WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR SEPTEMBER 2019

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  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    edited September 2019
    Beth, Lanette, Carol & Michele Olivia, Phoenix, & their mom Katie are going to be in France for a 2-month trial, and then their mom will decide if they will stay or come back to the US. From the looks of happiness on the little faces, I rather suspect they will stay. It really does seem to be good for them. I was upset to learn that Olivia & Phoenix's dad obnoxiously went to France instead of staying in LA. :s Katie told me he finally left when his grandmother told him he needed to leave, LOL! I'd like to send her flowers.

    Karen in Virginia
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,953 Member
    Items left for those we leave behind - I have so many items in my house that I cannot get rid of because they were not only my Grandparents, but my Great Grandparents. I have rings and jewelry, old tin pictures, my Great Grandmother’s and Grandmother’s dishes. I did give one piece of my Great Grandmother’s to my daughter as a wedding gift to go along with her Antique Love theme.
    I don’t plan on leaving specific items for the girls or grandchildren in a will. I will do what my grandparents did and give them items while I’m still able to or they will work it out themselves. There is no money and nothing really valuable to fight over.

    On the bra subject. - I am bigger and hate padded bras. I find it so hard to find any without padding these days. Heather I’m in your camp when it comes to nipples showing. I ordered these new things the other day that you just stick on and lift so there are no straps or anything. I did not know how well they will work but I’m looking forward to trying.

    I have spent all week reading trying to get caught up from not reading last weekend. I just can’t keep up with commenting to everyone anymore since I started working.

    Tracey In Edmonton
  • exermom
    exermom Posts: 6,531 Member
    Lanette – when my in-laws were alive, they had trusts drawn up. My husband was trustee. It was his job to not allow his mother to withdraw more than a certain amount of money from the trust for exactly the reason that FIL was concerned that after he died, someone would marry her for her money.

    Can someone tell me what the fat is in these brownies? They contain zucchini, carrots, sweet potatoes, whole wheat flour, maple syrup, chocolate chips and baking soda. I don’t see any of those items being high in fat. I made avocado brownies once and the avocado provided the fat.

    The original chicken pox vaccine that we got as children loses its effectiveness as we get older. The shringrix doesn’t But there is a waiting list

    Beth – we’re thinking of next time seeing Denise having the bumper sticker that says “we’re spending our children’s inheritance”. Yes, Denise feels that she is “owed”, that everything should be divided 50/50. Not going to happen. Jess is the person who comes to see us, not Denise. Denise is the one who gives us a hassle about coming here one/year, not Jess. Jess is the one who says that she is thinking about moving to NC because we’re getting older and will need someone to take care of us. Now will she? Who knows? But she’s mentioned it a few times, she’s thinking about it. Not Denise.

    Okie – who knows what Denise is thinking that PJ should get? Really, who cares? She didn’t know that if you want to disinherit someone from your will you need to leave them at least $1. This way they can’t contest the will. Otherwise, they could claim that you forgot them and that they are entitled to a share of your estate

    barbie – how wonderful for Jake

    Lanette – that’s probably what we’ll do (all grandchildren get a certain amount divided between them). It wouldn’t make sense to go to a lawyer every time a grandchild is born.

    Janetr – we have one vehicle in my name and the other two are in Vince’s name. This way, no one can take all the vehicles and leave me with none.

    Katla – I’m so sorry that happened to you about the rings. I definitely can see Pete selling them and Denise just going along with it. I don’t think she would be happy, but I do think she’d go along with Pete

    I do think that I’m going to come back to logging food on MFP. Even tho things aren’t verified and some of it is totally wrong (like something having 0 calories. Really?), they do have a more extensive database that Nutritionix.

    Barbie – I highly doubt Denise and Pete have any type of will

    When my grandmother died, the only thing that I specifically wanted was her sewing machine.

    Small NSV for me. Remember I made the zucchini carrot brownies. Well, one of them was very soft so I started to eat it and then threw the rest away.

    Sharon – welcome

    I was keeping a draft of things that I wanted for Christmas and my birthday. This is the second time now that when I went to add something to the list, it wasn’t in the “drafts” folder. I thought a draft would stay there indefinitely until you deleted it, but it must be that after a certain amount of time, it is deleted. Bummer. I don’t think I can remember everything.

    Barbie – we have provisions for our cats, too. They are to go to Jess (we figure a vet can’t be all that bad as a pet owner), they are to be kept together, and we’ve set aside money for their wellbeing

    Michele in NC
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,278 Member
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  • janetr7476
    janetr7476 Posts: 4,001 Member
    edited September 2019
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  • okiewoman510
    okiewoman510 Posts: 1,316 Member
    edited September 2019
    Janet - Please check again. We recently were told if there are children that are his, the children can get 50% of all non joint, non marital property that normally would pass with a will in OK. If you are co-owner or beneficiary (cars, house, 401K, insurance) they would be yours. Any material possession that were his before your marriage his kids could get 50% of. This would include his wood working stuff if he had it before marriage and if you need it to live off the proceeds, you could be in a bind. If you’re planning to live in the RV, be sure it is in both names for sure.

    ETA - I missed that you said everything is in both names so you should be good except for any tools/equipment or household stuff if he had them before you married.

    Hugs,
    Okie
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    exermom wrote: »
    The original chicken pox vaccine that we got as children

    I never got a chicken pox vaccine as a child. I got chicken pox twice instead.


    exermom wrote: »
    I was keeping a draft of things that I wanted for Christmas and my birthday. This is the second time now that when I went to add something to the list, it wasn’t in the “drafts” folder. I thought a draft would stay there indefinitely until you deleted it, but it must be that after a certain amount of time, it is deleted. Bummer. I don’t think I can remember everything.

    In Office 365's Outlook?


    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    okiewoman510 wrote: »
    Janet - Please check again. We recently were told if there are children that are his, the children can get 50% of all non joint, non marital property that normally would pass with a will in OK. If you are co-owner or beneficiary (cars, house, 401K, insurance) they would be yours. Any material possession that were his before your marriage his kids could get 50% of. This would include his wood working stuff if he had it before marriage and if you need it to live off the proceeds, you could be in a bind. If you’re planning to live in the RV, be sure it is in both names for sure.

    ETA - I missed that you said everything is in both names so you should be good except for any tools/equipment or household stuff if he had them before you married.

    Hugs,
    Okie

    That's more or less how it is here in Tassie.

    There's a formula but what it says, in essence, is that the current spouse gets everything up to about $365,000 (there's a formula to figure out what that number is each year ... it has to do with the consumer price index and things) and then after that the children of the previous spouse get half of whatever was his.

    So ... if we owned a house, in both our names, that was worth less than $730,000 (not an unusual price for a house around here!) I would get the house because his half would be $365,000 or less.

    However, if we also had a bank account with $10,000 in it, which was in both our names and to which we both contributed, $5000 would be deemed "his" and ... since it would be more than the $365,000, his kids would share 50% of the $5000 and I would get 50% of the $5000.

    I didn't have too much to worry about because I don't think the things he has his name on would add up to more than $365,000. We don't own a house and don't have much. BUT during the time it takes to figure out how much everything we own is worth, it's all tied up so that I couldn't pay bills, buy groceries, etc.

    When my husband had his accident, I was told to open my own account right away and shift my pay into that account just in case my husband passed away ... so that I'd have enough money to cover things. At least pay rent and buy food.

    Fortunately he didn't pass away, and recovered enough to be deemed able to create a will by his doctors and a neuropsychologist, so I don't have to panic.


    These are the sorts of things we often don't think about until we're suddenly faced with them.

    M in Oz
  • Rho97070
    Rho97070 Posts: 84 Member
    Sharon LglSec Welcome :smile:

    Snowflake1968 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :smiley:

    Pip Was that a black lab in the photo yours?

    Beth near Buffalo Re: it sounds like you've got a good handle on the subject of your parents :wink:

    KK - KetoneKaren I sure hope what's happening is figured out and they're able to administer the help Josephine needs very soon. What a sweetheart of a girl <3

    Heather UK
    I have a friend whose daughter had encephalitis at around 20. She had to relearn everything. She is now a doctor.
    Wow! That is incredibly amazing! Good on her ! <3!

    Reinventing Rhonda - Day 14
    Scale was up a bit today. Oh, well, it will go down again.
    I walked this morning, a bunch looking at "new" used cars with my BF this afternoon, and took an evening walk together after dinner. Pretty tired from yesterday's excitement and from today.

    Heading to bed early
    - _ -

    Rho (south of PDX)






  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,703 Member
    Hi Gals,

    Been lots going on here and not taking the time to do more than read. I have been staying very busy between gardening – it’s harvest time, today I worked at the camp garden for 3 hours and harvested the whole time, tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans, peppers, eggplant (a pretty violet and white striped variety) I had done 3 hours of harvesting on Thursday also.

    And the rest of the day, dealing with work emails, and embroidery, plus an errand or two.

    So my nephew(DN) has a half brother (they share a mom) my brother is my nephew’s dad, and the man who was my brother’s best man is the half brother’s dad. The child was born while my brother and the mother were going through a divorce and was born drug addicted. Here by referred to by DHN (darling half nephew)! DHN is fine, the drugs worked their way out of his system and he has been raised by his dad and his grandma. My DN and DHN have always been in touch and are very close. DHN lives 7-10 minutes from me. DHN’s grandma died about 2 years ago and his father is a mess – but to proud stubborn and male to imagine that he could need help. I have had a relationship with DHN as we are so close in distance that we carpooled to many things. He just turned 16, things have been really bad between him and his dad, I know teens make things up and can’t see the world as it really is, but even so … I have started stopping by every other week or so, and last week I took DHN to dinner, when I got there his dad was calling him awful things because his physics grade was an A- not a straight A… really! I probably would have been getting a D! And school has just started so some of it is a learning curve on how the teacher teaches and tests. I told the dad I thought he was overreacting… I was very diplomatic and I am not sure he even realized I had just told him he was being a jerk. I did tell DHN that I would talk to his dad about him living with me if he wanted that to happen even if for just a few weeks. (the court has never given DHN’s mom custody or visitation- she needed to prove 6 months of sobriety first; and while the dad has let her visit and for them to go do stuff, she never went back to court – she now lives about 8 hours away) At this point he wants to stay near his friends, but he and I are talking about how to manage the situation to make it less antagonistic. And having a goal and working to it, not just letting life happen. He is a good kid, with all the normal teen issues, so I am ok with it being a situation I get involved with, but am not sure how I’ll fit in the time the additional responsibility will take if he decides to live here. No point in worrying about it until it happens.

    On the subject of wills/trusts – do check on your state rules, if you change your name make sure you update everything! When my grandma died she had stuff in 5 different names (maiden and 4 husbands) it was a huge mess, and 80-90 % of the inherence went to lawyers to undo the mess - I agree with everyone who said don’t try to control things from the grave! My mom doesn’t want a memorial/funeral/service/ or gathering. I find them a good way to get me over part of the grieving process – so I told her we could call it anything she wanted but it was happening; so already I am not following her wishes.

    Kids/Nieces and Nephews relationships – I sometimes think they have made an odd or not good choice, but what I have found is to find something I like about the person they are in-relationship with and other than asking if everything is good and are they happy – It is not my relationship and as I look at my friends and acquaintances there are plenty of long lasting couples who I can not imagine what drew them to each other and what keeps them together. But as long as my loved one is safe and happy I never comment to them or to anyone else

    Kim from N. California
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    hi I read most everything since last post.
    @Machka9 I wrote in a personal post to someone yesterday that on a daily level low expectations would be like Netflix and chill and high would be more up at 5 am meditation, gym, writing, and so on w solid full schedule of productive things.On medium term goals that would transfer no goals just keeping status quo or not too much loss vs the likely result of following the high expectations daily steps.

    interesting to read all the things about inheritance. I guess I should take care of that. I'll have no time before December so hopefully I'll stay alive till then. even today there would be several 10s of thousands from equity, etc. not a lot, but might as well go to someone or 5000 here and 5000 there. Better than a kick in the butt. I really don't care but it would likely be complicated not due to estate but due to 2 countries and languages being involved, so hard for some to figure out. Many people in France speak English well now. Of course most people in the usa can't get by in French. And even a knowledgeable English speaking French professional wouldn't grasp everything about USA and state tax and inheritance laws very quickly.It would be harder for a French executer to get access to beneficiaries addresses etc if they had changed.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    @GodMomKim I agree with you that one has to just accept people's partner choice as long as it is not violent or something like that. no-one is perfect and it's hard to understand all that goes on in a relationship. its their choice anyway.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    @ginnytez I've done malware and virus scans and nothing comes up.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    The winter cold/flu has been going around and I've avoided it till now. I was starting to think I might make it through the winter and early spring without catching anything this year!! Work colleagues have been dropping like flies for the past couple months ... my husband had it last weekend (and surrounding days).

    I continued to feel good till Friday (yesterday) morning. And then it all went downhill.

    I'm resting this weekend and I'll see how I feel on Monday. I can't miss much work from now till the end of September so I need to choose wisely.

    M in Oz

    Still sick today (Sunday) ... so much sinus pain. Low grade fever. I hate being sick. And it has been a nice weekend. If I were well, we'd have gone for bicycle rides outside yesterday and today. But nope.


    Regarding wishlists of Christmas and Birthday presents ... I stopped doing that in my 20s. I would make a list. People would get me anything but what was on the list. So I figured "why bother". That's part of the reason I have as much crystal as I do now. Everyone got me crystal. Crystal (bowls, glasses, ornaments, etc.) is OK but not my favourite. I prefer things with more colour and substance.

    I'd like to trade the crystal in for things like these: :)
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    d84zc87uc0qv.png



    But generally, the stuff I'd put on a wish list are things that most people must put into the "too hard" basket. I can get myself clothing and household things, so they don't go on wish lists. But I'd like stuff like a gift card for a massage, one housecleaning day from one of the companies here, someone to come in once a week and do my laundry for me, the way I want it done, folded, put away and everything, a 5-hour block from a personal assistant service to get me going on my filing, a file scanning service, a couple nights (of my own choosing) at a nice, quiet holiday spot ... things like that.

    Regarding my engagement and wedding ring ... my engagement ring is a wheel that my husband built for me with a SON dynohub so that I would have light when I ride at night. :) When that bicycle was stolen in 2010, I was really upset!! When the bicycle was recovered in 2013, I was so relieved!! My engagement ring was back. :)

    The wedding band is tungsten ... very inexpensive. We had chosen a different pattern and got that pattern, but mine was a bit too big for me and disappeared a few months later. Again quite upset. I even went walking up and down the highway thinking it might have dropped off when I took my cycling glove off at one point. But could not find it. So we ordered this one. Then, several months later, when I was packing to move to Australia to be with my husband ... I found the original ring!! :) I've got it on a chain now.

    We've never been a "traditional" couple. :smiley:


    Machka in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    Rho97070 wrote: »
    My ex is a fairly renowned acupuncturist. He treated our son with acupuncture almost every day beginning with day 2 after the accident. Of course, rehab folks are incredibly helpful, but I firmly believe that my son's progress was due to the acupuncture and his own will.

    His coma lasted about a month, during which we read stories and poems and sang songs that he loved as a child.

    They wouldn't have let me arrange for someone to do acupuncture or anything like that. They spent the first 3-4 weeks (even after he came out of the coma) just trying to keep him alive. He developed DVT in his right arm which may have been caused from all the lines they had in that arm or he might have landed on that arm in the fall. So they had to determine whether or not he still had bleeding on the brain. But they couldn't lie him flat so he couldn't go for an MRI. So for several days they kept trying to lie him flat but his brain pressure would spike. Finally, they figured they could just do it and discovered (fortunately) that the bleeding had stopped. So he was able to go onto heparin for the DVT. Meanwhile, he also developed pneumonia and was resistant to all the antibiotics. That went on for weeks and they were getting close to running out of antibiotic choices. But because his fever was so high, which was causing his brain pressure to spike, they had to wrap him in an air conditioned blanket which brought him down almost to the point of shivering (but not shivering because that would cause his brain pressure to spike ... ). He was constantly surrounded by medical people doing stuff. I only went in and stayed with him for 5 or 6 hours a day. That was about all I was allowed with visiting hours, plus there were days when they were rushing me out because a team had to come in to do some other procedure with him. Eventually they had to intubate him to try to improve his breathing and maybe shake the pneumonia.

    Then the PTA ...

    https://synapse.org.au/information-services/post-traumatic-amnesia-(pta).aspx
    PTA as a guide to recovery

    Along with Glasgow Coma Score, the length of PTA is often seen as one of the best measures of severity of a traumatic brain injury or similar brain disorder. This also means it can give a rough indication as to the degree of recovery that can be expected.

    In Australia the Westmead Post Traumatic Amnesia Scale is the most widely used measure:

    • PTA less than 5 minutes = "very mild injury"
    • PTA between 5-60 minutes = "mild injury"
    • PTA between 1-24 hours = "moderate injury"
    • PTA between 1-7 days = "severe injury"
    • PTA greater than 7 days = "very severe injury".

    My husband remained in PTA for 7 weeks. Each morning he'd wake up and it would be like a whole new life. Every time he napped and woke up, it would be like a whole new life. He didn't know his own name or my name or what was going on. But if he had a bad day ... a night's sleep and he was a whole new person again in the morning! One nurse commented about feeling bad about giving him Clexane injections (for the DVT) every day ... I told him not to worry because if my husband fell asleep, he'd forget all about it!

    He regained use of his right leg and left arm quite quickly, but it took a while before he was able to move his left leg (and he still has some trouble with that leg), and it took a long time before he moved his right arm. We'd almost reached the point where we figured he wouldn't have use of his right arm anymore ... and then one day he started wiggling his fingers. He also had vision issues ... only able to see half of what was there. And then later when he could see more, he had double vision.

    The OT kept wanting to do the PTA test on him to see if he'd come out of PTA, but he wasn't ready. Weeks went by. Finally they decided to try a modified test with him using multiple choice. Nope. One day I even sat there and told him which hospital he was in several times. Minutes later they did the test and one of the questions is, "Choose which hospital you're in" ... he looked at the four choices and pointed to the first (the hospital he was in) and said, "Well, I know I'm not there!" Meanwhile I was sitting there rolling my eyes and sighing! He finally decided he must be in a hospital about 3 hours away. :/

    Another time the test required him to look at 3 cards with pictures on them, and try to remember them. Then the next day they gave him all the cards and asked him to find the 3 cards from the day before. For days he couldn't do it, then one day, he went through the cards and set aside one, patted it, and said, "I like this one". I was inwardly groaning because it wasn't one of the 3. Then he proceeded to hand the tester the 3 correct cards. "These the the 3 cards from yesterday," he said, "but I like this one" and patted the first card he chose. It was a clock. He wanted the watch he always wears and wanted to know what time it was! That was when we knew he was coming out of PTA at last!! That was mid-May 2018. :)

    He still has a lot of memory issues ... can't remember anything on the day of the accident and struggles to remember March 2018 at all. In fact, in recent testing, he doesn't remember much of anything from roughly 4 months prior to the accident and even a few months before that are hazy. He had become general manager of the orchard in October, and isn't really clear about that.

    I'm glad to hear of your son's recovery!! That's great! You just never know what's going to happen, and it is worth trying everything.


    We attribute my husband's recovery (to this point) to several things including ...

    -- his fitness
    -- the fact that he doesn't smoke or drink alcohol
    -- his natural desire to learn and do things
    -- me exposing him to many things ... music, travel, sight-seeing, symphonies, plays, a variety of shows on TV about things like trains, gardens, animals, and comedies. We've gone to different cafes and have walked around town to let him remember. I've encouraged him do things like cooking dinner, gardening, and tinkering in the basement. And I "taught" him how to use the bus to get around and to shop at the little place at the bottom of the road. Part of me wants to wrap him in wool and protect him from everything ... but what kind of life would that be?
    -- a multitude of prayers from family and friends
    -- and they say love helps. <3


    M in Oz
  • csofled
    csofled Posts: 3,022 Member
    :)
  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,615 Member
    Welcome Saffy71996!
    Barbie glad to hear Jake has Oct and Nov “off” from blood work and the doctor. Enjoy!
    Janet neither can I persuade Joe of the neccessity for wills. We have no children, but I want to be sure Joe is provided for if I go first. Sounds funny but due education and other factors I've been main breadwinner and bill payer. Have no idea who to name as executor, probably my SIL. Must ask her if she'd be willing to take care of Tumble, too. I share your concern that Jack's stepdaughters might try to overrun you. Hope Jack will soon see the wisdom of making sure you are provided for.
    Machka love the engagement ring. Hope you feel better soon. Dying intestate would give 1st wife priority over current wife? I'm having a small heart attack too! Joe was married for a year back in 1971, then divorced, but I never thought to check the divorce was finalized. We married in 1989, I hope it's legal!
    Rho “...emotional energy and time spent that could be used on things that bring joy and happiness ...” wise words. Thanks for sharing the story of your son's survival and recovery. The power of love!
    Carol :heart: precious picture of your grandmother as a baby.
    Margaret excellent advice and thanks for the rminder about trusts. I need to research this more. Joe and I are both on the deed to the house and land, he is my beneficiary for the 401K and annuity, our checking and savings account are joint. Do you think we really need a trust?
    Karen in VA Olivia looks so stylish and happy, but my heart breaks for her being so far away from you. Josephina's smile is so bright and brave, thank you for that image!
    Connie VERY well done!
    Welcome Sharon LglSec, would you let us know your general location so we can keep you straight from our other Sharon (who's in Mexico now, but lives near Seattle).
    Tracey your smiling face looks so beautifully relaxed!
    Michele Brilliant idea about the bumper sticker. LOVE it! DO it! :)
    Dandi you have much of which to be proud. Brava!
    Kim Just your making the offer must have given your DHN a real boost. Well done!

    Skipped dog group today to help with church cleaning. Which task was I assigned? Yep, you guessed it, vacuuming! (Those who've been on this thread awhile know how much I loathe vacuuming.) It took almost three hours. Ugh. So much for the good effects of recent massage and hot tub, many aches and pains tonight. Truly, no good deed goes unpunished ;}

    Lighter, lovelies!
    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
    Word for 2019: "GOOD" good attitude, good food, good times, good choices, good enough, feel good, GOOD! Word for September: grit
    Steps-2612 (-that can't be right :P ) vits-13 log-14 CICO-12 Tumble-8 mfp-12 AF-8
  • wizzywig
    wizzywig Posts: 1,246 Member
    Pip I think you are right - I should just start at the last page and work backwards :D up to P 37 but last Page is 53 :o:o

    Love to all
    Viv UK
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    wizzywig wrote: »
    Pip I think you are right - I should just start at the last page and work backwards :D up to P 37 but last Page is 53 :o:o

    Love to all
    Viv UK

    Skim! :)
  • klanders30
    klanders30 Posts: 2,569 Member
    Terri Awesome post about process and small measurable actions.

    Beth is there anything more beautiful about fall in ny? (But let’s not even think about winter :( yet.

    Lisa you paneling is so light and pretty. Share pics when it is done

    DH and I had a light lunch (salad and roast chicken, Peruvian) out yesterday and I snuck in to see an Open clay class at an arts center. I may try a drop in for Saturday class-don't think I could handle the evening classes—too far to drive and the neighborhood was a bit sketchy for night time.

    Happy to spend time on work today to help calm the “Sunday scaries” make my red lentil soup for the week and grocery shop. It is going to be a stunningly gorgeous day and I intend to get out and soak in the sun.

    NYKAREN

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