Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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  • CountessKitteh
    CountessKitteh Posts: 1,505 Member
    edited March 2015
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I hate going over peoples heads, but sometimes I just have to. Here's the email chain I just endured.

    Restaurant Manager : "AOJ, how do I go about ordering a cake from the Supermarket Bakery"
    AOJ: "What kind of cake do you want"
    Restaurant Manager: ....."<boring cake details>"
    AOJ to Restaurant Managers Boss: "Hey RM Boss, RM wants a cake from the supermarket, shouldn't this be something that our IN HOUSE bakers can handle?"
    RM Boss: "Yeah, I'll look into that."

    OK, when I read the first email, I was wondering why a restaurant manager of all people would order a cake from a Supermarket Bakery. Yikes.

    Depends of the Supermarket. Wegmans cakes are delicious. I actually ordered cake from a local bakery once and it wasn't even as good.

    That's because Wegman's is the greatest place on earth. So sad I don't currently live near one.

    I live a half of a mile from ours. It's the best and worst thing.
  • cmcdonald525
    cmcdonald525 Posts: 140 Member
    groovigyrl wrote: »
    My confession is that I smoke and have for over 20 years. I don't really like it anymore but don't want to stop either. I also judge other people that smoke and I don't like the smell. How messed up is that?
    I smoked for 35 years. I am now vaping and feel 110% better while still getting my nicotine. I celebrated my 1 year anniversary last month. Have you considered e-cigs? And for those who bash e-cigs, please refrain. I don't need to hear it. I'm healthier than I was when I smoked and it works for me.

    Vaping is the only thing keeping me on track right now. I can breathe and exercise better, plus the flavors keep me from feeling deprived
  • I once was only 10 pounds (maybe a little less) away from ending my 50 pound journey and I gained it all back and then some when my grandmother died. I'm here trying to conquer the journey once again.
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
    I'm crawling back to my fitness pal with a new account, too ashamed to use my old one. I lost 30lbs, gained a food obsession, and within 5 months gained it all back. I was focusing so much on the foods I shouldn't eat, it became all I wanted. It didn't matter if I was hungry or not, it was going in my mouth. I've regained my motivation with new tricks up my sleeve, but everyone on my friends list has pretty much reached their goal weight and I'm ashamed of how much I sabotaged myself.

    It happens to a lot of people, I'm sure your friends would be supportive...
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
    groovigyrl wrote: »
    My confession is that I smoke and have for over 20 years. I don't really like it anymore but don't want to stop either. I also judge other people that smoke and I don't like the smell. How messed up is that?
    I smoked for 35 years. I am now vaping and feel 110% better while still getting my nicotine. I celebrated my 1 year anniversary last month. Have you considered e-cigs? And for those who bash e-cigs, please refrain. I don't need to hear it. I'm healthier than I was when I smoked and it works for me.

    I have tried them multiple times and different kinds but they don't do it for me. Hubby quit about four years ago and is still vaping. I joke that he's addicted to the vape now...still better than smoking!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    81Katz wrote: »
    We have Cold Stone Creamery here but I've only eaten there once. :neutral_face: I'm never temped to go there either. Now, DQ, yum! aka, in for the Blizzards.

    DQ!!! I love the Blizzards, but my favorite is still a vanilla soft serve cone with that cherry dip stuff. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my dad would take me and my brother to DQ after miniature golfing during the summer :) Good times.

    It's the dilly bars that bring back those memories for me. My grandparent's house had an alley behind it and on the other side of the alley was the DQ. I don't think we ever went to their house without a trip to DQ! It's still there, too. Haven't been for ages though.
  • tiona83
    tiona83 Posts: 99 Member
    10ecmuscle wrote: »
    I just ate a *kitten* load of Oreo's, and don't regret it.
    Oreo's are my down fall. I couldn't live without them. (I dislike american ones because they taste funny. Different Ingredients)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Confession~ I sometimes get jealous of women with "bigger chests". Despite having lost over 60 pounds, and said goodbye to stubborn belly fat, thigh fat, hip fat, etc. I had to say goodbye to "chest fat" as well which is what I didn't want to see go... :neutral_face:

    I know what you mean about not having a large chest, but you've been incredibly successful! Good for you!
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member
    FroggyBug wrote: »

    Oh no! I hope everything is okay...That is scary.

    Confession: I was at work one morning about a year ago and an ex of mine came into my work (he worked for a company who sent a tech out to work on one of our printers). I hadn't seen him in about 10 years. (Worst morning ever...) The last time he had seen me I was really skinny (and young). I was so ashamed and embarrassed to be as big as I was. He was a real jerk so I really wish I could have been better looking.
    I don't think I'll see him again which is both good and bad. Good because I really don't like him but bad because I'm losing weight again and I want him to see how good I look again afterwards.

    Thankfully, he looked old. :)

    Thanks! It was a couple days ago now but we aimed heaters all over the floor and it *seems* to be ok /crossing fingers

    If I ever ran into my ex at my highest weight I would have felt the same you described here, I totally get it!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    shawnaes91 wrote: »
    When I'm out with my husband I compare ever female I see who is attractive or skinny to myself.
    I never use to or obsess on my weight or the way other looked. What started all this was my husband actually had plans to cheat on me while I was recently pregnant. The reason being was how big I was made him unattracted to me.

    Its the reason I want to hit my goal weight so badly.

    Aim for your goal weight because YOU want to, not because you feel pressured by a guy you're with. Never let a guy make decisions for your personal being. And yes, I'm feminist :wink:

    Definitely. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, but it would really make me personally question whether he was worth it or not. Actually, for ME the decision would be a flat out NO. But I don't know your personal circumstances so I'm not judging you. Be strong, though!
  • AnarchoGen
    AnarchoGen Posts: 400 Member
    edited March 2015
    No shame here. This may gross out some people, but I have no apologies... I eat *at least* 1lb of butter, 1/2 lb coconut oil, and 1/2 lb olive oil per week. I also eat lots of eggs and bacon. I make my own protein shakes using raw eggs. I'm a crazy chicken lady.

    ETA: if you're like me, feel free to add :smile:
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member

    This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.

    Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.

    This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.

    I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.


    I'm glad you were able to get that figured out! That sounds unhealthy and stressful!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    shawnaes91 wrote: »
    shawnaes91 wrote: »
    When I'm out with my husband I compare ever female I see who is attractive or skinny to myself.
    I never use to or obsess on my weight or the way other looked. What started all this was my husband actually had plans to cheat on me while I was recently pregnant. The reason being was how big I was made him unattracted to me.

    Its the reason I want to hit my goal weight so badly.

    Oh hon, it makes me sad that you're putting pressure on yourself, in addition to the pressures of being a new mum, because of something that is ALL on him. You know it's not OK to plan to cheat on your pregnant wife, right? And that's his fault, not yours?

    I know its not ok. I also know I can leave him at anytime I am in a position to be able to. We made the agreement to work our issues out.

    But even despite that its really taken a toll on my own self image. I'm not trying to be unrealistic with my weight goals or anything or my ways of reaching them.
    I'm not starving myself or anything or doing exercise until I drop I'm taking it slow and aiming for one pound a week. Its just I feel terrible everyday. I haven't shared with anyone in real life what happened. Its just nice to get it off my chest.

    Oh good! I'm glad to hear that. It really bothers me when someone is completely dependent on their SO and thinks that they are stuck. I really hope it all works out for you!
  • mellb34
    mellb34 Posts: 33 Member
    Oh and last confession! I made a MFP profile years ago and put in 140 as my weight even though I most likely wasn't because I didn't know it, so when I started using it again this year it kept saying I hadn't lost anything even though I lost almost a stone because I'm still way over 140. So I made a new profile with my January start weight then put in my new weight the next day so that when I check in it says 'mellb has lost 11lb so far', which I think makes me a bit shallow but it's nice to see it :D
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    I binged really badly over the weekend, to the point i can;t even remember all that i ate. Feeling totally disgusted.

    Also, want to sign up for the midnight walk up Ben Nevis (UK's highest mountain) but worried i'm not fit enough, and I won't get fit enough in 13 weeks.

    You won't know unless you try! I'd bet you are fitter than you think. I would also bet that the challenge would be good - a tangible goal to work towards. I say sign up!
  • berlynnwall
    berlynnwall Posts: 669 Member
    I'm crawling back to my fitness pal with a new account, too ashamed to use my old one. I lost 30lbs, gained a food obsession, and within 5 months gained it all back. I was focusing so much on the foods I shouldn't eat, it became all I wanted. It didn't matter if I was hungry or not, it was going in my mouth. I've regained my motivation with new tricks up my sleeve, but everyone on my friends list has pretty much reached their goal weight and I'm ashamed of how much I sabotaged myself.

    :( You came back though! And statistics show that you are far from alone on regaining lost weight. It happens. You're back now, and this time you know, since you did it once already, that you can do it. Good luck to you.
  • Having friends on here doesn't motivate me. The success stories do. I read them over and over and over and imagine imagine imagine the day when I can put one up. I am officially 5 lbs less. The least I have weighed for such a long time, half way to my first goal of 10lbs.

    It's taken like three months to get here. I want to cry because it is slow. I want to cry because I am not fit. I want to cry all the time basically. I never knew how much stock I would put into the stupid scale, or how badly I want those numbers to change. Or how much I hate that I put so much stock into those stupid numbers. The worst part is that it's my fault. I go on hiatus, I get so busy during the day that I forget to log. I go over, or stay under and I just don't have this *kitten* under control, and most of the time I feel like a failure.

    Friends don't help because it's the same thing "GOOD JOB!", "way to go" "Keep logging!"

    That's just.. congratulating me on the things I just SHOULD be doing. I want to be OUTSTANDINGLY good at this. I just don't feel the NEED yet. I need mean friends. Ones who tell me it's not good enough, and give me *kitten* for not logging. And who I can tell "Today has been the worst day, I feel like I ate an entire blimp" and then cry on the phone to them, and they tell me to "suck it up" and to get my ducks in a row.

    Rant and confession, all in one :D
  • MoHousdon
    MoHousdon Posts: 8,723 Member
    I bought a box of strawberry Pop Tarts due to this thread. Not the little box either. I told my family they are mine and I DO NOT plan on sharing.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I can't help judging a bit when I see pictures of overweight kids. And feeling so sad for them... what a harsh start in life to be made such an easy target for bullying.

    I understand but I wouldn't say "judge" the kid. I feel bad b/c it is so hard to lose the weight and learn on your own how to correct the behaviors you grew up learning. I definitely judge the parents though. How can they do that to their kid? (but then I see them in the grocery store buying sugary cereals, salty snacks, pre-packaged food, and not one fresh veg or fruit).

    This is where I lay the blame as well. It is really sad, but sometimes the parents have no idea about nutrition, either. No excuse as you really should learn both for yourself and your children.
  • mrsswisspea
    mrsswisspea Posts: 51 Member
    Having friends on here doesn't motivate me. The success stories do. I read them over and over and over and imagine imagine imagine the day when I can put one up. I am officially 5 lbs less. The least I have weighed for such a long time, half way to my first goal of 10lbs.

    It's taken like three months to get here. I want to cry because it is slow. I want to cry because I am not fit. I want to cry all the time basically. I never knew how much stock I would put into the stupid scale, or how badly I want those numbers to change. Or how much I hate that I put so much stock into those stupid numbers. The worst part is that it's my fault. I go on hiatus, I get so busy during the day that I forget to log. I go over, or stay under and I just don't have this *kitten* under control, and most of the time I feel like a failure.

    Friends don't help because it's the same thing "GOOD JOB!", "way to go" "Keep logging!"

    That's just.. congratulating me on the things I just SHOULD be doing. I want to be OUTSTANDINGLY good at this. I just don't feel the NEED yet. I need mean friends. Ones who tell me it's not good enough, and give me *kitten* for not logging. And who I can tell "Today has been the worst day, I feel like I ate an entire blimp" and then cry on the phone to them, and they tell me to "suck it up" and to get my ducks in a row.

    Rant and confession, all in one :D

    YES, THIS! I've done MFP before, it was when I started adding friends that I started slipping, and eventually stopping all progress.
  • mrsswisspea
    mrsswisspea Posts: 51 Member
    Thank you.

    It was a bad time and stressful, I only have myself to blame for getting to that point in my life. I will do better next time.
    threnjen wrote: »

    This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.

    Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.

    This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.

    I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.


    I'm glad you were able to get that figured out! That sounds unhealthy and stressful!

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Anniversary was yesterday. The cake was just as delicious as it was a year ago. That bakery is truly the only thing I miss about living in that place. (Indiana - lived there for one long year)

    Congratulations! Must've done a good job sealing up the cake. Glad it was still good.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Confession #1: It was my birthday this weekend, and a friend was coming over. I had everything for a nice lunch, and so she didn't need to bring anything. She asked if she could bring something, and instead of saying "no", I said "yes... chips!". She came with two bags of salt and vinegar chips, my favourite. I ate a whole bag myself. On my birthday. It was awesome. Then I ate cake.

    Confession #2: I just spent 15 minutes reading pages and pages of these confessions.

    Happy birthday late! Don;t those chips kill your tongue after a while?! I know they used to do that to me. Prior to going low-carb I was addicted to those things. LOVE them. Glad you enjoyed your chips and your cake!
  • overlook237
    overlook237 Posts: 160 Member
    I'm crawling back to my fitness pal with a new account, too ashamed to use my old one. I lost 30lbs, gained a food obsession, and within 5 months gained it all back. I was focusing so much on the foods I shouldn't eat, it became all I wanted. It didn't matter if I was hungry or not, it was going in my mouth. I've regained my motivation with new tricks up my sleeve, but everyone on my friends list has pretty much reached their goal weight and I'm ashamed of how much I sabotaged myself.

    I've done this in the past, too. I remember going on "low fat" diets and refusing to eat anything with more than, like, 2 grams of fat per serving (and I didn't pay any attention to calories - d'oh! - but I still lost some weight and was miserable the entire time). There were so many foods that I forbade myself to eat, they were all I could think about until I'd finally have an epic binge and then everything would fall apart after that.
    - This time around, I figured out that I can work those foods into my daily calorie allowance or if it's not possible (like if I've already reached my calorie goals through my planned meals), I have them in reasonable amounts on my weekly treat day. It's really helped me keep my cravings in check, and I'm not at all miserable. If you try that approach, I hope it works for you, too.
    - Oh, and as far as being ashamed goes, don't be. I think most, if not all, of us have been there at some point, including everyone on your friends list. The important thing is that you're back and you're motivated. By my calculations, that means you're already successful! :)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I can't help judging a bit when I see pictures of overweight kids. And feeling so sad for them... what a harsh start in life to be made such an easy target for bullying.

    I understand but I wouldn't say "judge" the kid. I feel bad b/c it is so hard to lose the weight and learn on your own how to correct the behaviors you grew up learning. I definitely judge the parents though. How can they do that to their kid? (but then I see them in the grocery store buying sugary cereals, salty snacks, pre-packaged food, and not one fresh veg or fruit).

    It's what I meant... Obviously I'm not judging the kid! I had a 'friend' with an obese daughter, and she blamed it on her meds... I mean, sure, she was on meds that make you gain weight, but the mom herself was overweight and pretty much fried all their food... and it didn't occur to her at all that she was partly to blame too.

    On the same line of thought, I feel so bad for divorced parents whose ex feed the kids junk all the time.

    I knew that's what you meant. And I agree that there are just some outside factors that you cannot control.
  • sUp3rSu3
    sUp3rSu3 Posts: 1 Member
    Before starting a diet I binge eat. I know it's counter productive. But when I start I obsess over it so much that I can't indulge. I'm sort of a perfectionist (it's unfortunate) and once I screw up once, I just give up. Until the next time I'm ready to start again. :(
  • Taramarie75
    Taramarie75 Posts: 37 Member
    I stopped buying snacky foods to try and curb my 7 to 10 pm "grazing". Last night I mowed down a plate of cheese and crackers.

    omgosh, me too!! Townhouse with some seriously sharp cheddar, small glass of wine...ate it in bed and went to sleep like it never happened

  • groovigyrl
    groovigyrl Posts: 72 Member
    sUp3rSu3 wrote: »
    Before starting a diet I binge eat. I know it's counter productive. But when I start I obsess over it so much that I can't indulge. I'm sort of a perfectionist (it's unfortunate) and once I screw up once, I just give up. Until the next time I'm ready to start again. :(

    I could have written this post! I'm exactly like you! (sigh) This time, let's not let that happen! Upward and onward and never look back!

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    confession:

    (and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)

    I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.

    Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.

    It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...

    Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.

    Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.
    I'm really impressed by your honesty. I hope you're feeling better about yourself these days. I'm with you about not really understanding much about mental illness when you've always been fine yourself. My 19 year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with depression, and I'm still struggling with the idea that it may NOT have been caused by her low iron levels, but may actually be a serious condition.

    I am so happy you got help! Through being overweight my whole life and bullied, I was still ALWAYS very mentally stable. (Arrogance runs in my family!) After I had my second child, I became a completely different person. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I treated my three year old son sooo bad. One day, when the baby was about 6 months old, I raged out on my 3yo to the point that I physically hurt him. I immediately lock myself in the bathroom and called my husband to come home from work. That very day, we went to our GP, who diagnosed me with severe post-partum depression, even though I was not sad, but angry. I took antidepressants and joined a post-partum support group and the change back to my old self was almost immediate. To this day, I still harbor so much guilt over hurting my son and I will NEVER forget the look in his eyes when it happened. It was a complete look of betrayal. I don't think he remembers it and I have never told anyone this story before. I am so glad this is a no judgement zone, because now that I have brought the memories back up, I feel about the worst human being ever.

    When our third was born, I also had PPD, but we knew to watch for the signs and made sure to get on anti-depressants right away...my awesome husband also insisted that I get out at least once a week, for a couple of hours without the baby.

    I had post-partum depression after my son was born. I used to fantasize, while driving down the road, about driving my car into a telephone pole. I would be holding the steering wheel in a death grip, trying not to swerve off the road. It was terrifying. I have never felt so out of control. Eighteen months of Paxil and I've never had any problems since. It was so weird. I'm glad my PPD didn't target my son, that must have been horrendous.

    Yikes. Glad you got some help.

    I used to fantasize about driving my car off the road into a pole on the way to a former job just so I could hopefully get some rest in the hospital (stressful and tons of hours). That was when I knew it was time to find a new job...

    This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.

    Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.

    This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.

    I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.

    Wow, I'm both impressed and jealous that you were able to do this! What an awesome way to solve a problem. And, from the sounds of it, yes, you've learned from this and will probably not repeat it in the future.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Confession 1: I tracked about half my food this weekend between laziness, annoyance with the app (vs online), and a "vacation mode" mindset. I'm up about 5 lbs, but it's now leading into TOM, and I cleary had way more salt than normal, so I've convinced myself it's all water weight. Which it very well might be, since I did a ton of walking, and actually worked out twice.

    Confession 2: A coworker suffered a stroke over the weekend, and is not expected to survive (much less recover). She's in her late 40s, so it's quite a shock, and we're all pretty upset. Through all the resulting brain fog, I've had horrible thoughts about what they are going to do with her position, and if I would be interested in it. It makes me feel guilty, even though it's just scattered bits of information trying to establish some order, and not at all intended to be insensitive.

    So sorry to hear that! That is really young. And thoughts about her job and position changes are normal. Don't beat yourself up over that!