Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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riderfangal wrote: »A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
I am so sorry you went through this. From first hand experience it really is devastating. It is the loss of hopes and dreams and birthdays and graduations, first steps and weddings. I lost a daughter at 30 weeks. She was stillborn and I still cry on the anniversary I delivered her. I don't know if you are religious but at her funeral the priest told me I have an angel sitting at the right hand side of God who will be whispering in his ear to make sure I am looked after. That thought has brought me a lot of comfort over the years. Coincidentally almost 10 years to the day my son was born
Sorry for your loss! 0 -
Ok, I have made it to page 1220
I must go to bed now as it is just after midnight.....
Are you all sick of my 500 posts in a row yet??0 -
showtherealyou wrote: »I am a college student who recovered from anorexia over the last 2 years, but I'm really worried I may go too far again, even though I know I'm being healthy and have people to stay accountable to this time. That's probably the biggest confession. . .
For a lighter one! I have become addicted to orange juice with raspberries in it
The OJ with raspberries sounds good. Welcome. Recovering from anorexia is a huge accomplishment. Great job!!!
My daughter is just a few years younger than you and I've been keeping an eye on her this summer, I got some professionals involved and I *think* we nipped it in the bud but I have other friends with kids who are in the middle of the struggle to health with an anorexic child. From a parents perspective it is super scary, how do you best support and nurture your child who is (in your case an adult) and in my case almost an adult. So, from my perspective I am so happy - and so glad you are doing well.This is a very gentle thread, please stick around and welcome!!
ETA - I hope that came across right. I'm super good at foot-in-mouth.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I have made it to page 1220
I must go to bed now as it is just after midnight.....
Are you all sick of my 500 posts in a row yet??
I'm glad you are back @Italian_Buju. Perhaps I didn't count quite 500....
Sweet dreams.
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showtherealyou wrote: »I am a college student who recovered from anorexia over the last 2 years, but I'm really worried I may go too far again, even though I know I'm being healthy and have people to stay accountable to this time. That's probably the biggest confession. . .
For a lighter one! I have become addicted to orange juice with raspberries in it
I must try this IMMEDIATELY! As soon as this shift is over. This sounds like my kinda jam.
We are all here to support each other, losing weight, gaining weight, maintaining weight. Replace the word 'weight' with strength or willpower because it all equally applies here.
Welcome to the thread!
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spacequiztime wrote: »
My dad is a pretty bad diabetic. He pretty much eats the same portions as he used to, coke, fried cheese tacos (he eats this at least a few times a week), pan dulce, and food from whatever restaurant they went to. He even makes himself sick enough to throw up.Italian_Buju wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »@Susieq_1994 I'm so sorry
I hope the flare is a short one and you get to feeling better soon
@orangesmartie That's such an awesome attitude! Today is a new day and it's going to be great! I am jealous- I want to go to Nashville! lol not sure about the running (I run like an arthritic tortoise) but the rest sounds awesome.
AFM, it was a whirlwind weekend. I have Insulin Resistance and I'm hypoglycemic. If I eat like I'm supposed to (very strict, controlled diet) I can maintain my weight. Eat less, and I'll lose. Eat a bit of sugar, I get sick for half a day. I'm not kidding, either- an entire chocolate chip cookie is enough to have me on the couch for a few hours I eat ice cream or gelato by 1 tbsp and that's it and I'll still feel weird after unless I down water. Can't really eat fruit, unless it's a couple berries. I've learned to adjust and it's hard to own a home bakery when I want to taste everything but I've learned not to. I also scaled back my business.
My mom was watching oldest DS for us on July 4th, so when we went to pick him up yesterday, we grilled chicken and vegs for her as a "thank you". She had made two desserts and basically guilt tripped me into eating a bite of each. A regular forkful sized bite of each. I still don't feel right. I'm so bloated my pants don't fit well, my stomach is heaving, and I have a pounding headache. I'm mad at myself for not sticking to my guns.
But...in great news, we were approved to adopt the dog! She's coming up here on Saturday!! SO excited! We got some supplies and DH is actually getting excited, too. Her foster mom keeps sending me pics and it's making me so anxious to see her!
Ugh, I hope you feel better! You would think your mom understands how bloated & sick you get from eating sugar.
Happy to hear that you were approved to adopt the dog.
What's funny is she's diabetic, so she should understand. Her dose of Metformin is too high though but she doesn't go get it changed, because it allows her to eat a LOT of fruits and sweets (to counteract the Metformin). I tell her she's the worst diabetic ever.
This made me cringe a bit.....that is a dangerous cycle. My mother was the worse diabetic ever also, and she lost her leg, had bad cateracts and heart failure. I know another girl that has only been diabetic ten years, and she does not take care of herself properly, and has lost all the toes on one foot (it was a miracle they could save the foot!), and is now going blind. I know another girl that eats junk like nobody's business and takes her meds when she wants, she had a MAJOR heart attack in her late 20's. Those girls are both T2's. In all seriousness, if you have the ability, I would tell her DR about that, so he can cut it back.
The family has tried to help him but he doesn't care.
Confession: I am getting seriously frustrated with the number of diabetics who neglect to realize that it is a serious condition that requires you to take action to obtain/maintain your health.
This REALLY angers me because I know that later, when they lose a foot or their eyesight, they will complain and claim that 'the world' did this to them. When really they have done it to themselves by not taking better care of their bodies and making better choices.
I also feel badly about judging people like this but I just don't handle the whole 'woe is me' crap when it was within their power to change before things got really bad.
It's taken MONTHS but I finally have my sister taking better care of herself and making better diet choices. I am ashamed that I had to resort to some scare tactics but I love her and her life is at stake!0 -
Confession - I cleaned my yoga mat today - for the first time EVER. It was looking gnarly. I took it in the shower with me and scrubbed it all over then hung it to dry. It looks new.0
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@raelynnsmama52512, congrats! I hope it all works out!
@Italian_Buju, I love seeing your "500" posts!
Why did I wake up at 3:00am again? I really don't know...but it has to stop. I need to sleep.
Also, anyone know how water weight/sodium works....it seems 4 pounds is always the number for me. If we eat out at a restaurant or I have a "bad" eating day, it's always an extra 4 pounds the next day. Weird.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »@raelynnsmama52512, congrats! I hope it all works out!
@Italian_Buju, I love seeing your "500" posts!
Why did I wake up at 3:00am again? I really don't know...but it has to stop. I need to sleep.
Also, anyone know how water weight/sodium works....it seems 4 pounds is always the number for me. If we eat out at a restaurant or I have a "bad" eating day, it's always an extra 4 pounds the next day. Weird.
Same! I will NEVER fully understand this phenomenon and it will always frustrate me.
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lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »@raelynnsmama52512, congrats! I hope it all works out!
@Italian_Buju, I love seeing your "500" posts!
Why did I wake up at 3:00am again? I really don't know...but it has to stop. I need to sleep.
Also, anyone know how water weight/sodium works....it seems 4 pounds is always the number for me. If we eat out at a restaurant or I have a "bad" eating day, it's always an extra 4 pounds the next day. Weird.
Same! I will NEVER fully understand this phenomenon and it will always frustrate me.
It's 4 for you too? I'm just confused because it just seems like such a high number!0 -
@kelly_c_77 that picture is hilarious! Did they have a lot of movie memorabilia?0
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raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Guys, guys, guess what?! We went to Oakwood Homes today, just to see what they would say about us being able to buy a mobile home. Needless to say, we found a style we fell in love with, and the person we worked with sounded very optimistic that we would be able to get financing for it. I hope so, because we've worked really hard to fix some things on our credit to get to this point! He's sending in our paperwork on Monday and we should know something within 3-4 days of that. Not to mention, a good friend of the family may possibly let us rent a lot on his land (he used to have a mobile home park) for it! I'm excited, but I don't want to get too excited lol.
Yay I am glad to hear that!0 -
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Italian_Buju wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm sorry, that must be tough.
Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.
While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids ). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid.
When I married my husband, I had one son and he had three daughters. We never thought of having kids and felt we had enough. I got a dog for our first anniversary; she was our kid . Well fast forward a few years and surprise! at 39 I was pregnant. We weren't trying or trying to avoid it, just happened. I had her after I turned 40. I knew I was done after that, so got that factory shut down. You never know. We love her just as much as any of the others and don't regret a minute of it. After that, his oldest daughter, who is in her 20's, had a little girl about 15 months after we had Olivia. Crazy stuff.
I just turned 40 in March and the idea of dealing with a newborn again scares me to the very fiber of my soul...
Confession: I love my son, but I didn't love the newborn/baby stage all the much. The more independent he becomes, the more I like it.
I am going to be 40 early next year and would die if I had to deal with a newborn right now. I have a friend, the same age as me, with a son the same age as mine, and she has been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years, and still trying.
I love my kids, and loved each stage as I went though it, well, maybe except the crazy teenage daughter stage, but I do not want to do it again! Been there, done that, I do not want to spend 40 years of my life rising children!
I remember when I started having all the tumor problems, every time I saw a new DR I would have to go through the entire conversation about them doing whatever they needed to do to stop it, because I 150% did not want any more children. Which I thought was ironic seeing as they did not want me to have the one child I birthed 15 years earlier to. Anyway, I finally said at this point, I would rather have a bullet in my body than a baby.....DR said that was a pretty strong statement.....I stand by it!
I think I've said this before but I was 43 when I got married and people were asking if we were going to have kids.
I've never wanted any ever, which these people knew, and I'm just selfish enough to not want to be responsible for someone into my 60's.
Maybe if we had gotten married younger my husband would have persuaded me.0 -
freak4iron wrote: »Every time I weigh peanut butter for my shakes, anywhere between 30-50 grams *accidenty* falls onto the tip of my finger, then consequently jumps right into my mouth.... I've tried writting Jiffy about this problem, they still haven't got back to me.
Mmm peanut butter but I don't like the Jiffy stuff. Love trader joe's brand. You must have huge tips of your fingers if 30 - 50 grams fit on it... or is it multiple smaller *accidents?*
Or do your hands look like this?
I read your profile - that is quite a journey back from a dark place. It shows a great resilience and persistence and strength of mind. Well done sir! I wish you all the best in your continued success.
(SusieQ don't read the profile)
That picture cracks me up! Edward PeanutButterHands!
Welcome to the thread @freak4iron0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
I feel like I MIGHT be able to get some idea of an exact location if I always stand in the kitchen on the lookout, but sometimes these sounds are hours apart. Still going on today and they didn't happen before we went to Punta Cana. My boyfriend keeps saying that there might be a rat in the wall or something and I hope that's not the case.FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
I heard that your dreams get extra crazy when you're pregnant. I love dreams and keep a dream diary on my computer. Last night I dreamed that I had something stuck in my teeth... and I finally managed to pull it out- a long string of spaghetti. Then more and more kept coming, so it turns out I had like 20 strings of spaghetti stuck in that spot between my teeth. It was kind of freaky for some reason.FluffySandwich wrote: »Congrats @bkhamill !!!
I confess that I am only 21 years old and don't think I'm ready to have a baby by any means, but sometimes I have dreams that I am very pregnant or have an infant and wake up feeling strangely empty, confused, and sad. Any one else do this? Or did this?
I used to have those all the time in my early 20s. Now I actually am pregnant, my dreams have been completely devoid of anything baby-related. Funny how the brain works. I did dream my mattress was made of cheese the other night. I had to lie really still and evenly to avoid crumbling it!
When I was pregnant with my son I had a reoccurring dream that lasted all throughout. As some of you might recall, my father died suddenly when I was 15. I had a dream that he came to my place, and I was confused and told him I thought he was dead.
He would tell me that he did not die, that he just left because he did not think anyone wanted him here. I told him I did, and how desperately I missed him.
The middle is just random stuff, but it was the same every time.
Near the end of the dream we would go to a farmer's market and it would get really busy. I would start to lose track of him, and would find him and as I grabbed him all his teeth would fall out, and he would tell me that it was a mistake coming back, and then he would disappear into the crowd.
I had this dream at least two dozen times during my pregnancy, and each time would become more and more aware of what was going to happen, not at the beginning of the dream but as it went on. The last half dozen times or so I had it, I would end up in full out panic as soon as we got to the market because I knew what was about to happen. But I could never stop it. After I gave birth, I never had that dream again, but I remember it vividly.
Also, I was always as pregnant in the dream as I was in real life....that was odd, seeing as everything else was exactly the same each time.
Wow that's strange & amazing that you had the same dream for at least two weeks! Do any of you ever get Deja Vu?0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »
Oh, the Bay must be a store in Canada. I thought she meant eBay at first.
Yes - it used to be called The Hudson's Bay Company and it has its roots in the fur trade. They, and the northwest company, had forts in many parts of the country and the voyageurs roamed far and wide collecting beaver pelts.
I have a branch of my family that worked for the Hudson's Bay Company for over 100 years. The company was founded in 1670.0 -
Super sweet and rich. There is a looooooot of sugar in it, but it was good anyway. No one had had anything like that before, so it was a hit.
How'd they turn out?Went to the gym this morning...and got McDonald's for breakfast on the way home. I have no idea why other than I didn't want to make an omelette when I got home like I was supposed to. Oh well.
I am also going to make those chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars that were posted earlier (I lurk like a creep a lot because I'm in Australia and all the interesting conversation happens when it's night here). Thanks for providing my dessert inspiration for tonight's dinner party!
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FluffySandwich wrote: »I didn't like milk much when I was little... drinking milk by itself was basically unheard of for me (didn't HATE it, just wasn't much of a fan). Now that I'm older my love of dairy products in general has GREATLY increased. I always loved yogurt (and ice cream, of course) and still do... but cheese and milk have become much more enjoyable for me. My mom is very much lactose intolerant and cannot drink milk or eat much ice cream without getting sick.
I am lactose intolerant as well. I eat all the yogurt! I can have milk or cheese very occasionally, but mostly it makes me vomit.
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