Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

Iamonthemoonandthereusnoplacetogetabeer.

Thereisnospacebar.

My daughter asked if all fairy tales start with, "Once upon a time...".

I told her, "No... there's a whole series of fairy tales that start with, 'If elected, I promise...'".

Last night I asked, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She responded, "I'm Alexa, you moron!"

A group of butts is walking and the smallest is struggling to keep up.

"Sorry, I'm a little behind."

You know it's time to lose weight when:

Your family has to stop half way to the powwow to replace the springs on your car

* The car naturally tilts downward on the side you always ride on

* The youngest kid with the shortest legs has to sit behind your seat, because you have to have the seat pulled all the way back to fit your beefy legs into the car

* You eat Indian Tacos like potato chips

* You don't even feel your mosquito bites

* You have to "rock" a few times to get up out of your chair

* People mistake you for a teepee when you wear a white tshirt

* You have to "lift" your stomach to show off your new beaded belt buckle

* You order a coke and the waitress asks, "Diet?"

* You almost pass out in the sweathouse using only one rock

* You get scared your belly button might come untied

* In a powwow crowd of 1,000 people, everyone stops you to ask your advice about the best food stands AND where's the best fry bread stand

* Other dancers use you for shade in grand entry line

* You lose a $1,000 dance contest because your excess didn't stop in time with the drum

* Your buckskin dress looks like you're still sitting down even if you're up walking around

* You have to have your parade horse backed up next the car so you can climb up on the hood of the car and get on

* Your parade horse is a "Clydesdale"

Happy Halloween, you're a lovely bunch of coconuts.

piggy_smalls wrote: »

In college, I used to boat sit, and started dating the girl next door. But eventually we drifted apart.

You are wayyyy too good at these

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

- Rodney D.

It's tough to stay married.

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

- R.D.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.

Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

- Steven Wright

I went to San Francisco.

I found someone's heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6DUwMnDxEs

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face.

The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

- S.W.

Albert Einstein had a brother called Frank.

He was a monster.

hawkeye45_ wrote: »

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a lady who would be really upset if she heard me say that.

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep with a mad cow?

Two animals in a baaaaad moooood.

I'm pissed at my neighbor. He keeps playing Lionel Richie at max volume. Normally I wouldn't mind but it's been All Night Long.