Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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berlynnwall wrote: »The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.
He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.
The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.
Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes
I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.
Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.0 -
smashley_mashley wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.52cardpickup wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.
I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.
My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.
Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.
This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.
On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.
sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*
I bolded both because I agree with both. I think there is a lot of emphasis on heavy lifting and I have browsed the 5x5 ( looks kind of scary). My goal isn't to be magazine cover fit, I am fine with being "average" with some squish as long as I can fit into regular sized clothes.
But I am also in @52cardpickup's camp because since I have been doing strength training, I love being able to help carry appliances in the house or lift the couch whereas before I struggled.
I lift weights to feel strong too, I'd love to have a good looking body but strength is my main goal now.
I love that I can scoff in the grocery store employee's faces when they ask "Do you need a hand out with that?". I love that I can lift my own boxes at work rather than waiting for a man to come do it (My feminist streak rages when I hear someone say this).
My SO actually lets me carry the dog food now.
He was being all chivalrous and trying to take it away from me. I said, "Look, I deadlift waaaaaay more than this. Multiple times. Every second day. For fun." He just laughed and gave in.
I do allow him to carry the heavy groceries, however.
Hahaha, love this. I've taken on carrying the dog food and cat food, but I still let him manage the cat litter!0 -
Thanks again everyone. I was just trying to make sure I wasn't overreacting with how I was feeling (like I was cheated on in a way).0
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The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
Depending on age (she is 18+, right?), she's probably exercising her own ability to be 'somewhat' independent without any ill intent towards you or her dad. New adults have a totally different mindset. And don't think I am sticking up for her.... but it's amazing the things I personally took for granted without ever once thinking about my moms feelings. Simple things, too. Like calling to check in or surprise visit, whatev. Even to this day I have to remind myself that my mom still has the same feelings for me now as I do for my own 9 year old daughter and eventually to some degree, I will most likely endure the same hardships and worry that my mom once had. Sticky situation with plenty of room for hurt/misunderstood feelings. GL
Yes, this exactly. I'm not defending her, either, but given her age and the circumstances, I don't think your husband should be taking it personally at ALL. At this age, all they really think about is themselves. They are pretty oblivious to the outside world and that what they say and do and don't do affects others. Clueless. Don't care. Self-absorbed. That's normal to a degree.
Flip side is this: having an adult child move in with you can sometimes turn into a long-term thing that no one is happy with. Getting boomerang kids OUT once they move back in can be tricky. At least she's not doing that.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. His daughter still prefers spending time with her mom and that side of the family over us. Fine. We've learned to accept it. We have different lifestyles and as long as we get to see the grandkids regularly we all accept each others choices and preferences. I guess I'm saying that even after she matures and becomes independent she may not want to spend time with you then, either. Sure, it bothers my husband that his daughter is that way but we've learned that it's not a personal attack.
I'm cool with that, really I am, but I'm not going to be her storage unit or her cat's caretaker. If she doesn't want to be a part of lives, fine, we've done just fine the last 15 years without her, but don't use us either.
Oh, definitely. We don't let the kids keep any of their crap stuff at our house, either. None of them were too happy about it, but whatever.
And I'm afraid she's using your husbands guilt (although unjustified on his part) and his dislike of confrontations to her advantage. Yes, I said at that age they are self-centered and clueless, but they are also very good manipulators! Good at using things to their advantage and ignoring all the rest.0 -
52cardpickup wrote: »
Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.52cardpickup wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.
I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.
My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.
Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.
This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.
On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.
sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*
I think I love this phrase.0 -
The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
Depending on age (she is 18+, right?), she's probably exercising her own ability to be 'somewhat' independent without any ill intent towards you or her dad. New adults have a totally different mindset. And don't think I am sticking up for her.... but it's amazing the things I personally took for granted without ever once thinking about my moms feelings. Simple things, too. Like calling to check in or surprise visit, whatev. Even to this day I have to remind myself that my mom still has the same feelings for me now as I do for my own 9 year old daughter and eventually to some degree, I will most likely endure the same hardships and worry that my mom once had. Sticky situation with plenty of room for hurt/misunderstood feelings. GL
I totally get all that her wanting to independent and whatnot, however, we were nice enough to offer her a place to stay when she didn't have anywhere else to go, and not only that, but we bought her a BRAND NEW CAR (my husband drives a 1963 Chevy pickup) when she totaled her other car, after her only being in our lives for not even 2 months. She has not paid a single penny towards said car with regards to insurance, payment, or anything. The deal was when we bought the car, she would be 100% responsible for the insurance, and tags, and she'd pay what she could towards the payment each month. Her tags are due this month and I told my husband WE ARE NOT PAYING FOR HER TAGS!
I know a lot of what my husband is doing is trying to make up for not being able to be in her life while she was growing up (not his decision) but he can't make up for it and he needs to stop trying (although, knowing him, he never will. The guilt is just too much even though it was totally out of his control.) And she needs to quit being a selfish brat that's taking advantage of our generosity. Young adult or not, there's still such a thing as common courtesy.
Uuugh that's pretty tough position to be in. Sounds like she needs some tough love from the person not willing to give her any out of fear of pushing her further away.
100% THIS!!!
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I'm in tears reading all these responses but I want to say sincerly thank you for listening and giving opinions. This was what i needed and I appreciate all of you. I have no one else I can really talk to about it.
Thank you.0 -
CountessKitteh wrote: »ttcbelieve wrote: »i get pint of ice cream, take half a cup and immediately put water in the remaining ice cream jar to make sure I don't have more. PS...yes I tried throwing it in the garbage but technically if the lid is still on, you can take it out and have some more ;-)
Could you purchase the tiny single serve cups? Even Ben & Jerry's has some of their flavors in those!
Here (Saudi Arabia) the tiny single serving cups only have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and cookies 'n cream in my favorite ice cream brand. :-/ All of the really good flavors only come in the 500mL and up containers! I hate that! >.<0 -
Aww, thank you so much!! 0 -
I don't feel want go to gym today, got argument with my girlfriend. She said I don't support her, yet she tell her friends treat her better than me and he has better personality than me. What a jerk, I'm not perfect, everybody is not perfect. Yet, I tell go ahead if you want with him, I'm not put any chain on her. Then, she's angrier than before, said I'm not even try. It hurts for me to compared with other people.
Maybe tomorrow I'll go to gym and hit heavy bag a lot. It always good way to scream and let emotion out.
It is very good for that. Your girlfriend doesn't sound very nice. I don't even know you and I can tell you that you deserve better than that.0 -
The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
That is so frustrating. I'm sorry you are going through that too.
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Today at the grocery store I opened the doors to the pastry case just to SMELL the donuts. That's right. I didn't even want one and knew it would give me a tummy ache and be a total waste of calories. But they were just sitting there looking so pretty with the sprinkles and the glazes and of course the peek of jelly on the sides of a few of them. So there I was, like a crazy person with the doors open just smelling the donuts. AND......IT WAS HEAVENLY. Think what you will, it was a great morning
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I'm in tears reading all these responses but I want to say sincerly thank you for listening and giving opinions. This was what i needed and I appreciate all of you. I have no one else I can really talk to about it.
Thank you.
Good luck on Friday, you'll be in my thoughts this week. Think things through, don't make any quick decisions. Sending positive vibes your way
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ummm, I keep looking out for my ex-husband and his new wife so that they can see how good I look (shallow, I know).0
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I bought a skirt and some pants at Old Navy on Saturday and they were in the wash yesterday, and I held the skirt up while I was putting clothes away yesterday and my first reaction was that it must have shrunk because there is no way I can fit in that. I tried it on and it fit well, it's even a little loose... It's a S. I've been this weight for a year now and I still think of myself as fat.0
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Great, isn't it? Coincidentially we are also going to visit Florence in August, for 5 days (wedding anniversary treat) and I'm even more excited now :-DCountessKitteh wrote: »My confessions today:
I got hooked on 'Da Vinci's demons' two days ago - I can not believe I have not seen this tv series earlier and there are 2 seasons out and 3rd coming soon!
I'm back to work after 2 weeks holiday and I actually missed it a bit
It's a pretty fantastic show. I started at the beginning with zero expectations, and it has delivered quite well!
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Definitely that.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Definitely that.
Thirded. In this day and age, some people may have different opinions of what cheating is, but I FIRMLY believe that his behavior constitutes cheating, and I think you'll find the vast majority of people would agree.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »I'm a bit enraged today. I've been reading about a 'protest march' that took place over the weekend in my home town. It was organised by (Town name) Against Islam, which is just about as horrific and racist as it sounds. Makes me ashamed to be from there.
The really ridiculous part is there aren't actually any Muslims in my home town! I exaggerate, there may be one or two, but seriously, it's a 98% white, working class, typical north-eastern English town. Who are these people protesting against? My home town is so insular, my mother is considered her own ethnic minority (she's French). Most immigrants have the sense to bypass us altogether and I don't blame them!
Thankfully some of the more decent locals took some photos and it turns out it was just some pissheads outside a particularly nasty pub, who then wandered down the high street and ended up outside another seedy pub. More people were taking the p!ss out of them than partaking. Still, it enrages me. I probably went to school with some of these losers.
These are the things that make me sad. Also, the anti-Islam slogans on buses in a major city (can't remember where, but I think it was in Philadelphia?). The fact that the local government was behind those anti-Islam slogans perpetuating hatred against ANY religion (not just upset because it's Islam specifically, I mean) made me much more upset than a bunch of idiots marching around yelling things... :-/
Philly is a lot of things. Being devoid of a-holes is unfortunately not one of them (though the group who bought them is from New Hampshire - wtf? Annoy your own state)
If it helps, there was a whole hell of a lot of pushback from the community (including SEPTA!) about the ads being allowed to run, including from the Jewish folks that it was supposed to "support." It ended up being court-ordered because first amendment rights blah blah blah.
Can we amend the amendment to say "unless you're being a jerk" please?0 -
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I'm in tears reading all these responses but I want to say sincerly thank you for listening and giving opinions. This was what i needed and I appreciate all of you. I have no one else I can really talk to about it.
Thank you.
Good luck on Friday, you'll be in my thoughts this week. Think things through, don't make any quick decisions. Sending positive vibes your way
Ditto!0 -
kadsmaller wrote: »ummm, I keep looking out for my ex-husband and his new wife so that they can see how good I look (shallow, I know).
I say stop waiting and inconspicuously find a way for them to have to see you! Might as well enjoy it, right? Not shallow and very common.0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.
He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.
The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.
Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes
I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.
Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
Depending on age (she is 18+, right?), she's probably exercising her own ability to be 'somewhat' independent without any ill intent towards you or her dad. New adults have a totally different mindset. And don't think I am sticking up for her.... but it's amazing the things I personally took for granted without ever once thinking about my moms feelings. Simple things, too. Like calling to check in or surprise visit, whatev. Even to this day I have to remind myself that my mom still has the same feelings for me now as I do for my own 9 year old daughter and eventually to some degree, I will most likely endure the same hardships and worry that my mom once had. Sticky situation with plenty of room for hurt/misunderstood feelings. GL
Yes, this exactly. I'm not defending her, either, but given her age and the circumstances, I don't think your husband should be taking it personally at ALL. At this age, all they really think about is themselves. They are pretty oblivious to the outside world and that what they say and do and don't do affects others. Clueless. Don't care. Self-absorbed. That's normal to a degree.
Flip side is this: having an adult child move in with you can sometimes turn into a long-term thing that no one is happy with. Getting boomerang kids OUT once they move back in can be tricky. At least she's not doing that.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. His daughter still prefers spending time with her mom and that side of the family over us. Fine. We've learned to accept it. We have different lifestyles and as long as we get to see the grandkids regularly we all accept each others choices and preferences. I guess I'm saying that even after she matures and becomes independent she may not want to spend time with you then, either. Sure, it bothers my husband that his daughter is that way but we've learned that it's not a personal attack.
I'm cool with that, really I am, but I'm not going to be her storage unit or her cat's caretaker. If she doesn't want to be a part of our lives, fine, we've done just fine the last 15 years without her, but don't use us either and don't get my husband's hopes up of having a relationship that she has no intent on having.
You may have addressed this before, but have you guys considered family counseling, especially between your husband and the daughter? While I in no way agree with the way she is treating her dad and your family, there may be issues here that might be hard to address without some outside help, especially considering your husbands reluctance to confront the daughter. Maybe it would help?
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I made my co-workers go with me to the Whole Foods down the street from my work on our lunch break to look for a specific kind of ice cream (Halo Top), which they didn't have, even though other Whole Foods' carry it. My co-workers were trying to be helpful in suggesting other kinds of ice cream, but totally missed the point of this specific ice cream in the first place, which made me unreasonably internally pouty and now I feel bad. (The ice cream I was looking for has 70 calories per serving, 7 grams of protein, 4 grams of carbs, and 3 grams of fat. Ben and Jerry's isn't going to cut it, no matter how delicious it is
)
Also, they kind of think I'm a nut, now, for caring that much about a brand of ice cream.0 -
Thirded. Also 'Up' (and yes, I did cry within the first 5 minutes!)xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.52cardpickup wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.
I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.
My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.
Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.
This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.
On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.
sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*
THIS (bold) is why I took up lifting.
And because it's easy. "Easy" in that it doesn't require grace or coordination or skill or athletic ability, all of which I lack. Just a basic awareness of your own body mechanics and the willingness to press on, even on those days when it feels like you've been run over by a truck (lorry for you Brits) and then thrown down a flight of stairs. At least that was my experience anyway... yoga bores me to tears, I can't do aerobics or zumba to save my life, never played sports, but I can pick up a barbell repeatedly. Hey, whaddya know, I'm good at something.
This weekend I walked around a garden center with a big spirea, two rhododendrons and a rose bush in my arms (it was a feat of balance as much as strength). Carried them to my car and put them in the trunk. I want to be able to do that 20 years from now, not be the frail little old lady waiting for the nice young man to help with the carryout.
Aesthetically, I've discovered that I like seeing muscles. Visible proof of all the work I've done. It keeps me motivated. I'm one of the ones who looked pretty good in clothes, but I wasn't too happy with the naked body that menopause has given me. I'm also learning my limitations -- there are some saggy bits that no amount of weightlifting is going to change.
I've seen it posted around these parts before but the key to "fitness" is to find an activity that you love and are going to stick with -- which isn't necessarily going to be the activity that someone else loves.
You, I like. You can stay in this thread
I try Yoga. I love the stretching part but I can't get my Downward Dog to bend at all and I end up doing what I like to call the Flopping Fish instead. I like Zumba but I kina look like a deranged zebra. Walking fast and lifting weights is what I like more. I can do it, I don't need to be coordinated, it feels good to make my body move.
Lol. Good thing, I'm addicted to this thread and you wouldn't get rid of me anyway
Even having to catch up on 230 new posts at the end of the day yesterday didn't deter me.
I walk too. But if I look at the scenery too much or don't pay attention to where I'm putting my feet, I've been known to lurch and stumble. I'm THAT uncoordinated.
I think I've read all the posts but haven't been able to reply... welcome back @ShibaEars... congrats to all who have lost weight or reached goal... @Italian_Buju loving the pics of Little Rodent Boy's sweet little furry face (I've had to backtrack to see them, they don't show at work).
Not having kids, I've never seen Frozen or Finding Nemo or SpongeBob or any of those. I can probably identify the characters, however, solely from seeing the merchandise prominently displayed in stores.
I highly suggest you watch this! If no other "kid's" movie ever, watch Finding Nemo.
YASSS! Agree love, love, love this movie!
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I bought a skirt and some pants at Old Navy on Saturday and they were in the wash yesterday, and I held the skirt up while I was putting clothes away yesterday and my first reaction was that it must have shrunk because there is no way I can fit in that. I tried it on and it fit well, it's even a little loose... It's a S. I've been this weight for a year now and I still think of myself as fat.
I both love and hate that feeling!! Every time I go to put on my workout tight-style leggings, I look at them and think "OMG, I must have shrunk them." And then I'm amazed when they fit. It's great that they fit (no complaints there!) but I wish my brain would catch up with my body!0 -
This all makes me feel better about my choice NOT to weight train. I think I am quite strong. I can move the big water jugs and I rarely have to ask for help with anything. I was mad because I couldn't move the 50lb bag of sand at the hardware store the other day, but when the (very) hefty guy came to do it, he also struggled and when I got it home I realised it was actually an 80lb bag. And the sand was wet!smashley_mashley wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.52cardpickup wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.
I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.
My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.
Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.
This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.
On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.
sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*
I bolded both because I agree with both. I think there is a lot of emphasis on heavy lifting and I have browsed the 5x5 ( looks kind of scary). My goal isn't to be magazine cover fit, I am fine with being "average" with some squish as long as I can fit into regular sized clothes.
But I am also in @52cardpickup's camp because since I have been doing strength training, I love being able to help carry appliances in the house or lift the couch whereas before I struggled.
I lift weights to feel strong too, I'd love to have a good looking body but strength is my main goal now.
I love that I can scoff in the grocery store employee's faces when they ask "Do you need a hand out with that?". I love that I can lift my own boxes at work rather than waiting for a man to come do it (My feminist streak rages when I hear someone say this).
I'm with ya on that! I have a Deep Rock water cooler at home. Our tap water is super gross and I cannot drink it at all. I drink oodles of water every day and am reliant on that water cooler, but the huge jugs of water have always been a problem for me. First, my husband changed the water. Then the boys did it as they got older, but then they moved out. My husband is retired but is busy either golfing or working his part-time job on the weekends, so sometimes I'd have to go get my neighbor to change it for me. However, due to lifting I can finally do it myself! I'm unreasonably happy about this.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Agreed, you aren't overreacting, and you deserve so much better than that. Only you can decide whether it's worth trying to fix this relationship, or whether it's best to move on and focus on healing yourself. But either way, you deserve better, and I hope that you find happiness!0
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