Is this jealousy or intuition?
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SmexAppeal
Posts: 858 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I am dating this guy. We've been dating on and off for about 3 months, roughly 10 dates. We have been off for the past month, but are back on currently. We went out yesterday and he informed me that he is taking his ex (who happens to be a stripper, who he had a threesome with) out to dinner for her birthday on Friday. Am I just jealous, or is my intuition kicking in here? Maybe I'm jealous just because her profession. If she were an accountant, would I be feeling the same?
I told him straight up, as long as you aren't giving her birthday sex. BUT instead of telling me I have nothing to worry about, he says "We can't. She's not coming to my house." Am I over thinking that statement? Are guys just that stupid that that is the first thing that came into his head?
And finally... how can I talk to him about this concerning me without sounding whiny, jealous or complaining. I don't want to care if he hangs out with an ex. I just feel very concerned about the situation. And I would like to address it to him without attacking him.
Please help me ... :ohwell:
I told him straight up, as long as you aren't giving her birthday sex. BUT instead of telling me I have nothing to worry about, he says "We can't. She's not coming to my house." Am I over thinking that statement? Are guys just that stupid that that is the first thing that came into his head?
And finally... how can I talk to him about this concerning me without sounding whiny, jealous or complaining. I don't want to care if he hangs out with an ex. I just feel very concerned about the situation. And I would like to address it to him without attacking him.
Please help me ... :ohwell:
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Replies
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I'd feel worried too, both about taking his ex out to dinner and his comment. Maybe he just meant it to be flippant but really? In your sitaution, I hope I'd revisit the conversation and say, "Well, is that the only reason you're not having sex with her?" Ugh. Good luck.0
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If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
-wtk0 -
Surely the most stupid answer he could instantly think of! LOL
You are worried because he may restart a relationship with this girl if all "Goes well".
You arent "With" him, you are dating talking to him about this, and stating that you are anything but ok with him going out with this girl will make him want to drop you. (Most likely)
Doesnt make it right. But perhaps if you have been intimate with him, you need to make him realize that, having a physical relationship with her would end whatever it is that you guys have. (Stick to this if it happens)0 -
If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
-wtk0 -
I think its time to move on0
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"We can't. She's not coming to my house."
Dry sense of humor?0 -
Ok girl first of all-- he seems like an *kitten* but I cant say much cus my bf is sarcastic like that. BUT-- unless they are childhood friends that grew up together and lived beside each other then I would be concerned. What business does he have taking her out for her bday?? They dont sound like exs to me. If it were a group of folks maybe but just the two of them i dont think so. This isnt you just being jealous, sounds to me like during your month break he found time to rekindle a old flame0
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Personally, I'd probably move on and find someone else to date. Someone who told me he 'can't' sleep with his ex because she won't be going to his house doesn't sound like someone I'd be interested in.0
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My jealousy knows no bounds!
I'd have a major major problem with this. MAJOR. And that's an understatement really. It could be completely innocent but in the back of my mind I'd still be thinking "stripper... dinner.... ex...... stripper....."
I mean WHY would you take an ex to dinner for her birthday ESPECIALLY when you're dating someone else? Makes absolutely no sense to me. Are they pretty close friendship wise? Have they known eachother for a long time?
It sounds very fishy to me. Talk to him about it because it'll just eat away at you.0 -
You wrote....Are guys just that stupid?
Move on Move on Move on and don't look back. Get out while you still have some dignity.0 -
I thnk it's intuition. The fact that she's an ex and he's taking her out to dinner. And then that statement? Umm....no. Did you guys agree to be monogomus? Sounds like it's still pretty casual at this point.0
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If it bothers you....TALK to him NOW. If you don't it will get worse because what you allow him to do now he will always do. Later in your relationship your all mad for the same things you told him didn't both you.0
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Sounds like your on again off again is his casual sex. Maybe you should talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page.0
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He was honest with you, and didnt hide it. THAT is at least something.0
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Surely the most stupid answer he could instantly think of! LOL
You are worried because he may restart a relationship with this girl if all "Goes well".
You arent "With" him, you are dating talking to him about this, and stating that you are anything but ok with him going out with this girl will make him want to drop you. (Most likely)
Doesnt make it right. But perhaps if you have been intimate with him, you need to make him realize that, having a physical relationship with her would end whatever it is that you guys have. (Stick to this if it happens)
This^^
Sorry hun...and men say that we are complicated!0 -
Obviously, he doesn't think you and he are exclusive, and he's still involved with his "ex" enough to take her out to dinner for her birthday (who does that if they don't still have some connection?).
I'd definitely consider moving on or at the very least, bringing up the dreaded "where are we in our relationship?" question.0 -
you're just being jealous.0
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I would say it's jealousy. 10 dates and off for a month over 3 months of dating? Sounds awfully casual to me, even if you are intimate.
Women date multiple men at the same time before getting serious with one, maybe he's doing the same, but one of those other women is his ex.0 -
As a guy who has been divorced twice and had two long term relationships, I NEVER took an ex out after we were through. The only ex I maintain any kind of relationship with is my first wife soley because she is the mother of my daughter, but do we do dates? No. My point being, I think this guys wants to get back with her, hence YOUR on and off again dating. Set the rules, stick to them, or move on....0
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Eh, could go either way, we don't know the guy enough to make an informed decision, but you do.
We're dudes, we say stupid stuff, and the fact that she's a stripper means nothing, really it doesn't - I have several friends who have been and they're no more prone to sleeping around than an accountant would be... so he could be on the up-and-up.
...Or he could be a cheating douche. I think only you can tell that.0
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