MFP Personals
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I’m a guy, so…y’know…boorish and absent-minded, largely incapable of helping with anything that doesn’t include sports, chicks, or adjunct beer.
I’m good at making things, like mountains out of molehills. I can be super supportive, as long as we’re talking about my favorite teams. I promise to nod politely when you talk about your day, and offer half-hearted acknowledgment when you ask if I’m listening. There’s a 30% chance that I’ll even be able to parrot your last sentence.
I can offer you a superior knowledge of 90s pop culture and Star Wars. Also, I haven’t matured since then, so I also offer all of the fun that comes with dating a 15 year old.
In return, I expect simple things, like unreciprocated niceness and unwavering tolerance.
If that’s not for you, I understand. I’m an acquired taste. At least my mom says I’m a catch.
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I'm looking for random hookups.....I came to MFP for dates and stayed because I actually started losing weight.....
@lstrat115 @_notorious_ @toned_thugs_n_harmonyI'm looking for random hookups.....I came to MFP for dates and stayed because I actually started losing weight.....
@lstrat115 @_notorious_ @toned_thugs_n_harmony
Are you looking to hook up with the 3 of us or are you thanking us for helping you lose weight from all of our previous random hookups?
OR were you just trying to watch the 3 of us hook up...together?3 -
Hello ladies....or something resembling. I'm employed in cash in hand jobs only. I'm in my late twenties... unless you tell me your age first, in which case, I'm likely to be age-flexible and may end up five years younger or older, give or take. You'll also find I have the EXACT same hobbies as you (how coincidental eh!). Possibly even the same birthday. 16 December I hear? ME TOO! Oh sorry... did you say 16 November? I meant that. Yep...proud sagi-quari-cancer-aries-taur-leo-pricorn here too!
I have the well known male condition of selective hearing and unfortunately, it's pretty damn serious. I will expect you to pay for your own meal on a first date... y'know independent woman and all. I also expect you to be both needy and not all at the same time. And to know what I want every second of the day...but like, not bug me about it also.
I need someone quiet but loud; original but not pretentious about it and actually quite ordinary and conformist too; someone strong in character but doesn't make me feel emasculated because I have severe issues around that. Oh and I am passive aggressive like you wouldn't believe! So I expect you to know when I'm angry at you without me telling you. I call that us being in sync.
Oh by the way, I also expect you to be cool about the fact that I'm in a long term relationship. Oh yeah and don't expect marriage or children. I'd like to say I'm an idealist rather than a realist. So while I dream about being that stupidly happy, pearly white toothed family, smiling at each other on furniture that isn't ours, because we're in a photo shoot for a catalogue we're getting paid *kitten* loads for....the reality is, you'll be lucky if I so much as smile at an overly friendly child waving at me like IT knows me. And no, you won't even get a haribo ring. Those are my faves. Back off and get your own! Btw, a long distance relationship is a must. Not in England? GREAT!
Few other bits:
Little phone contact.
Occasional social media networking is okay. And by that, I mean instagram requests and desperate messages to me until I decide to eventually add you.
Okay ta, look forward to receiving your insta request
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kitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »Hello ladies....or something resembling. I'm employed in cash in hand jobs only. I'm in my late twenties... unless you tell me your age first, in which case, I'm likely to be age-flexible and may end up five years younger or older, give or take. You'll also find I have the EXACT same hobbies as you (how coincidental eh!). Possibly even the same birthday. 16 December I hear? ME TOO! Oh sorry... did you say 16 November? I meant that. Yep...proud sagi-quari-cancer-aries-taur-leo-pricorn here too!
I have the well known male condition of selective hearing and unfortunately, it's pretty damn serious. I will expect you to pay for your own meal on a first date... y'know independent woman and all. I also expect you to be both needy and not all at the same time. And to know what I want every second of the day...but like, not bug me about it also.
I need someone quiet but loud; original but not pretentious about it and actually quite ordinary and conformist too; someone strong in character but doesn't make me feel emasculated because I have severe issues around that. Oh and I am passive aggressive like you wouldn't believe! So I expect you to know when I'm angry at you without me telling you. I call that us being in sync.
Oh by the way, I also expect you to be cool about the fact that I'm in a long term relationship. Oh yeah and don't expect marriage or children. I'd like to say I'm an idealist rather than a realist. So while I dream about being that stupidly happy, pearly white toothed family, smiling at each other on furniture that isn't ours, because we're in a photo shoot for a catalogue we're getting paid *kitten* loads for....the reality is, you'll be lucky if I so much as smile at an overly friendly child waving at me like IT knows me. And no, you won't even get a haribo ring. Those are my faves. Back off and get your own! Btw, a long distance relationship is a must. Not in England? GREAT!
Few other bits:
Little phone contact.
Occasional social media networking is okay. And by that, I mean instagram requests and desperate messages to me until I decide to eventually add you.
Okay ta, look forward to receiving your insta request
so, cash for handjobs is legal over in england?
I thought the same thing when I read it
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browneyedgirl749 wrote: »kitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »Hello ladies....or something resembling. I'm employed in cash in hand jobs only. I'm in my late twenties... unless you tell me your age first, in which case, I'm likely to be age-flexible and may end up five years younger or older, give or take. You'll also find I have the EXACT same hobbies as you (how coincidental eh!). Possibly even the same birthday. 16 December I hear? ME TOO! Oh sorry... did you say 16 November? I meant that. Yep...proud sagi-quari-cancer-aries-taur-leo-pricorn here too!
I have the well known male condition of selective hearing and unfortunately, it's pretty damn serious. I will expect you to pay for your own meal on a first date... y'know independent woman and all. I also expect you to be both needy and not all at the same time. And to know what I want every second of the day...but like, not bug me about it also.
I need someone quiet but loud; original but not pretentious about it and actually quite ordinary and conformist too; someone strong in character but doesn't make me feel emasculated because I have severe issues around that. Oh and I am passive aggressive like you wouldn't believe! So I expect you to know when I'm angry at you without me telling you. I call that us being in sync.
Oh by the way, I also expect you to be cool about the fact that I'm in a long term relationship. Oh yeah and don't expect marriage or children. I'd like to say I'm an idealist rather than a realist. So while I dream about being that stupidly happy, pearly white toothed family, smiling at each other on furniture that isn't ours, because we're in a photo shoot for a catalogue we're getting paid *kitten* loads for....the reality is, you'll be lucky if I so much as smile at an overly friendly child waving at me like IT knows me. And no, you won't even get a haribo ring. Those are my faves. Back off and get your own! Btw, a long distance relationship is a must. Not in England? GREAT!
Few other bits:
Little phone contact.
Occasional social media networking is okay. And by that, I mean instagram requests and desperate messages to me until I decide to eventually add you.
Okay ta, look forward to receiving your insta request
so, cash for handjobs is legal over in england?
I thought the same thing when I read it
Hahaha I just re-read that... screw it, it's staying in!
And yes. Very legal. Even more of a catch.0 -
Rich women with peanut allergies interested in marriage3
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Got gas? ME TOO! TWINSIES! Let's talk.
MWF looking for sarcastic bass turds and beaches.
Into wrestling and pressure points.0 -
I was referred to you by a friend. I'd love to find the girl of my dreams..... she would be a girl. I real girl, not one of these girls thats not so real. Today I am single and mostly sober. I've had jobs before and can drive a stick shift. If you're here let me know..... I have to admit something..... I never learnt to read. I'm waiting for you're reply.1
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toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »I'm looking for random hookups.....I came to MFP for dates and stayed because I actually started losing weight.....
@lstrat115 @_notorious_ @toned_thugs_n_harmonyI'm looking for random hookups.....I came to MFP for dates and stayed because I actually started losing weight.....
@lstrat115 @_notorious_ @toned_thugs_n_harmony
Are you looking to hook up with the 3 of us or are you thanking us for helping you lose weight from all of our previous random hookups?
OR were you just trying to watch the 3 of us hook up...together?
Probably this
a girl can hope, right?1 -
browneyedgirl749 wrote: »Looking for adventurous man who won't cringe when I pull a lock box out from under the bed. Must be opened minded and don't run away screaming at the sound of a rubber glove being put on.
NO!! 0 -
Looking for a mfp bf who will sweep me and several of my friends off our feet.
You don't need to be original in your messages to us..we will simply share what you wrote amongst ourselves. Saves you the hassle of coming up with new material.
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »Looking for a mfp bf who will sweep me and several of my friends off our feet.
You don't need to be original in your messages to us..we will simply share what you wrote amongst ourselves. Saves you the hassle of coming up with new material.
Just pick something good from your library for me.
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LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »Looking for a man to explain everything to me. Copious use of the word "actually" a must. I'll listen to everything you say with a wide-eyed, adoring expression and never disagree with your opinion. I'll especially love it when you call me "little lady" and tell me not to "worry my pretty little head" about anything.
If also understand the need for a safe word, we can get along.
Do you have a sample contract?0 -
What I want from you:
- for you to do what I want, when I want, how I want...but if you do I won't really respect you
- basically be "on call" for whatever I require/desire and then go away
What you'll get from me:
- I couldn't tell you...I'm guessing not much4
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