Do I tell her she's gaining?

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  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    ctalimenti wrote: »
    PrizePopple wrote: »
    It's been almost a year since the OP.... I want to know if OP told her or not. :stuck_out_tongue:

    Nope, didn't want to take the risk. She's too sensitive and would whine to the world about me. Lost interest.

    Did she keep gaining?
  • amnsetie
    amnsetie Posts: 666 Member
    edited February 2015
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    Get her dad to tell her. Explain to him why, that she wanted prompting. He's gotta know how hard it is for you being a step mum, the boundaries and all.
    If it was a great relationship with her you would have told her. You're in a partnership, share duties.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    Wetcoaster wrote: »
    People who are gaining weight back know it.

    THIS! Don't say a word!!!!!!!

  • SwankyTomato
    SwankyTomato Posts: 442 Member
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    ctalimenti wrote: »
    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    If you know she will not take it well and not change her ways, then there is really no benefit in saying anything.

  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    SwankyTomato wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    If you know she will not take it well and not change her ways, then there is really no benefit in saying anything.

    You do realize he asked the question more than a year ago, right? Just checking :)
  • mistyloveslife
    mistyloveslife Posts: 111 Member
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    jerbsod wrote: »
    You DO NOT want to have that conversation with a women EVER...
    NEVER EVER tell a woman she is getting well... fat

    Ditto! My husband made a comment to me once about how many sweets I was consuming. It was meant well but it hurt my feelings so bad! I knew I was gaining weight and eating bad. We all do... If she's gaining, she knows she changed her eating/work out habits.

    I would ask her if she wants to workout with you. Working out usually motivates people to eat better. If she brings her weight gain up after mentioning the working out, then you can talk about it. I would tread lightly on the subject until then. It's a very touchy issue for some women. Good luck!

  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    PrizePopple wrote: »
    It's been almost a year since the OP.... I want to know if OP told her or not. :stuck_out_tongue:

    Nope, didn't want to take the risk. She's too sensitive and would whine to the world about me. Lost interest.

    Did she keep gaining?

    Absolutely, probably 20 more lbs.

  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Wiseandcurious wrote: »
    SwankyTomato wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    If you know she will not take it well and not change her ways, then there is really no benefit in saying anything.

    You do realize he asked the question more than a year ago, right? Just checking :)

    Yeah there was really no benefit as I figured she would take it the wrong way. Very victimy.

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    ctalimenti wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    PrizePopple wrote: »
    It's been almost a year since the OP.... I want to know if OP told her or not. :stuck_out_tongue:

    Nope, didn't want to take the risk. She's too sensitive and would whine to the world about me. Lost interest.

    Did she keep gaining?

    Absolutely, probably 20 more lbs.

    To be fair, she probably would have even if you said something.
  • bainsworth1a
    bainsworth1a Posts: 313 Member
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    I wouldn't say anything about her weight or remind her of what she said. but as a good friend I would ask her if everything is ok. She may start talking and tell you what is going on. If she doesn't want to talk then tell her you are there to support her in what ever she needs.

    speaking from experience i asked a friend for help with my eating once and then resented her when she would say things like you shouldn't be eating that.

    good luck
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    ctalimenti wrote: »
    PrizePopple wrote: »
    It's been almost a year since the OP.... I want to know if OP told her or not. :stuck_out_tongue:

    Nope, didn't want to take the risk. She's too sensitive and would whine to the world about me. Lost interest.

    Did she keep gaining?

    Absolutely, probably 20 more lbs.

    To be fair, she probably would have even if you said something.

    TOTALLY agree.

  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    eld2310 wrote: »
    What she was really asking was for you to tell if her if becomes *obvious* that she's gaining weight - because it's so, so easy to pretend it's not happening or that no one has noticed. Look at how many people on this site admit they were walking around in denial, thinking they somehow "carried it well" or "weren't that fat" until a long-avoided weigh-in or an unflattering photo opened their eyes. She sounds to me like a woman who knows herself well enough to ask for a little tough love.

    yeah, this
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    jerbsod wrote: »
    A women will say "you let me know I prefer the truth" and thats a straight lie, they want to hear nice things making the first statement to their ears the absolute compliment (and the truth).
    Doesn't work the over way around.
    Remember Snow white? you do not want to be the mirror..
    stay silent brother. she will take this badly and you gonna be the bad insensitive guy.
    Unless you have a personal investment in the matter (you know what I mean) you stay silent FOREVER. If she asks you, compliment her, and say she is definitely hot and say maybe a couple poundsssss..... but she looks even better this way.
    This will send alarm bells..the only ones you can afford :p

    wut. nope.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    tomatoey wrote: »
    jerbsod wrote: »
    A women will say "you let me know I prefer the truth" and thats a straight lie, they want to hear nice things making the first statement to their ears the absolute compliment (and the truth).
    Doesn't work the over way around.
    Remember Snow white? you do not want to be the mirror..
    stay silent brother. she will take this badly and you gonna be the bad insensitive guy.
    Unless you have a personal investment in the matter (you know what I mean) you stay silent FOREVER. If she asks you, compliment her, and say she is definitely hot and say maybe a couple poundsssss..... but she looks even better this way.
    This will send alarm bells..the only ones you can afford :p

    wut. nope.

    LOL
  • kathleenlchristiannz
    kathleenlchristiannz Posts: 12
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    do it this way."gee.youre.looking really healthy...have you put on a little weight? yyou're.looking great!"
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    kathleenlchristiannz wrote: »
    do it this way."gee.youre.looking really healthy...have you put on a little weight? yyou're.looking great!"

    Oh sureeeeee! ;)

  • nesian_twin
    nesian_twin Posts: 198
    edited February 2015
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    she might have forgotten that she said this to you and I'm pretty sure she will know herself, every woman knows when they are putting on weight so its not your job to tell her or anyone, i certainly wouldnt
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    I'm actually surprised by the number of people who say they wouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming the OP for not having said it, and I also agree that she would probably have gained the 20 pounds since this discussion was started a couple of years ago, whether the OP had said something or not. I was just figuring that statistically with all the users in the site there would be at least a few more like me who totally would have. I mean, she did ask. There are ways in love (of any kind, relatives, friends etc) to be honest and to show you care and don't judge her at the same time.
  • andreamulhall
    andreamulhall Posts: 81 Member
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    jerbsod wrote: »
    You DO NOT want to have that conversation with a women EVER...
    NEVER EVER tell a woman she is getting well... fat

  • fattofit_fritch26
    fattofit_fritch26 Posts: 131 Member
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    Maybe don't tell her directly...ask for her to be your workout buddy...or talk about needing a healthy eating pal to keep you on track and see if she is interested. No one like hearing it, but there are ways to nudge at it so that she can stop gaining and you guys could help keep each other in check.

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