WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2022
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Snowflake1968 wrote: »Heather - I used to live on the south side of the river and work on the north side. In all of the years we’ve lived here I have never taken the old tram and say I’m going to every year.
I currently live about 40 minutes from that river. I am in a small city just south of Edmonton. The airport is a 5 minute drive away.
We are having a flu shot clinic at work tomorrow and Friday. I’m not eligible for the Covid jab until January. I have to be 5 months after my positive test.
Machka - as I was reading your kidney stone experience I was picturing the university and hospital here as I knew you went there. I also pictured that long drive from south of here. Scary.
Debbie - have you tried eating more? MFP says I shouldn’t eat over 1200 to lose weight. I found that I actually need around 1400 to lose.
Tracey in Edmonton
I will see what the wellness coach says- I stick at 1000 most days instead of the 1200 that I am supposed to be at because in case I am not tracking exactly right, I have a little leway-
Like my lunch(and dinner last night)- It was kind of like gumbo- tomatoes, okra, kilbasa, black beans-I guessed how much of each ingredient I had in my bowl
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Karen what is your Buy Nothing Group? You're a blessing to many people 💞
Rebecca thanks for sharing the pictures of Athena! She makes me smile 💞
💞 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota2 -
Tracey - funny how we don't do the things right next to us, unless we have visitors who want to go. I still, haven't been up the i360. The old tram would be a fun trip for the kids. ???
Quiet day today. My covid jab aches have gone, so I will be attempting to start my first chapter.
Maybe I shouldn't start at the beginning! I might do another chapter that I really want to write. It's to put the poems about my EX DSIL in context. She died at 29 in a shocking car accident. I found the newspaper report and the funeral service/address in my memory box 2. My husband's mother had the most terrible schizophrenic episode, as a consequence, (she had previously had a few) and had to be sectioned. What a time that was! I was 24. It taught me so much about life. My novel 'Windows ' was partly based on the experience.
These things are so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. I have been on this forum over ten years.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx1 -
Mary -
Facebook Buy Nothing is an international network of local gift economies.
My group is mainly my zip code. While a person is supposed to be in only one Buy Nothing group, for awhile I was in two groups, until I sold my other house. Now I am no longer a member of that group. When this house is sold, I will leave this group and join the one for our new address.
The idea is to both give and wish for items. It isn't usually first come, first served, like many other free sites - a giver chooses whichever recipient they wish to, and often items are left "simmering" for a few days to give busy people a chance to see the post and reply that they are interested in an item. Recipients are chosen in whatever manner the giver desires - randomly, or by choosing a particular recipient for a reason.
A member can also wish for an item that isn't posted; I have wished for, and received, 2 strawberry pots for my hens & chicks, cute crocheted hats & other items for Josephine the Ballerina, and a vacuum cleaner for my brother's new apartment.
No wish is considered too big. I wished for a vintage Gibson narrow neck guitar for my brother. Not surprisingly, that wish wasn't granted, but some pretty big wishes do get granted from time to time.
I have granted several wishes for people - an entire Wii gaming system, a box of cous cous, styrofoam containers w/ice packs that insulin comes in for a woman that donates breast milk, plants, a vintage record player, a cheese knife/spreader, gift card & other items for a homeless man, 3 Barbie DVDs, acorns from my yard, and more.
I have given tons of belongings away through this group.
Some items are very popular. I had 19 responses to some Closet Maid components I posted recently.
On the other hand, nobody wants my cute kitchen utensil crock. lol
We keep a lot of items out of the landfill; so many people are crafters or gardeners, and want carpet and paint samples, leftover tiles, leftover paint, plastic plant pots, old leaky hoses that can be rehabbed, bottle caps, egg cartons, old rusty tomato cages, almost any storage item regardless of the shape it's in, any tool, jumbled boxes of nails and screws, old doors and windows, chargers for phones, TV remotes, Christmas garland even if the lights don't work, etc.
Some of these items could go to Habitat, but others would not be accepted. Our Habitat requires a retail (their retail) value of at least $150 to pick up, while everything on Buy Nothing is picked up by the receiver. So my heavy desk, heavy bags of books, overstuffed chairs, couch - all that was picked up at my house by the receivers of the gifts. I live in a very safe neighborhood so it works. I leave the smaller items in a bin on my front stoop to be picked up at the recipient's convenience.
Probably a much longer answer than you wanted!
Karen in Virginia
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I almost always watch Murder She Wrote if I can't get back to sleep at night. I have seen all of the episodes multiple times. I find the familiarity to be relaxing, and Jessica Fletcher is so reassuring in the middle of the night!
Angela Brigid Lansbury, Dame of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, made the world a much better place and I will miss her. I am grateful she lives on in her movies, recorded broadway performances, and syndicated TV series.4 -
Whidislander wrote: »One step backwards in my gut journey.😢. My solid food too soon. So a day of broth in the afternoon, maybe a protein drink. Stepped up my water, as I had slacked off this past weekend. Not happy.
Rebecca
Wa
Include a piece or two of fresh raw fruit in there. And ask your doctor about fibre.
Oppositely, for about 3 days now every thing I eat is moving through at the speed of light.
I don't know if it is my sinus infection medication or a touch of a flu or the quantity of fruit I ate over the weekend. So much fresh fruit available!
Butt (pun intended), I am kind of over it.
Nothing is sitting well, but I had a chicken and cheese sandwich (Jaffle) at lunch to attempt to slow things down a bit. Cheese can be good for that ... hard cheeses anyway.
On the bright side, I did lose 1.5 kg in those 3 days.
M in Oz
My appetite is gradually coming back and my digestive system has slowed a little. Thank goodness!!(not as much diarrhea as I had for about 3 days at the beginning of the week)
I actually tried a piece of fruit to see if it would be OK.
M in Oz
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Karen - The Buy Nothing group sounds wonderful. I have got similar pleasure from Freecycle. I once wished for a bedside table and a guy brought me round the perfect one! I have donated so many things! Like you, it makes me very happy. I know we have some pictures in the garage loft that need dealing with, but they are DH's, so I need to tread carefully. We did Freecycle some very nice batik prints, which were completely the wrong colourway for any of our houses. Most of the pictures were bought with his previous partner.
I can't be bothered to go through the money exchange route, so giving stuff away suits me better.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx1 -
I tried to start in the middle with my DSIL, but found that I might be repeating information that I might write earlier in the book! But that did break my fear of the blank page, so I've now got some of the introduction down. It's in draft form on a writing app as I find that less intimidating than Word. It's the equivalent for me of scribbling on the back of an envelope! I can copy from it and paste into an email to myself. Not ideal, but I like the feeling that it doesn't really matter and it doesn't have to be a perfect draft. Once I'm underway I can revert to Word when the nerves have dissipated.
Anyway, pleased with myself for making a start.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx3 -
Whew! I caught up with reading posts! I have only gotten behind once or twice in the past; getting behind is a good reminder for how busy and chatty we all are! lol
My gyn results were good. No abnormalities. The result of the heart exams was stress. She (the doc) gave me some "homework. Share my childcare plans with my husband and children, let them help, ask for help, walk daily, get back to swimming, give myself one full day of relaxation per week plus three weekday evenings of no work/housework. I am to work on this list of things to help ease the stress.
Karen VA- Your explanation of going through storage boxes with your partner, reminds me of going through things with my DH. lol It is because of the time it takes to listen (re-listen) to the stories and explanations of why he does things the way he does, that is keeping me from going over our budget with him. He used to be an accountant. Math explanations are my kryptonite. THE WORST!
More of you I wanted to reply to, but it will have to wait. Kids knock knocking on my door. (((Hugs))) ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)
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Morning, y'all... I am in writer's procrastination mode, so apologies that I've not been responding here of late. I have been reading everyone's posts and with you in spirit, cross my heart! I always am.
I've not allowed myself to write to you for a few days, because when I write to you, my weaselly little writer brain says, "OK, I've done my writing, let's go get some chores done!" Or read a book, or bake something, or absolutely anything but write. So far, not writing to you has not worked.
So, I won't stay, but I will say, I'm here, no worries. Thank you all for the pictures of babies, happy birthdays for those who celebrate. On the medical side:
Pip - good grief, I'm glad they've got you in PT.
KJ - I'm glad you're getting good advice from the docs...
Debbie - my first husband was in great physical shape, never smoked, did not drink, was not in a stressful job, and had his first heart attack at 47... purely from the genetics that killed almost every male in his family tree (the exception being his father, who died of lung cancer, still smoking the day he died). The heart attack didn't kill my ex, but his cholesterol was through the roof. Statins were the only thing that ever made an impact in bringing it down. To my knowledge, he is now 67, and hasn't had heart issues since he started taking them. Just info, use it as you wish. My mother's first heart attack was at 51 years old, and her father had a triple bypass at 65, so it stays at the forefront of my mind.
My alarm just went off telling me to tell me my time with you is up (it's worth a shot, I'll try anything).
Later, y'all,
Love you (swear!)
Lisa in AR6 -
Karen, I am also the keeper of stuff. I have my parents, two of my aunts, my husband’s family stuff, etc.
A friend in a similar situation as me and I started Declutter Tuesdays in January. Every Tuesday we get together at one house or the other work on decluttering for two hours then we go to lunch. It doesn’t sound like a lot but it helps tremendously.
Congratulations on clearing out a couple of the storage units.
Jeannie, Edgewood NM5 -
Whew! I caught up with reading posts! I have only gotten behind once or twice in the past; getting behind is a good reminder for how busy and chatty we all are! lol
My gyn results were good. No abnormalities. The result of the heart exams was stress. She (the doc) gave me some "homework. Share my childcare plans with my husband and children, let them help, ask for help, walk daily, get back to swimming, give myself one full day of relaxation per week plus three weekday evenings of no work/housework. I am to work on this list of things to help ease the stress.
More of you I wanted to reply to, but it will have to wait. Kids knock knocking on my door. (((Hugs))) ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)
I'm not sure I could do that ... one full day of relaxation a week plus 3 weekday evenings?
I think my brain would be making lists of things to do and yelling at me to get something done!
What does relaxation look like to you?
M in Oz
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Good morning ladies!
From time to time, the topic of FOMO comes up here. Fear of Missing Out.
This popped onto my FB page this morning:
Being a party pooper isn't pathological after all.
Make it a fabulous day!
Lanette
SW WA State where it's still sunny with days in the high 70's and 80's. Rain dance is anticipated to produce results in a week.
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Pip – was that REALLY 7 years ago? Seven? Those pics still look as terrible (the shoulder, I mean)
Karen – you have such a big heart! I wouldn’t doubt if that’s the reason you won the bid.
Well, it was just Vince and myself bowling.
Rebecca – I can’t get over how much we have all been thru together. Love you all.
It was really raining before but it’s slowed down now.
Michele NC
Those pics were of the 1st break 7 years ago, cool looking I thought1 -
LisaInArkansas wrote: »Morning, y'all... I am in writer's procrastination mode, so apologies that I've not been responding here of late. I have been reading everyone's posts and with you in spirit, cross my heart! I always am.
I've not allowed myself to write to you for a few days, because when I write to you, my weaselly little writer brain says, "OK, I've done my writing, let's go get some chores done!" Or read a book, or bake something, or absolutely anything but write. So far, not writing to you has not worked.
So, I won't stay, but I will say, I'm here, no worries. Thank you all for the pictures of babies, happy birthdays for those who celebrate. On the medical side:
Pip - good grief, I'm glad they've got you in PT.
KJ - I'm glad you're getting good advice from the docs...
Debbie - my first husband was in great physical shape, never smoked, did not drink, was not in a stressful job, and had his first heart attack at 47... purely from the genetics that killed almost every male in his family tree (the exception being his father, who died of lung cancer, still smoking the day he died). The heart attack didn't kill my ex, but his cholesterol was through the roof. Statins were the only thing that ever made an impact in bringing it down. To my knowledge, he is now 67, and hasn't had heart issues since he started taking them. Just info, use it as you wish. My mother's first heart attack was at 51 years old, and her father had a triple bypass at 65, so it stays at the forefront of my mind.
My alarm just went off telling me to tell me my time with you is up (it's worth a shot, I'll try anything).
Later, y'all,
Love you (swear!)
Lisa in AR
That was the 1st break, not this recent one0 -
Allie Love the picture with Grandpa.
RebeccaWhat a delightful picture of Atheana.
M relaxation looks like resting on the couch with Drew and just letting my mind drift. It looks like sitting in a garden and soaking up all the smells, sounds, feelings, colors. It sounds like listening to soothing music like cello or meditation music. AHHH!
Debbie learning more about me through trying to help DrewB. Glad to hear you are finding ways to relax.
Read a good article about Leaky Gut in reference to dogs. We suffer many of the conditions as a result of an unhealthy gut. Yes stress does have an effect on our gut. Diet, toxins, wrong kind of bacterial growth, medications also can affect gut health.
Our gut health is the foundation for the rest of our health. Building a healthy gut prevents illness and restores health.
Her first advice was to Remove as many toxins as you can by behavior and by diet. In my spoiler yesterday that is what I am trying to do.
Second Rebalance eliminate as much stress from your life that you can.
Replenish with quality food and supplements.
Restore gut with pre and probiotics from quality sources.
Relax and give my body and Drew's body a chance to heal.
Add a dollop of love by staring lovingly into Drew's eyes. The most potent medicine of all.
I need to remember when restoring myself and Drew to health it is a marathon and not a race. It is an ongoing process and there is always something new to learn and or to reframe my way of thinking.
Yesterday as my reward for filling my declutter bucket I did go fun shopping for the first time in a year. I had some TJ Max gift cards and our local TJ Max is moving so so what was left was 60%off. I got a pair of slip on boots for winter for $16 and a harness for $3 for DrewB that has angel wings to go with her rainbow costume for Halloween. I tried them on yesterday. They were so fun. They flapped when she ran. When I put them on her again I will try to get a picture.
I am going to stick to stickers now for my keeping track of decluttering because it takes up less space. My goal is decluttering is to create more space so stickers fit this mind set.
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Back to enjoying coffee again, my life slowly resetting.
Had an interesting dream about youngest son visiting. It was pleasant to see him, if only in my dream. Woke up wanting to sleep more!
Shopping today at commissary. Been awhile since I have gone. Should be interesting what my appetite picks up, as I didn't write much on the list, just stuff Lee needs.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa4 -
I'm still around. It has been crazy, which seems to be the way things go recently.
My mother is still on hospice, but she had an incident at her adult family home which resulted in our having to get her out immediately by ambulance. She ended up in the hospital for almost three days. Adult Protective Services is involved. Thankfully, we have found a new place for her which seems to be so much better. We feel silly that we put her in that first place after all. Just evidence that we didn't know what we were doing.
I had my right breast reduction done on Tuesday, so I am home this week recovering. Hurts like crazy, but I have lots of meds and am trying to rest.
Regarding kids not talking to parents:I think parents know why their kids aren't talking to them, if they stop and think about it, but based on my own husband and mother, parents don't always want to be very self aware. I went a couple years not talking to my mother because my niece, whom my mother raised, had an affair with my first husband which resulted in our divorce. I tried to maintain a relationship with my mother, but she blamed me and my ex-husband, and didn't believe my niece had any responsibility at all. I was trying to protect myself, so I told her one day, I think it is best that we don't talk for a while. I think she's still in denial that I had to call off communication because she wasn't going to be there for me during the absolutely worst time of my life.
My 16 year old is not really talking to my husband any more, or very little, and my husband doesn't know why. Not very self-aware, in my opinion, because I know exactly why he's not talking to him, even without asking. My husband is too critical and sometimes even a little manipulative. My son has enough self-respect to not put up with it. So he avoids being alone with my husband and when they are, according to my husband, my son doesn't say a word to him. Why would he when whatever he says is going to be met with sarcasm or criticism.
Kids don't just stop talking to their parents/family for no reason whatsoever. It may not be a good reason, or it may be a very good reason. We just need to be more self aware in our relationships with our children. I have had to apologize so many times to my kids for stupid things I've said or done. I do have a pretty good relationship with all three of them, but my oldest and middle son are very careful what they share with me. They rarely ever just chat. My middle son communicates with me if something has gone wrong or if something wonderful has happened. They don't really communicate with my husband, who is not their father, because he tries to give too much "advice." It's not always helpful or constructive.
Flea
Willamette Valley, OR11 -
I've just been listening to a few podcasts with the Gottmans, who do research into couple relationships, but which would apply to any close relationship. I have been aware of their research for quite a while and it is fairly well publicised, but it amazes me how many couples flounder in the most basic courtesies and positive daily reinforcement. They have a new book out. Along with Gretchen Rubin, their advice has completely saturated my life with DH. It can make such a huge difference. Needless to say, I did the opposite with my first husband and learnt my mistake too late.
With children, I am aware that some parents, especially mothers, are very co-dependent with their children. Their intentions are good and loving, but the 'letting go' phase is vital for the child's growth. I often quote CS Lewis.
How selfhood begins with a walking away
And love is proved in the letting go.
Sometimes it is too hard for the child to negotiate a good, appropriately independent relationship while in continuous contact with the parent, so their only way of protecting themselves is rupture. Sad for all parties.
Negotiating our relationships is a life-long learning. Every one is a different dynamic, but I agree with Flea, we usually do know what we have done wrong. That is not to blame ourselves and wrack ourselves with guilt, (because we didn't know better at the time), but we can all learn and adjust our behaviour. 'Love' is a verb. If we are not behaving lovingly, we are not loving.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx5 -
This morning my spouse and I drove to the retirement community we were within inches of moving to a year ago. Some of you may remember that ended badly at the last minute, and was very very tough emotionally.
We went to pick up light fixtures I had ordered for the cottage that had been stored for the last year in one of their storage units. I e-mailed one of the marketing people & asked when we could come get the stored fixtures - I plan to sell them on auction or donate them to Habitat for Humanity - and was gobsmacked to hear that they were storing the fixtures in the garage of the cottage we had intended to live in!
It turns out the renovation of the cottage was completed 4 months after we withdrew our application, and I just assumed someone was living in it. Not so. In the last 10 months, they have had 2 couples put down deposits and then withdraw because they weren't able to sell their homes, which they needed to do in order to be able to afford the entry fee.
So we got to see the empty, renovated cottage. It's quite beautiful. It was good closure for us to be able to get in there to see the finished project. We have no regrets. The CFO tried to take advantage of us.
I'm sure I will burn in hell for getting a little satisfaction knowing that a year after the contract bait-and-switch they pulled on us, the cottage is still empty.
Karen in Virginia
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Karen thanks for the feedback! It was exactly as much as I wanted to know! I am going to join the one in the area in which we live. I have lots of gifts for people if they want them!!
💞 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota1 -
I’ve been a member of MFP since 2010 and I think I joined this group right around then too! It’s been 12 years now and I’ve gone through job changes, moves, retirement, travel, illnesses, surgeries, family issues, and all sorts of experiences. This group has been the only constant for me during this time. You will never know how much I appreciate your all being here for me and each other. Keeps me sane! 😊
RvRita where the sun is back in Roswell NM9 -
Jeannie - Sometimes I think it's hard for people to imagine what being the Family Keeper of the Stuff entails. It isn't so much a choice as it is being herded into the role by one death after another, and being The Responsible One. Because of my career, I have never had adequate time, energy, and the proper mindset to devote to divesting and disposing of the family items until now. It's a gargantuan task, but no more gargantuan than moving a rock pile one wheelbarrow a day, or washing a vinyl fence one panel a day, or training for a charity marathon, or moving one's elderly mother through the maze of the system from one state to another, or relocating in an RV from the West Coast to the Midwest, or holding down 3 jobs, writing a book, dealing with health issues, being a caretaker, running a home-based business, etc., etc., etc., as women in this group have modeled. If I keep plugging away, it will get done. I'm lucky I don't have to sell the house in order to move to the retirement community. That gives me the time and calm I need to perform the Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning to my satisfaction.
Karen in Virginia4 -
Page 10 but eyes are blurry so have to stop.3
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Karen-can you remind me please what type of community you are moving to? Is it 55 plus rentals or something different?
Plugging along here. Worked most of today. Went out for my first walk since surgery last Wednesday. Just went around the block-a little over .5 mile. Took me about 16 minutes so embarassingly slow-or maybe pretty good for my current status? At any rate-was good to be out. Won't do much more than that for the next few days.
I did see my back yard neighbor. Her husband is now in a nursing home. He had a stroke a couple of years ago, then last year he fell down basement stairs (nothing broken). He has Parkinson's. She said she hopes his heart will give up before he can't swallow. What a terrible position. He was always so active. They have always been such a devoted couple. She was almost apologetic when she said he got to the point where she couldn't care for him-I affirmed to her I believe she did the right thing-he needs the right care. Sad times.
Icing my sore spot and watching some ty-that's what relaxing looks like to me tonight!
Take care all,
Ginny in Ohio4 -
Karen - you hit the nail on the head..I walk into this condo every day and it is a mess,I am exhausted by the time i get back from taking care of Miles and i dont even know where to start.. I have collected stuff..I should listen to George Carlin again and listen to his speel about Stuff..im ready to get rid of some ,but would like to make a little bit of money on some of it. The rest im good with throwing out or giving away..
The bathroom and the hall closet that i cleaned out and rearranged has stayed clean amazingly.. so I have to do that with the rest of the place..1 -
Ginny -
It's a 62+ rental retirement community with assisted living, dementia, and skilled nursing available if/when needed. It is pay as you go. We will be in independent living in an apartment. I'll attach the floor plan. It's spacious.
The place we walked away from the bait-and-switch had a Prepaid Lifecare Contract, which was a much bigger up-front commitment.
In 2 years, if we choose to, we can move from the rental retirement community to a new apartment with a Lifecare Contract in another location, as we have put a refundable deposit to hold our place there until the apartment is built.
It is my opinion that end-of-life care is the best at the facility that we may move to in a couple of years, but the rental 62+ community we move to next month is a close second for end-of-life care, I believe. Completely different financial model.
The thing is, if you drop dead of a heart attack in independent living, it makes no sense to pay up front for end-of-life skilled care. On the other hand, if you live to be 100 and the last 10 years are in dementia care, it gets very expensive to pay as you go and inflation is an issue. It's hard to know what is best. I tend to think renting and pay-as-you-go makes sense, but the current economy and inflation trends are discouraging. Who knows?
The floor plan is reversed because that is the orientation of the unit we will be moving into:
Karen in Virginia2
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