friends with benefits

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  • heather7marie
    heather7marie Posts: 506 Member
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    I could really go for a fwb-like situation right about now. :laugh:
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I'm not trying to be mean...but I think that's very self-destructive thing to do in the first place. It's just puts a big sign on you that says "i don't respect myself, and instant gratification is more important than true love." It's not meant to work out and never will. I hope you have a change of heart. You're worth so much more.

    I respect myself enough to know that I deserve to have my sexual needs fulfilled if I want to. I am now in a happy, exclusive relationship, but when I had FWB-type relationships, I never once felt degraded. We had long talks about what exactly we were doing, how we felt, etc, and I could have stopped any time I felt uncomfortable or it wasn't just working out for me. Not everyone views sex as some sort of sacred act - I was doing something that I enjoyed, with someone whose company I enjoyed - there's no shame in that.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    Why would you bother sleeping with someone who you don't have any feelings towards in a romantic sense? I don't do it because I find it kind og offensive? so my **** is good enough but I'm not?

    It's not for everybody, but sometimes people want to have their sexual needs met but don't have the time, energy or desire to shoulder the responsibility and extra work that comes with a relationship. If the two people are consenting adults, it can actually be very empowering, freeing and fun.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    It can work but it depends on many factors.

    1) Both parties have to know its a FWB situation. There have been many times were one may think its FWB while the other thinks its a relationship building up. Communication has to be key.

    2) Both parties have to be the same level of hotness. You can not have a FWB relationship if one friend is a 9 and the other is a 5. The person with the lower number will always think its more then just an FWB program. Also this number can only fluctuate by one. No more than that.

    3) Do not do things that you did not do before the FWB relationship started. If as friends you never went to a movie or went out to eat, do not start this after the sexual contact. This will make one party believe that there is more then just a FWB relationship.

    4) Establish rules when out with other friends. Do not just sit with each other and flirt with each other. Nothing is more uncomfortable then FWB always on top of each other ignoring their friends and a good time. Remember you are friends first....sexual partners second.

    5) Play the field. If you are both at a club or at a bar and can not get a touchdown elsewhere then FWB contractual agreement states both parties must go home with each other and have strange erotic monkey sex.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
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    I agree with what some posters have said.
    The rules need to be set VERY clearly, and each party needs to be 100% honest with their feelings.
    In a way, a FWB relationship actually needs to be MORE honest and "no bull****" than a relationship.
    If EITHER of the parties involved have a change of heart, they need to tell the other, or it will end in hurt.
  • kmorrison19
    kmorrison19 Posts: 4 Member
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    Its fine until someone gets too involved. I am a complete commitment phobe! It's not that I don't want to be with someone I would just rather be friends because I feel I'm too young to "settle down" and don't want my life to become someone elses? If that makes sense. Anyway I have had 3 situations like this... One was with a guy from my uni, we got on great and were good friends (with benefits) for quite a few months then on a night out with a group he ended up getting really angry because I hadn't spoken to him yet so stormed home punching a few walls in the process. Needless to say that ended that. Another was with someone I knew through a friend and went well until I hadn't got in contact with him one day and he took it as a personal insult sooo that failed. Then this situation happened with one of my best friends and went on for a while and we were really close. I liked it the way it was because there was no pressure and it just felt natural but he wanted to make things "official" and that scared me so it just fizzled out, a shame really. We are still friends though (although I'm not friends with the other two guys). People generally say this is all guys want but in my experience its the guys who tend to want more!

    Anyway getting to the point, I think it CAN work (despite my failed attempts/"relationships") so long as both people are completely clear that that's what it is! You must be actual friends as well I think otherwise it would get messy! Maybe like a year down the line it could turn into more when you are both ready for it and you will already know each others ins and outs. Perfect!

    If you are going through this just now, keep boundaries clear and make sure neither of you get too engrossed in it! Hope it works out for you, and everyone else on this forum!
  • swordsmith
    swordsmith Posts: 599 Member
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    **** buddy worked like a charm- had a year plus of string free sex before I found a steady g/f and we parted ways with no hurt.

    How does the conversation go that ends the relationship?

    Fairly easy - "Hey Amber... I found someone I really like and it seems to be working. I dont want to be cheating on them since its getting serious so I think its time for me to move on after today" "Ok Mike- its been fun with you- good luck on your new relationship and I hope it works out"

    I'm paraphrasing but that was really about it literally.

    HAHAHAHA! "after today". So you already felt it was serious enough to quit, but one more time wouldn't be cheating? that's funny.

    <shrug> it had to end some time and I dont see the problem. I hit it, left it and went steady with this other girl for well over a year.

    And yeah- I felt it was serious enough to give it a shot and decided to stop seeing Amber to see if it would go anywhere.

    I was 23 - give me a break. It worked for me- your mileage may vary.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    No.

    The only friends with benefits that are beneficial are the ones on MFP. We benefit from one another's advise and motivation...lol Otherwise, someone always gets hurt in a friends with benefits situation... Someone will always feel more than the other person... I just don't believe it can turn into a good thing... Sorry.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
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    can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?

    Dont.

    Do.

    It.
  • flstarlady65
    flstarlady65 Posts: 129
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    I tried that once. We both agreed that it was going to be FWB ONLY! Well, it's true about what they say. To be that close to someone and try to keep your emotions at the door is very difficult.

    I won't every do it again!
  • csklebar
    csklebar Posts: 23
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    No, I have done this and the guy was hurt in the end, even with all of the proper rules laid out. Very annoying. Never did it again.
  • ooshlet
    ooshlet Posts: 18 Member
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    i have a great FWB - been five years. there are times when one or the other of us is unavailable for a few months bedroom-wise, if we date someone else, but we stay friends and then pick up where we left off. we are both careful of each others' feelings. it works for us - a relationship wouldn't as we are very different and not in the compatible way!

    i have moments of falling for him - we watch movies, we cuddle in our sleep, and sometimes when i'm down that can be really comforting - but it always balances out.

    everyone's different of course, and what works for me wouldn't necessarily work for the next person. i couldn't do it with someone who wasn't trustworthy - i'm lucky that i can trust him with my emotions to a degree.
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
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    It can work, BUT make sure you both are in 100 percent agreement as far as your expectations go. There are never any guarentees that one will/won't eventually get feelings, you are only human after all. It's a game of chance really that you are both playing so keep that in mind.

    If you are only friends with benefits keep in mind that means the other is free to "see" other people so becareful not only with your feelings....ya know what I mean?

    If you don't think you are ready for the if's and's or but's of a friends with benefits do what million of others do.. Hit the toy store! lol

    Good luck on making a decision one way or the other! :)
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    I think it can if it's clearly stated and understood by both parties that there isn't going to be any relationship/falling in love magically blooming out of it. It can get difficult separating sex from emotions sometimes, but it's doable.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
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    Back in my "single days", hell yeah it worked.
  • h0m36r0wn
    h0m36r0wn Posts: 33
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    It can be a delicate balance but I only had a problem once with the other person not wanting to let go - and most former FWB are still very good friends of mine. Both parties have to be clear the relationship is casual and you both have a healthy respect for the other person's longer term wants and goals BEFORE the fun begins!
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
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    I've had more successful fwb arrangements than I've had successful relationships! haha

    It works for me because I hate commitment. That being said, now that I'm in a relationship, I've been finding out some of the dudes actually had feelings for me, but never had the balls to tell me. Really depends on the people, I suppose.
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Otherwise, someone always gets hurt in a friends with benefits situation... Someone will always feel more than the other person... I just don't believe it can turn into a good thing... Sorry.

    Well, I consider marrying my FWB a "good thing." :wink:
  • Gdzgal771
    Gdzgal771 Posts: 152 Member
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    im with you Queen..<3 imho i think fwb is just one person USING another..i dont get why THAT would be okay..arent people worth more than being USED??
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    I know it works for some people... have been there done that and every single time it has ended badly. I am better friends with Ex's than with anyone I've ever been involved with in a FWB situation. It doesn't work for me EVER... my jealousy always gets in the way.

    I don't like to share... as someone else said. LOL

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