Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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Replies

  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    As someone who lived without a dishwasher for 5 years and had to wash everything up by hand, I'm totally fine with loading a dishwasher lol!

    I have a dishwasher and still do everything by hand mostly. It's just me I don't generate a lot of dishes!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    You're only as sick as your secrets, right?
    I've been thinking of cutting a lot lately. I don't even have any razors. I can't figure out why. I should be happier; I've been in a better place mentally than in years and years, and I'm into a really good college with everything paid for, and my sister's in another country. What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I won't do it but I can't stop thinking about it. It would be so easy. But every time I started again I would remember how absolutely right it felt and then it would get worse.

    On another note, anytime anyone says "feeling poorly" or variants thereof I have to force myself not to disregard everything else they're saying. .__. oops. Also, I wrote insulting limericks in my friend's yearbook over all the pictures of people we didn't like, and one of them was rather crude, and her mother saw it. Oops.

    Also this thread makes me feel so much better about myself. So nice to have some solidarity and lack of judgment.

    You are in a really stressful time of life. I know you have mentioned having issues before. Colleges have mental health resources available to students. Maybe you should seek out some help before you slip from 'knowing you won't do it' to doing it?
  • Lois_1989
    Lois_1989 Posts: 6,410 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    As someone who lived without a dishwasher for 5 years and had to wash everything up by hand, I'm totally fine with loading a dishwasher lol!

    I have a dishwasher and still do everything by hand mostly. It's just me I don't generate a lot of dishes!

    We I still have to wash pots and pans because the MIL is concerned that the Teflon coating gets damaged. Her house, her rules I guess. I just hate cooking AND washing up. :angry:
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    Kalici wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    I'm also a laundry lover. I get irritated if anybody else uses MY laundry machines. Just leave them alone and let me have this one thing.

    I don't mind laundry. But I HATE folding socks. They will sit in a laundry basket for YEARS and everyone will have to hunt through for a matching pair.

    I don't fold socks at all. I will give everyone their own socks in their laundry pile, but if they want to match them, that is on them. I also don't care if they just throw them all in a drawer and dig through in the morning. I have a relaxed attitude about this lol.

    I have two types of socks. They are either black or white and identical aside from that. So I do not ever have to fold socks to find a pair.

    One of my original posts in this thread was the ridiculous number of socks I have. I sort them by barn socks, socks to wear with street clothes, trouser socks, riding socks and running socks. It's probably a few hundred pair.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    Me too. Anything nice enough to warrant separating out gets dry cleaned.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.

    I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.

    Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.

    That is really sad and I agree. People are terrible and go solely on appearances. But congratulations on a 325 lb weight loss. That is amazing and keeping it off for 20 years is incredible!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Whew 3 hours later I am all caught up. Now I'll just get behind again. It's a vicious cycle.

    I feel ya! This is exactly what happens to me too!! At least it gives us something to read....I read a bit through out the night....a bit now, a bit after dinner, until I get caught up! The only thing is I look like a crazy binge poster of quotes!

    Yep me too. But once I start I can't stop. I promised myself I would be out of bed 1/2 hour ago and here I am trying to catch up again!
  • girldownsouth
    girldownsouth Posts: 920 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Whew 3 hours later I am all caught up. Now I'll just get behind again. It's a vicious cycle.

    I feel ya! This is exactly what happens to me too!! At least it gives us something to read....I read a bit through out the night....a bit now, a bit after dinner, until I get caught up! The only thing is I look like a crazy binge poster of quotes!

    Yep me too. But once I start I can't stop. I promised myself I would be out of bed 1/2 hour ago and here I am trying to catch up again!

    Now is a good time to catch up though because at least the end point is reasonably static.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    edited June 2015
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.

    I am not disagreeing, I consider it cheating as well. My point was that it is really hard for most people to be monogamous because it is unnatural, so if it is an otherwise great relationship and this is a one time occurrence after a decade, is it really worth losing that?

    A lot of people struggle their whole lives to be monogamous because that is what society accepts, and sometimes, even though that is our intent, we fail.
  • spamarie
    spamarie Posts: 2,825 Member
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    m1xm0d3 wrote: »
    Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.

    I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.

    My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.

    Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.
    Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.

    I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.

    This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.

    On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.

    sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*

    THIS (bold) is why I took up lifting.

    And because it's easy. "Easy" in that it doesn't require grace or coordination or skill or athletic ability, all of which I lack. Just a basic awareness of your own body mechanics and the willingness to press on, even on those days when it feels like you've been run over by a truck (lorry for you Brits) and then thrown down a flight of stairs. At least that was my experience anyway... yoga bores me to tears, I can't do aerobics or zumba to save my life, never played sports, but I can pick up a barbell repeatedly. Hey, whaddya know, I'm good at something.

    This weekend I walked around a garden center with a big spirea, two rhododendrons and a rose bush in my arms (it was a feat of balance as much as strength). Carried them to my car and put them in the trunk. I want to be able to do that 20 years from now, not be the frail little old lady waiting for the nice young man to help with the carryout.

    Aesthetically, I've discovered that I like seeing muscles. Visible proof of all the work I've done. It keeps me motivated. I'm one of the ones who looked pretty good in clothes, but I wasn't too happy with the naked body that menopause has given me. I'm also learning my limitations -- there are some saggy bits that no amount of weightlifting is going to change.

    I've seen it posted around these parts before but the key to "fitness" is to find an activity that you love and are going to stick with -- which isn't necessarily going to be the activity that someone else loves.

    You, I like. You can stay in this thread ;)

    I try Yoga. I love the stretching part but I can't get my Downward Dog to bend at all and I end up doing what I like to call the Flopping Fish instead. I like Zumba but I kina look like a deranged zebra. Walking fast and lifting weights is what I like more. I can do it, I don't need to be coordinated, it feels good to make my body move.

    Lol. Good thing, I'm addicted to this thread and you wouldn't get rid of me anyway >:) Even having to catch up on 230 new posts at the end of the day yesterday didn't deter me.

    I walk too. :) But if I look at the scenery too much or don't pay attention to where I'm putting my feet, I've been known to lurch and stumble. I'm THAT uncoordinated.

    I think I've read all the posts but haven't been able to reply... welcome back @ShibaEars... congrats to all who have lost weight or reached goal... @Italian_Buju loving the pics of Little Rodent Boy's sweet little furry face (I've had to backtrack to see them, they don't show at work).

    Not having kids, I've never seen Frozen or Finding Nemo or SpongeBob or any of those. I can probably identify the characters, however, solely from seeing the merchandise prominently displayed in stores.

    I highly suggest you watch this! If no other "kid's" movie ever, watch Finding Nemo.

    YASSS! :) Agree love, love, love this movie!
    Thirded. Also 'Up' (and yes, I did cry within the first 5 minutes!)

    Ooooh, yeah, Up is a great one! I also bawled like an infant in the first 5 minutes.

    I cry every. damned. time. It doesn't matter how many times I see it. Every. time. My son just likes the scenes with the balloons.

    ETA: Just at the beginning, to be clear. I only cry at the beginning. And maybe at the end, a little bit.

    I cry at movies when things fly in unexpected ways. There's something so freeing about it. So I cry at the balloons in UP, also during 'The Snowman - I'm walking in the air'. That's a short Channel 4 film for those across the pond who don't know. I've watched it every Christmas of my life and I still cry whenever that music starts.
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    I have really enjoyed getting to know you all through this thread.

    In case you're keeping track, T-18 days until my anniversary/ vacation trip.

    Seriously, me too!

    And, YAY!!
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.

    I am not disagreeing, I consider it cheating as well. My point was that it is really hard for most people to be monogamous because it is unnatural, so if it is an otherwise great relationship and this is a one time occurrence after a decade, is it really worth losing that?

    A lot of people struggle their whole lives to be monogamous because that is what society accepts, and sometimes, even though that is our intent, we fail.

    Sorry, I was to edit this for spelling and also to add something but my phone was being stupid....so now I am on the laptop...

    I wanted to add that I was only trying to show the other side of all the posts that say it is a deal breaker 100%, because IMO it is not always. You have to look at the big picture.
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    I do too! Never have a problem!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.

    I'm stuggling with my feelings right now. :(

    All of the NOPE! Not okay! It's cheating...

    Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.

    I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.

    I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change. :'(

    Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.

    I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....

    I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.

    If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.

    I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.

    I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.

    I actually agree with you that people are not naturally monogamous. But unless both sides are aware and have a agreement to behave or think openly about that, sexting or carrying on a affair is cheating. You are breaking an agreement between 2 people to have a singular and committed relationship, and you are hiding this fact from the other person in the relationship. That is what I object to. If you need the rules of the relationship changed, you need a discussion with your partner and they either agree or don't agree. Sneaking around behind someone's back is always wrong.

    I am not disagreeing, I consider it cheating as well. My point was that it is really hard for most people to be monogamous because it is unnatural, so if it is an otherwise great relationship and this is a one time occurrence after a decade, is it really worth losing that?

    A lot of people struggle their whole lives to be monogamous because that is what society accepts, and sometimes, even though that is our intent, we fail.

    Sorry, I was to edit this for spelling and also to add something but my phone was being stupid....so now I am on the laptop...

    I wanted to add that I was only trying to show the other side of all the posts that say it is a deal breaker 100%, because IMO it is not always. You have to look at the big picture.

    I think that is fair. Other posters said the same thing along the lines of if he is truly remorseful and you can forgive, then maybe you can move past it. Its possible. But I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where trust was gone and could never be restored. But like most things in life, everything is individual so each person in the end has to make the decision that is right for them.
  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    I do too! Never have a problem!

    Haha I do the same too- I just make sure I wash everything in cold!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Whew 3 hours later I am all caught up. Now I'll just get behind again. It's a vicious cycle.

    I feel ya! This is exactly what happens to me too!! At least it gives us something to read....I read a bit through out the night....a bit now, a bit after dinner, until I get caught up! The only thing is I look like a crazy binge poster of quotes!

    Yep me too. But once I start I can't stop. I promised myself I would be out of bed 1/2 hour ago and here I am trying to catch up again!

    Now is a good time to catch up though because at least the end point is reasonably static.

    Exactly. :)
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    Worse laundry mishap is when you forget to take stuff out of the washer in time but still think it will be ok and dry it with that terrible musty smell still in the clothes.

    Yes! I do this. Now I rewash. Unless it's horse laundry!

    That sounds like another word for BS. I may start using it. "Don't give me that horse laundry excuse!"

    Yep, I like it, I'm going to definitely start using it. :smiley:

    That is funny! I may adopt that as well...a way to get around swearing!
  • ohgeeque
    ohgeeque Posts: 224 Member
    30 lbs down with 20 more to go. Today, I am doing a ridiculous little happy dance.

    That counts as exercise, right?
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    I do too! Never have a problem!

    Haha I do the same too- I just make sure I wash everything in cold!

    Yup, always cold. I don't think our machine has ever done warm or hot.
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    ohgeeque wrote: »
    30 lbs down with 20 more to go. Today, I am doing a ridiculous little happy dance.

    That counts as exercise, right?

    Sure does! :) And awesome job!
  • ohgeeque
    ohgeeque Posts: 224 Member
    I washed most of my DOH!'s underwear with a red towel. He was ok with pink boxers for a year. I felt bad, but as always, he made me laugh.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
    This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it. :|

    I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.

    Agreed!

    I carry on entire conversations when it keeps asking me to put the stuff in the bagging area. I curse. Then I realize I am in public and talking to something that cannot respond. THIS should go in the Things that make you Irrationally Angry thread (I do check that one ocasionally). But this may be a rational anger point.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine? o:)

    Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.

    Um there is such a thing? Who makes it?

    Samsung. :) I LOVE Samsung. I have Samsung everything! Microwave, washer/dryer, oven, refrigerator... Their products are amazing and energy efficient and almost never break. My most beloved brand. :open_mouth:

    Disclaimer: I do not, and never have ever worked for Samsung. I've noticed that most Americans seem shocked when a combination washer/dryer is mentioned... Are they not available in the U.S.?

    I've never seen them, but I would love to have one! Granted, my washer and dryer are so close together I barely have to move, but I still wish I had an all in one machine!

    I agree with this! I have never seen one but would love that. One less step! I hate moving the wet laundry to the dryer, I always drop something on the ground. I have front loaders (biggest mistake EVER, back to top loaders next time). The HORSE LAUNDRY always makes the front leak (too heavy I think) so I have learned to cut back on the amount I put in and monitor the amount of soap for things like leg boots that suck up a lot of water.

    And yes, I do human laundry and horse laundry in the same machines. So folks with allergies might not appreciate that. Or folks with cleanliness issues. But I like clean laundry on my horses. Putting a dirty saddle pad on a horse's back or a dirty girth is tantamount to putting on dirty underwear in my book. People do it all the time and it makes me nuts. I do more laundry than a family of 4 for me and the horses!
  • AngryViking1970
    AngryViking1970 Posts: 2,847 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    tigerThea wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.

    Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.

    LOL, that's what I've said about myself when they won't work :grin:

    I am currently drinking a protein shake. Why, oh why can they not make a protein powder that tastes good?!

    Two words: Dyna Whey. Available at Superstore (and Costco, if you have one).

    But ONLY in Canada, because you are greedy protein that doesn't taste icky bastages.

    Oh, gosh. You weren't supposed to see that. o:)

    I seriously think of you every damn morning when I open the container (it's in Tupperware) and the aroma of iced cappuccino wafts out at me.

    Which brings me to a strange confession... for someone who loathes cooking, and all aspects of meal preparation, I own craploads of Tupperware. All acquired in my younger years when I was not very well off, and that stuff's bloody expensive. I think maybe I had a fantasy that it would make me enjoy cooking, or make it easier, or something like that.

    When I first moved out, I had all my mom's old tupperware, and then my aunt sent me a giant box full because she bought all new. I have it in 80's pastels and 70's avocado and pumpkin. Between my husband and I, we cook ALL the time, but we never bother with the tupperware. We use gladlock containers and freezer bags for everything.

    I bet you don't have the gigantic cake taker caddy thing, which has only ever seen use as a bucket when my water tank pressure valve decided to leak. How about the pick-a-deli? (And I never buy pickles!) TWO sets of the canisters? Enough mixing bowls to start your own bakery?

    Sadly, the only piece that I didn't purchase is the big divided server thing, for fresh fruit or veggies. Somebody unloaded it on me. And I don't entertain.

    I have one of those!! The base and carry handle are a lovely harvest gold color. LOL
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    LH85DC wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.

    Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.

    You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)

    I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
    Haha! What did you wear that day?
    I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!

    I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.

    On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...

    I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine. :) It's very useful!

    Yes, I have one of those too! One for whites, one for mediums and one for darks. The hard part is convincing my fiance to put things in the right bins. I'm forever taking his stuff out of the dark bin and moving to the medium one (he only did whites and darks when he lived alone).

    I wash everything together, lol. Whites, darks, whatever! Ain't nobody got time for that!! LMAO

    I do too! Never have a problem!

    Haha I do the same too- I just make sure I wash everything in cold!

    I wash everything in HOT! LOL
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Rabbit914 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.

    See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha

    Awesomely embarrassing, yes!

    I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.

    I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"

    Is that why your 'avatar' is waving at us? Its actually waving at the door to open the thread? :wink:
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    festerw wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Confession - I'm completely procrastinating on filling the dishwasher.


    The wife and I both hate doing that, we will use every dish in the house before loading it. If I had unlimited funds the first thing I would do is hire someone to load the dishwasher.

    I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.

    People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..

    Same here! I actually really love to fold. :)

    I am so glad I am not alone in this :)

    I don't mind the folding. Its the putting away I find annoying. I get everything done daily... wash, dry, then the folding stacks up. Then I put in a DVD from netflix and fold for 2 hours (yes, it can take that long as its all piled up) and then I stare at it totally intimidated. I hate the putting away part. Except now I get excited about how many steps it adds to my pedometer and it doesn't seem so bad.

    I really am twisted sometimes.

    Horse Laundry (repeating this since so many folks get a kick out of it) gets washed almost daily, air dried and taken back to barn regularly. I take way better care of the horses than myself. :)
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    JPW1990 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.

    Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.

    My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.

    Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.

    How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.

    He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.

    The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.

    Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes :)

    I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.

    Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.

    I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
    There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.

    Brainstorming:
    (1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
    (2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
    (3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.

    I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
    I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.

    @nonoelmo Can I hug you?!

    The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.

    The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.

    I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.

    I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part. :smiley:

    I don't have any suggestions or advice to ad as I don't have children myself and you posted something about not posting about it anymore for now but I wanted to let you know I have my fingers crossed for y'all and thinking good thoughts for you and your family :)

    Ditto on this. Given her lack of experience with you and your husband, @nonoelmo is very likely right. She is uncomfortable and may even be exhibiting some resentment for never having known her father (even though its not his fault) and if he is super nice (he sounds it!) then its worse because think of all those years she missed? This even makes me sad!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    ohgeeque wrote: »
    30 lbs down with 20 more to go. Today, I am doing a ridiculous little happy dance.

    That counts as exercise, right?

    Congratulations! Great job! And that totally counts as exercise!