Welcome to Debate Club! Please be aware that this is a space for respectful debate, and that your ideas will be challenged here. Please remember to critique the argument, not the author.
Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Options
Replies
-
STLBADGIRL wrote: »They are vows you make to each other- they should reflect what you want them to reflect and what you are literally vowing to adhere too.
There is a reason so many people go to "write your own"- we did modified "read after me" vows- and read our own in private on our honeymoon. But we absolutely modified them so they reflected what we wanted to commit to each other.
Mine were modified too.... "To Obey", tripped me up....we had to change that to something I could commit to.
exactly.
I couldn't do love and obey- that's just not who I am. We are partners- I don't work for him.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »They are vows you make to each other- they should reflect what you want them to reflect and what you are literally vowing to adhere too.
There is a reason so many people go to "write your own"- we did modified "read after me" vows- and read our own in private on our honeymoon. But we absolutely modified them so they reflected what we wanted to commit to each other.
Mine were modified too.... "To Obey", tripped me up....we had to change that to something I could commit to.
exactly.
I couldn't do love and obey- that's just not who I am. We are partners- I don't work for him.
We wrote our own. And worked "submit" into both hers and mine. Just to ensure that we offended everyone
7 -
stanmann571 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »They are vows you make to each other- they should reflect what you want them to reflect and what you are literally vowing to adhere too.
There is a reason so many people go to "write your own"- we did modified "read after me" vows- and read our own in private on our honeymoon. But we absolutely modified them so they reflected what we wanted to commit to each other.
Mine were modified too.... "To Obey", tripped me up....we had to change that to something I could commit to.
exactly.
I couldn't do love and obey- that's just not who I am. We are partners- I don't work for him.
We wrote our own. And worked "submit" into both hers and mine. Just to ensure that we offended everyone
Yesssssssssssssss! Submit to each other is not offensive at all. Good call on that.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »They are vows you make to each other- they should reflect what you want them to reflect and what you are literally vowing to adhere too.
There is a reason so many people go to "write your own"- we did modified "read after me" vows- and read our own in private on our honeymoon. But we absolutely modified them so they reflected what we wanted to commit to each other.
Mine were modified too.... "To Obey", tripped me up....we had to change that to something I could commit to.
exactly.
I couldn't do love and obey- that's just not who I am. We are partners- I don't work for him.
We wrote our own. And worked "submit" into both hers and mine. Just to ensure that we offended everyone
Yesssssssssssssss! Submit to each other is not offensive at all. Good call on that.
Some people confuse submit(putting the others needs over your own) with obey... which implies inequality.1 -
stanmann571 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »They are vows you make to each other- they should reflect what you want them to reflect and what you are literally vowing to adhere too.
There is a reason so many people go to "write your own"- we did modified "read after me" vows- and read our own in private on our honeymoon. But we absolutely modified them so they reflected what we wanted to commit to each other.
Mine were modified too.... "To Obey", tripped me up....we had to change that to something I could commit to.
exactly.
I couldn't do love and obey- that's just not who I am. We are partners- I don't work for him.
We wrote our own. And worked "submit" into both hers and mine. Just to ensure that we offended everyone
Yesssssssssssssss! Submit to each other is not offensive at all. Good call on that.
Some people confuse submit(putting the others needs over your own) with obey... which implies inequality.
I don't confuse submit with obey- obey sounds religious- submit sounds like BDSM.
7 -
I think they can comment on it as long as a)it is in a respectful way b) is honest/frank.
If my weight was causing my husband to no longer be attracted to me sexually, I would want to know. If he were concerned for my health, I would want to know. (This works both for overweight or too thin).
I think it becomes a problem and has no place in a relationship when it's used to demean, criticize or hurt the other person.3 -
to start i have a wonderful supportive spouse that has only had my best interest and health in mind. He has never told me that I am too big, however, he does not like it when too thin. we have a happy medium that we are both comfortable with and that is my goal. We never turn our conversations into i or he is "too big" or "too thin". We target what our real fear is, such as too big is a health risk, like heart disease. We don't want to lose each other and we try to keep that in mind. I also have the frame of mind that when he mentions that my clothes are tight, that he really means he doesn't want me to have a heart attack.
i believe that it is extremely important that you are happy with yourself. You have to understand and know what is your best target for fitness and weight. Use your SO/Spouse as support and listen to what is said and if you don't like it or are not happy with what you are hearing, talk it out. Your SO/Spouse can be your greatest strength and support. W/out this you are on your own and that is never easy.2 -
I firmly believe a spouse has the right to advocate for their significant other’s better health. But to demand weight gain / loss when there is no real health concern? Fallacious.0
-
Should they or do they? The simple answer is that maybe they shouldn't but they choose to wake up every day and stay or one day they don't choose to stay any more. Facts are facts. In a world where it is easier to "go" sometimes than "stay" we have to take into consideration the feelings of our spouse. I would never leave mine on account of her weight (SHE IS PERFECT ANYWAY) but face the facts, it happens every day. Maybe it is the obvious answer but this isn't the stone age, we don't own each other. In the US you can get divorced for less that a house payment. Should they? Opinions of that frankly don't matter. Your spouse's opinion holds a 50% vote in deciding if they continue to be your spouse. I say be yourself but know that they have the right to be themselves also. You might want to compromise if you want to stay married.
#NO CHARGE FOR MY OPINION
1 -
TyTravis007 wrote: »I firmly believe a spouse has the right to advocate for their significant other’s better health. But to demand weight gain / loss when there is no real health concern? Fallacious.
Agree.0 -
Should they or do they? The simple answer is that maybe they shouldn't but they choose to wake up every day and stay or one day they don't choose to stay any more. Facts are facts. In a world where it is easier to "go" sometimes than "stay" we have to take into consideration the feelings of our spouse. I would never leave mine on account of her weight (SHE IS PERFECT ANYWAY) but face the facts, it happens every day. Maybe it is the obvious answer but this isn't the stone age, we don't own each other. In the US you can get divorced for less that a house payment. Should they? Opinions of that frankly don't matter. Your spouse's opinion holds a 50% vote in deciding if they continue to be your spouse. I say be yourself but know that they have the right to be themselves also. You might want to compromise if you want to stay married.
#NO CHARGE FOR MY OPINION
So are you saying, they shouldn't, but in the world that we live in where divorce is on the rise (for less trivial things) then you might want to consider how your spouse feels regarding weight issues - if you want to stay married???1 -
Here is food for thought - when we are single, we tend to want to be in our best version of us - whether that's fitness/shape, sexiness, attractiveness, etc., but we tend to let some of those things go when we are in a secure relationship/marriage. Why is that?1
-
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Here is food for thought - when we are single, we tend to want to be in our best version of us - whether that's fitness/shape, sexiness, attractiveness, etc., but we tend to let some of those things go when we are in a secure relationship/marriage. Why is that?
because you get comfortable with that person, so subconsciously you let yourself slip a little here and there, or maybe you don't keep up with yourself as much as you did single, whatever the case is. IMO, you should try to keep yourself at your best no matter what, because again, if your at your best single and then you meet someone, over time essentially "letting yourself go" because your comfortable in your relationship could ruin it. You make yourself out to be this person that is always taking care of themselves and that is the person whoever you meet falls in love with, how is it fair to them to say "well, you're stuck with me now, so i can look/ do what i want." NO. For example, i said this in my previous post, my boyfriend is in ridiculous shape, and he just keeps getting better. We are 100% comfortable with each other, but does that mean he is going to stop working out because he's "comfortable"? nope. why? because not only is it going to make him feel like crap about himself, what does that say about me? and vice versa. if you let yourself go to s***, what does that say about the person you're with? it makes the both of you feel awful and can potentially make the relationship falter. Now, i'm not saying 100% of the time you need to be at your best because stuff happens. but making the effort i feel is worth it.2 -
Exactly. It's nothing wrong with getting comfy, but still keep up good and healthy habits. Especially if you can muster up the energy to do it when you are single and seeking, do it because you love your self and the person you LOVE.sommerrosee2 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Here is food for thought - when we are single, we tend to want to be in our best version of us - whether that's fitness/shape, sexiness, attractiveness, etc., but we tend to let some of those things go when we are in a secure relationship/marriage. Why is that?
because you get comfortable with that person, so subconsciously you let yourself slip a little here and there, or maybe you don't keep up with yourself as much as you did single, whatever the case is. IMO, you should try to keep yourself at your best no matter what, because again, if your at your best single and then you meet someone, over time essentially "letting yourself go" because your comfortable in your relationship could ruin it. You make yourself out to be this person that is always taking care of themselves and that is the person whoever you meet falls in love with, how is it fair to them to say "well, you're stuck with me now, so i can look/ do what i want." NO. For example, i said this in my previous post, my boyfriend is in ridiculous shape, and he just keeps getting better. We are 100% comfortable with each other, but does that mean he is going to stop working out because he's "comfortable"? nope. why? because not only is it going to make him feel like crap about himself, what does that say about me? and vice versa. if you let yourself go to s***, what does that say about the person you're with? it makes the both of you feel awful and can potentially make the relationship falter. Now, i'm not saying 100% of the time you need to be at your best because stuff happens. but making the effort i feel is worth it.
1 -
I am curious if those people who suggest that you should feel the same way healthy or overnight, sometimes so far as not discuss it with your spouse (or not allowed to have influence) if the situation was instead that the spouse decided to quit their job and sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix.4
-
richardgavel wrote: »I am curious if those people who suggest that you should feel the same way healthy or overnight, sometimes so far as not discuss it with your spouse (or not allowed to have influence) if the situation was instead that the spouse decided to quit their job and sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix.
Asking someone to financially support you vs. not caring if someone packs on a few lbs. That's a pretty big difference.4 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »richardgavel wrote: »I am curious if those people who suggest that you should feel the same way healthy or overnight, sometimes so far as not discuss it with your spouse (or not allowed to have influence) if the situation was instead that the spouse decided to quit their job and sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix.
Asking someone to financially support you vs. not caring if someone packs on a few lbs. That's a pretty big difference.
I agree, big difference between the two. Even still - you need to have good communication.1 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »richardgavel wrote: »I am curious if those people who suggest that you should feel the same way healthy or overnight, sometimes so far as not discuss it with your spouse (or not allowed to have influence) if the situation was instead that the spouse decided to quit their job and sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix.
Asking someone to financially support you vs. not caring if someone packs on a few lbs. That's a pretty big difference.
Actually I don't see a huge difference. And my SO has done both. I choose to have him in my life for what other things he brings into it like laughter, children, companionship, etc. and not for how much money he brings in or how much he weighs. I'm more than capable of taking care of my family on my own. It may mean some changes to our lifestyle, but it's all in how you view things. Some would feel taken advantage of.3 -
I have been married for 31 years. Yes, he loves me no matter the size as I do him. He does however have a size he prefers on me as I do on him. I am not talking an exact size, but within 20 pounds or so. There is being healthy to think about as well. When I eat healthy, I notice he follows suit.4
-
mom23mangos wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »richardgavel wrote: »I am curious if those people who suggest that you should feel the same way healthy or overnight, sometimes so far as not discuss it with your spouse (or not allowed to have influence) if the situation was instead that the spouse decided to quit their job and sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix.
Asking someone to financially support you vs. not caring if someone packs on a few lbs. That's a pretty big difference.
Actually I don't see a huge difference. And my SO has done both. I choose to have him in my life for what other things he brings into it like laughter, children, companionship, etc. and not for how much money he brings in or how much he weighs. I'm more than capable of taking care of my family on my own. It may mean some changes to our lifestyle, but it's all in how you view things. Some would feel taken advantage of.
You don't see a difference in someone quitting their job to sit on the couch watching internet TV all day and someone gaining weight? Wow, I sure do.2
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.5K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 391 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 925 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions