WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023
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(((Kim))) — Does the State of California have support help for people who are caring for a difficult elderly family member? Do they provide assistance? Is elder daycare available?
Katla5 -
Debbie ...Easter Dinner. There will be 4 of us for dinner. I'm making a small ham for my husband - the only one who eats ham. I'm making stuffed cabbage rolls for my mom - she is the only one who eats them and this is her request now for every dinner that she has at my home. I asked my son what he wanted and he said a stuffed turkey. I gave him a good whack on the arm!
I'll have potatoes and vegetables and rolls along with kolachki (nut roll) and carrot cake. My son and I will pick at the ham and the stuffed cabbage. And then, of course, there will be candy! 
Beth4 -
Debbie ...Easter Dinner. There will be 4 of us for dinner. I'm making a small ham for my husband - the only one who eats ham. I'm making stuffed cabbage rolls for my mom - she is the only one who eats them and this is her request now for every dinner that she has at my home. I asked my son what he wanted and he said a stuffed turkey. I gave him a good whack on the arm! I'll have potatoes and vegetables and rolls along with kolachki (nut roll) and carrot cake. My son and I will pick at the ham and the stuffed cabbage. And then, of course, there will be candy!
Beth
for holidays I try to make one main thing then sides that I let the guys each pick two- son always picks deviled eggs and mac & cheese. Dh picks rice and if asparagus is in season, like now, he will pick that. I like salad and mashed potatoes(son also likes mashed potatoes)or sweet potatoes.
I have started doing salmon as our main lately, something everyone likes. Son prefers turkey but dh doesn't care too much for it. He likes ham but son doesn't like it. I am ok with either, as long as I have a lot of veggies too.
There will be at most, four of us here. That is if son and his girlfriend are here. Haven't heard if they will be here or at her families. Dh will take some over to his mom's.
Church is doing pancake breakfast, Sunday School, church, fried chicken potluck, early afternoon service and then candy hunt for the kids. I will be there just for church. Beings I go to church by myself and there are so many people in a little room and of course, no one wears masks, I haven't felt like going. Maybe next time I will.4 -
Kim,I wish I could be there to give you hugs..
My FIL was a grump but I learned how to work around his memory loss,and even taught Tom how to deal too.
Debbie and Kim if they are worse at night thats sundowners and that can be brutal.. all I can offer is to contact any social services that can help with elderly to help you walk through it and know we are always here for you...
Got the ok from kidney dr for another 6 months ,nothing much has changed in 2-3 yrs so all is good,did bloodwork for transplant center,im supposwd to do that monthly to stay on the list.bloodwork is at the same place as drs office..5 -
Stats for the day-
Walk w/family to Costco and back- 2hrs 21min 44sec, 38elev, 3.02ap, 86ahr, 117mhr, 7.26mi= 683c
Strava app/ 889c
Walk home to gym- 11.29min, .52mi= 52c
Strava app= 64c
Rowing machine- 10min, 34aw, 81ahr, 97mhr, 1388meters= 70c
Elliptical machine- 10min, 2incl, 2resist, 119ahr, 131mhr, .74mi= 74c
Walk gym to home- 12.06min, .55mi= 51c
Strava app= 68c
Zwift home spin bike- strava stats- 35.45min, 40gear, last mile 35gear, 364elev, 105aw, 16.8amph, 102ahr, 120mhr, 10.03mi= 208c
Strava app= 213c
Zwift stats- 35.45min, 367elev, 104aw, 45arpm, 16.78amph, 10mi= 214c
Total cal 11382 -
<img src="https://scontent-msp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/339407717_239182938592977_1035943992593188957_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=JKkeLSJJnccAX8tRMll&_nc_ht=scontent-msp1-1.xx&oh=00_AfDVQuQkLA36aa0qJ4gY41bQxt9DfVOvx40ptPiVsiQjvg&oe=64324C18" alt="May be an image of African daisy and nature"/>
We went to Como yesterday to help with the grey and rainy weather. Today is windy and cold.6 -
Heather - thanks for sharing your opinion however in California that is illegal
Specifically, California Family Code section 4400 (“FC 4400”) states that, “Except as otherwise provided by law, an adult child shall, to the extent of the adult child's ability, support a parent who is in need and unable to self-maintain by work.
And my mother has NOT abused me all my life. My childhood was a delight, which is probably why I am the person I am, my mother lost her way when my dad died, I was 19 years old.
Annie , Lisa and Rebecca- thanks I appreciate the support.
Kim in N. California.
How many weeks do you have left?
I see my husband, since his severe brain injury, in some of what you've said and in what others have said.
Blank stare ... oh yes. I'll talk more about it after work. My bus is about to drop me off now.
Hugs!
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Kim If you read the FC4400 that is referring to financial support for necessities and care. Not that you are required to physically care for them. That only applies if they don’t have financial resources to support themselves. You can get a waiver if you can’t afford to pay. If it was my parents I would physically care for them as well but definitely set limitations.
💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota4 -
fanncy0626 wrote: »Kim If you read the FC4400 that is referring to financial support for necessities and care. Not that you are required to physically care for them. That only applies if they don’t have financial resources to support themselves. If it was my parents I would physically care for them as well but definitely set limitations.
💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota
But if you don't have the financial resources to pay . . . We struggled with that and my mil. She was on Medicaid, but it didn't cover all of her care. We lived out of state, and couldn't take care of her, so my husband ended up paying the balance every month. It was a hardship, for sure, but thankfully he had the resources at the time to do it. He lost his job in December, and he has said multiple times he doesn't know what we would have done to support her care if she were still alive.
Caring for our parents is so stressful and difficult.
Kim, you are doing a fabulous job. I hope you keep reminding yourself of that. If you forget, we are here to remind you that you are being a terrific daughter.
You are not a slave. You are providing loving service to the woman who raised you, and that is an honorable thing.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR6 -
Worked yesterday, then put down the paver sand and then seeded some small parts. Vince had an eye MD appt and he got his eyes dilated so I went to ceramics alone. Today the guy was here to do the excavating.l It was a day where I could have washed the car, but instead I cleaned the railing on the deck. Helped Vince with a block and then went to Aldi.
Today (Wed) I did Firm’s total Strength and Abs DVD then went for a walk around the block
Terri – lovely painting
Rita – good for you listening to your gut
I was supposed to volunteer at the Green Room today but I wanted to be here for the excavating guy. Besides, it was too nice to be inside. Maybe I’ll go Friday, it’s supposed to rain
katla – you’re sounding more and more happy about where you are, I’m so glad. Now the card!!!
Allie – I’m happy for Carmine in that he has a date, but at the same time so sad he’s so confused. Hopefully, this will help clear the confusion. Great glasses. So glad things are OK with the kidney doc
Debbie – I have to say that one of the things I am OCD about is weeds. I see a weed and I have to pull it. If I can’t, out comes the weed killer
latestarter – welcome! It’s never too late to join in!
I know Vince is tired from all he did today and I’m tired so we won’t go walking tonight
pip – yea for Lucy!
Kylia – could you have white coat syndrome?
Rebecca – I swear, your son better have a gun when Athena gets older!
Kim – I agree with Rebecca – keep the conversations simple and hug yourself every day. You ARE doing a great thing
Debbie – I love the pineapple angel food. Unfortunately, Jess won’t eat it. So I’m getting an ice cream cake and I made brownies. That’s enough dessert. I’m really undecided if I should ask friends from bowling for Easter dinner. I know they’ll be alone. If it’s nice weather, I would like Colby to help some with the heavier things.
Michele NC
who is going to watch some TV2 -
⭐️
Katla in Illinois1 -
Mary - my chicken bone broth is smelling great. I did take the lid off for 10 seconds to stir it and tasted what was on the spoon - it did have some flavor, almost a little sweetness from the carrot. I agree with the beef bones having more collagen. Even slow cooking something like beef shanks - the refrigerated leftovers would be sitting in in gelatin. Maybe I need to pick some up at the butcher shop.
Flea - thanks to you and Mary for the info regarding that California law. I was confused, wondering why a child would legally be required to pay or take care of a parent who still had assets.
The parent might not want to sell those assets to pay for care, but sometimes there might not be a choice. I know that happens here in WA State. I was under the assumption that Medicare paid for most of the bill for rehab after surgery for the first 100 days, I could be wrong.
Kim - you have taken on a lot. ((HUGS))) I hope an end date has been established so you have some sense of when you can return to your normal life.
One of the hardest things for me was expecting my DH to get better, him saying he WAS doing better yet seeing him continue to deteriorate. Made me question my sanity more than once.
Lanette
SW WA State6 -
Watched all seasons of Virgin River on Netflix awhile ago. Enjoyed it....didn't realize it was based on books and will be looking up the author for sure.
Had my mammo today and had an excellent technician who took her time and didn't squeeze down too hard on my left side. Had breast cancer and went through a year of treatment when I turned 65 so lost about 1/3 of my breast on the left so mammograms can be painful. Won't know results for a few days.
Joy9 -
SophieRosieMom wrote: »Mary - my chicken bone broth is smelling great. I did take the lid off for 10 seconds to stir it and tasted what was on the spoon - it did have some flavor, almost a little sweetness from the carrot. I agree with the beef bones having more collagen. Even slow cooking something like beef shanks - the refrigerated leftovers would be sitting in in gelatin. Maybe I need to pick some up at the butcher shop.
Flea - thanks to you and Mary for the info regarding that California law. I was confused, wondering why a child would legally be required to pay or take care of a parent who still had assets.
The parent might not want to sell those assets to pay for care, but sometimes there might not be a choice. I know that happens here in WA State. I was under the assumption that Medicare paid for most of the bill for rehab after surgery for the first 100 days, I could be wrong.
Kim - you have taken on a lot. ((HUGS))) I hope an end date has been established so you have some sense of when you can return to your normal life.
One of the hardest things for me was expecting my DH to get better, him saying he WAS doing better yet seeing him continue to deteriorate. Made me question my sanity more than once.
Lanette
SW WA State
Medicare paid for 21 days of rehab for my mom in Washington. She had long-term care insurance that paid $200 day for her assisted living after that, but that didn't cover it all. I think she paid another $1000 or so a month. Thankfully, she had resources.
I was just quoting Mary, so I get no credit for finding the California information. I was a little appalled by the statute, because it seemed to burden families unnecessarily. If no one has resources, what options are there? And is it fair to require families to give up their time and resources for elder care?
When my husband was spending the money for his mother and was a little cranky about it, I told him to stop doing it that the state wouldn't put her on the street, but perhaps that wasn't true? In any case, like Kim, he felt responsible, so he continued to do it. When she died, Medicaid took from the value of her house everything they had spent on her care, but we were just out the money we had spent.
Not complaining. Just stating.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
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1901900
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OregonMother wrote: »
Medicare paid for 21 days of rehab for my mom in Washington. She had long-term care insurance that paid $200 day for her assisted living after that, but that didn't cover it all. I think she paid another $1000 or so a month. Thankfully, she had resources.
I was just quoting Mary, so I get no credit for finding the California information. I was a little appalled by the statute, because it seemed to burden families unnecessarily. If no one has resources, what options are there? And is it fair to require families to give up their time and resources for elder care?
When my husband was spending the money for his mother and was a little cranky about it, I told him to stop doing it that the state wouldn't put her on the street, but perhaps that wasn't true? In any case, like Kim, he felt responsible, so he continued to do it. When she died, Medicaid took from the value of her house everything they had spent on her care, but we were just out the money we had spent.
Not complaining. Just stating.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
Flea - OK, I see the 100 day coverage depends on a person's supplemental insurance - whether they have an Advantage plan or a Medigap plan that gives that benefit. I have Medigap Plan G. Coverage in "skilled nursing" is covered for 100 days. So it will cover after the 21 Medicare pay days run out.
I did a supplemental insurance cost comparison for DH and me when we signed up for Medicare way back when. Based on our health and doc/hospital past history, we were better off paying a higher premium for a Medigap policy that covered literally everything to the max (except the $226 Part B Deductible). We initially had plan F but I switched to G after DH died - much lower premiums and the only difference was the Part B Deductible.
I'm with you, I find it very troubling that the state can go after kid's resources when the parent runs out of funds, although in our grandparent's time, kids just naturally took the old folks in. Many of them didn't live as long either. Medical advances come with a downside.... granny lives a lot longer but her chances of dementia, fractures and other quality of life issues increase, and someone has to pay for that.
Lanette
SW WA State
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0 -
SophieRosieMom wrote: »OregonMother wrote: »
Medicare paid for 21 days of rehab for my mom in Washington. She had long-term care insurance that paid $200 day for her assisted living after that, but that didn't cover it all. I think she paid another $1000 or so a month. Thankfully, she had resources.
I was just quoting Mary, so I get no credit for finding the California information. I was a little appalled by the statute, because it seemed to burden families unnecessarily. If no one has resources, what options are there? And is it fair to require families to give up their time and resources for elder care?
When my husband was spending the money for his mother and was a little cranky about it, I told him to stop doing it that the state wouldn't put her on the street, but perhaps that wasn't true? In any case, like Kim, he felt responsible, so he continued to do it. When she died, Medicaid took from the value of her house everything they had spent on her care, but we were just out the money we had spent.
Not complaining. Just stating.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
Flea - OK, I see the 100 day coverage depends on a person's supplemental insurance - whether they have an Advantage plan or a Medigap plan that gives that benefit. I have Medigap Plan G. Coverage in "skilled nursing" is covered for 100 days. So it will cover after the 21 Medicare pay days run out.
I did a supplemental insurance cost comparison for DH and me when we signed up for Medicare way back when. Based on our health and doc/hospital past history, we were better off paying a higher premium for a Medigap policy that covered literally everything to the max (except the $226 Part B Deductible). We initially had plan F but I switched to G after DH died - much lower premiums and the only difference was the Part B Deductible.
I'm with you, I find it very troubling that the state can go after kid's resources when the parent runs out of funds, although in our grandparent's time, kids just naturally took the old folks in. Many of them didn't live as long either. Medical advances come with a downside.... granny lives a lot longer but her chances of dementia, fractures and other quality of life issues increase, and someone has to pay for that.
Lanette
SW WA State
I see. I forget how many Medicare options there are. My mom had just part B and blue cross/blue shield federal employee health insurance. That along with the long-term care insurance, covered her very well!
I think we finally have my mother's annuities figured out. For me, anyway. When I talked to my niece about it this weekend, she said she had done nothing. I really wanted to get it all settled. Inheriting the IRA was pretty straight forward, but the annuities have been very complicated. But after three months, I think we have a plan.
We still have the house to deal with, but we are getting it cleaned out. We are probably going to rent for a year because my mom has three lots, in one parcel. We are going to take this year trying to separate those extra lots from the house lot so that we can sell those separately. If there wasn't an HOA involved, I wouldn't bother, but she has to pay three HOA fees. She didn't mind doing that, but every realtor we've spoken to said that will be an issue for a potential buyer.
Blessings to everyone.
Flea
Willamette Valley, OR6 -
Hi Gals,
Thanks for all the kind words and reminders that I am doing a good thing. My counselor helped with some coping skills and we talked about what it would mean to hire help and comply with the law. It would eliminate all inheritance (fine) and probably mean both my sister and I would end up in enough debt that we would never recover. My brother is indigent so would not be expected to contribute. So I am going to work with the coping skills and her support. I need all the kindness you all can offer, and the pats on the back. I will not be posting for suggestions or corrections on my behavior just support and a place to vent.
Beth thanks for the input on the hearing issues, I was hoping you would comment, as it is hard as a hearing person to understand without some input.
A number of you have asked how many weeks more….. it all depends on healing rates, and her commitment to PT. but probably 12-16 more weeks.
My mom is not sundowning and in fact her brain is working fine, a bit of slow processing but when PT asked her today if she could tell him something that was going on in the world she told him about 2-3 news stories and had the info all right.
Katla – so glad you have a library card!
Margaret – Those double or triple tulips are amazing. I have some tulips in my yard that make me smile I’ll see if I can include a picture.
Easter Sunday – no plans here. I like ham but am not planning on making one… I might do a quiche.
Debbie – the info and sharing with your DH helps – I will remember the chocolates ! I did get all nuts this time LOL my favorite is a chocolate baileys truffle…. in answer to DH’s question about language, she is truly American her relations came on the Mayflower. American English is her only language. My counselor is helping me figure out boundaries I am ok with and how to word them. It is hard but it would be so worse without them.
Kim in N. California
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Good evening ladies!
I ate 1298 calories today, quite a bit high. I bought a chocolate cake for Easter, then went ahead and had a tiny slice. It wasn't as good as I thought it would be.
I did an hour of yoga, twenty minutes on the bike, and thirty minutes of aerobic walking. So the final deficit is 281. Yay! Not bad for a high chocolate day.
It was supposed to rain today but it never did. We are expecting a thunderstorm tomorrow afternoon, so I won't go horseback riding. Unless the forecast is way off again.
Annie in Delaware2
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