Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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berlynnwall wrote: »Confession: Back before things got out of hand I bought all of Carmen Electra's Fit to Strip exercise videos. I still have them. I wont do them now though, because I feel ridic. being so big and doing those dancer moves.
I used those dvds to learn how to be a stripper when I moved to san francisco and could not find another job that would let me support myself realistically. That was the only time in my life when I had an amazing body.0 -
Can I just say that I love you people? This thread has been hilarious, and healing, and cathartic.
I've been having a stupid couple of weeks. My toddler has been working through a never ending stomach bug, and it's been all wiping butts and soiled laundry over here. I was sick too. We're driving 5 hours away and back this weekend to visit my husband's sister, and I'm just dreading that much car time after so many poor nights of sleep. My husband has been working a side job, so I haven't seen him all week. I'm just tired, and depressed, and GRUMPY. I hate everything right now.
Except you guys.
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Can I just say that I love you people? This thread has been hilarious, and healing, and cathartic.
I've been having a stupid couple of weeks. My toddler has been working through a never ending stomach bug, and it's been all wiping butts and soiled laundry over here. I was sick too. We're driving 5 hours away and back this weekend to visit my husband's sister, and I'm just dreading that much car time after so many poor nights of sleep. My husband has been working a side job, so I haven't seen him all week. I'm just tired, and depressed, and GRUMPY. I hate everything right now.
Except you guys.
Awwww! I want to come do something nice for you, like babysit for a couple hours or clean your kitchen. What a rough week.
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... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
I have two close friends, but I only see them every few months because they are always so busy.
I don't have any friends or people in my life with similar interests. My gym partner will workout with me, but only once or twice a week and doesn't take it as seriously as me. I'd like to go hiking/biking and travel to different places to do those things, but if I ask anyone to go for a walk they look at me like I grew a second head. I also suck at making new friends due to my social awkwardness.
My confession: I am scared to date or even try to approach someone I find attractive because I assume their reaction will be "ewwww". And I also feel that I am not attractive or good enough to even deserve to have someone love me. It makes me sad that I feel this way, but I don't know how to change it.
I don't have any tips to try to help you change this thinking, but all I can tell you is that is not at ALL how I perceive you just from your posts here! You seem very confident and like a lot of fun. I hope you can change that mindset because you DO deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.
I was actually on my way back to delete this because I felt like I was throwing myself a pity party.
As for seeming confident here, that's the power of anonymity
I have zero self confidence around the opposite sex. I don't know why, I've never been rejected with an "ewww, gross" so I suppose it's just because that's how I can view myself so I think others do too.
And the not deserving part, I was in a relationship last year and this guy was (seemed) amazing. He was so good to me and made me feel really good about myself (no small feat). I found myself thinking "what makes me so special that I would deserve something this good?". And then when he broke up with me it just kind of cemented the thinking that I don't deserve it (even though he had a totally bogus reason for dumping me).
Well that sucks. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you dodged a bullet there! Good thing you didn't waste too much time on him since he obviously turned out to be wrong for you. Do you think he told you the truth as to why he broke up with you or was he trying to cover up or hide something? Totally nosy on my part. I understand if you don't want to disclose any more info. Either way, use this as a learning experience and move on.
Nope, definitely not, since he accused me of cheating on him. And when I tried to talk to him about it he basically thought I was just trying to figure out how I "got caught". I did not cheat, and he had nothing to support his accusations, which is why he wouldn't tell me how he "knew". (In case anyone's wondering, he's the one I sometimes imagine punching & kicking when I work out).
I know I dodged a bullet, but it sucks because things had been amazing up until that point, and we were really great together before his craziness surfaced.0 -
I have eaten everything I packed today and seriously thinking about heading down to the cafeteria for chips and/or chocolate.0
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... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
I have two close friends, but I only see them every few months because they are always so busy.
I don't have any friends or people in my life with similar interests. My gym partner will workout with me, but only once or twice a week and doesn't take it as seriously as me. I'd like to go hiking/biking and travel to different places to do those things, but if I ask anyone to go for a walk they look at me like I grew a second head. I also suck at making new friends due to my social awkwardness.
My confession: I am scared to date or even try to approach someone I find attractive because I assume their reaction will be "ewwww". And I also feel that I am not attractive or good enough to even deserve to have someone love me. It makes me sad that I feel this way, but I don't know how to change it.
I don't have any tips to try to help you change this thinking, but all I can tell you is that is not at ALL how I perceive you just from your posts here! You seem very confident and like a lot of fun. I hope you can change that mindset because you DO deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.
I was actually on my way back to delete this because I felt like I was throwing myself a pity party.
As for seeming confident here, that's the power of anonymity I have zero self confidence around the opposite sex. I don't know why, I've never been rejected with an "ewww, gross" so I suppose it's just because that's how I can view myself so I think others do too.
And the not deserving part, I was in a relationship last year and this guy was (seemed) amazing. He was so good to me and made me feel really good about myself (no small feat). I found myself thinking "what makes me so special that I would deserve something this good?". And then when he broke up with me it just kind of cemented the thinking that I don't deserve it (even though he had a totally bogus reason for dumping me).
Well that sucks. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you dodged a bullet there! Good thing you didn't waste too much time on him since he obviously turned out to be wrong for you. Do you think he told you the truth as to why he broke up with you or was he trying to cover up or hide something? Totally nosy on my part. I understand if you don't want to disclose any more info. Either way, use this as a learning experience and move on.
Nope, definitely not, since he accused me of cheating on him. And when I tried to talk to him about it he basically thought I was just trying to figure out how I "got caught". I did not cheat, and he had nothing to support his accusations, which is why he wouldn't tell me how he "knew". (In case anyone's wondering, he's the one I sometimes imagine punching & kicking when I work out).
I know I dodged a bullet, but it sucks because things had been amazing up until that point, and we were really great together before his craziness surfaced.
That makes me think he was projecting his problems onto you and that he was actually the one cheating. Could be wrong...0 -
I'm really impressed by your honesty. I hope you're feeling better about yourself these days. I'm with you about not really understanding much about mental illness when you've always been fine yourself. My 19 year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with depression, and I'm still struggling with the idea that it may NOT have been caused by her low iron levels, but may actually be a serious condition.fellowtraveler87 wrote: »confession:
(and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)
I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.
Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.
It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...
Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.
Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.
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I couldn't believe the difference in my kids from the teenage years to their early 20"s. It was like they all became these brand new people: adults I could have adult conversations with. They have all at various times surprised me by saying, "Hey remember X and I was mad at you for it? I get it now.". Of course, this means they too need to go through the emotions of relationships to understand (both good and bad). But that is all part of growing up.
I'm 24 and I understand this from their perspective. I'm able to talk with my mom now about those teen years and I see things more clearly about how I've matured since high school.
Confession: I only really have one girl who I consider my friend around here. The rest are all online. Haven't seen her since July. She lives 15 minutes away, but I don't drive and she has a kid and she has a 40-minute commute to her work, so she's always busy. We bought Christmas presents for each other and we haven't had the chance to get together. I feel like we don't really relate to each other anymore. She's most likely moving soon to be closer to her job and I'm pretending to be happy for her, but my only real friendship will basically be ending when it happens. It makes me feel lost. I haven't really had any friends since I was 16. I've let myself miss out on so much.
I know this feeling. I've gotten to the point where I've decided that if I want to do something I'll just have to do it by myself. I go to movies by myself, shopping by myself, and in January I took my dog and went away for the weekend. It was great. I've gotten tired of waiting for other people to finally be available so now I'm getting a "screw it, I'll just go do it" attitude.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
I have two close friends, but I only see them every few months because they are always so busy.
I don't have any friends or people in my life with similar interests. My gym partner will workout with me, but only once or twice a week and doesn't take it as seriously as me. I'd like to go hiking/biking and travel to different places to do those things, but if I ask anyone to go for a walk they look at me like I grew a second head. I also suck at making new friends due to my social awkwardness.
My confession: I am scared to date or even try to approach someone I find attractive because I assume their reaction will be "ewwww". And I also feel that I am not attractive or good enough to even deserve to have someone love me. It makes me sad that I feel this way, but I don't know how to change it.
I don't have any tips to try to help you change this thinking, but all I can tell you is that is not at ALL how I perceive you just from your posts here! You seem very confident and like a lot of fun. I hope you can change that mindset because you DO deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.
I was actually on my way back to delete this because I felt like I was throwing myself a pity party.
As for seeming confident here, that's the power of anonymity I have zero self confidence around the opposite sex. I don't know why, I've never been rejected with an "ewww, gross" so I suppose it's just because that's how I can view myself so I think others do too.
And the not deserving part, I was in a relationship last year and this guy was (seemed) amazing. He was so good to me and made me feel really good about myself (no small feat). I found myself thinking "what makes me so special that I would deserve something this good?". And then when he broke up with me it just kind of cemented the thinking that I don't deserve it (even though he had a totally bogus reason for dumping me).
Well that sucks. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you dodged a bullet there! Good thing you didn't waste too much time on him since he obviously turned out to be wrong for you. Do you think he told you the truth as to why he broke up with you or was he trying to cover up or hide something? Totally nosy on my part. I understand if you don't want to disclose any more info. Either way, use this as a learning experience and move on.
Nope, definitely not, since he accused me of cheating on him. And when I tried to talk to him about it he basically thought I was just trying to figure out how I "got caught". I did not cheat, and he had nothing to support his accusations, which is why he wouldn't tell me how he "knew". (In case anyone's wondering, he's the one I sometimes imagine punching & kicking when I work out).
I know I dodged a bullet, but it sucks because things had been amazing up until that point, and we were really great together before his craziness surfaced.
That makes me think he was projecting his problems onto you and that he was actually the one cheating. Could be wrong...
That's what I've been told. I didn't even realize projection was a thing until this all happened. I wish I'd found out the real reason, I feel like that would've been easier to move on from. I've gotten no closure and it still bugs me.0 -
So this is my confession:
I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.
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Will_Run_for_Food wrote: »I was craving something sweet the other night but had absolutely nothing in the house that would satisfy me except some hot chocolate. So I ate two spoonfuls of the powder. Two spoonfuls. Of the powder.
Crap, now the idea is in my head so this might just happen on my next binge. It's totally something I would do but just haven't thought of before. I guess it's less calories than adding it to milk, right?0 -
mimstastical wrote: »So this is my confession:
I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.
I can't emphasize enough getting to a doctor for depression. If you find the right one it can make a world of difference! I struggle with anxiety and depression but since I got my butt back in the gym, cleaned up my eating habits (don't worry I still splurge), and started talking to someone who didn't know me and wouldn't be judgmental I've improved almost a 100%! It's hard getting into the gym but once I'm there and knock out a good workout it feels so good! And being able to speak to someone objective every week has helped so much! If you're having trouble getting out of bed I really really urge you to seek help- it's not pathetic or wrong or any other label people who don't understand the feelings want to call it- you deserve to be so happy!0 -
My dog has a bad habit of picking up random things on our walks (pine cones, rocks, hair elastics, screws. etc) One day I took something out of her mouth and saw it was a Tootsie Pop. It was still wrapped and didn't look bad and I seriously considered eating it... but I didn't. But I kind of still wish I had...
Also, last night I was eating supper and saving one particular bite for last (cheesy broccoli). I ended up dropping it and the damn dog grabbed it. I took it away from her and then decided I was eating it anyway. (I just didn't eat the side she touched). It was worth it.0 -
I ate like 10 krispy kreme doughnuts in one day last week.. which of course inspired me to change my eating. I CRAVE so hard after 5pm I could pig out all night. oh the struggle.0
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mimstastical wrote: »So this is my confession:
I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.
I confess I am jealous.
If I do kneelifts on the chin up bar, that can happen. I truly can't believe I just confessed that one. (I am seriously considering deleting that. Came back into the thread specifically to delete that. Leaving it out there because I bet I'm not the only one.)0 -
... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
I have two close friends, but I only see them every few months because they are always so busy.
I don't have any friends or people in my life with similar interests. My gym partner will workout with me, but only once or twice a week and doesn't take it as seriously as me. I'd like to go hiking/biking and travel to different places to do those things, but if I ask anyone to go for a walk they look at me like I grew a second head. I also suck at making new friends due to my social awkwardness.
My confession: I am scared to date or even try to approach someone I find attractive because I assume their reaction will be "ewwww". And I also feel that I am not attractive or good enough to even deserve to have someone love me. It makes me sad that I feel this way, but I don't know how to change it.
I don't have any tips to try to help you change this thinking, but all I can tell you is that is not at ALL how I perceive you just from your posts here! You seem very confident and like a lot of fun. I hope you can change that mindset because you DO deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.
I was actually on my way back to delete this because I felt like I was throwing myself a pity party.
As for seeming confident here, that's the power of anonymity I have zero self confidence around the opposite sex. I don't know why, I've never been rejected with an "ewww, gross" so I suppose it's just because that's how I can view myself so I think others do too.
And the not deserving part, I was in a relationship last year and this guy was (seemed) amazing. He was so good to me and made me feel really good about myself (no small feat). I found myself thinking "what makes me so special that I would deserve something this good?". And then when he broke up with me it just kind of cemented the thinking that I don't deserve it (even though he had a totally bogus reason for dumping me).
Well that sucks. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you dodged a bullet there! Good thing you didn't waste too much time on him since he obviously turned out to be wrong for you. Do you think he told you the truth as to why he broke up with you or was he trying to cover up or hide something? Totally nosy on my part. I understand if you don't want to disclose any more info. Either way, use this as a learning experience and move on.
Nope, definitely not, since he accused me of cheating on him. And when I tried to talk to him about it he basically thought I was just trying to figure out how I "got caught". I did not cheat, and he had nothing to support his accusations, which is why he wouldn't tell me how he "knew". (In case anyone's wondering, he's the one I sometimes imagine punching & kicking when I work out).
I know I dodged a bullet, but it sucks because things had been amazing up until that point, and we were really great together before his craziness surfaced.
When I was much younger I had a boyfriend who came back from working out of town and broke up with me, claiming that his best buddy told him he saw me with another fella (didn't happen).
Not long after I found out that a woman from the place he'd been working was moving here and into ex-b/f's apartment. And shortly afterward she was planning their wedding (didn't happen either, lol).
Just a thought.0 -
courtneyk0721 wrote: »I know that you're not supposed to clean your ears with a q-tip every day.. but I can't help it! I love having clean ears.
I do this usually multiple times a day.0 -
mimstastical wrote: »On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.
Oh my.
Can we trade lives, even just for one day? That's a superpower I'd like to have.
As for the rest... if you think you *might* have depression, I'd say there's a pretty good chance you're right. It wouldn't hurt to have that conversation with your doctor.
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mimstastical wrote: »So this is my confession:
I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.
I can't emphasize enough getting to a doctor for depression. If you find the right one it can make a world of difference! I struggle with anxiety and depression but since I got my butt back in the gym, cleaned up my eating habits (don't worry I still splurge), and started talking to someone who didn't know me and wouldn't be judgmental I've improved almost a 100%! It's hard getting into the gym but once I'm there and knock out a good workout it feels so good! And being able to speak to someone objective every week has helped so much! If you're having trouble getting out of bed I really really urge you to seek help- it's not pathetic or wrong or any other label people who don't understand the feelings want to call it- you deserve to be so happy!
This this this. If I had known how helpful it was having an outside perspective person that I could talk to about anything and everything..I would have done it years ago. I cannot recommend enough going to your doctor @mimstastical ... I ended up having a Kim K crying face type meltdown in my doctors office...but my goodness gracious was it worth it.
So I guess that's a big confession that like...4 people in my actual life know about...I see a therapist twice a month. And I *kitten* love it.0 -
I just ate a 300 cal Sea Salt chocolate bar! Now there will be no getting out of going running after work today! I hate TOM!0
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