I know life gets hard, but you can't think weak, you've gotta think strong"...
So I guess I'll recognize just how fortunate I am that no one I know has died from covid and try to remind my boy how lucky we actually are...
Don't mind me... I'm just thinking through thing I suppose...
It is hard. Life has changed fundamentally for most of us in the last six months. My kid has become very reclusive, as have I. we're both immunocompromised and it's just not safe to be out. I sometimes think back to different times, I've been reading about the Great Depression recently.3 -
kittengirl88 wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »The last episode of South Park delivered on the funny factor for sure but left me feeling kinda sad in the end when one of the kids "Stan" basically broke down about how he just wants his life back...
It got me thinking about how this whole thing is impacting our kids... No more soccer games, attending sporting events, play grounds are closed, no attending school and being with their friends... It's kind of a *kitten* time to be a kid for sure...
But then I'm just reminded of my 80yr old grandfather who lost both parents by age 11, his last grandmother by age 15, his eldest sister by age 18, younger brother by age 21, another sister not long after that, buried his wife, buried his favorite (my mother), and I could go on but you get the point...
He once gave me the best piece of advice I've ever received "Jesse I know life gets hard, but you can't think weak, you've gotta think strong"...
So I guess I'll recognize just how fortunate I am that no one I know has died from covid and try to remind my boy how lucky we actually are...
Don't mind me... I'm just thinking through thing I suppose...
It is hard. Life has changed fundamentally for most of us in the last six months. My kid has become very reclusive, as have I. we're both immunocompromised and it's just not safe to be out. I sometimes think back to different times, I've been reading about the Great Depression recently.
i'm immunocompromised with stage four lymphoma.. i hear you on this big time. i have to suggest to you to find things to watch and listen that are going to uplift you *not stuff on the great depression - with all due respect to those who went through it* - and to also maintain some element of fitness. i also have a condition called severe cold urticaria which makes it difficult for me to live up here in Canada where there's 11 months of winter i joke about the 11 months - but seriously. just because we have challenges - doesn't mean we have to stagnate.
you can do this7 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »So last night someone dropped a bottle of week old wine that was in the fridge on the floor and it broke all over... The wine actually smelled pretty terrible 😣...
I mopped the entire kitchen over and over again with pinesol and now it smells like old wine and lemon... Even worse... 😣😣😣
i'd have licked the floor after the wine spilled!2 -
Many people on this site, come through my mind a lot during the day. Whether you're one who makes me laugh(laughter is so good for us!)or inspires me to be a better person or a stronger person, helps to put life into perspective so I can let go of the small silly stuff and focus on the really big stuff.
You'll never know the impact many of you have had on my life, physically, mentally, emotionally, philosophically. But thank you for everyone's thoughts they share on chitchat and elsewhere, everyday.
Always be kind.10 -
Reckoner69_lmao wrote: »sweet_ermengarde wrote: »_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
does she say dumb things like my therapist goin on about “are we discussing a real person or one of your apparitions?” 🙄
My brain wizard was awesome, I miss her
you are gone again and i miss you!1 -
So in regards to the original statement of this thread, the reason I don't often post anything "serious" is because my life is usually nothing but a serious drag. I am plagued by clinical depression and anxiety and this year has been particularly rough.
I've dealt with two deaths earlier in the year directly related to COVID (so I don't want to hear any conspiracy theories about how it's "exaggerated" or "a hoax" because no, two people I know are DEAD as a direct result). If they hadn't gotten COVID, they would probably still be among the living as they had no underlying health conditions.
A close relative was diagnosed with cancer in early summer. She's had a pretty good response to it all and takes it in stride, but chemotherapy is tough on anyone. They've minimized the spread enough that they should be able to operate and remove the remaining elements, but we'll have to see since that can't be scheduled until sometime in November (around Thanksgiving).
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
The organization I volunteer for is struggling to get by. Even though I'm the person "in charge" of the unit, I can only operate when I have volunteers who are able to help and put together the events. Sadly, because of COVID, the fact that we run events for youth and the fact that school was all sorts of screwed up this year, the organization was dead in the water for many months. We hemorrhaged volunteers since no one wanted to continue working and had no recruitment opportunities or events in which to gain new volunteers or kids, so yeah.. the organization took a severe cut. We are financially fine, but I hate that we can't provide quality programming to the kids this year because of current guidelines as well as a serious lack of volunteers. I feel guilt over leaving them "high and dry" in November (they have to fill my position in order to recharter with our larger organization), but I am months away from an international move and will have no extra time to devote to the massive amounts of paperwork it takes to keep the organization afloat. I gave them advanced warning in July and not a SINGLE parent stepped up, despite my efforts to explain the gravity of the situation. I know they'll "get by" because I already put word in with the council that oversees all the smaller organizations in our area, but I hate that this once strong group is slowly dying from a lack of volunteers and a lack of parental involvement.
So yeah, mostly my year so far has been full of anxiety, fear, depression and crippling inability to proceed. And this is why I rarely talk about it on here (or anywhere else). It's a lot to take in.13 -
MiNinaLisa wrote: »Reckoner69_lmao wrote: »sweet_ermengarde wrote: »_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
does she say dumb things like my therapist goin on about “are we discussing a real person or one of your apparitions?” 🙄
My brain wizard was awesome, I miss her
you are gone again and i miss you!
Aww😔 hopefully he'll come back3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »So in regards to the original statement of this thread, the reason I don't often post anything "serious" is because my life is usually nothing but a serious drag. I am plagued by clinical depression and anxiety and this year has been particularly rough.
I've dealt with two deaths earlier in the year directly related to COVID (so I don't want to hear any conspiracy theories about how it's "exaggerated" or "a hoax" because no, two people I know are DEAD as a direct result). If they hadn't gotten COVID, they would probably still be among the living as they had no underlying health conditions.
A close relative was diagnosed with cancer in early summer. She's had a pretty good response to it all and takes it in stride, but chemotherapy is tough on anyone. They've minimized the spread enough that they should be able to operate and remove the remaining elements, but we'll have to see since that can't be scheduled until sometime in November (around Thanksgiving).
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
The organization I volunteer for is struggling to get by. Even though I'm the person "in charge" of the unit, I can only operate when I have volunteers who are able to help and put together the events. Sadly, because of COVID, the fact that we run events for youth and the fact that school was all sorts of screwed up this year, the organization was dead in the water for many months. We hemorrhaged volunteers since no one wanted to continue working and had no recruitment opportunities or events in which to gain new volunteers or kids, so yeah.. the organization took a severe cut. We are financially fine, but I hate that we can't provide quality programming to the kids this year because of current guidelines as well as a serious lack of volunteers. I feel guilt over leaving them "high and dry" in November (they have to fill my position in order to recharter with our larger organization), but I am months away from an international move and will have no extra time to devote to the massive amounts of paperwork it takes to keep the organization afloat. I gave them advanced warning in July and not a SINGLE parent stepped up, despite my efforts to explain the gravity of the situation. I know they'll "get by" because I already put word in with the council that oversees all the smaller organizations in our area, but I hate that this once strong group is slowly dying from a lack of volunteers and a lack of parental involvement.
So yeah, mostly my year so far has been full of anxiety, fear, depression and crippling inability to proceed. And this is why I rarely talk about it on here (or anywhere else). It's a lot to take in.
Im sorry its been such a tough year for you.
Sending you all the positive vibes I can 🙂4 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »So in regards to the original statement of this thread, the reason I don't often post anything "serious" is because my life is usually nothing but a serious drag. I am plagued by clinical depression and anxiety and this year has been particularly rough.
I've dealt with two deaths earlier in the year directly related to COVID (so I don't want to hear any conspiracy theories about how it's "exaggerated" or "a hoax" because no, two people I know are DEAD as a direct result). If they hadn't gotten COVID, they would probably still be among the living as they had no underlying health conditions.
A close relative was diagnosed with cancer in early summer. She's had a pretty good response to it all and takes it in stride, but chemotherapy is tough on anyone. They've minimized the spread enough that they should be able to operate and remove the remaining elements, but we'll have to see since that can't be scheduled until sometime in November (around Thanksgiving).
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
The organization I volunteer for is struggling to get by. Even though I'm the person "in charge" of the unit, I can only operate when I have volunteers who are able to help and put together the events. Sadly, because of COVID, the fact that we run events for youth and the fact that school was all sorts of screwed up this year, the organization was dead in the water for many months. We hemorrhaged volunteers since no one wanted to continue working and had no recruitment opportunities or events in which to gain new volunteers or kids, so yeah.. the organization took a severe cut. We are financially fine, but I hate that we can't provide quality programming to the kids this year because of current guidelines as well as a serious lack of volunteers. I feel guilt over leaving them "high and dry" in November (they have to fill my position in order to recharter with our larger organization), but I am months away from an international move and will have no extra time to devote to the massive amounts of paperwork it takes to keep the organization afloat. I gave them advanced warning in July and not a SINGLE parent stepped up, despite my efforts to explain the gravity of the situation. I know they'll "get by" because I already put word in with the council that oversees all the smaller organizations in our area, but I hate that this once strong group is slowly dying from a lack of volunteers and a lack of parental involvement.
So yeah, mostly my year so far has been full of anxiety, fear, depression and crippling inability to proceed. And this is why I rarely talk about it on here (or anywhere else). It's a lot to take in.
Im sorry its been such a tough year for you.
Sending you all the positive vibes I can 🙂slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »So in regards to the original statement of this thread, the reason I don't often post anything "serious" is because my life is usually nothing but a serious drag. I am plagued by clinical depression and anxiety and this year has been particularly rough.
I've dealt with two deaths earlier in the year directly related to COVID (so I don't want to hear any conspiracy theories about how it's "exaggerated" or "a hoax" because no, two people I know are DEAD as a direct result). If they hadn't gotten COVID, they would probably still be among the living as they had no underlying health conditions.
A close relative was diagnosed with cancer in early summer. She's had a pretty good response to it all and takes it in stride, but chemotherapy is tough on anyone. They've minimized the spread enough that they should be able to operate and remove the remaining elements, but we'll have to see since that can't be scheduled until sometime in November (around Thanksgiving).
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
The organization I volunteer for is struggling to get by. Even though I'm the person "in charge" of the unit, I can only operate when I have volunteers who are able to help and put together the events. Sadly, because of COVID, the fact that we run events for youth and the fact that school was all sorts of screwed up this year, the organization was dead in the water for many months. We hemorrhaged volunteers since no one wanted to continue working and had no recruitment opportunities or events in which to gain new volunteers or kids, so yeah.. the organization took a severe cut. We are financially fine, but I hate that we can't provide quality programming to the kids this year because of current guidelines as well as a serious lack of volunteers. I feel guilt over leaving them "high and dry" in November (they have to fill my position in order to recharter with our larger organization), but I am months away from an international move and will have no extra time to devote to the massive amounts of paperwork it takes to keep the organization afloat. I gave them advanced warning in July and not a SINGLE parent stepped up, despite my efforts to explain the gravity of the situation. I know they'll "get by" because I already put word in with the council that oversees all the smaller organizations in our area, but I hate that this once strong group is slowly dying from a lack of volunteers and a lack of parental involvement.
So yeah, mostly my year so far has been full of anxiety, fear, depression and crippling inability to proceed. And this is why I rarely talk about it on here (or anywhere else). It's a lot to take in.
Im sorry its been such a tough year for you.
Sending you all the positive vibes I can 🙂
Thanks. I am getting better (I think). You know, *gasp* growing as a person!
It used to be that when things like this happened, I would wallow in depression and curse the universe for laying so much on me at once (like why do bad things always happen in clusters?). However, recently, I've really, REALLY been trying to remind myself that "things will be okay" and "everything will work out somehow in the end".
I know I do that as a soothing technique because of the "fight or flight" response I get from having generalized anxiety disorder, but it also helps ground me and reminds me that all things pass, good and bad. So I just kinda keep trekkin' along until that happens.
And definitely, some of the folks here help. Especially those I see posts from daily on my friends' list. Some of their words/actions/images are really, really inspiring.4 -
Mulling thoughts this weekend, as introverts are wont to do, and I think I've finally scratched the surface of my procrastination. It's also tied into the reason why I've been super nonchalant about my weight and body image all these decades.
Isn't it insane to allow the memories of ONE event, and my opinions on the decisions of a few people the next day effect me now...to the point where it could detrimentally impact the next 30, 40, 50+ years of my life?
^^ This is potentially a huge mental breakthrough for me so, err, I need to not procrastinate about leveraging its positive momentum.
I'm excited.
If there's one good thing to come out of 2020 and the start of a new decade for me, let it be this realization: stoking the embers of a negative memory or experience won't fuel positivity for my future.19 -
@MaltedTea Let nothing deter you now.3
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KosmosKitten wrote: »
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
I'm sorry that you have had so much to cope with, on top of all the pandemic crap.
Making the decision to euthanize a beloved pet is heartwrenching. On the flipside, I probably didn't make it as soon as I should have for two of my former dogs and have tremendous guilt that I may have prolonged their suffering for several days with my inability to come to terms with the inevitable. It's a tough call and I suspect we second-guess ourselves either way. One dog had a massive lung tumour so there's a whole pile of extra guilt from having been a smoker for most of his life and causing that. You did the right thing, and the kindest thing.4 -
Oof. Back last year near Thanksgiving Boyfriend had a psychotic break. He wound up in jail. It was not at all good. He had to spend a week in the hospital when they released him due to broken ribs and a punctured lung, among other things. And other assaults, too. And so he's really having a lot of PTSD issues happening as we get closer to the anniversary date.
I'm working really hard on staying strong so that I can be the person that he needs through this, but it's a lot of work.9 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »
Both of our cats that we had for 13 years (as long as I've been married) died within in a month of one another. It was hard enough to lose my "favorite", even worse when I had to put her brother down because I was watching his slow, arduous death in action otherwise. Essentially, he was starving himself and refusing to eat, drink or do much of anything. His kidneys failed just like his sister and pumping fluids into him might have given him a couple of weeks at best. I feel strongly every day that I still killed him. I know the decision we made was not made lightly and I know it was probably the best we could do for him since we couldn't cure his CRF or prolong his life outside of a week or two, but it still feels like I murdered him and I have tremendous guilt over it.
I'm sorry that you have had so much to cope with, on top of all the pandemic crap.
Making the decision to euthanize a beloved pet is heartwrenching. On the flipside, I probably didn't make it as soon as I should have for two of my former dogs and have tremendous guilt that I may have prolonged their suffering for several days with my inability to come to terms with the inevitable. It's a tough call and I suspect we second-guess ourselves either way. One dog had a massive lung tumour so there's a whole pile of extra guilt from having been a smoker for most of his life and causing that. You did the right thing, and the kindest thing.
I hope so. I wish I knew what he had wanted, but he's was a cat, so he couldn't speak words. But his sudden downhill slog after his sister died probably told me more than I was willing to listen to. He really went.. fast. I know officially it was CRF for the both of them, but I really suspect in my heart of hearts that Magellan actually died from a broken heart. His lifelong companion died and left him alone so he had nothing to live for anymore.
I miss them both.. every day.6 -
"The mind is by nature restless. Begin liberating it from its restlessness; give it peace; make it free from distractions; train it to look inward; make this a habit. This is done by ignoring the external world and removing the obstacles to peace of mind.”
― Ramana Maharshi
i have been listening to a lot of Ramana's teachings on youtube here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz6X8QK9_JG49hJxnzAu-1w/videos?view=0&sort=p&flow=grid
they are really enabling me to find peace in my mind, to realize what is real and what is not. meditation is helping immensely too, to get through these challenging times. i'm so grateful for this timeless wisdom6 -
Thank you for this thread, and for all the contributions to it.6
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