The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Options
Replies
-
Day 1 - I cannot handle how alcohol depresses me when I am already not in a good way. I always "think" I will feel better, but I don't so I cried again last night after a few (not to mention it hinders weight loss) and today I just don't feel so good at work.
How do you cope if you have a spouse that drinks daily?
thanks for words of wisdom.
PS I have never posted about anything like this before14 -
@dbhdeb first of all, welcome to our group. We all support each other through thick and thin. NOTHING is too bad/embarrassing/ whatever, to share here. Lots of us have spouses or partners that still drink and it is hard but you need to realize you are quitting/cutting back for YOU. You cannot control other people's behavior, only your own. There is a very good youtube by Annie Grace on this topic. I'll post it.
5 -
-
How do you cope if you have a spouse that drinks daily?
Today is day 10 for me. Not gonna lie -last night I wanted to string him up. I said probably 5 times "JUST LET ME GO TO BED" and drunk hubby kept talking. UGH. I keep telling myself that THIS IS FOR ME! Luckily, I don't like his drink of choice. That helps A LOT!!!
FRE wines - I tried the red blend. It was ok. I also bought the Brut and ARIEL Cabernet - also alcohol removed. Ariel has a cork
LOL! I will let you know once I try it.
I just had lunch with a girlfriend. She had 2 mixed drinks and I had water. It did not feel strange. The only strange time was when she offered me a taste. I just said "I'm good" and we went on.
7 -
Welcome @dbhDeb ! My husband was a daily drinker. He's trying to get healthier too/support me, but no interest in actually quitting.. He tries to just drink on the weekend, but it creeps back in on some week days. But Jen is right. Nothing you can do about someone else's behavior just your own. Hang in there! Once you get past the first 2 weeks, give or take, it'll get easier to deal with the thoughts about it, because the strong urges start to dissipate.. Try to keep yourself busy.. I feel it's definitely easier for me now at Day 21 than it was during the couple weeks prior, even though I still think about it5
-
Also, other than my pregnancy when I obviously could not drink, this 21 days is the longest I think I've gone since age 21.. which was well over a decade ago.. so I'm feeling pleased. Hope everyone has a great day!6
-
Yellowstone1983 wrote: »Also, other than my pregnancy when I obviously could not drink, this 21 days is the longest I think I've gone since age 21.. which was well over a decade ago.. so I'm feeling pleased. Hope everyone has a great day!
I went 17 days a year or so ago. Other than pregnancy, I think that was the longest for me.
YAY US and WE'RE NOT PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!6 -
How do you cope if you have a spouse that drinks daily?
Today is day 10 for me. Not gonna lie -last night I wanted to string him up. I said probably 5 times "JUST LET ME GO TO BED" and drunk hubby kept talking. UGH. I keep telling myself that THIS IS FOR ME! Luckily, I don't like his drink of choice. That helps A LOT!!!
FRE wines - I tried the red blend. It was ok. I also bought the Brut and ARIEL Cabernet - also alcohol removed. Ariel has a cork LOL! I will let you know once I try it.
I just had lunch with a girlfriend. She had 2 mixed drinks and I had water. It did not feel strange. The only strange time was when she offered me a taste. I just said "I'm good" and we went on.
0 -
Check out this article on how Millennials are changing their drinking habits:
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/04/millennials-sober-sick-of-drinking/586186/6 -
Quoting part of RubyRed....For me, it is DAYS. After the hangover, I then feel so anxious and depressed...
Let’s stay on track; it is easier to resist the urge than to suffer the after effects.
THIS IS SO TRUE for me too and I have to remind myself when I have the urge it is SO not worth it!!! My daughter is texting with me right now and if I were drinking God know's what I'd be writing back. I want this damn monkey off my back forever. I am so grateful for this group and all of you!
Agree! So thankful for this group!3 -
I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I'm sure this will sound totally obvious. In fact, it sounds totally obvious to me, but I'd never exactly thought of it this way before. Today is Day 6 for me. As usual this week, I really, really, really wanted a drink after work. I almost had one. My thinking was, "If I just have one, I can still legitimately count tomorrow as Day 7 because 1 drink really isn't really getting off track."
My epiphany was that the problem with that isn't that it's "cheating"; it's that it simply won't work. If I could seriously have one drink tonight and get right back to it tomorrow, I wouldn't mind counting it as Day 7 with a clear conscience. I can be flexible. However, I realize that tomorrow would NOT be Day 7. In fact, it wouldn't even be Day 1 again. It would be months until I mustered up the will or mindset or whatever it is to have another Day 1. Day 1 is hard. I had a Day 1 on MLK Day this year. Then I had Days 2 and 3. On Day 4, I decided to have just one drink because of a particular work "crisis." So I did. Just one. My next Day 1 was last Saturday, March 30. That's the reality of what that one drink tonight would do to me. It would postpone my next Day 1 until June or later. And I'm tired of having Day 1. Even after 50 days, my "one drink" on September 20 of last year put off the next Day 1 until MLK Day.
I kind of knew all this, but I haven't ever really thought it through completely. Maybe I'm different from others, but I can't summon up a Day 1 very easily. I guess that's what it means to be a person who can't moderate. An "I'll drink 3 days per week" plan would just never work in my universe.
Anyway, here's to Day 7 tomorrow! I'm intensely aware of how fragile my non-drinking life (can't say "sobriety" for some reason) is at this point, but I'm grateful for 6 days of it. For me that's a huge step forward. Happy upcoming weekend, everyone.10 -
@donimfp I wholeheartedly concur. Once I have day 1 it's a long time before I can start over. It was the same when I quit smoking for good. I'd stop for 3 days, have "just one" cigarette, then go buy a pack. Yuck. It took me many attempts to give that up but I did, I don't even know how many years ago now. I can't drink "2 drinks, 2 days a week" anymore than I could smoke like that. It's impossible for me.
8 -
@donimfp
This is so true. It is true for me, even though I really only spent one night (since the winter solstice) wildly, I-don't-remember-any-of-it-drunk. I still had to start over and did NOT pick up the momentum I had gained for more than two weeks afterward. It takes a toll. I don't have the words to describe exactly what it robs from me but I know that, after nearly 100 days, I had this magnificent mojo, magic, serendipity happening in my life and then, POOF! It left and I had to rebuild.I'm tired of having Day 1
The good news is: it's back. It took almost three weeks, but I can feel lift-off again and I will be damned if I allow something as stupid as a glass of wine to derail what is happening in my life. Hang on, my friends. It is so worth it--you are so worth it! xxx9 -
MountainLaurel787 wrote: »My heart has been going out to all of you as I've read your words, experiences, pains and triumphs! You are all to be commended as you continue on with this fight.
I wanted to share a "moment" I had. On Saturday, my heart was breaking. I felt all kinds of emotions that I didn't want to feel. I imagine you all know what I'm talking about because that's why many of us are here. My heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn't breath. I decided to get in my car and drive around. Well, I knew exactly why I was doing that...but I was denying it. I ended up in the parking lot of my local liquor store. I had all kinds of addicted brain talk going on. I was thinking at least I can buy a bottle of Skyy and have it in my house and I can make my decision later. There was a war raging in my brain as I sat in my car trying to decide what to do. Eventually, tears started running down my face and I hung my head down on my steering wheel as sobs starting coming out. Well, at some point, I managed to honk my horn with my chin. It made me jump and when I looked up, I saw a startled lady who thought I was honking at her. I was so embarrassed that I started my car up and left. And just like that...the moment was gone.
Today, I have been sober for 11 weeks and one day. I am feeling extremely grateful that I didn't let anyone or anything take that away from me, including myself. It was a brief moment, but it happened. In the last several days, I have been able to focus on an action plan. I've realized I can't do this by myself and I need a support system in place. I am pleased to say I'm working on that with a clear head and not an alcohol saturated one. I feel stronger for having won that battle.
I am doing well and I survived the moment. I sure hope the lady in the parking lot did too!
Many thanks to all of you for sharing. Your words inspire those who sometimes need to read in silence.
GREAT GOING!!4 -
I have a hard time keeping up with the posts if I don't check in often...but I see the drinking demon's are never far away nor are they ever at rest. They attack me at the strangest times, always when I least expect it. It is really random what the triggers are.
I am also not one for quotes...But J.J. Watts (a phenomenal NFL defensive end) had a quote that I find applies to staying AF every day. I think of this quote often:
"Success isn't owned, it's leased. And rent is due every day."
When the demons hit, my immediate response is "Time to pay up!." I do this by long workouts, staying in the Word, working on the farm, talking through it with my wife, etc. No matter what...find a way to Pay up!
Thanks for sharing this!1 -
Yellowstone1983 wrote: »Also, other than my pregnancy when I obviously could not drink, this 21 days is the longest I think I've gone since age 21.. which was well over a decade ago.. so I'm feeling pleased. Hope everyone has a great day!
Great! Excited for your progress!
2 -
I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I'm sure this will sound totally obvious. In fact, it sounds totally obvious to me, but I'd never exactly thought of it this way before. Today is Day 6 for me. As usual this week, I really, really, really wanted a drink after work. I almost had one. My thinking was, "If I just have one, I can still legitimately count tomorrow as Day 7 because 1 drink really isn't really getting off track."
My epiphany was that the problem with that isn't that it's "cheating"; it's that it simply won't work. If I could seriously have one drink tonight and get right back to it tomorrow, I wouldn't mind counting it as Day 7 with a clear conscience. I can be flexible. However, I realize that tomorrow would NOT be Day 7. In fact, it wouldn't even be Day 1 again. It would be months until I mustered up the will or mindset or whatever it is to have another Day 1. Day 1 is hard. I had a Day 1 on MLK Day this year. Then I had Days 2 and 3. On Day 4, I decided to have just one drink because of a particular work "crisis." So I did. Just one. My next Day 1 was last Saturday, March 30. That's the reality of what that one drink tonight would do to me. It would postpone my next Day 1 until June or later. And I'm tired of having Day 1. Even after 50 days, my "one drink" on September 20 of last year put off the next Day 1 until MLK Day.
I kind of knew all this, but I haven't ever really thought it through completely. Maybe I'm different from others, but I can't summon up a Day 1 very easily. I guess that's what it means to be a person who can't moderate. An "I'll drink 3 days per week" plan would just never work in my universe.
Anyway, here's to Day 7 tomorrow! I'm intensely aware of how fragile my non-drinking life (can't say "sobriety" for some reason) is at this point, but I'm grateful for 6 days of it. For me that's a huge step forward. Happy upcoming weekend, everyone.
Yes, you are right. It is a HUGE step forward. I remember not being able to go even 24 hours. Someone kept telling me to keep trying. Well I did and so are you. One day at a time. There are enough challenges in one day to think further than that. Keep putting them together. you can do it!5 -
@lagoscarrie You are so worth it, too!
2 -
@dbhDeb welcome!2
-
@dbhDeb Welcome to our group. I think we can all relate to the depression from drinking...alcohol IS a depressive so you are perfectly normal & in good company with the rest of us. You CAN do this!!!
I have said before in this space how I admire all of you here who are fighting to remain AF while having to contend with a spouse who drinks whether they have a problem or not. The fact that there is the exposure to alcohol and you aren`t able to totally control your environment at home would be tough so I feel for you. Yet, I see everyone continue to fight and that is success...!!! Not giving UP!!! 5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoL4-1u4MRo
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 389 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 919 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions