Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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Replies

  • JPW1990
    JPW1990 Posts: 2,424 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.

    I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.

    Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.

    That is really sad and I agree. People are terrible and go solely on appearances. But congratulations on a 325 lb weight loss. That is amazing and keeping it off for 20 years is incredible!

    Thanks, but I haven't totally, that's why I'm on here. Had a blood clot a few years ago and no insurance. Spent 2 years cobbling together treatment as I could, and weight came back on in the meantime. Now I'm just trying to lose again to see how much of the damage was actual fat and how much was fluid added to my legs.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    edited June 2015
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.

    In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!

    Seconded. Also, sorry @Francl27 I think it's funny and I love your various reactions when it happens. :smile:

    Me too! I know it's annoying to you b
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    LOL, that's what I've said about myself when they won't work :grin:

    I am currently drinking a protein shake. Why, oh why can they not make a protein powder that tastes good?!

    Two words: Dyna Whey. Available at Superstore (and Costco, if you have one).

    But ONLY in Canada, because you are greedy protein that doesn't taste icky bastages.

    Oh, gosh. You weren't supposed to see that. o:)

    I seriously think of you every damn morning when I open the container (it's in Tupperware) and the aroma of iced cappuccino wafts out at me.

    Which brings me to a strange confession... for someone who loathes cooking, and all aspects of meal preparation, I own craploads of Tupperware. All acquired in my younger years when I was not very well off, and that stuff's bloody expensive. I think maybe I had a fantasy that it would make me enjoy cooking, or make it easier, or something like that.

    Apparently, this is why I cannot keep Tupperware in the house. I buy it. But I like to cook. Then the kids and everyone else takes home leftover food in the containers and they NEVER BRING THEM BACK! I have been known to go to my kids' houses and rummage through the cabinet, saying "This is mine and this is mine...".

    Not sure where that weird half post came from. Tried to edit it, but couldn't. Sorry!
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    k6389q35i3cv.jpg

    So these are what our conversations have turned into haha!

    Oh, jumped on the scale this morning and holy 193.6 lbs batman! I'm so happy lol!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I agree with you.
  • kecmw25
    kecmw25 Posts: 2,743 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Kalici wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    I'm also a laundry lover. I get irritated if anybody else uses MY laundry machines. Just leave them alone and let me have this one thing.

    I don't mind laundry. But I HATE folding socks. They will sit in a laundry basket for YEARS and everyone will have to hunt through for a matching pair.

    I don't fold socks at all. I will give everyone their own socks in their laundry pile, but if they want to match them, that is on them. I also don't care if they just throw them all in a drawer and dig through in the morning. I have a relaxed attitude about this lol.

    I have two types of socks. They are either black or white and identical aside from that. So I do not ever have to fold socks to find a pair.

    One of my original posts in this thread was the ridiculous number of socks I have. I sort them by barn socks, socks to wear with street clothes, trouser socks, riding socks and running socks. It's probably a few hundred pair.

    I meant to confess then that I am jealous!!! I love socks.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.

    I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.

    Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.

    This is very much the way I think as well. I have kind of an odd story regarding this topic. My Freshman and Sophomore years in high school was the only time I was overweight in my life. Maybe 20 lbs. or so just from not being as active. My Junior year I was in a pretty serious car accident. Multiple injuries and was on a feeding tube in the hospital for 9 days. Well, by the time I got out of there those 20 lbs. were long gone. Here I was, broken, scarred, stitched up in multiple places and limping around with a walker and people were telling me how good I looked! I'd never been so disgusted and disappointed with people in my life. That event has changed forever the way I view people who judge others solely on their size.
  • xLoveLikeWinterx
    xLoveLikeWinterx Posts: 408 Member
    edited June 2015
    Caitwn wrote: »
    So… I mostly need a place to noodle this around and get it out. I work for my State as a government analyst, so I have to be kinda vague and can't get into specifics. I make decent $, not great. Job security is awesome, but I like $ and I like to be challenged. I have an MBA already and I’m feeling the itch to go back and get my MS in Finance. It would be stupid to get an MS if I’m going to stay in government. I only need my BA for my job, so I’m already over-qualified.

    I love the job security, but I hate that it’s not challenging, no advancement other than getting the standard automated raise every year, etc. I also love the thought of using my brain again (I’m a weirdo that loves school).
    Hubby says do it, but if I do, I have to get out of government work (I can make at least $10-$15k/yr more in private sector work and raises are usually better). In private sector, the degree would pay for itself within 2 years, maybe less. Am I crazy to want to get out of “safe” government work into private companies?

    I feel like I should be supportive of your dream and encourage you to make the shift to working in the private sector. Since finishing graduate school (quite some time ago, haha), I've worked in public (State/Fed) environments and for private companies as well as for non-profits. And I have to be honest and say that while I certainly don't think you are crazy, I still wouldn't advise you to leave the "safe" government work.

    I loved school. I still love learning. I'm a research and data nerd and will be even after I eventually stop working! I also continue to like my work, and I am doubly blessed that it is meaningful work. I'll never have to wonder at the end of my career whether my work contributed to making a positive difference in this world, so I am deeply grateful for that.

    But working for private companies isn't all that spectacular (mind you, I am not trying to compare what I've experienced to people who have horrible jobs that they should leave. I am talking here about reasonable work environments). There are some companies that are pretty nice, it's true. I worked for one that was always getting noted as one of the top companies to work for, and they certainly earned that honor. But when all is said and done the overall quality of work life there wasn't THAT much different than any other basically good job - they just had some extra perks and a creative management philosophy and structure.

    Building a long-term foundation for yourself and your family with a degree of security that the private sector can't offer is an amazing privilege and opportunity. Believe me, I KNOW how mundane the state government environment can be. But I truly don't believe that the private sector offers enough that's genuinely different to make it worth the shift. Use the "safe" job as your anchor to get the degree you want. Explore part-time consulting, or teaching, or volunteering, or any number of other things you can do to feed your mind and spirit. There are so many ways you can apply your skills without giving up what you currently have. An MBA and a MS in Finance? That's teaching at a community college. That's consulting for non-profits (when I ran a non-profit I would have KILLED to have someone like you offer to come help out for a bit), or volunteering to assist community organizations build an infrastructure. Or maybe you'd prefer to offer your services in some way not remotely related to your degrees. Don't like what you're volunteering to do? Fine. Wrap it up and walk away and find something totally different, because with your current job as your anchor, you have that freedom. I'm just saying that in my experience I don't think it's worth giving up what you've got in order to go work in the private sector.

    I feel sort of bad writing this and hope nobody gets too annoyed with me. But I did want to try to share a heartfelt and genuine response, even if you decide what I'm saying doesn't fit for you. Best wishes in whatever you decide :)

    I am sure the others have already posted as I am usually late to the party since I don't have time to post while at work. BUT you should never feel bad about posting in this thread as it is a supportive environment for whatever it us we are dealing with. Thanks for your contribution!

    I never saw the original post (thread moves so fast!) but I wanted to say thank you to Caitwn for the time you took to type that out. It's pretty much the conclusion I've come to, as well. I live in the Detroit area. There is no private sector job here with the security that government work can offer, none. I think I look at my salary a lot and get dissatisfied, in addition to the fact that I need a high level of mental stimulation at work or I go nuts, and I do NOT get it here.

    But I think I ultimately realize that that security means quite a bit with having 2 very young children. Getting my MS isn't off the table, but it would have to be something I used in other ways without giving up my full-time job. And at that point, I'm not sure the ROI on it would be worth it.
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.

    In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!

    Seconded. Also, sorry @Francl27 I think it's funny and I love your various reactions when it happens. :smile:

    Me too! I know it's annoying to you b
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    LOL, that's what I've said about myself when they won't work :grin:

    I am currently drinking a protein shake. Why, oh why can they not make a protein powder that tastes good?!

    Two words: Dyna Whey. Available at Superstore (and Costco, if you have one).

    But ONLY in Canada, because you are greedy protein that doesn't taste icky bastages.

    Oh, gosh. You weren't supposed to see that. o:)

    I seriously think of you every damn morning when I open the container (it's in Tupperware) and the aroma of iced cappuccino wafts out at me.

    Which brings me to a strange confession... for someone who loathes cooking, and all aspects of meal preparation, I own craploads of Tupperware. All acquired in my younger years when I was not very well off, and that stuff's bloody expensive. I think maybe I had a fantasy that it would make me enjoy cooking, or make it easier, or something like that.

    Apparently, this is why I cannot keep Tupperware in the house. I buy it. But I like to cook. Then the kids and everyone else takes home leftover food in the containers and they NEVER BRING THEM BACK! I have been known to go to my kids' houses and rummage through the cabinet, saying "This is mine and this is mine...".

    Not sure where that weird half post came from. Tried to edit it, but couldn't. Sorry!

    My mom does that. Seriously, I have to raid her cabinets and get my containers back myself lol! I cook, sometimes let her and daddy have what's left, and never see my container(s) again. Usually when I go over there, I'm like, "why the hell are all MY dishes at YOUR house?!" Then I laugh, she laughs, and I bring my dishes back home. I could probably just buy a new set, but I'm too cheap. I found the sets I have on sale on Black Friday the year we moved. (Yeah, everyone else was shopping at Walmart for gifts, I was more excited about the $1.74 towels and washcloths, the $7 Rubbermaid "Tupperware" sets, and the $100 vacuum cleaner I got on sale for $40! That was my Christmas in 2013 lol.)
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
    @pofoster21, I love the photo! You two look great together and she's a beautiful horse.

    Tupperware: my mom bought me some of the real stuff when I first moved out (eleven years ago?) and I loved it and used it constantly...until one of my roommates melted a bunch of the lids somehow. I think I might have cried. It was almost as bad as the time our current roommate broke the glass bowl for my KitchenAid. He had to go to the ER because it cut him up so badly so I couldn't be mad at him, but still. So sad.

    Now I only buy glass "tupperware"-type containers though, no plastic, because I'm paranoid about getting it clean otherwise. I hate plastic anything for food - glass, stainless, ceramic all day for me. Again...total clean freak over here.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
    So I've finally walked the stage and received my diploma. I'm beat.

    My mom took me to buy a swimsuit today because she's in the city and wanted to treat me to something before I go on vacation, and I had a lot of them to try. I liked the first one a lot, and felt ok about the following ones but felt myself getting more and more self-conscious. I finally summoned the courage to ask my mom what she thought of one of them, and the look on her face just sent my heart plummeting. She then said ''I... don't know about that...'' Obviously, she was most likely just reacting to the bathing suit rather than criticizing my body, but after that I looked back into the mirror and couldn't stop staring at every little flaw... especially my fat legs. She liked another one, though, the one that I liked the most anyway, and she left me alone to get dressed. I proceeded to have a mini panic attack and started to cry in the changing room because I just felt so ugly and fat. Blah. If I feel like that from having my mom look at me, I'm seriously terrified of how I will be on the beach... if I can even work up the courage to go out there.

    I mean, it was a nice thing for her to buy me a swimsuit and I pretty much ruined my afternoon by getting all depressed. After that I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep... I need to start body lovin' instead of hating on it all the time.

    Way behind, but wanted to say something that my SIL, she has her own website and is a personal trainer, has been preaching for awhile, 'replace all the negative self talk with positive self talk'. In essence, if you think, 'my legs are so fat', then you have to say, 'my legs are strong and they get me where I need to go'. The ultimate goal is to get rid of the negative self talk and replace it with positive. It has worked well for me lately when I realize I'm doing it. Anyway, hope that helps at least a little.

    And yay for graduating!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    As someone who lived without a dishwasher for 5 years and had to wash everything up by hand, I'm totally fine with loading a dishwasher lol!

    I have a dishwasher and still do everything by hand mostly. It's just me I don't generate a lot of dishes!

    We I still have to wash pots and pans because the MIL is concerned that the Teflon coating gets damaged. Her house, her rules I guess. I just hate cooking AND washing up. :angry:

    Hate that! That's not fair to you, either. Those duties should be shared.
  • AngryViking1970
    AngryViking1970 Posts: 2,847 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.

    In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!

    Seconded. Also, sorry @Francl27 I think it's funny and I love your various reactions when it happens. :smile:

    Me too! I know it's annoying to you b
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    LOL, that's what I've said about myself when they won't work :grin:

    I am currently drinking a protein shake. Why, oh why can they not make a protein powder that tastes good?!

    Two words: Dyna Whey. Available at Superstore (and Costco, if you have one).

    But ONLY in Canada, because you are greedy protein that doesn't taste icky bastages.

    Oh, gosh. You weren't supposed to see that. o:)

    I seriously think of you every damn morning when I open the container (it's in Tupperware) and the aroma of iced cappuccino wafts out at me.

    Which brings me to a strange confession... for someone who loathes cooking, and all aspects of meal preparation, I own craploads of Tupperware. All acquired in my younger years when I was not very well off, and that stuff's bloody expensive. I think maybe I had a fantasy that it would make me enjoy cooking, or make it easier, or something like that.

    Apparently, this is why I cannot keep Tupperware in the house. I buy it. But I like to cook. Then the kids and everyone else takes home leftover food in the containers and they NEVER BRING THEM BACK! I have been known to go to my kids' houses and rummage through the cabinet, saying "This is mine and this is mine...".

    Not sure where that weird half post came from. Tried to edit it, but couldn't. Sorry!

    My mom does that. Seriously, I have to raid her cabinets and get my containers back myself lol! I cook, sometimes let her and daddy have what's left, and never see my container(s) again. Usually when I go over there, I'm like, "why the hell are all MY dishes at YOUR house?!" Then I laugh, she laughs, and I bring my dishes back home. I could probably just buy a new set, but I'm too cheap. I found the sets I have on sale on Black Friday the year we moved. (Yeah, everyone else was shopping at Walmart for gifts, I was more excited about the $1.74 towels and washcloths, the $7 Rubbermaid "Tupperware" sets, and the $100 vacuum cleaner I got on sale for $40! That was my Christmas in 2013 lol.)

    All of my "Tupperware" is essentially the plastic containers deli meat comes in. LOL Except for my cake taker. That's legit.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.

    I am not disagreeing, I consider it cheating as well. My point was that it is really hard for most people to be monogamous because it is unnatural, so if it is an otherwise great relationship and this is a one time occurrence after a decade, is it really worth losing that?

    A lot of people struggle their whole lives to be monogamous because that is what society accepts, and sometimes, even though that is our intent, we fail.

    Sorry, I was to edit this for spelling and also to add something but my phone was being stupid....so now I am on the laptop...

    I wanted to add that I was only trying to show the other side of all the posts that say it is a deal breaker 100%, because IMO it is not always. You have to look at the big picture.

    Definitely, which is why in my post earlier I mentioned the one poster prior who had gone through this and made it work. Sorry, I cannot remember who it was. I should've acknowledged her.
  • xLoveLikeWinterx
    xLoveLikeWinterx Posts: 408 Member
    And woot! I stepped on the scale today and my body finally released the stupid 2-4 lbs of water (it varied) it held on to for this past week and even gave me another -1 lb for my wait.

    So now I'm down 17 pounds. With another 23 lbs to go until goal. That makes me feel awesome.

    I've been feeling kind of grumpy/crabby/exhausted the last few days so I went to bed at 8 pm last night after I put both my kids to bed. It felt AMAZING to sleep for 10 hours. I used to average 4-5 hrs/night.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    I do too! Never have a problem!

    I cannot bring myself to do that. But, I only do three loads per week: darks, lights, and whites. Have to bleach my whites. I have to do the laundry, though (good thing I enjoy it) because my husband thinks clothes are to be sorted by TYPES, such as dress clothes, workout clothes, towels (of all colors together). No. You cannot wash light colored dress shirts with dark pants! Just a "me" thing, I'm sure.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Worse laundry mishap is when you forget to take stuff out of the washer in time but still think it will be ok and dry it with that terrible musty smell still in the clothes.

    Yes! I do this. Now I rewash. Unless it's horse laundry!

    That sounds like another word for BS. I may start using it. "Don't give me that horse laundry excuse!"

    Yep, I like it, I'm going to definitely start using it. :smiley:

    That is funny! I may adopt that as well...a way to get around swearing!

    I'm going to start using this as well.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    ohgeeque wrote: »
    30 lbs down with 20 more to go. Today, I am doing a ridiculous little happy dance.

    That counts as exercise, right?

    Congratulations and yes, log those dancing calories!
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.

    In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!

    Seconded. Also, sorry @Francl27 I think it's funny and I love your various reactions when it happens. :smile:

    Me too! I know it's annoying to you b
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    LOL, that's what I've said about myself when they won't work :grin:

    I am currently drinking a protein shake. Why, oh why can they not make a protein powder that tastes good?!

    Two words: Dyna Whey. Available at Superstore (and Costco, if you have one).

    But ONLY in Canada, because you are greedy protein that doesn't taste icky bastages.

    Oh, gosh. You weren't supposed to see that. o:)

    I seriously think of you every damn morning when I open the container (it's in Tupperware) and the aroma of iced cappuccino wafts out at me.

    Which brings me to a strange confession... for someone who loathes cooking, and all aspects of meal preparation, I own craploads of Tupperware. All acquired in my younger years when I was not very well off, and that stuff's bloody expensive. I think maybe I had a fantasy that it would make me enjoy cooking, or make it easier, or something like that.

    Apparently, this is why I cannot keep Tupperware in the house. I buy it. But I like to cook. Then the kids and everyone else takes home leftover food in the containers and they NEVER BRING THEM BACK! I have been known to go to my kids' houses and rummage through the cabinet, saying "This is mine and this is mine...".

    Not sure where that weird half post came from. Tried to edit it, but couldn't. Sorry!

    My mom does that. Seriously, I have to raid her cabinets and get my containers back myself lol! I cook, sometimes let her and daddy have what's left, and never see my container(s) again. Usually when I go over there, I'm like, "why the hell are all MY dishes at YOUR house?!" Then I laugh, she laughs, and I bring my dishes back home. I could probably just buy a new set, but I'm too cheap. I found the sets I have on sale on Black Friday the year we moved. (Yeah, everyone else was shopping at Walmart for gifts, I was more excited about the $1.74 towels and washcloths, the $7 Rubbermaid "Tupperware" sets, and the $100 vacuum cleaner I got on sale for $40! That was my Christmas in 2013 lol.)

    All of my "Tupperware" is essentially the plastic containers deli meat comes in. LOL Except for my cake taker. That's legit.

    My ILs do that too lol! All this talking about Tupperware reminds me that I do actually need to pick up a new set so poor hubs has something to take lunches in lol.
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    edited June 2015
    So today my husband comes home - he's currently on an away a week/home a week work schedule. Needless to say I'll be busy today trying to look like I've completely done ALL the jobs I planned to do when he was away, clean the house etc etc.

    He's not a tyrant in any way, but because I'm not working at the moment, I think it's my job to do everything around the house so that he doesn't have to be concerned about it. I always feel like I need to have something to show for my free time - 'Look at this clean house!' or 'I did the garden!' or 'Here, I single handedly sanded and stained this big-@ss deck! Be pleased with me!'

    Edit: Ok, this sounds terrible. Like he's going to do a white-glove inspection when he gets home. I should say that he puts NO pressure on me - I do it to myself. I like it to appear that I haven't spent the entire time he was away on the internet. Right, off to fix the garden gate!
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    edited June 2015
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    So today my husband comes home - he's currently on an away a week/home a week work schedule. Needless to say I'll be busy today trying to look like I've completely done ALL the jobs I planned to do when he was away, clean the house etc etc.

    He's not a tyrant in any way, but because I'm not working at the moment, I think it's my job to do everything around the house so that he doesn't have to be concerned about it. I always feel like I need to have something to show for my free time - 'Look at this clean house!' or 'I did the garden!' or 'Here, I single handedly sanded and stained this big-@ss deck! Be pleased with me!'

    Got any tips for others? Lol! I probably have to be the worst housewife ever, I seriously suck at it. :flushed:

    ETA: It's to the point hubby calls me when he's headed home, just to give me a heads up to get dinner started and clean up. Usually he's an hour or so away, so then it's a mad scramble to make it look like I've actually done something. Sigh, I hope the doctors office is quick with an appointment, I piss myself off being like this. Ugh.
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    So today my husband comes home - he's currently on an away a week/home a week work schedule. Needless to say I'll be busy today trying to look like I've completely done ALL the jobs I planned to do when he was away, clean the house etc etc.

    He's not a tyrant in any way, but because I'm not working at the moment, I think it's my job to do everything around the house so that he doesn't have to be concerned about it. I always feel like I need to have something to show for my free time - 'Look at this clean house!' or 'I did the garden!' or 'Here, I single handedly sanded and stained this big-@ss deck! Be pleased with me!'

    Got any tips for others? Lol! I probably have to be the worst housewife ever, I seriously suck at it. :flushed:
    Make lists. Check things off. Seriously - best way to get anything done.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    festerw wrote: »
    For more laundry talk, here's 1 morning of baseball/softball game day laundry. 4 loads there for 55 lb washers, everything gets soaked overnight, everything gets scrubbed by hand, washed twice, then hung to dry.

    1ui7uy630z7r.jpg

    Scrubbed by hand?! Wow, I'm into cleanliness, but that's really impressive! Lots of work, though. Making me tired just thinking about it.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    @lbuehler89 I love your new picture. Gorgeous!

    Ditto! And @pofoster21 Pheobe is gorgeous! That is a great picture. Thanks for sharing.
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    So today my husband comes home - he's currently on an away a week/home a week work schedule. Needless to say I'll be busy today trying to look like I've completely done ALL the jobs I planned to do when he was away, clean the house etc etc.

    He's not a tyrant in any way, but because I'm not working at the moment, I think it's my job to do everything around the house so that he doesn't have to be concerned about it. I always feel like I need to have something to show for my free time - 'Look at this clean house!' or 'I did the garden!' or 'Here, I single handedly sanded and stained this big-@ss deck! Be pleased with me!'

    Got any tips for others? Lol! I probably have to be the worst housewife ever, I seriously suck at it. :flushed:
    Make lists. Check things off. Seriously - best way to get anything done.

    Wanna know the bad part? There are lists posted in nearly every room of the house, but I still forget. I guess I'm gonna have to learn how to iPhone and put the lists in my phone somehow to remind me lol.
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    Aaaaand apparently my dog got ahold of something that didn't agree with her because she just puked, twice. :neutral:
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    peleroja wrote: »
    @pofoster21, I love the photo! You two look great together and she's a beautiful horse.

    Tupperware: my mom bought me some of the real stuff when I first moved out (eleven years ago?) and I loved it and used it constantly...until one of my roommates melted a bunch of the lids somehow. I think I might have cried. It was almost as bad as the time our current roommate broke the glass bowl for my KitchenAid. He had to go to the ER because it cut him up so badly so I couldn't be mad at him, but still. So sad.

    Now I only buy glass "tupperware"-type containers though, no plastic, because I'm paranoid about getting it clean otherwise. I hate plastic anything for food - glass, stainless, ceramic all day for me. Again...total clean freak over here.

    I would love to buy the glass ones, because the plastic ones stain so badly when I put anything containing tomatoes/tomato sauce/tomato paste in them. :-/ Also, they tend to take on the smell of stuff like garlic and onions, and it's hard to scrub the smell out. -_-

    The main problem is that I'm EXTREMELY clumsy, and anything glass is bound to be very short-lived in my house, so I really can't do that. I'm so jealous of people who can have glass dishes and those oh-so-pretty delicate porcelain teacups and... and... *cries from envy*

    Fun fact: Whenever my husband hears a bang from another room, he calls out... "What did you break this time?" And if he DOESN'T hear any bangs, he comes to check if I'm okay because it's too quiet... ;)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    Thanks. I appreciate it. This is the approach I'm taking. Like I said I haven't talked to him so I want to see what he has to say. I don't know if it's a good idea but as I've been going through things this week, I've been writing down thoughts/feelings. If he is open to listening, I want to share how it's affected me. Overall he has been great so this is a surprise. I'm not sure he realized how bad this really is. But then again, he was hiding it so maybe he does...

    I have five free therapy sessions through work so I'm going to get his schedule and figure out when we are both free to go and make an appointment if he is willing. If not, I will give up.

    I agree though. I think that monogamy is hard for a lot of people and probably not natural. However, I'd rather have someone admit to me that they aren't happy being with just me instead of going behind my back. If he is a man who wants to be in a relationship with me, I don't want to share and he will have to say no to temptation.

    And yes, I've seen Unfaithful. That is a sad movie. :(

    Also, I hope you are doing okay. I love the pictures of your rodent baby and I feel so bad for you. At least you know he had a good life with you!

    VERY sound and intelligent reasoning. Sounds like you are thinking clearly. I think he HAS to listen to you. You deserve that. Good idea about the therapy. It is worth a try.

    Do you think on some level he knew you would find out and he was looking for attention or a reaction from you? I'm NOT saying that's right or okay. But, it makes me wonder what his underlying motive was: to actually have an affair or to bring attention to the fact that he needs or wants something changed in your current relationship?

    A mature adult would just talk about it, but lots of people aren't really capable of doing that and look for another way to approach a topic. Either way, hang in there, keep writing down your feelings and best of luck to you on Friday!
  • raelynnsmama52512
    raelynnsmama52512 Posts: 1,184 Member
    peleroja wrote: »
    @pofoster21, I love the photo! You two look great together and she's a beautiful horse.

    Tupperware: my mom bought me some of the real stuff when I first moved out (eleven years ago?) and I loved it and used it constantly...until one of my roommates melted a bunch of the lids somehow. I think I might have cried. It was almost as bad as the time our current roommate broke the glass bowl for my KitchenAid. He had to go to the ER because it cut him up so badly so I couldn't be mad at him, but still. So sad.

    Now I only buy glass "tupperware"-type containers though, no plastic, because I'm paranoid about getting it clean otherwise. I hate plastic anything for food - glass, stainless, ceramic all day for me. Again...total clean freak over here.

    I would love to buy the glass ones, because the plastic ones stain so badly when I put anything containing tomatoes/tomato sauce/tomato paste in them. :-/ Also, they tend to take on the smell of stuff like garlic and onions, and it's hard to scrub the smell out. -_-

    The main problem is that I'm EXTREMELY clumsy, and anything glass is bound to be very short-lived in my house, so I really can't do that. I'm so jealous of people who can have glass dishes and those oh-so-pretty delicate porcelain teacups and... and... *cries from envy*

    Fun fact: Whenever my husband hears a bang from another room, he calls out... "What did you break this time?" And if he DOESN'T hear any bangs, he comes to check if I'm okay because it's too quiet... ;)

    Miss clumsy here too lol! I've been thinking about switching to plastic only because I've broken so many glasses. I'm very accident prone lol. Love to cook, but I usually injure myself in the process. I'm actually missing part of my pad on my left pinky due to an unfortunate mandolin slicer incident. Yeah, it's bad lol :laugh:
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    So today my husband comes home - he's currently on an away a week/home a week work schedule. Needless to say I'll be busy today trying to look like I've completely done ALL the jobs I planned to do when he was away, clean the house etc etc.

    He's not a tyrant in any way, but because I'm not working at the moment, I think it's my job to do everything around the house so that he doesn't have to be concerned about it. I always feel like I need to have something to show for my free time - 'Look at this clean house!' or 'I did the garden!' or 'Here, I single handedly sanded and stained this big-@ss deck! Be pleased with me!'

    Got any tips for others? Lol! I probably have to be the worst housewife ever, I seriously suck at it. :flushed:
    Make lists. Check things off. Seriously - best way to get anything done.

    I love checking things off of my to-do list so much that if I've delayed and made the list after doing half of my chores, I'll still write those down just so I can check them off and feel accomplished. ;)

    I keep a magnetic whiteboard thingy on my refrigerator and I write down tasks that need doing on it. But I'm honestly pretty lazy about getting things done myself... Either I do it all in one energy-crazed day or I let it all stagnate for a week. O.o
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    HA! Yes! It can be me, you, Shiba, Suzieq and BZAH10. We'll be like a really small, yet rhythmic gang.

    ♫♪When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way. From your first cigarette, to your last dying day.♫♪

    You have to snap your fingers, too.

    LOL!