Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
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    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
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    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Worse laundry mishap is when you forget to take stuff out of the washer in time but still think it will be ok and dry it with that terrible musty smell still in the clothes.

    Yes! I do this. Now I rewash. Unless it's horse laundry!

    "Horse laundry"? Well, I just learn new terms every day on this thread!
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    I've currently got my dryer running yet again because I didn't get the clothes out the first time. Whoops. That's what happens when you get distracted easily. On that note, I just faxed in the paperwork to update my info at the doctors office I want to go to. I need medication, there's no getting around it. Hubby did say once my ADD issues get figured out, we will start looking at trying for baby #2! That is, if Aunt Flo will stop trolling me. I've gotta get that checked out too, day 7 of nothing. :unamused:
    Exciting! Maybe nature's got you covered already...? Time to take a test!

    I'm thinking about it. It's highly unlikely since we use condoms and I don't remember any breaking recently. I may have hubby run to the dollar store soon.

    I realize that may have been a little too much shared lol. :flushed:
    :)
    Ok then, I'll share too. I got pregnant with #2 when we were 'being careful' and it was the wrong time of the month.

    Oh. Yeah, I'm sending hubs to the store. We need some more cheese slices too lol.
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
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    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
    This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it. :|

    Oh that is funny! Well, only because you have to deal with it and I don't. My husband spends way too much time home alone now that he's retired. He talks to himself constantly and when he's not talking he's whistling. He now does this out in public. Drives me nuts. Seriously??? Shhhhhh. It's like walking around in public singing. Can you please NOT call attention to us for no reason?
  • MoHousdon
    MoHousdon Posts: 8,719 Member
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    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.

    Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.

    My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.

    Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.

    How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.

    He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.

    The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.

    Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes :)

    I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.

    Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.

    I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
    There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.

    Brainstorming:
    (1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
    (2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
    (3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.

    I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
    I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.

    @nonoelmo Can I hug you?!

    The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.

    The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.

    I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.

    I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part. :smiley:

  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
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    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
    This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it. :|

    I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.
  • MoHousdon
    MoHousdon Posts: 8,719 Member
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    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    I'm also a laundry lover. I get irritated if anybody else uses MY laundry machines. Just leave them alone and let me have this one thing.

    You're hired too!

  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    BZAH10 wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    Loading it I don't mind because it gets the dirty dishes out of my sight. It's always the unloading I dread. I have no idea why. I've timed it before and because I have a small kitchen it takes 5 min. to do.

    I hate unloading because my glasses & cups seem to have a recess and every time I open it to empty, the .5oz of water left in the recesses splash and gets everything else wet and it's rinse water but not spotless water. Meh. Beats manually washing though!

    You and I are on the same "wave length" today because that's what I was going to say about unloading the dishwasher, too! I detest when I take a glass out to put it away and it spills water all over my feet, generally because I'm barefoot at home a lot and then I have to wipe up the floor. Then I see how dirty my floor is and wonder who is going to clean it and when? Then I get annoyed.

    It's even worse when you're just in socks, and then your socks are all smooshy wet. Yuck! (I need to put that in the Things that make you Irrationally Angry thread.)
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
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    MoHousdon wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.

    Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.

    My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.

    Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.

    How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.

    He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.

    The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.

    Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes :)

    I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.

    Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.

    I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
    There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.

    Brainstorming:
    (1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
    (2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
    (3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.

    I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
    I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.

    @nonoelmo Can I hug you?!

    The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.

    The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.

    I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.

    I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part. :smiley:

    The problem is that it might be too much too soon. Did you guys get to know each other at all before she 'moved in'?
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
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    Francl27 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Worse laundry mishap is when you forget to take stuff out of the washer in time but still think it will be ok and dry it with that terrible musty smell still in the clothes.

    Done that. Bad idea.

    I hate when my husband 'does laundry' because inevitably, the next time I want to start a load, I open the washer and OH LOOK THE LAUNDRY IS STILL THERE. Sometimes it's 2 days later. I'd smack him.
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.

    In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!

    Haha. As long as I don't get a warning for spam. But I try to catch them and edit them (wish I could delete them). I did laugh that you got one too!
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine? o:)

    Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.

    I've heard of those fantastic things. An iron? I don't even have one. If it needs ironing, I don't buy it, lol.

    You can totally delete your posts. Hit "Flag" and then "Report". There's an option that says "This is my post and I want to delete it". It's a total pain, though.

    As for the ironing... Since I wear abaya (black baggy thing, for anyone who doesn't know...) I'll tell you all a secret: My clothes are very often as wrinkly as all-get-out under that big black sack. I only iron my husband's clothes, since his can actually be seen. ;)

    The part I hate to iron the most are the piles and piles of dress shirts that my husband wears for work. -_- It's really my own fault, though. When I wash, there'll be one or two. Then I procrastinate. Then I wash more, and there are two more. Then I procrastinate. Then, two weeks later, my husband asks why he has no shirts and I have a monster load of five thousand pounds of dress shirts... (There might be a teeny bit of hyperbole in that last sentence. Just a teeny bit.)

    I do iron my own clothes when I'm going to my mother-in-law's house... Since I take off my abaya there and that would be SO embarrassing.
  • MoHousdon
    MoHousdon Posts: 8,719 Member
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    MoHousdon wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I made my co-workers go with me to the Whole Foods down the street from my work on our lunch break to look for a specific kind of ice cream (Halo Top), which they didn't have, even though other Whole Foods' carry it. My co-workers were trying to be helpful in suggesting other kinds of ice cream, but totally missed the point of this specific ice cream in the first place, which made me unreasonably internally pouty and now I feel bad. (The ice cream I was looking for has 70 calories per serving, 7 grams of protein, 4 grams of carbs, and 3 grams of fat. Ben and Jerry's isn't going to cut it, no matter how delicious it is :disappointed: )

    Also, they kind of think I'm a nut, now, for caring that much about a brand of ice cream.

    I can completely relate to that, apart from the fact that I would have to be very comfortable with someone to drag them to a store for a specific treat, lol.

    How is that ice cream, though? It kinda sounds too good to be true.

    Everyone and their mother in another group I belong to (/r/xxfitness and the associated Facebook group) RAVES about it (specifically the Lemon Cake kind), so I thought it would be worthwhile to at least TRY it. I thought I'd buy it at work, because there are a bunch of fitness-minded people here who would help me devour it if I didn't like it. Alas, the store nearest me did not have it. I don't like artificially sweetened things, but when they're sweetened with sugar alcohols as opposed to aspartame I don't mind them as much, and if it's frozen it's even harder to taste the "fakeness" of it, so I thought I'd give it a go.

    I'm going to see where else I can get it, and report back.

    Now I will DEFINITELY have to find it. I LOVE lemon cake. I wonder if it's like sorbet more than ice cream? I'm a little worried about the sugar alcohols though. The last time I ate something with sugar alcohols, I had to change my address to the third stall in office bathroom. :neutral:

    Maaaaaybe start with a few spoonfuls of it at first to see how it goes? Like those people eating entire packages of those sugar free gummy bears?

    That's about all the ice cream I can typically handle anyway. I just found out it's sold in the Dillon's (Kroger) a couple miles from my house. I will put it on my list for my next shopping trip.


    Confession: The thought of eating a whole pint of ice cream makes me want to puke. I can have a few bites, a half a cup at the most, but then I'm done. Disclaimer, I am slightly lactose intolerant (never diagnosed), but I refuse to give up dairy.

  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member
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    MoHousdon wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.

    Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.

    My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.

    Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.

    How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.

    He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.

    The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.

    Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes :)

    I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.

    Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.

    I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
    There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.

    Brainstorming:
    (1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
    (2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
    (3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.

    I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
    I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.

    @nonoelmo Can I hug you?!

    The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.

    The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.

    I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.

    I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part. :smiley:

    I don't have any suggestions or advice to ad as I don't have children myself and you posted something about not posting about it anymore for now but I wanted to let you know I have my fingers crossed for y'all and thinking good thoughts for you and your family :)
  • crosbylee
    crosbylee Posts: 3,450 Member
    Options
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    crosbylee wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    Confession.... I am experts at loading the dishwasher. To the point of a fault, where I spend almost too much time making things fit. Not by shoehorning them in or anything... It's like a game of Tetris to me. And it keeps me from getting dishpan hands #Palmolive LOL

    Also, this weekend I ate 2 Jersey Mikes subs. #13 Italian on wheat, Saturday was a Giant 15" and Sunday was a Reg 7". I also ate a row of 7 glazed donuts on clearance for $.79 from Walmart Neighborhood Market on Sunday.

    Also Also, my daughter had a perfect attendance for the first time in school this year and I keep almost slipping up by telling my co-workers. I can't tell them because on 2-3 occasions over the current school year, I called out of work because I said my daughter was sick. LOLOL

    Yes!! Someone else thinks this way!! I am guilty of completely repacking the dishwasher to make everything fit in a way that it will come out clean.

    That's because that's the only right way to do it! Pretty sure the husband and kids purposely loaded it "wrong" so that I wouldn't make them do it anymore.

    Then when it was their job to unload it they mysteriously "didn't know where things go" even though they had no trouble finding items when it was time to eat.

    Nice to know my family is not the only one with 'selective amnesia'.
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    Options
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine? o:)

    Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.

    Um there is such a thing? Who makes it?

    Samsung. :) I LOVE Samsung. I have Samsung everything! Microwave, washer/dryer, oven, refrigerator... Their products are amazing and energy efficient and almost never break. My most beloved brand. :open_mouth:

    Disclaimer: I do not, and never have ever worked for Samsung. I've noticed that most Americans seem shocked when a combination washer/dryer is mentioned... Are they not available in the U.S.?
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
    Options
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
    This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it. :|

    I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.

    My only verbal interaction at the self check out is usually along the lines of, "The bag of fruit IS on the scale! Shut-up machine and do your job!".
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
    Options
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
    This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it. :|

    I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.

    Agreed!
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
    Options
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    Loading it I don't mind because it gets the dirty dishes out of my sight. It's always the unloading I dread. I have no idea why. I've timed it before and because I have a small kitchen it takes 5 min. to do.

    I hate unloading because my glasses & cups seem to have a recess and every time I open it to empty, the .5oz of water left in the recesses splash and gets everything else wet and it's rinse water but not spotless water. Meh. Beats manually washing though!

    You and I are on the same "wave length" today because that's what I was going to say about unloading the dishwasher, too! I detest when I take a glass out to put it away and it spills water all over my feet, generally because I'm barefoot at home a lot and then I have to wipe up the floor. Then I see how dirty my floor is and wonder who is going to clean it and when? Then I get annoyed.

    It's even worse when you're just in socks, and then your socks are all smooshy wet. Yuck! (I need to put that in the Things that make you Irrationally Angry thread.)

    Even worse, when that happens and husband comes in and says, "You know if you first turn those over very carefully in the sink that wouldn't happen." Grrr. Sorry, I don't have nearly as much free time to spend in the kitchen as you do! (I'm griping about him, but he's not all that bad. It's just he and I at home now so he's the only person I can complain about daily.)
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    Options
    crosbylee wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    crosbylee wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    Confession.... I am experts at loading the dishwasher. To the point of a fault, where I spend almost too much time making things fit. Not by shoehorning them in or anything... It's like a game of Tetris to me. And it keeps me from getting dishpan hands #Palmolive LOL

    Also, this weekend I ate 2 Jersey Mikes subs. #13 Italian on wheat, Saturday was a Giant 15" and Sunday was a Reg 7". I also ate a row of 7 glazed donuts on clearance for $.79 from Walmart Neighborhood Market on Sunday.

    Also Also, my daughter had a perfect attendance for the first time in school this year and I keep almost slipping up by telling my co-workers. I can't tell them because on 2-3 occasions over the current school year, I called out of work because I said my daughter was sick. LOLOL

    Yes!! Someone else thinks this way!! I am guilty of completely repacking the dishwasher to make everything fit in a way that it will come out clean.

    That's because that's the only right way to do it! Pretty sure the husband and kids purposely loaded it "wrong" so that I wouldn't make them do it anymore.

    Then when it was their job to unload it they mysteriously "didn't know where things go" even though they had no trouble finding items when it was time to eat.

    Nice to know my family is not the only one with 'selective amnesia'.
    Probably along the same lines as 'leaving it to soak'.
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    Options
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine? o:)

    Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.

    Um there is such a thing? Who makes it?

    Samsung. :) I LOVE Samsung. I have Samsung everything! Microwave, washer/dryer, oven, refrigerator... Their products are amazing and energy efficient and almost never break. My most beloved brand. :open_mouth:

    Disclaimer: I do not, and never have ever worked for Samsung. I've noticed that most Americans seem shocked when a combination washer/dryer is mentioned... Are they not available in the U.S.?

    I've never seen them, but I would love to have one! Granted, my washer and dryer are so close together I barely have to move, but I still wish I had an all in one machine!
  • girldownsouth
    girldownsouth Posts: 920 Member
    Options
    We used to have a washer drier. Had to sort into tiny loads for it to actually get dry, and was more likely to need ironing. I'd rather keep the taking from washer to drier stage.

    We haven't got a dishwasher now, so have to wash up, I thought I'd miss it way more than I do, still would have one back without a second thought. My bf is another dishwasher rearranger though. No one else does it right.

    My mum always had piles of laundry at various stages and turned it into a way bigger job than necessary. Left things too long so they all needed ironing. We stayed with my parents and brother for a while and my bf found it so frustrating that he took to doing all of it (and the dishwasher for the aforementioned reasons). I think my family thought it was witchcraft when things regularly started reappearing in their room the day after they'd worn it.