Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Beautiful horse and picture! I'd love to try riding someday.pofoster21 wrote: »
Sharing a picture of Phoebe and me from Sunday. We moved up to 3' (tried a few years ago and we had a few issues, so backed down and have been working on it every since -- my issues not hers) and tried again this past Sunday. She was amazing and we ROCKED it.
Plus, this is my first time trying to post a photo in here from my computer. I made it work on tablet, have never been able to figure out phone, so let's see if desktop works!
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pofoster21 wrote: »@lbuehler89 I love your new picture. Gorgeous!
Thanks!!
Love the new picture, as well!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »
Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.
I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.
I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change.
Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.
My ex - the father of my oldest child - was always secretive and dishonest. I stayed far too long "for the baby", and was constantly hurt by what I found. He didn't even try to hide it because he knew I was afraid to leave and be a single parent. I would be cleaning the house and find girl's phone numbers in plain sight. He would stay out way past when the bars closed and come in basically daring me to ask where he was. It was the most painful time of my life, and I regret every minute I wasted with that awful person. I actually stayed to the point where he left me - and that was like salt on the wound... I put up with all of your crap, and now you're leaving? Real bad for the old self esteem. I was messed up for years by that guy. Not worth it.
Only you know your relationship, but I just wanted to share my story because I hate to see people hurting.
I am so sorry you went through that!!
Thank you. I was very young and naive. It's why those things are a deal breaker to me now though. I wont ever let myself go through being treated that way again. I married a much better man.0 -
pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
Okay, I have to ask - and I'm not saying you're wrong and obviously I have no idea what you were/are like so please don't take this the wrong way - but do you think at your lighter weight you may have appeared more confident and open to interaction, thus making people more inclined to say hello or stop to hold a door?0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Haha! What did you wear that day?52cardpickup wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.
Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.
You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)
I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!
I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.
On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...
I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. It's very useful!
Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).
I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO
I do too! Never have a problem!
I cannot bring myself to do that. But, I only do three loads per week: darks, lights, and whites. Have to bleach my whites. I have to do the laundry, though (good thing I enjoy it) because my husband thinks clothes are to be sorted by TYPES, such as dress clothes, workout clothes, towels (of all colors together). No. You cannot wash light colored dress shirts with dark pants! Just a "me" thing, I'm sure.
I don't sort laundry by colour. I generally have 4 loads - things that can go in the dryer, things that can't go in the dryer, delicates and gym clothes. I will wash new items separately if they are darker in colour and I think they might run (I'm looking at you new jeans). I've only had one mishap, when I washed a red coat and a white sweater together.0 -
pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
I've noticed that too, in the opposite direction. I used to be in great shape and everyone wanted to talk to me and hang out. Now I'm in not so great shape and it's like I'm invisible. People are awful.
Sometimes I feel like this:
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »@lbuehler89 I love your new picture. Gorgeous!
Thanks!!
Love the new picture, as well!
Thank you, you ladies are so sweet
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Just wanted to pop in and say thank you for such a refreshing thread, especially after most of the others I've read so far since joining MFP. I was about to conclude that the forum wouldn't be a part of my experience here, but I think you all just changed my mind.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Last time I stayed at a hotel, I took some of the little cups of peanut butter from the continental breakfast. I'm eating one now, with a spoon, as a snack.
Thief! Just kidding. That is a fabulous idea! I buy the little pre portioned cups of hummus so I don't have to weigh it out. It's WAY more expensive, but my time is precious and I don't want to spend it weighing out a really sad amount of hummus.
No judgement, but store-bought hummus is sad no matter what size or form it comes in!
You can never beat homemade hummus. In fact, I just had some that I made a couple of days ago for dinner with Iranian-style kabab kubbideh! Yum.
I've been meaning to make hummus for weeks, but I'm worried that I will eat the entire batch in a week three days.
I usually just make enough for 8 very small servings (like enough to spread on a kabab/chicken sandwich) or two big fat servings (that would make up a whole meal) or four medium servings (enough for a side dish). All that to say that I make about 500 grams of it at a time. Heh.
Confession: I'm just really super fed-up with myself. Ever since I've started "slipping" I've basically been tightening my "restriction" belt more and more and more. Baking ingredients? Banned from the house. Sweets? Banned from the house. Butter? Banned. Sugar? Banned. And yet, I still manage to mess up, because I'm just that awesome. And you know what? I'm sick of it.
I told my husband last night that if I keep this up, we're not going to have any food left in the house at all soon. :-/ The last straw for me was when I slipped up (2000+ calories over maintenance) because of trying to bake something (out of desperation) with a bunch of substitutes that tasted NASTY, and it turned out that I could have had the same amount of the real stuff for much less calories than that... It's like I just keep on baking because baking is "bad" (and yet I really love baking) and so tempting to do because I feel like I can't ever do it again if I'm being "good".
So you know what I did? I threw out everything I've been doing for these last few months. Everything. I went out and I bought flour, sugars, butter, baking powder, chocolate, and then I baked a big ole batch of chocolate chip cookies. I now have a freezer full of cookies and two big bags of chocolate chips and a whole bunch of ingredients to bake more WHENEVER I WANT. And that feels freeing.
I did slip up eat more cookies than I intended to yesterday, BUT I didn't eat the whole tray like I did every single time before this because "I have to finish these so I won't mess up again tomorrow!". Well, it's tomorrow now. There are still plenty of cookies. And there will be plenty the day after too. And I don't need to have one right now, because I can have one later. And that feels freeing, too.
Will this work? I really have absolutely no idea. But I'm really, really, really sick of all this "forbidden" and "good" and "bad" and not being able to bake. So I'm throwing everything out of the window and starting over again. Send me good vibes?
Sorry for the novel.
This really might be a good approach! I find if I'm telling myself "I *can't* have this and I *can't* have that" I end up caving pretty much the same day. I've kept cookies in the freezer and was actually able to just have one each day because it wasn't restricted.
I'll let you know how it works for me. So far today I haven't been AT ALL "cravey", which is a big difference from the way I've been feeling for the last two weeks. I don't even really feel like I *want* a cookie, even though my freezer is full of them and my husband had one. Usually I'm obsessing if I have unfinished cookies or other delicious things around. Of course, it's still too early to tell.
I hope this turns out to be a good idea, but even if it doesn't... It can't really be much worse than what I've been doing up until now. :-/0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
I've noticed that too, in the opposite direction. I used to be in great shape and everyone wanted to talk to me and hang out. Now I'm in not so great shape and it's like I'm invisible. People are awful.
Sometimes I feel like this:
This makes me sad I'd be your friend! 0 -
Confession: Husband and son are going out of town and I fully intend to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's for dinner.0
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Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Haha! What did you wear that day?52cardpickup wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.
Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.
You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)
I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!
I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.
On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...
I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. It's very useful!
Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).
I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO
Me too most times! My grandma thought I was nuts, but she came around to my way of lazy laundry washing eventually. Then she would call and tell me "Honey, I put all my laundry in there on cold, just like you!" as if she had done something controversial lol. Gosh I miss that lady.
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I feel like I probably gained back everything in the last few days just from eating out every day. Right now I'm scared to check the scale.
My mom's hotel while she was staying here had a free suana, and I LOVED IT. There was a dry one and a steam one, and I think I prefer the steam one (although at first it was hard to breath and felt like you were inhaling menthol). I think I might go back there from time to time because they don't check to make sure I'm actually staying at the hotel or not
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »@lbuehler89 I love your new picture. Gorgeous!
Thanks!!
Love the new picture, as well!
Ooooh, ooooh, me too!
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pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
Okay, I have to ask - and I'm not saying you're wrong and obviously I have no idea what you were/are like so please don't take this the wrong way - but do you think at your lighter weight you may have appeared more confident and open to interaction, thus making people more inclined to say hello or stop to hold a door?
Not really. Some of the worst instances of it happened in the hospital, since my mother and grandmother were in and out all the time. Before or after the loss, the circumstances were the same. I watched the same happen to my mother in reverse. She had a whole laundry list of things going on, and ballooned up from the predisone. Every time they tried to ween her off of it, she'd end up in the hospital again after her o2 would drop, so they'd up her dose, she'd gain more. The bigger she got, the colder the nurses got, the smaller I got, the nicer the same nurses were to me.0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
I've noticed that too, in the opposite direction. I used to be in great shape and everyone wanted to talk to me and hang out. Now I'm in not so great shape and it's like I'm invisible. People are awful.
Sometimes I feel like this:
This makes me sad I'd be your friend!
Me too.
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pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »
Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.
I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.
I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change.
Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.
I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....
I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.
If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.
I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.
I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.
I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.
I am not disagreeing, I consider it cheating as well. My point was that it is really hard for most people to be monogamous because it is unnatural, so if it is an otherwise great relationship and this is a one time occurrence after a decade, is it really worth losing that?
A lot of people struggle their whole lives to be monogamous because that is what society accepts, and sometimes, even though that is our intent, we fail.
Sorry, I was to edit this for spelling and also to add something but my phone was being stupid....so now I am on the laptop...
I wanted to add that I was only trying to show the other side of all the posts that say it is a deal breaker 100%, because IMO it is not always. You have to look at the big picture.
I think that is fair. Other posters said the same thing along the lines of if he is truly remorseful and you can forgive, then maybe you can move past it. Its possible. But I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where trust was gone and could never be restored. But like most things in life, everything is individual so each person in the end has to make the decision that is right for them.
I agree. A few people said that if she stays she should insist on full rights to check his phone, internet, pockets etc. I feel like I need to say this, and it's not necessarily 100% related to your post so I apologize. I just want to caution people in this situation that that is no way to live. It is exhausting and if you think about it, what is the outcome? Either you drive yourself crazy looking for proof that they are lying and you get so focused on that that you lose the love you had for them, or you find the proof you wanted and you have lost all trust and intimacy and the love you had for them. If it's to a point where you feel like you have to search your partner for contraband, I'm sorry, but that relationship is over.
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I am totally judging on a female that keeps posting threads with fitness model pictures and says she wants to look like them, but she has 140 pounds to lose! I want to go tell her that she is setting herself up for failure. Baby steps, honey, baby steps!
But I don't think that would be well received.0 -
Funny story (not really) - what motivated me to lose weight is that I HATED those bingo wings. And guess what.. I still have them and there's nothing I can do about it. Much smaller obviously but nope, still there. Now when I see posts about what arm exercises to do to get rid of them I just want to say IT'S ALL LIES IT DOESN'T WORK. My arms are nicely toned. Still got bingo wings.
I've been underweight all my life and I've got them. I can remember diligently doing dumbbell triceps kickbacks 15 years ago, to no avail. These arms have never had an ounce of superfluous fat on them, it's all sucky elasticity genes.
Now I figure nobody will pay much attention to them if the rest of my arm is somewhat buff. Distract 'em with muscles. Lol.
@pofoster21 love the action shot! Phoebe is gorgeous.
@LBuehrle8 lovely new pic, but... and this is from the vantage point of a 51 yr old... to me, you look about 12 years old! (Embrace it! You will appreciate a youthful appearance in years to come)
@AngryViking1970 my cake taker is harvest gold too.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »
Sharing a picture of Phoebe and me from Sunday. We moved up to 3' (tried a few years ago and we had a few issues, so backed down and have been working on it every since -- my issues not hers) and tried again this past Sunday. She was amazing and we ROCKED it.
Plus, this is my first time trying to post a photo in here from my computer. I made it work on tablet, have never been able to figure out phone, so let's see if desktop works!
Gorgeous! Horses are so amazing. I've always loved them.
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