Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

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  • fruitful9
    fruitful9 Posts: 32
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    Congratulations! 23 is a wonderful age....most gals are energetic and healthy and will be for the baby's growing up years.
    My story includes getting married at 20 when I was 3 mo pregnant. 21 years later we are still happily married and have nine children :)
    You will be blessed daily for your decision to let this child live. I applaud you.

    The shorter school term will be basically done when baby comes so keep at it!
  • Sugar_Junkie
    Sugar_Junkie Posts: 366 Member
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    I was 19 when i got pregnant with my little girl, my boyfriend and I had just moved out on our own. I was 20 when I had my little girl and thought my life was going to be bliss!! WRONG (to a point). I wasn't even 21 before I found out my husband was seeing a woman old enough to be his mother and to top it off I knew the huzzie. I made him leave a few months after because things didnt get any better. Here I am 21 with a 1 yr old, a house payment and all that goes with it because we bought a house together, no job, no friends, and no idea what to do. I am happy to tell you I am now 26 and have managed to make, though then I thought I could just die. It hasnt been easy. Most days it is super hard, and I heard that whole young mother speal too. "your too young to have kids", "young kids have no business being parents because they are still kids themselves". Reality check for those who judge, having kids at an early age is nothing new. For years before us that is what people did. They had kids at the tender age of 12 maybe a little older and from what I can see their kids turned out just fine. So people want to criticize me for having a kid at 19 but it was ok to do so at 12,13,14 etc??? Though they may be right in some areas I don't think we as young mothers deserve to be stereo typed. Yes the older you are possibly the more time and patience you have. You may also be more financially stable, but if you were meant to be a parent then no matter the age you will do what you should.

    Having a child changes people, some for the better, and some for the worse. Some people never grasp the fact that now your child is what is important and you will do without to make sure they have what they need. People sacrifice a lot no matter what age you are when you have your child. You trade in nights out for pjs on the couch, mixed drinks for kool-aid, cosmo for parenting magazine, that cute little clutch purse for a diaper bag filled with one of everything from the baby isle, but it is well worth it. Don't let these judgmental people bring you down. If you feel like your ready to attempt motherhood then you should do so. It is an amazing experience. Like anything else it has ups and downs, good times and bad, and all the in betweens.

    Congrats on the upcoming addition. I think it is wonderful, and you will do what is right for you.
  • Mgregory723
    Mgregory723 Posts: 529 Member
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    First and foremost is it important to realize that it is your body and your life. No one should decide what is best for you but you. With that said, I was 20 yrs old when I had my first child. With the love and support from family and friends we made it. I had my second child 3 yrs later. For the most part I was on my own, the fathers were MIA through most of their lives. I had to put off going to college and sometimes working 2 jobs to get by. It can be done.

    Now, my kids are grown and on their own. I have a grandson who I just love to pieces and I am so glad I never listened to others who did not understand what I was going through. I just finished getting my Associate's Degree and now I am working on me and my health. Everything will be fine and good luck to you, your boyfriend and your little one.
  • Emancipated_Tai
    Emancipated_Tai Posts: 756 Member
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    I use birth control, so I'm 29 and still haven't been pregnant.

    However, my wonderful mother had my brother & myself by 18. She is now a successful business owner and very educated. She has her Masters degree and has held very high positions in fortune 500 companies prior to going into business for herself. Since my mother had us so young, I basically remember all of her life’s struggle. It was not always easy, but she was determined to show us that you don’t have to be a victim of circumstances. I now am attending school to be a lawyer because of my mother showed me that if should could succeed having 2 kids, I can defiantly succeed having none.

    It may not always be easy, but life will go on!
  • DGK12
    DGK12 Posts: 117
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    23 just means you're going to be young enough to play with your kids :). I had my son at 19, and my daughter at 21, and you're going to find out that EVERYONE has an opinion. The only opinion that matters is yours. You do what you think is best for your child, and you move forward. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It WILL be hard. But nothing worth doing right is going to be easy.
    You're about to embark on the craziest, busiest, most bizarre journey of your life. But there is no greater journey than the adventure of becoming a parent. Congratulations, best of luck, and don't worry about your parents. They'll either come around, or they won't, but either way, this child will be born, and my guess is, they'll fall in love with him/her.
  • erikapereira
    erikapereira Posts: 196
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    Hi
    I am Erika. Its very sad to read that your family have such that attitude toward your pregnancy. You are young but YOU ARE AN ADULT!. I got pregnant when I was 21 and enrolled full time at the university. I was completly by my own and my only support was my mother. Today there are many programs that can help you to the process. If I was you I do not quit studying and if you are concern about money you can try to apply for Medicaid to cover your pregnancy or any other program in your local Human Services department. One of my biggest motivation to finish my degree was my baby. I took all the credits I need to finish the degree and after I gave birth I did my professional practice as a Social Worker. The government helped me to the process or in your case if your partner is so supportive he can understand that having studies can help you to get a better job. All you guys needs to do is sacrifice the time that you need to be at school.
    I survived and I never quitted. Thanks to my sacrifice and my hardwork now I have my job, I like, is in what I studied and I am happy, my son is happy and that s all that matter.
  • stacymama5
    stacymama5 Posts: 391 Member
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    I would NEVER go through abortion.

    Please think things through, don't make a decision you will regret. I had my first child at 22 and second 18 months later. I always thought I never wanted children. Although I have not been with their father for many years, we did fine on our own until I met the man who is my soul mate and adopted them. We have been married 19 years and now have 6 grandchildren. I wouldn't change a thing.
  • pinthin87
    pinthin87 Posts: 296 Member
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    23 is definitely not too young if being a mom is what you want. My mom had me when she was 18 and my sister at 23 and has raised us all on her own. Now, 25 (my age) years later we are living a pretty good life. My mom has a 3 bedroom house, and two cars all in her name and is the head of her department at a real estate company's corporate office. And she did all this on her own, so if your boyfriend is supportive you are already on the right track. Don't let anyone discourage you or tell you you're too young to be a mom. My friend got pregnant last year at your age and now she has an almost 1 year old and loves being a mom! It is a truly satisfying experience do not let anyone steal the joy of having a child from you. :-)
  • llm1607
    llm1607 Posts: 58 Member
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    I fell pregnant with my first at 22 and had him at 23. I wouldn't change it for the world. We don't have endless amounts of money or sleep lol but seriously there is nothing with begin 23 and pregnant! You have age on your side to chase them around when they are toddlers. Go for it girl! And enjoy! Xx
  • tarnbop
    tarnbop Posts: 53 Member
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    Age is just a number and all that; it's about your maturity level and they're the ones being immature in this situation, so I don't think they're in a position to judge!
    Good luck with the pregnancy!
  • Still_Fluffy
    Still_Fluffy Posts: 341 Member
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    Look into what resources your community has for single mothers. Often you can get rental assistance. Check with your local Vocational Rehabilitation office to see if they have any fund/grants for you to attend school. Check into Daycare assistance as well.

    Also talk to your boyfriend. Get child support lined up now. If you break up it will take time to get an order done and you'll be stuck without support. If he's a real man he will step up to his responsabilty too.

    Children are God 'sgreatest gift. They make life hard, but I have never been happier then I am with my children.
  • beccas27
    beccas27 Posts: 200 Member
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    Ok.. I will tell you my story.. I will try to make it short.. Yes, I got pregnant at a VERY young age.. (I'm talking teen MOM) It was very hard & they only real help I had was my mom at times. I have 2 kids now.. ages 16 & 11 & they are MY EVERYTHING!.. Everything happens for a reason.. I never understood this saying until later in life!.. Just be positive & everything will work out in the end.. I have a GREAT job & I love my life... If you are happy that is ALL that matters! U can always add me.. The more friends the better :) Keep your head up & held high!!
  • Tonika44137
    Tonika44137 Posts: 188 Member
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    First let me say Congratulations..its not bad having a kid...is it easy, hell no! I had my first child at 20 and my 2nd at 22 (their 16mths a part) and I've been a single since and had my daughter (the 2nd child)...they're now 8 and 10...its been hard and it still is but you can do...my best advice is t plan for your future and just work hard but they are EXPENSIVE
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
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    Don't worry about what anyone else says .... your family will come around once they realize you have made your choice and they are being unsupportive. It doesn't mater how old you are or much money you make - what matters is that you have made a choice to bring into the world and care for another person. It wont be easy (and it wont be cheap) but Im sure if you sit down and plan well you can budget and work it out.

    Good luck to you!
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    My mom was 25y.o. when she had me...she almost gave me up for adoption b/c she couldn't get her **** together and settle down when I was a baby.

    I had my daughter 16days before my 21st birthday and have my act together 10times better than my mother did.
    My daughter's father and I aren't together b/c I wasn't raising him too. I encourage my friends to wait till they're older, however I don't think you're TOO YOUNG by any means. Is it the most ideal situation? No. But you'll get through it.
    I never wanted children and now I wouldn't know what to do w/o my daughter. You're going to be fine and you're going to realize just how strong you can be.

    Best of luck
  • bethmcdonald4
    bethmcdonald4 Posts: 12
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    I was a very young 19 when I got pregnant with my first child and it is very difficult but also very rewarding. DO NOT let anyone tell you that you are stupid or anything. Love your child and be thankful for your boyfriend being their to support you. Do not give up on your dream of school you can do it. You know have an extra driving force to help you succeed....It is hard to be a young woman with a child but like I said it is very rewarding as well. Keep your chin up. I am now a mother of 3 ages 22, 21 and nearly 4. My 4 year old's dad has not seen her since she was 2 1/2 weeks old and let me tell you she wants for nothing. Yes there are times where I wish I had the help and the support but I have done it and so will you. We are here for you.
  • smiles4deb
    smiles4deb Posts: 65
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    I had my daughter at 19. I never once thought of abortion and I was adopted and have often wondered about my birth mother, so I decided I would keep her. Her dad and I did get married, but later divorced. We are the best of friends and have been for years, so we did raise our child together. She just turned 20 and is the most amazing person. I would not change it for the world. Good luck to you. :smile:
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    i married at 23 and got pregnant 3 months later had my first kid at 24 like 3 weeks after i turned it. its not too young and its wonderful
  • annabelsmommy
    annabelsmommy Posts: 24 Member
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    the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

    How far along are you? Work hard at school & get done before the baby comes if your program is only 6-8 months. If you need things for the baby, there are lots of consignment shops with gently used items you can get at a reasonable price - also throw a baby shower and make a registry at Target or Babies R' Us for all the stuff you need - you'll be surprised how everyone will come together in the end for your child. Also, many church's offer help. There's no reason you should feel like you have to have an abortion, that is your flesh and blood - you choose, not your family. You will find a way. I had 2 kids and no job by the time I was 25. But while I was having kids I was going to school and doing it online when they were newborn and my boyfriend paid the bills for our teeny tiny apartment. We scraped by, but now that I have a degree and we're both working. We're doing okay, still not at the level of being to save college funds for our kids, but with hard work we will get there. It will work out hun, just set up your game plan =)
  • 012345emma
    012345emma Posts: 57 Member
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    me and my husband have been together since i was 16 we had our first daughter when i was 19 i had just finished college when i fell pregnant .my husband worked and i looked after my daughter it was a struggle money wise but that has only made us stronger as a family.i am now 29 and have 3 children 2 girls and a boy.i have now gone back to work full time but only because my job allows me to take my son who is 17 months old otherwise i could have only gone part time.Be positive and be strong being a mum is the most rewarding job in the world and i wish you all the happiness in the world good luck and enjoy every moment of it. xx

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