The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@donimfp Thanks for the book suggestions. I just downloaded Mrs. D and hopped into bed to read it on this rainy day.3
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@lorrainequiche59 That story you shared about the wine delivery on the hour throughout the day is quite sad that it has to even happen but I understand how it is a more dignified way to die if someone is set on killing themselves with alcohol. I know a few of us have known people who have died of alcoholism who didn't want to stop no matter the begging of family members.
My cousin's wife survived organ failure and was released from the hospital. My cousin picked her up and she asked "Where is the vodka?" He said are you crazy, you want vodka after it nearly killed you. She yelled and hit him and ordered him to take her to the store. Needless to say she died a few months later. Tragic.5 -
I am not completely sober but not drinking regularly has changed my life! I can enjoy a glass of wine on occassion, a beer here and there but most of the time I drink flavoured sparkling water. I just love feeling 100% all the time.
One bad hangover did it for me, I couldn't imagine why I would ever do that to myself again. It changed my whole mentality on alcohol. My only struggle now are friends who can't understand why I wouldn't drink. "We just want you to have fun!" and hand me a drink or line up some shots. Telling people I don't drink just because is almost not an option. I wish being sober wasn't such a weird thing to everyone... I have just as good of a time without booze than most of my crew does drunk.10 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »@aroze0928 I have a 22 year old son and a 19 year old daughter. My daughter has anxiety (but is on meds) and I feel that that has been one of the reasons I turned to alcohol year ago. Anyway, I agree with you as a parent to tell our children the lessons we have learned and about the familial patterns of alcoholism/heavy drinking that run in our family.
I have a 22 and 18 yr old daughter. The oldest drinks sparingly. Youngest... well, jury is still out there.
I think their dad and I did enough to scar them in their younger years that hopefully they will not go down the road we did.
I have a lifetime of making up to do! I think they are both super proud that I am currently AF!
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In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.9 -
@FeelinFooFoo - I love seeing your smiling face in your profile. You are absolutely beautiful!!!3
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In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.
I love this idea. I think I will make a list today just to reinforce the positives and REMEMBER the negatives.
I am afraid the farther I am from that last hangover that the memories will soften and not seem so bad. This group reminds me how bad it really is. I really enjoy not spending an entire day in bed sleeping one off!!!5 -
I stopped drinking when I was about 25 after waking up one morning after a squaddie night out thinking wtf did all my money go, I am 57 now and when ever my wife and I go out I drive so stick to a 0% alcohol and I really don't mind not drinking.
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@donimfp Love that list. Very specific. What I hate about drinking. I think a list of the negatives are as important as the list of the benefits to NOT drinking. I like to have lists to look back on when I feel weak against the Wolf. Thank you for this.
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.
The lists are such good ideas to reflect on and remind / reinforce resolve, I think. I made up a list quite recently titled After Bingeing. I listed all the undesirable & negative effects of after a binge, but I also included all the rubbish that can happen during. Bursting into tears, was 1 of them. I clearly remember being out at the pub, last year I'm sure with my partner and we were basically just getting drunk. We seemed to be enjoying ourselves and suddenly I began crying, right there in the middle of the pub. I had grossly underestimated just how drunk I had became and I remember feeling quite embarrassed and wondering how on earth, when I'm meant to be 'enjoying' myself, am I crying ?? Just proves how alcohol messes up our emotions. But yeah, I really like how honest iv been on my list and it DEFINETLY helps to remind myself why I don't wana carry on boozing.
You triggered a memory of one year ago. My 50th birthday out with friends. I had been day drinking so by evening I was drunk, but I had a few more glasses, despite friends pushing my glass away from me. So half way through the dinner, I was looking at two of my friends smoking and felt that they were talking about me. Maybe they were or weren't but I was getting upset. Then I started CRYING a lot just like you did. I was crying at the table and then I had to leave the restaurant because I couldn't stop.
It is a really bad memory for me. This year, I am having no party and will go out with three friends to dinner and I dont want to drink at all.4 -
I am half way through the book "Mrs. D is going without." It really resonates with me. I know exactly how she is feeling and thinking ....2
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Glad you’re liking it, @RubyRed427. I felt she was extremely relatable, too. Her next book was “Mrs. D is Going Within,” apparently about practices she developed to help with sobriety. I like the clever title. I think Kate said she has a newer book with “Wine o’clock” in the title.3
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@RubyRed427 I, too, have no off-switch. But only sometimes. Which is what makes it even trickier. I think of it like...
If I NEVER had an off switch, then having a drink would be like holding a stun gun to my head. It's probably not going to kill me right out, but it will make me fall and whack my head, or crash if I'm driving a car, or if I do it enough times, eventually cause brain and who knows what damage.
If I SOMETIMES don't have an off switch, then it's like Russian Roulette. I have fun with the whole game cuz I'm smart and I know how to win, and most of the time, it's all fine (minus a guaranteed hangover). But then there's the occasional switch malfunction, which has ended me up in strange beds, bushes, my blood stained pillow, the ER, time travel... I never get nauseous and puke. Until the next day (which would be too late to cure alcohol poisoning).
And I too have 2 kids. The 30 year-old quit drinking more than a year ago (I'm so proud and thankful) and the younger has cut back. They are also very proud I'm 4 months sober. Something that I've pondered before is whether they were already silently judging me as a grandmother-to-be and thinking...nope--won't ever feel comfortable leaving my kids with mom. That's some strong motivation right there. Now, they better get busy!!!5 -
@mainelylisa The thing about having the "off switch" sometimes...that all gets fewer & farther between as the drinking problem progresses. It does make it trickier, like you said, because it is easier to fool ourselves into thinking that we have some kind of control over the uncontrollable, but like you admitted some of those times that there was no off switch, troublesome stuff happened. Congrats on the 4 months AF!! I am happy that your children are noticing & acting on your good example5
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Exactly! My 'off switch' took years to gradually erode away to the point where if I wasn't going to get drunk, there was no point in drinking. It's like an acquired allergy. To the point you know you're going to "break out" because of your drinking, but you do it anyway.8
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@mainelylisa Oh does that resonate with me. I posted a few years ago about when i was going to watch my then 2 year old granddaughter for a few days while my daughter was going to be in hospital having new baby. She left me a list of instructions and written on it was, "Please do not drink." I cannot tell you the shame and mortification I felt. I had no intention of drinking while caring for her but to be TOLD not to was extremely painful. I zipped my lip though and said nothing about it. I like to remember these unpleasant thoughts occasionally to remind myself there is not one good thing about alcohol.8
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“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” ~~Unknown
“Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” ~~Denice Frohman
“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.” ~~Lori Deschene
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#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
*** excerpt and quotes from Women for Sobriety email I received today.
The second quote REALLY touches me. It's true I am responsible for my own healing.8 -
Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger8
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Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger
One or two today will lead to a couple tomorrow and again next week. It is a slippery slope!
You are stronger than your urges. You’ve got this!!!7 -
Thanks @Beka3695 Im staying strong. Some days I feel like I really have my stuff together. And days like today it would be nice just to have 2 and make the stress go away just to have a little break from reality for a while. But your definitely right. I'll push it to the point of no return. Today tomorrow the next day hell you wont hear from me for a year.
Its what I always did. Used the beer as a coping mechanism. Now I have to "feel" things and I dont like it! Lol
Thanks. ♥7
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