MFP Personals
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One position available for part time side Kik
Person specification:
●understands they'll never understand me
●respects that I will get the ball gag out should they utter one word during my favorite movies
●gets that I will massage ego half the time and assassinate your character the rest of the time
●comprehends that I will never love you, not once, not ever
This person (man or woman) must be willing to take an initiation test,pain threshold test, basic literacy and numeracy test and knowledge of how to please a female is highly desirable, one minute wonders need NOT apply.
This person needs to be adventurous and able to make me laugh until I'm soiled at least 3 times a week. Failure to do so will result in time on my chair of pain and fury After two visits to chair of pain and furyyou will be automatically ghosted for good.
Chance of promotion to mfp husband/wife with added benefits of public performance praise.
I look forward to your applications,
Yours hopefully,
Not trying to be your real life wife4 -
Add me anyone:) I'd love a relationship on here0
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OutOfUserName wrote: »if youre breathing and have 3 holes. im your guy
Please say you'll be mine
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In search of a burley man with a delicate touch to bend me like a pretzel and make my eyes roll in the back of head.
Must be willing to make random trips to the store when I have sudden food cravings, scratch my back, pop my pimples during shark week, and keep the bed warm while I go out on midnight death calls.5 -
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Must be popular and feared across The Caribbean and the coast of eastern North America not only because of your skilled naval tactics and bold actions but also because whenever you have contact with your victims, you strive to put the chills into their bones by mainly your looks.3
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Must be popular and feared across The Caribbean and the coast of eastern North America not only because of your skilled naval tactics and bold actions but also because whenever you have contact with your victims, you strive to put the chills into their bones by mainly your looks.
I regularly clean the lent out of my naval. Is that close enough?2 -
Pick me!!! I come off as desperate but I promise I will be stingy with money, treat you poorly and ignore you the way you need. No really, pick me. Pick meeeeeeeeee! This ad is REALZ for the future love of my life.1
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I talk a lot during movies, reply hours after read receipts , and like to people watch at Walmart for fun ... lmk1
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Wanted...YOU ..yeah you. Oh and YOU..and you and you2
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Wanted: Anyone will do, I'm not choosy
What you'll get: Whatever you want, name it3 -
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We are meant to be together! I know it's true!
(your name)
(your address)
I am "the one" for you, I have faithfully escorted you (from a short distance behind you) to and from work and on all your daily excursions for the past 3 years.
I watch over and guard you as you sleep from a very close proximity...we've even shared DNA, (your toothbrush is awesome)
There is no denying our compatibility...just look over your shoulder (anytime)...I'm right there...waiting, watching
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Vivian seeking Edward.
Stuckeys need not apply.5 -
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Wanted: Man who will fulfill my every desire. Please note my desires change by the second so you must be adaptable. You must enjoy giving massages, grocery shopping, laundry, taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning and fixing things. Also, only men named Kevin or Sam should apply.
This will only work out for me if you act like I'm an inconvenience every time I ask for the smallest favor.2 -
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Looking for alligator. Must like big spoons.3
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Looking for a bad girl, cause nice guys finish last
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Woman with a full original set of teeth to make bath time fun again.1
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Are you fertile?0
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Seeking a snuggle buddy with good hygiene who will do my laundry, feed me tacos, and share awesome memes and gif's with. Must text me "Good Morning Beautiful" daily before 8 a.m. and tell me I'm pretty a minimum of 5 times per week. Misc duties requested but not required include opening too tight jar lids, killing spiders, mowing the grass shirtless, changing the oil in my car, and playing with my hair.
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Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Seeking a snuggle buddy with good hygiene who will do my laundry, feed me tacos, and share awesome memes and gif's with. Must text me "Good Morning Beautiful" daily before 8 a.m. and tell me I'm pretty a minimum of 5 times per week. Misc duties requested but not required include opening too tight jar lids, killing spiders, mowing my grass shirtless, changing the oil in my car, and playing with my hair.
I can open the jars and do the car stuff. The rest i can subcontract out.2 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Seeking a snuggle buddy with good hygiene who will do my laundry, feed me tacos, and share awesome memes and gif's with. Must text me "Good Morning Beautiful" daily before 8 a.m. and tell me I'm pretty a minimum of 5 times per week. Misc duties requested but not required include opening too tight jar lids, killing spiders, mowing the grass shirtless, changing the oil in my car, and playing with my hair.
OK on some. The rest - nothing a little money won't solve. 0 -
MrStabbems wrote: »Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Seeking a snuggle buddy with good hygiene who will do my laundry, feed me tacos, and share awesome memes and gif's with. Must text me "Good Morning Beautiful" daily before 8 a.m. and tell me I'm pretty a minimum of 5 times per week. Misc duties requested but not required include opening too tight jar lids, killing spiders, mowing my grass shirtless, changing the oil in my car, and playing with my hair.
I can open the jars and do the car stuff. The rest i can subcontract out.
I can do the rest!!! Although I might cause a scene when I mow topless
It's only a scene if someone records it.1 -
MrStabbems wrote: »Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Seeking a snuggle buddy with good hygiene who will do my laundry, feed me tacos, and share awesome memes and gif's with. Must text me "Good Morning Beautiful" daily before 8 a.m. and tell me I'm pretty a minimum of 5 times per week. Misc duties requested but not required include opening too tight jar lids, killing spiders, mowing my grass shirtless, changing the oil in my car, and playing with my hair.
I can open the jars and do the car stuff. The rest i can subcontract out.
I can do the rest!!! Although I might cause a scene when I mow topless
We can do it together.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTkp9UqVVHs
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