Nice/Romantic Gesture OR Trying Too Hard

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  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Note to self: NEVER buy a woman flowers!

    Kind of sad isn't it...damned if you do and damned if you don't
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

    Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

    I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
    Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
    Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...

    Romance IS NOT DEAD. I'm going through a lot of scary **** right now and my DH sent me a lovely Christmas message from Santa on Monday. It called my cell phone and made me smile. Let me know he was thinking of me and cheered me up to boot. I thank GOD I don't have to date now a days as I'd be like a fish out of water. Stick me back in the 80's and I'll thrive!
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    If it freaked her out she should've told him I'll go on another date only if you promise to hold back on flowers. The problem with that though is then you ruin future gift giving from the man!

    It was too much too soon only because she wasn't into him. Why didn't she just say, he was super nice, but I just wasn't feeling him. If it was some guy she had the hots for she'd have snatched the roses without a hesitation. Too bad the gesture got blamed when it should've been more like "just not interested".

    Or... maybe he didn't wanna see her anymore and she's just saying that because it sounds better than, he don't wanna see me o more... LOL
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.

    I liked those things when I was 12. I am not 12 anymore.

    Yeah, I hear ya. I DID those things when I was 12. I'm not 12 anymore either.
  • adlwilmot
    adlwilmot Posts: 117
    Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
    Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
    Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...

    *swoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
  • madubil
    madubil Posts: 131 Member
    This sort of thing makes me so sad for men. Women can be picky, and read in to the most innocent of gestures! If she really did eliminate him from future dates because he was a gentleman, then I feel sorry for her, too.

    Agreed- I think some guys just enjoy doing the proverbial "right " thing for women- ie flowers, dinner, dancing etc. I realize this may seem a bit too much for a second date- but really shouldnt be discouraged- unless he showed up w jewelry at the second date- thats no bueno- but flowers are a nice gesture- and without knowing the dude- presumably something he thought was the "right" thing to do. When we discourage this - they stop doing it.. and then we wonder where the gentlemen went, and why they stopped doing the "right" thing.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
    Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
    Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...

    sigh - I remember those days. There was a sweetness about it all that just doesn't exist anymore.
  • SeaSiren1
    SeaSiren1 Posts: 242 Member
    If anyone wants to bring me a dozen of red roses, please feel free to. I will appreciate them. :)

    I'm married, but me too! I'll appreciate them and it'll make my day!

    Me too! I actually had this happen, except the roses were white. This is MY type of gentlemen. So for every gal that dumps the this type of guy, there is a gal like me who would love to have him.

    Everyone is different and if it made her uncomfortable, then they just weren't compatible. And there is nothing at all wrong with that.
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
    I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

    Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

    I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.
    I agree. :) Man, no wonder men have trouble figuring us out, who possibly could ever know what's "right?"

    For the record, my DH sent me flowers at my office after our second or third date. Just to send them (not as some of my coworkers guessed at the time, a "reward" for anything specific LOL). If you don't want someone who will "try hard" for you, I guess that's your prerogotive, but today is our 9 year anniversary, and I am so happy everyday that my husband is the guy who will try (hard) to make me happy. :)
  • SheRa1964
    SheRa1964 Posts: 155
    My friend went on a date with a guy, all went well and he called to take her out for a second date. He showed up at her house to pick her up and had a dozen red roses for her. She called to tell me that she went on the second date, then told him no more. She felt he was trying too hard, it was too much too soon. In my opinion, they are just flowers. It was a nice gesture, but maybe a bunch of daisies or single rose or two wouldn't have been read into they way she did. Thoughts??? Dating is hard enough as it is and I really feel for the guys out there. Women can be difficult! :flowerforyou:

    Okay my opinion. Guys are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If someone went overboard I'd give kudos for trying and ask them to just tone it down a little. To completely say later! is stupid. You should get to know someone before being that judgmental. However if no sparks then no sparks I guess and to each his/her own. I just think it's unfair. She should try being the pursuer and see how easy it is.
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
    I think he was raised with manners...lots of women SAY they want a nice guy, then when they meet one they find something wrong with him when he does something nice...just saying
  • Jenscan
    Jenscan Posts: 694 Member
    I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

    Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

    I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

    I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.
  • lawmama_
    lawmama_ Posts: 103 Member
    Women can be difficult!
    Agreed.

    Yes. and getting freaked out about flowers? honestly? they're just nothing but a nice gesture...for now. two dates isn't enough time to figure out whether the flowers on the first date were a sign of weirdness.

    AND, here's the kicker:

    THE GIRL JUST ISN'T FEELING HIM. No spark, no chemistry, nada.

    That's it.
  • blueandigo
    blueandigo Posts: 296
    I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
    If a guy she finds attractive hits on her, it's flattering.

    If a guy she does not find attractive hits on her, it's creepy.
    And knowing THIS FACT is why it's hard for some of us to take the risk sometimes.
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
    I would love it if a guy showed up with a dozen red roses on the second date :love: . I would know that he was pretty interested. I had a guy once bring me a single red rose on the second date. It turned into the best relationship of my life so far, though it didn't last. I had another guy bring me flowers (not roses) on the first date and he did get a second date.

    I do agree that another kind of flower might be better received.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

    Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

    I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

    Thank you for posting this. You are truly a blessing. Kudos to your parents for raising such a wonderful kid.
  • CreepyOne
    CreepyOne Posts: 221 Member
    well I'm a guy and i have been known to send flowers before..........or have a red rose on the front seat where she will seat so is the first thing she sees when she sits down. And so on lol, all girls are different so guess I went with a gut feeling lmao............But OMG flowers does not mean the "L" word or marriage roflol........is just a part of the date :) ....take them and be happy lol.....at least it was a nice gesture lol
  • pph79
    pph79 Posts: 78
    Personally, i just see it as a nice gesture. Then again, most women tend to prefer men that treat them like crap anyways. Now if it was an engagement ring or something really elaborate, i could see the concern.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.

    I get really sick of hearing women complain about "no good men" then they go after the jerks who treat them like crap and complain about that like it's the guy's fault they get away with acting like a turdmonkey. Sheesh. You guys do not have it easy these days.
  • try2basunbeam
    try2basunbeam Posts: 128
    I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.
    LOL
    this sounds like criticism without knowledge to me!
  • Rokwell
    Rokwell Posts: 143
    Over flowers? Really? There is something else there on why she wasn't interested in him.
  • smbakke77
    smbakke77 Posts: 273 Member
    My friend went on a date with a guy, all went well and he called to take her out for a second date. He showed up at her house to pick her up and had a dozen red roses for her. She called to tell me that she went on the second date, then told him no more. She felt he was trying too hard, it was too much too soon. In my opinion, they are just flowers. It was a nice gesture, but maybe a bunch of daisies or single rose or two wouldn't have been read into they way she did. Thoughts??? Dating is hard enough as it is and I really feel for the guys out there. Women can be difficult! :flowerforyou:

    I think it's trying too hard and completely unoriginal. If he learned anything and asked the right questions during the first date he might have come up with something better.
  • kybrandyb
    kybrandyb Posts: 52 Member
    In my opinion if you are totally "in" to the guy , the flowers would be amazing !!! If your not so sure , or not at all.... then its to much! Us girls are hard to figure out and we like who we like flowers or no flowers!
  • khbsrt
    khbsrt Posts: 33 Member
    my opinion...the guy doesn't know that Roses are just too much, flowers would've been perfectly appropriate for me though.
  • lawmama_
    lawmama_ Posts: 103 Member
    If a guy she finds attractive hits on her, it's flattering.

    If a guy she does not find attractive hits on her, it's creepy.
    And knowing THIS FACT is why it's hard for some of us to take the risk sometimes.

    TRUTH!
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
    This sort of thing makes me so sad for men. Women can be picky, and read in to the most innocent of gestures! If she really did eliminate him from future dates because he was a gentleman, then I feel sorry for her, too.

    Agreed- I think some guys just enjoy doing the proverbial "right " thing for women- ie flowers, dinner, dancing etc. I realize this may seem a bit too much for a second date- but really shouldnt be discouraged- unless he showed up w jewelry at the second date- thats no bueno- but flowers are a nice gesture- and without knowing the dude- presumably something he thought was the "right" thing to do. When we discourage this - they stop doing it.. and then we wonder where the gentlemen went, and why they stopped doing the "right" thing.

    I like opening doors for women and doing nice things for them. If they don't appreciate it then I'll find someone that does want me to dote over them.
  • stcar
    stcar Posts: 207 Member
    I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.

    I get really sick of hearing women complain about "no good men" then they go after the jerks who treat them like crap and complain about that like it's the guy's fault they get away with acting like a turdmonkey. Sheesh. You guys do not have it easy these days.
    I don't think women look for men who treat them like crap, I think they look for men who are confident and have that "something about them" and know what women want. sweet, but not too sweet. The problem is, that these men know how to make a woman feel good....which translates into they can get a lot of women, they know it and they do just that.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

    Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

    I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

    I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.

    I've got news for you, the fact he asked her on a date in the first place probably meant he wanted to sleep with her, the flowers were secondary. Just being honest here. If you are single and a man asks you out on a date, it is becasue he is attracted to you, wther physically or mentally, and he has already thought about sex with you before the appetizer got to the table. Call me a pig or whatever, I am just being truthful. We all want to be loved and to love someone, sex is a part of that. Now with all that being said, flowers or no flowers, most men can't win for losing when it comes to dating. Most of the time we don't know what women want, because most of the time, women don't know what they want.

    And let the rants begin..
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