The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Replies
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@donimfp Thanks for the book suggestions. I just downloaded Mrs. D and hopped into bed to read it on this rainy day.
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@lorrainequiche59 That story you shared about the wine delivery on the hour throughout the day is quite sad that it has to even happen but I understand how it is a more dignified way to die if someone is set on killing themselves with alcohol. I know a few of us have known people who have died of alcoholism who didn't want to stop no matter the begging of family members.
My cousin's wife survived organ failure and was released from the hospital. My cousin picked her up and she asked "Where is the vodka?" He said are you crazy, you want vodka after it nearly killed you. She yelled and hit him and ordered him to take her to the store. Needless to say she died a few months later. Tragic.5 -
I am not completely sober but not drinking regularly has changed my life! I can enjoy a glass of wine on occassion, a beer here and there but most of the time I drink flavoured sparkling water. I just love feeling 100% all the time.
One bad hangover did it for me, I couldn't imagine why I would ever do that to myself again. It changed my whole mentality on alcohol. My only struggle now are friends who can't understand why I wouldn't drink. "We just want you to have fun!" and hand me a drink or line up some shots. Telling people I don't drink just because is almost not an option. I wish being sober wasn't such a weird thing to everyone... I have just as good of a time without booze than most of my crew does drunk.10 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »@aroze0928 I have a 22 year old son and a 19 year old daughter. My daughter has anxiety (but is on meds) and I feel that that has been one of the reasons I turned to alcohol year ago. Anyway, I agree with you as a parent to tell our children the lessons we have learned and about the familial patterns of alcoholism/heavy drinking that run in our family.
I have a 22 and 18 yr old daughter. The oldest drinks sparingly. Youngest... well, jury is still out there.
I think their dad and I did enough to scar them in their younger years that hopefully they will not go down the road we did.
I have a lifetime of making up to do! I think they are both super proud that I am currently AF!
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In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.9 -
@FeelinFooFoo - I love seeing your smiling face in your profile. You are absolutely beautiful!!!3
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In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.
I love this idea. I think I will make a list today just to reinforce the positives and REMEMBER the negatives.
I am afraid the farther I am from that last hangover that the memories will soften and not seem so bad. This group reminds me how bad it really is. I really enjoy not spending an entire day in bed sleeping one off!!!5 -
I stopped drinking when I was about 25 after waking up one morning after a squaddie night out thinking wtf did all my money go, I am 57 now and when ever my wife and I go out I drive so stick to a 0% alcohol and I really don't mind not drinking.
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@donimfp Love that list. Very specific. What I hate about drinking. I think a list of the negatives are as important as the list of the benefits to NOT drinking. I like to have lists to look back on when I feel weak against the Wolf. Thank you for this.
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.
The lists are such good ideas to reflect on and remind / reinforce resolve, I think. I made up a list quite recently titled After Bingeing. I listed all the undesirable & negative effects of after a binge, but I also included all the rubbish that can happen during. Bursting into tears, was 1 of them. I clearly remember being out at the pub, last year I'm sure with my partner and we were basically just getting drunk. We seemed to be enjoying ourselves and suddenly I began crying, right there in the middle of the pub. I had grossly underestimated just how drunk I had became and I remember feeling quite embarrassed and wondering how on earth, when I'm meant to be 'enjoying' myself, am I crying ?? Just proves how alcohol messes up our emotions. But yeah, I really like how honest iv been on my list and it DEFINETLY helps to remind myself why I don't wana carry on boozing.
You triggered a memory of one year ago. My 50th birthday out with friends. I had been day drinking so by evening I was drunk, but I had a few more glasses, despite friends pushing my glass away from me. So half way through the dinner, I was looking at two of my friends smoking and felt that they were talking about me. Maybe they were or weren't but I was getting upset. Then I started CRYING a lot just like you did. I was crying at the table and then I had to leave the restaurant because I couldn't stop.
It is a really bad memory for me. This year, I am having no party and will go out with three friends to dinner and I dont want to drink at all.4 -
I am half way through the book "Mrs. D is going without." It really resonates with me. I know exactly how she is feeling and thinking ....2
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Glad you’re liking it, @RubyRed427. I felt she was extremely relatable, too. Her next book was “Mrs. D is Going Within,” apparently about practices she developed to help with sobriety. I like the clever title. I think Kate said she has a newer book with “Wine o’clock” in the title.3
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@RubyRed427 I, too, have no off-switch. But only sometimes. Which is what makes it even trickier. I think of it like...
If I NEVER had an off switch, then having a drink would be like holding a stun gun to my head. It's probably not going to kill me right out, but it will make me fall and whack my head, or crash if I'm driving a car, or if I do it enough times, eventually cause brain and who knows what damage.
If I SOMETIMES don't have an off switch, then it's like Russian Roulette. I have fun with the whole game cuz I'm smart and I know how to win, and most of the time, it's all fine (minus a guaranteed hangover). But then there's the occasional switch malfunction, which has ended me up in strange beds, bushes, my blood stained pillow, the ER, time travel... I never get nauseous and puke. Until the next day (which would be too late to cure alcohol poisoning).
And I too have 2 kids. The 30 year-old quit drinking more than a year ago (I'm so proud and thankful) and the younger has cut back. They are also very proud I'm 4 months sober. Something that I've pondered before is whether they were already silently judging me as a grandmother-to-be and thinking...nope--won't ever feel comfortable leaving my kids with mom. That's some strong motivation right there. Now, they better get busy!!!5 -
@mainelylisa The thing about having the "off switch" sometimes...that all gets fewer & farther between as the drinking problem progresses. It does make it trickier, like you said, because it is easier to fool ourselves into thinking that we have some kind of control over the uncontrollable, but like you admitted some of those times that there was no off switch, troublesome stuff happened. Congrats on the 4 months AF!! I am happy that your children are noticing & acting on your good example
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Exactly! My 'off switch' took years to gradually erode away to the point where if I wasn't going to get drunk, there was no point in drinking. It's like an acquired allergy. To the point you know you're going to "break out" because of your drinking, but you do it anyway.8
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@mainelylisa Oh does that resonate with me. I posted a few years ago about when i was going to watch my then 2 year old granddaughter for a few days while my daughter was going to be in hospital having new baby. She left me a list of instructions and written on it was, "Please do not drink." I cannot tell you the shame and mortification I felt. I had no intention of drinking while caring for her but to be TOLD not to was extremely painful. I zipped my lip though and said nothing about it. I like to remember these unpleasant thoughts occasionally to remind myself there is not one good thing about alcohol.8
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“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” ~~Unknown
“Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” ~~Denice Frohman
“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.” ~~Lori Deschene
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#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
*** excerpt and quotes from Women for Sobriety email I received today.
The second quote REALLY touches me. It's true I am responsible for my own healing.8 -
Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger8
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Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger
One or two today will lead to a couple tomorrow and again next week. It is a slippery slope!
You are stronger than your urges. You’ve got this!!!7 -
Thanks @Beka3695 Im staying strong. Some days I feel like I really have my stuff together. And days like today it would be nice just to have 2 and make the stress go away just to have a little break from reality for a while. But your definitely right. I'll push it to the point of no return. Today tomorrow the next day hell you wont hear from me for a year.
Its what I always did. Used the beer as a coping mechanism. Now I have to "feel" things and I dont like it! Lol
Thanks. ♥7 -
This is an insight about myself I got from reading "Mrs. D. Is Going Without": Lately, in the (non-drinking) evenings, I've found myself weepy or even really crying for no discernible reason. I think that with all that is going on--pandemic, racial tensions, and the terrible divisions in this country--I was managing to plaster over my distress with alcohol. Now that the alcohol is removed, the feelings can't help but come out. Distressing as it is, I think it's much better that they do. But it gives me some insight about why I'm so attracted to this anesthetizing substance. 2020 sober is a challenge. But we know it's worth it.7
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The pink cloud syndrome is very common among those who are in early recovery from an alcohol or drug addiction. Many first-time Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) members will talk about their pink clouds. The good news is that the pink cloud syndrome helps many people continue to stay sober. If you are experiencing the pink cloud, you may feel very joyful. You may have a great deal of excitement and hope for your future. On the other hand, the pink cloud may make you dangerously overconfident. Such overconfidence may make you relapse.
Have you all heard of this? It's also in the book Ms. D goes without. Apparently it is a common term used during recovery.3 -
Tonight is my birthday dinner with drinking friends. I WILL not drink tonight. I promised myself that. I cannot slip back into my old ways. I cannot fool myself into thinking anything about alcohol will help me have a good time. I like the picture above- alcohol causes pain and anxiety and it's a cycle .... it Never cures anxiety or pain.6
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This is an insight about myself I got from reading "Mrs. D. Is Going Without": Lately, in the (non-drinking) evenings, I've found myself weepy or even really crying for no discernible reason. I think that with all that is going on--pandemic, racial tensions, and the terrible divisions in this country--I was managing to plaster over my distress with alcohol. Now that the alcohol is removed, the feelings can't help but come out. Distressing as it is, I think it's much better that they do. But it gives me some insight about why I'm so attracted to this anesthetizing substance. 2020 sober is a challenge. But we know it's worth it.
I've been like this too😔 so unlike me cuz I'm usually able to brush off those moods pretty easy,I told my hubs the other night to just be patient with me,I HATE the state of the world right now! I feel a bit like maybe I'm spoiled and don't have the balls to deal with everything that's going on,I know our elders have gone through so much in the past but I feel like in this day and age we're not as well equipped to handle stuff,at least I'm not,I'm too used to having everything readily available and being able to do whatever I wanna do at all times,that's why I said maybe I'm spoiled,rant over! Everyone sounds great 💗 6;54 am in Vegas another 247 -
@FeelinFooFoo Thanks for the Alan Carr illustrations. That really hits it on the head. I'm also feeling overwhelmed and stress by the state of our country and I am really feeling it without the band aid of booze to soothe me. I've basically had to just watch enough news to see the world is still turning and the weather report. I know that when I have slipped up before, the next day is NEVER worth the "fun" I thought I was having the night before. Stay strong, Everyone.
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@FeelinFooFoo I think slowly your brother will come to the realization that he cannot live this way. But it will take time. It took me about 10 years to really suffer, and then the last two years of trying to quit. He will probably be wiser than I was.
I just came back from the grocery store and bought FRE AF wine for myself and a bottle of red wine for my friends who are stopping here first before we go to dinner. I love what you said about it is a birthday gift to me not to drink and be hangover free tomorrow.
@JenT304 I understand how you are feeling. We will have to find other positive ways to cope with our dread.6 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Tonight is my birthday dinner with drinking friends. I WILL not drink tonight. I promised myself that. I cannot slip back into my old ways. I cannot fool myself into thinking anything about alcohol will help me have a good time. I like the picture above- alcohol causes pain and anxiety and it's a cycle .... it Never cures anxiety or pain.
Good For you. Happy Birthday!2 -
I'm rewatching the series Glee on Netflix. Long ago I watched the first couple years but didn't finish. Now I am starting it again. Looking at handsome and young Cory Monteith (Finn) makes me sad. He died of a heroin and alcohol overdose after years of on again off again drug addiction. Drugs and alcohol lead to so much suffering, mostly for the addict, but also for the loved ones. I hope when they find Naya Riviera who played Santana (presumed drowned now) that there is no alcohol or drugs in her system.5
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OK, so I'm reading yet another book. This one is "We Are the Lucky Ones." Last night I read something I thought was very insightful. The author compares early sobriety to pregnancy. I recently said to my husband, "It's ridiculous. All I do all day is not drink!" The comparison addresses that. She talks about how when you're pregnant, especially in the beginning and maybe experiencing sickness, your life is justifiably all about pregnancy. It has to be. You're bringing a new life into the world, and your pregnancy has to take priority over everything--what you eat or drink, how much energy you expend, where you go, etc. She says early sobriety deserves that kind of attention. You're bringing a new life into being, so if all you can do is maybe go to work or make a meal and not drink, so be it.
SInce I'm taking Kate Bee's course, a ton of my attention right now is on "not-drinking." That passage put it into perspective for me. This is a big project for me, and probably for the first time I know this is a HUGE life or death deal that deserves my attention. I had a list as long as my arm of things to accomplish yesterday, including making bread, working out, cleaning our dining room, organizing my bedside table, writing a card to a friend, and washing my hair. I did exactly one of those things (Hint: my hair's still dirty). Then I played with making a drink with sparkling water and elderberry flower syrup and with setting up an essential oil diffuser so I can use a "splendid rest" oil to help me sleep. Both of those are "not-drinking" activities. That's all I did all day. But that's ok. Another morning feeling great. Obviously life will have to go back to normal, but no one begrudges a pregnant woman that time of total focus, and I'm not going to begrudge myself that focused time when it comes to sobriety.7 -
Make that “We Are the Luckiest”.1
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