I'm not attracted to my boyfriend but I can't leave him :-(

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  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    You are not the end all be all of womanhood :wink: He will be just fine without you.

    He sounds like a really great guy. He deserves to be with someone who can appreciate him for who and what he is. If you're not that person (nothing wrong with that) you should let him go on his way so he can find her.
    I agree with this. Yes, it will hurt him... maybe even for a while, but eventually he'll get over you and you'll both be better for it. Also, you deserve to be with someone who you're passionate about too. It'll hurt, but it seems like it will be the best option for both of you in the long term. Good luck!
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,305 Member
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    you have ONE life. at the end of it, will you be happy you short changed yourself? and you short changed him by not allowing him to find someone who really will love him emotionally and physically?
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Leave him now. Not only are you not attracted to him, he's manipulating you with that, "I'm gonna be so sad if you leave" line of horse****. Fix this now and stop wasting your life.
  • katemme
    katemme Posts: 191
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    It sounds like you are with him out of pity. Leave him!
  • kungfuflyer
    kungfuflyer Posts: 29 Member
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    You can't make him happy unless you are happy. If you aren't attracted to him then you need to move on. Sounds like he is a better friend then boyfriend. It is tough but it is something that you have to do for yourself.
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
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    your doing both him and you disservice. your not giving him the chance to find someone who will return his affections because your afraid of upsetting him? it wont get better just worse and then he will need even more healing. you feel bad now, wait a year or two and you will feel even worse. do it now and move on for both of you.....
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    you have ONE life. at the end of it, will you be happy you short changed yourself? and you short changed him by not allowing him to find someone who really will love him emotionally and physically?

    WELL SAID!
  • RocketsGirl
    RocketsGirl Posts: 346 Member
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    Seriously? NO! You should break-up with him. It is completely wrong to stay with him. No one should be with a person that looks at them as an obligation or someone they have to "deal with".

    It is not even a question.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    you should probably go in on a mortgage together, get married, and have a few kids.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    Your boyfriend sounds AMAZING...and someone is going to be very lucky and very fortunate to have him.

    You should stop being selfish...and allow him the opportunity to be truly loved by someone else. Trust me...there are LOTS of women everywhere, who would love to have that kind of unconditional love and respect from a man.

    Looks fade...the spark dims...but love and friendship matter, when all the physical stuff goes away.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Sex isn't everything. A person who is always there for you is pretty hard to find. I'd rather have a partner who's my best friend than just a f*** buddy. Good luck deciding what to do.
  • x__abbi__x
    x__abbi__x Posts: 97 Member
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    Oh babes I am in the same boat.
    Ive been with my partner only 6months though.
    I dont find him physically attractive, he wears tracksuit bottoms and horrid tops (bright yellow, looks like something a cat sicked up) and he has horrible oral hygine. Hes immature (hes only 20) and hes so f**king spoilt (he gets £40 pocket money a week off his nan and dad!!)
    He is also very lazy, wont look for jobs and while i'm exercising he will eat whole bars of choc in front of me (the big bars not little ones)

    Ive tried to be nice and drop hints (we havent been intimate for weeks because of it and the last time we were was because he had annoyed me so much I did it to shut him up)
    I have now given him a choice, he can move back home (300miles away) and carry on the way he is or he can stay here and sort it out. Hes got until end of July to change or hes out.

    I suggest you talk to your OH, that way at least he will know how you feel
    Good luck babes xx
  • Jennaannwatts
    Jennaannwatts Posts: 55
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    Firstly i'm sorry you feel that way. its hard really hard!! but at the end of the day you have to put yourself first and make YOU HAPPY.

    You can carry on with the relationship but in time you will get agitated even more and fall apart in the worst way ever!

    Honestly as hard as it will be you need to sit him down and tell him your feelings... try to remain friends.

    Good luck xxx
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Don't put up with it just to please him. It will benefit both you and him in the long run if you do what makes you happy. It's unfair on him to deny him a chance to be with someone who really loves him, just because you're afraid.

    If you're really determined to make it work, maybe you could try counselling? I mean, none of you has done anything to warrant a dislike of the other person, it just sounds like you've grown apart. If it's meant to be, counselling may help you to both open up more about the situation and repair some damage. If that doesn't help, then maybe that's a sign to just go your separate ways.
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
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    The only thing that I can say is that it is up to you...

    This subject makes me so glad that I do not have a steady girlfriend so to speak.

    This subject reminds me of a 1980's era song entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It."
  • vickieross
    vickieross Posts: 53 Member
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    I'm curious, how old are you?
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    you should probably go in on a mortgage together, get married, and have a few kids.

    LMAO
  • cior
    cior Posts: 133 Member
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    If you have enough respect for him as a person, you will tell him how you feel. Plain and simple.
  • Jade17694
    Jade17694 Posts: 584 Member
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    It sounds like you settled because you may have felt like you wouldn't ever have a chance to fall in love or even worse, that someone would want to fall in love w/you. I don't think it's fair to your friend and you need to just break up now vs. later. He'll be fine and fortunately, he'll be able to experience real love...not one-sided.


    This.
    No point stringing him along (sorry but that is how i am seeing it) break up with him, explain the way you feel and let him move on to find someone else who loves the way he looks as well his personality. (and you do the same obviously).

    I may be wrong but i think you've stuck it out with him this long because he's a security blanket - as long you've got him you have someone to rely on, who'll come running, who'll give you what you want. Seems as though you fear rejection from people - as long as you have him around you haven't needed to worry right?

    If you stay with him you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life when you're married with kids. Take action before it's too late :)

    Good luck x
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    Give him one last night of nookie, then break the news to him.

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