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Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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Replies

  • AlciaMode
    AlciaMode Posts: 421 Member
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here! :tongue:

    I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.

    When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.
    The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same time :tongue:
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

    My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

    I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

    I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

    My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

    I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
    Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!

    I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.

    For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.

    Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.

    Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.

    For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.

    I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
    I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is that :)

    I have to agree with this also. My parents were together for almost 50 years when my mom passed last year. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired at an early age. So once he retired, they were both home every day together for the past 25 years and were so close. They built their own little world in that house and now my dad has to live in it...alone. It is heartbreaking. Going through my mom's things to help clean out the house was just awful...everything in there had a memory to go with it...and we had to see my dad struggle with each item he touched. In my 36 years, I had never seen my dad cry...until last year. Now it's kind of normal to see him cry...because he does it so often. :(

    That is heartbreaking, and I get where you are coming from. My dad was always a brutish bull type of dude. When my mom passed away two years ago he broke. Now he is a huge puppy dog and it is taking me a while to get used to it, but I love my dad and only wish my mom had gotten to see him as the humble caring man he is now.

    Ps. Lucky for my dad my parents rented so we got him a new smaller apartment asap so as not to have him sitting in an apartment full of memories.
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    @BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!

    Thank you! And thank you to anyone else who mentioned my new picture! I didn't change it to get compliments. I just see others changing theirs and thought I'd join in with a summer-ish pic.

    Maybe I need a summerish cartoon update, too. Being in Saudi, the most accurate depiction I can think of is a human melted into a puddle on the sidewalk... Think I could find a picture like that?
  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    @BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!

    Thank you! And thank you to anyone else who mentioned my new picture! I didn't change it to get compliments. I just see others changing theirs and thought I'd join in with a summer-ish pic.

    Maybe I need a summerish cartoon update, too. Being in Saudi, the most accurate depiction I can think of is a human melted into a puddle on the sidewalk... Think I could find a picture like that?

    I hope you do!! That would be hilarious!
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,370 Member
    GUYS, I JUST DID TWENTY PUSHUPS, IN. A. ROW!!! (Yep. I'm that excited about it. :D )

    Woo hoo! You are Super Great! :)
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
    edited June 2015
    I actually love to whistle, but I'm self-conscious and usually don't do it in public unless I'm working (I do it all the time) or I'm extremely happy/giddy. I have met some amazing whistlers and I love listening to them, although I'm sure I'm not among their ranks ;)

    My favorite thing ever was when I was at work whistling something and someone near me started whistling the same song, seemingly unconsciously. Almost felt like a mini triumph.
  • FroggyBug
    FroggyBug Posts: 4,883 Member
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    Just_Ceci wrote: »
    Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!

    I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)

    I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars :) My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca <3

    PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!

    My cars are always boys. :) My first car was a 92 red Prism named 'The Beast' because it could get through anything. He did wear a bra though (haha the front bra). I got it up to almost 300,000 miles before it died.

    My second car was 'Blue Car' real original. :) It is a blue Civic. I got it brand new in 08 and still have it.

    My newest car is an 07 Acura TL (the car I've wanted all my life). I got it after my Prism died. It is named 'Limo' because it is black with dark tinted windows. I love that car. I take great lengths to protect that car. I get to work an hour early so I can get the best parking space even.
  • LH85DC
    LH85DC Posts: 231 Member
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    I really love this thread. You guys have helped me through a pretty hard time, and I have seen you help so many other people through hard times as well. People on the internet can be awful, but they can also be great. Best thread ever.

    Same here. This thread has affected my life in many ways. All good ways, which is why I struggle so much to keep up. But I have to accept that I cannot. I have to balance it out with real life, but I'll be here for as long as this thread exists!

    Same for me too. I feel like I've really gotten to know some of you really well, especially when we did the real name thing. Several hundred pages back. I've learned a lot and am very grateful for all of you. Thanks for being so accepting and friendly. Never go away, okay?!
    I was late to that party. I'm Laura

    I was late too! I'm Leigh
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,370 Member

    Whistlers grate on my nerves! Especially if they're shrill.

    FINALLY someone else who hates whistling!

    Whistling has always been nails-on-a-chalkboard irritating to me, especially the hissy or breathy kind. The really skilled tuneful variety, which seems to be only found in older men of European origin, doesn't bother me at all.

    Unfortunately, my SO likes to whistle and he's a breathy whistler. Even more unfortunately, he likes to whistle in the mornings when my tolerance is at its lowest.

    I never say anything, just grit my teeth. I have to remind myself that if he's whistling, he's happy and that's a good thing.
  • abatonfan
    abatonfan Posts: 1,120 Member
    Cleaning my food scale is oddly satisfying. It's sad, but I think I am developing a relationship with it. <3
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    GUYS, I JUST DID TWENTY PUSHUPS, IN. A. ROW!!! (Yep. I'm that excited about it. :D )

    Woo hoo! You are Super Great! :)

    Shark Super Great?!? Woo Hoo!!!

    ju9bp3pa86kk.jpg

    You can never have enough Shark Super Great!!!
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
    There's this video called ''History of Whistling'' on YouTube by a musical group called CollectiveCadenza. I love it. Listened to that video (and many of their other videos) probably about 30 times. I really hope my own whistling isn't very shrill or annoying, though I'm guessing I've annoyed at least one person out there :tongue:
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    MoHousdon wrote: »
    Today at the grocery store I opened the doors to the pastry case just to SMELL the donuts. That's right. I didn't even want one and knew it would give me a tummy ache and be a total waste of calories. But they were just sitting there looking so pretty with the sprinkles and the glazes and of course the peek of jelly on the sides of a few of them. So there I was, like a crazy person with the doors open just smelling the donuts. AND......IT WAS HEAVENLY. Think what you will, it was a great morning :smiley:

    I did that yesterday with a rack of donuts on my way out of the store. I got really close to the rack just so I could get a really good sniff of the donuts. I didn't want one, but I just wanted to appreciate their aroma. I totally get you.

    I'm one of those weirdos who enjoys smelling food, even others food! My coworkers think I'm crazy but it's almost an impulse :#

    I admit that I open up peanut butter at home to smell it.

    I even smell my food at work since they said it's a trick that can make you feel fuller. Thankfully no one at work has seen me smell my food.

    If I smelled the peanut butter..it would be in my belly just a few moments later. Making pb&j sandwiches for my son is tough work.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,370 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    GUYS, I JUST DID TWENTY PUSHUPS, IN. A. ROW!!! (Yep. I'm that excited about it. :D )

    Woo hoo! You are Super Great! :)

    Shark Super Great?!? Woo Hoo!!!

    ju9bp3pa86kk.jpg

    You can never have enough Shark Super Great!!!

    Absolutely Shark Super Great. Glad you caught the reference.
  • bkhamill
    bkhamill Posts: 1,289 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    bkhamill wrote: »
    I have to go get a cervical biopsy in a few minutes. I'm not looking forward to this.

    Hope all goes well!

    Geez people... I leave work a couple hours early yesterday and already I am another 14 pages behind!
    As far as the biopsy, I will know in a week +/- what the results are. Thanks for the well wishes.
  • riderfangal
    riderfangal Posts: 1,965 Member
    I eat powdered sugar by the spoonfuls
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    Lefty1290 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    I confess that I am addicted to chapstick. I carry it with me everywhere. I mention this because I just had a 2nd one bite the dust on me this week and I'm so glad I have a spare in my desk at work. It doesn't have to be the Chapstick brand. I will try all kinds and probably have 10 tubes at home. I bought myself some for my Christmas stocking last year.

    Same here. I love chapstick/lip gloss. I have a ton already but I always want more.

    Confession: As a kid I used to eat chapstick. My favorites were mint and cherry. :)

    I'm not addicted to chapstick, but I had bad chapped lips a couple of months ago and stopped in Books-A-Million at while at the mall and bought a tube of Burt's Bees Ultra Conditioning. Holy crap, what a godsend. It healed my lips in like 4-5 days. No balm has ever done that. I would just suffer and let it dry out/peel before. I will never buy anything else ever again.

    I love Burt's Bees, I have the hand cream. It has lasted ages because you only need a tiny bit at a time.

    I use Burt's Bees chapstick. I have a ton of it because I am constantly putting it through the washing machine. I buy like 5 at a time. They are all over my house. I don't like the hand cream, too greasy when you are first putting it on.

    For anyone on here with a little one still in diapers the Burt's Bees diaper cream is da bomb for rashes. Thankfully those days are done for me but thought I would pass it on anyways :)
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    Ugh. I ate a whole package of Ritz Bitz crackers last night. 450 calories of pure processed grossness. And what's worse: That was after debating over what to get. I made the conscious decision to get the crackers instead of the nice bananas at the front of the store. :( Luckily, today is a new day to do well. But still, not proud of last night.

    I ate a whole bag of caramel Bugles last night. Went specifically to the store to buy a splurge. Wanted Ben and Jerry's The Tonight Dough ice cream, but they didn't have it.

    First off, I haven't had Bugles in FOREVER!!! I didn't even know they still made them...and now they have caramel ones?? Did you wear them on your fingers like Freddie Kruger claws?? That was the best part about eating them when I was little!
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    Ugh. I ate a whole package of Ritz Bitz crackers last night. 450 calories of pure processed grossness. And what's worse: That was after debating over what to get. I made the conscious decision to get the crackers instead of the nice bananas at the front of the store. :( Luckily, today is a new day to do well. But still, not proud of last night.

    I ate a whole bag of caramel Bugles last night. Went specifically to the store to buy a splurge. Wanted Ben and Jerry's The Tonight Dough ice cream, but they didn't have it.

    First off, I haven't had Bugles in FOREVER!!! I didn't even know they still made them...and now they have caramel ones?? Did you wear them on your fingers like Freddie Kruger claws?? That was the best part about eating them when I was little!

    Of course! And the caramel ones are DANGEROUS! Salty, sweet deliciousness.
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    Truth!

    qiy1xmww5kvo.jpg

    OMG, YES!
  • bkhamill
    bkhamill Posts: 1,289 Member
    Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.

    My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW. :D

    I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special. ;) Yay me!

    Way to go!
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
    Alma102724 wrote: »
    Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

    We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.

    I am so sorry for both of your losses! I hope you can somehow find peace.