The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Ooh, FooFoo, I feel his pain. Ruby, well done!
I’ve felt down today. Pandemic and Politics Fatigue. Thinking of Thanksgiving without family. My husband’s 92-year-old parents in Ohio have been housebound since March even though they’re both fit. Becoming depressed understandably. Agh. This is when oblivion starts looking attractive. But I’m too aware that drinking just equals more pain. Still, I know we’ll all be so relieved when all “this” is over.6 -
RubyRed427 and donimfp thank you so much, I needed to hear it also. Tonight is my Friday so the temptation is there and I also don't have my kids tonight. Makes me feel better Im not the only one. I may be checking in when I'm off work. Will definitely look into those articles and references you guys mentioned.5
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@donimfp I too have politics and pandemic fatigue. I think most of us do. Have not figured out how to explain to my husband's 90 year old father who is an anti-masker science denier, that none of us intend to have Thanksgiving with him. I feel guilty but we need to all do our part. I will not even be seeing our granddaughters because we are all trying to play by the rules so we get out of this nightmare.
My husband just left for a day and night at the beach with his sister and boyfriend who are all in our germ pod. Frankly I am happy he went without me 1. because surely the wine, beer and probably scotch will be flowing, along with overeating and 2. I have seen him all day every day for 7 months and I need a break! I will enjoy the blessed silence with my 2 dogs and my tea.
Happy, peaceful, and sober Sunday to all of you, my Squad friends.
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correction: Father in Law. My own father is no longer with us. Plus he would have worn a %$# mask, gladly. He was in the Secret Service and would be horrified that 130 agents now have it, thanks to those super spreader rallies.
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@JenT304 Enjoy the solitude!! xo
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Good job, @FeelinFooFoo. Wow! Your 23 days seemed to go way faster than my own 23 days. Funny how that works, huh? You’re doing great!5
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@FeelinFooFoo 23 days already? Wow- you are doing amazing!!
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I am observing an alcoholic nightmare in my family. My cousin is out of control - binging more and more. He is only 49, very handsome, an engineer, has a loving wife, He is like a brother to me.
Well, nearly every weekend, his wife has to go through a nightmare- he goes to the store around noon and then disappears for 11 hours. This happened again yesterday. She finally found him in a bar with a woman and other bar flies 25 min. away from home. The woman told her to chill, they're all just friends unwinding together at a bar. He refused to go home with his wife.
So the wife went home and waited and waited. A few hours later, she called the bar and manager said yes he's still there and really drunk falling off the bar stool. She yelled why do you keep serving him!??!! Please send him home- get him in a taxi.
The bar must have felt responsible. So they took his keys and was walking him to an uber when he became belligerent and tried to fight the valet.
The bar manager called the wife, and said we lost him, sorry.
She finally found him near midnight at a different bar. She drags him home.
Today, he wakes around 10 am and soon has a glass of wine. And says "sorry" to his wife.
Calls her controlling, etc.
That's what she deals with every weekend. Then, she calls me and I try to help her by listening. It strengthens MY resolve to not be like that.
My dear cousin will either kill himself slowly drinking, kill someone else with his car, kill his marriage, kill his dignity and the successful life he made with a loving wife.... the other choice is to get and stay sober. I am so heartsick, but I do know it is his choice. He and I have a chronic disease but it is treatable. I am choosing to stay sober along with many of you. It is tough and hard, but in the long run I know it is the only way to have a decent, happy life.
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@RubyRed427, that is so hard. I have a brother-in-law in Ohio who could be his clone. Everything to live for but crazy out of control. His kids are grown and doing well but have dealt with that their whole lives. Has his wife taken advantage of support from AlAnon? Or a professional? It’s great that you’re there to support her but it seems like she would really need extraordinary levels of guidance. I’m amazed my BIL is still alive and even functioning in his engineering job. It’s so painful to witness that level of dysfunction. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin.6
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@RubyRed427, that is so hard. I have a brother-in-law in Ohio who could be his clone. Everything to live for but crazy out of control. His kids are grown and doing well but have dealt with that their whole lives. Has his wife taken advantage of support from AlAnon? Or a professional? It’s great that you’re there to support her but it seems like she would really need extraordinary levels of guidance. I’m amazed my BIL is still alive and even functioning in his engineering job. It’s so painful to witness that level of dysfunction. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin.
Wow- that is such a similar tale. Yes, I have recommended her to a friend who is heavy into Alanon. The wife has talked to her twice but never followed up with a meeting. I told her today, Alanon holds no grudges, so what if you didn't go last time, go now. So, the wife is going to look for the zoom code and password. I told her that I cannot know how she is feeling, because I am on the other end of this nightmare.
I feel for your B-I-Law's children- very very difficult to grow up in that home. This disease is progressive. I keep saying that but it's true. It only gets worse unless a person chooses to stop it.
My cousin is the son of an alcoholic and his brothers all drink heavily. (one died from alcoholism and the other two are alive but drunks). This disease has its grip on this family of mine.
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@Beka3695 Please let us know how you are doing. We care about you. 3
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Maybe it's because of the pandemic and I won't be with a lot of people, but this is the first year I have zero anxiety about having a Sober Thanksgiving. Every other year I would fret about, "will I drink or won't I? Will I be tempted? Maybe I can have just 2?" etc etc. This year I am at peace, knowing I will not want to indulge. I just feel so much happier not drinking.8
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I feel the same way, @JenT304, --liberated. Here is a link to the Sober School blog. Kate's post yesterday (Nov. 16) was a good reminder of why it's so much better to be sober. The main thing is that the drinking life is hard. Compared to that, sobriety is really easy, once you get past the beginning, tough bit. Have a good day, all.
https://thesoberschool.com/kates-blog/4 -
@donimfp I absolutely love Kate's blog. I feel like she is speaking directly to me.2
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Nothing new here. Day 72 AF and keeping on track. The brain is slowly changing. I have been saying to myself "Sure it would be fun to drink. But the reality is you can't. You are allergic to it."
In a few weeks, I was invited to friends birthday weekend in an Air BNB. All will be drinking a lot! I will still try to have fun, but I won't drink. I have worked too hard these last two months to blow it. Nothing good comes from drinking for me.4 -
I'm watching the @FeelinFooFoo documentary. Just a few minutes before work. The liver ward is full of patients. 20,000 in England especially more in young people have advanced liver disease.
much of the Middle age malaise due to drinking.
It's quite eye opening.3 -
@FeelinFooFoo I never really noticed the skin thing until a friend pointed it out. I did the face to face below and was astonished. I let my hair turn silver and I still look younger, 2.5 years later!!!
Drinking and stressed
VS
Sober and happy
My friend pointed out the forced smile vs the real smile, too. Even with all the stuff going on at the moment, I am much happier!!!
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@Beka3695, I love your silver hair. If I thought mine would grow out like that, I'd do it! As Foo Foo says, you look nice in both photos, but I do see the change in the smile. My before pic, on the other hand, looks like I'd been (as Texas cowboys say), "rode hard and put up wet."
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I need help to stop but I am finding it sooo hard.8
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I need help to stop but I am finding it sooo hard.
Are you talking about stopping drinking? If so, take it one minute at a time. One day at a time is a perfect mantra- because you're not quitting forever, just today you won't drink.
Find a support system- friend, partner, this thread, AA, The Sober School, Annie Grace's 30 day program (free) , Smart recovery....
The first 10 days suck - you may feel like it's not worth quitting, feel depressed, anxious, sleeping poorly, you may feel like everyone else is having fun... but after a few weeks, you will feel better, look better. etc.
Find substitutes for all the hours you will have on hand. It can be a loooong evening when you don't drink. Make tea or find mock-tail recipes. Eat candy (alcohol is sugar) so you may experience withdrawal.
If you are a heavy daily drinker, please be careful, you may want to wean your self slowly. You don't want to stop suddenly.
Call a therapist if you need help as well. It is possible to quit. And you can do it!
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@Beka3695 Beautiful woman!!5
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Hello All, I'm so glad I found this group! I've been AF for 117 days
My husband for 110, he started a week after me. I'm down 15 pounds in that time. What a difference cutting out those alcohol calories makes! I'm looking for AF friends on here. Please add me as a friend if you feel inclined Love this group and what I've read. Oh, I'm in AA and have an online women's homegroup that meets daily. I really do love the AF life 6 -
@FeelinFooFoo congratulations! That is very impressive. I was never a real beer drinker but enjoyed one occasionally. I really enjoy AF beer, though, particularly Beck’s Blue and Heineken. They do make me feel festive and included. That scant amount of alcohol is the amount in a glass of orange juice or a piece of bread. It’s funny that they couldn’t sell it. You might find AF beer a nice addition to your arsenal. I haven’t found an AF wine that is even drinkable but that’s ok. I’m not missing it these days.5
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »So we had a lovely meal. Food was good and the service was great. We will definetly go back (whenever we can.....)
I found that I was starting to get some thoughts of alcohol as I was getting ready. My routine of putting on make up and getting on some nice clothes, anticipating a nice evening out, has always included the anticipation of drinking (to get drunk, if I'm honest) so I had to breath through it and I'm so glad I have a membership on sexy sobriety cos I think without that, I may have crumbled tonight. I used the visualisation technique of picturing myself laughing, enjoying myself without alcohol. Then as a last resort, I reasoned with myself "whats the worst thing that can happen ?" It's not so bad cos establishments are currently banned from selling alcohol due to pandemic. But I was thinking about afterwards, and passing shops on way home....
I asked the waiter if I could try one of their non alcoholic beers. I haven't tried one before. But we were laughing so hard cos the waiter said he couldn't sell me that cos it's got 0.05% alcohol in it !! I felt like I was in some alternate reality where not only have I stopped drinking alcohol, but I can't even buy a non alcoholic beer !! Haha 🤣
Good thing, though. I have felt rock solid in my intention to stay alcohol free when it really got down to it. My partners sister arrived and stayed outside the house afterwards and handed my partner in 4 beers with his birthday card ! I was like OMG really lol and my brother was walking around the house sipping a vodka and coke so it was all going on. I felt really proud of myself for making a coffee and sticking to my intention not to drink. I know it's the best thing for me. Like others have said here, I know nothing good comes from me drinking. It just makes me want more or makes me tired if I just have a couple.
What I think I will try when out in future and the sale of alcohol is back to normal I will definetly try out non alcoholic beers, I think it will make me still feel 'part of it' especially if everyone else is boozing. I don't think it will be triggering, cos I realise i actually do feel very solid in my desicion. On Mrs D is going without, she mentioned red bull as a good idea, to get that buzz and feel lively on nights out, parties etc so I will try out all these ideas in future. It feels good to know there is so many options while remaining alcohol free.
I did have a few puffs of my partners ecigarette (naughty) but I have survived my first outing !! And I enjoyed myself so that's the main thing 😉😊
Well done!5 -
Welcome to the new people! We hope you feel inspired to share your personal journeys. This is a judgement-free zone.
@FeelinFooFoo I love reading your stories. I'm proud of how well you are doing!4 -
Hello All, I'm so glad I found this group! I've been AF for 117 days My husband for 110, he started a week after me. I'm down 15 pounds in that time. What a difference cutting out those alcohol calories makes! I'm looking for AF friends on here. Please add me as a friend if you feel inclined Love this group and what I've read. Oh, I'm in AA and have an online women's homegroup that meets daily. I really do love the AF life
Welcome to the group!!!!6 -
Mornin' everyone! I had such a crappy day yesterday. Started with a big fall in my house and I landed on my knees spilling the coffee. School stunk- they issued another change to go fully remote after Thanksgiving. They do this always at like 3:00 p.m. on a Friday. So we scramble to get work together and the kids pack their backpacks like Army soldiers size. The kids in the other Monday and Tuesday group don't have any books and work at home, so we have to arrange a pick up and I will go through each desk to bag all their stuff. I went to the trainer after work and for the SECOND time this week , he stood me up. He forgot again. Twice this week. I pay $45 per session (prepaid). So, I was so overloaded with stress my ears were ringing. I just sat on the couch for hours.
BUT I did stay sober. I didn't have any alcohol at home to drink which is key. I did have an AF Heineken. IT was pretty good.
This morning, I woke up quite calm and refreshed. I reminded myself how I would have been this morning had I drank. OMG I would have been an anxious, lazy mess. Instead I cleaned the house for my daughter coming home from college and have laundry going all before 8:00 am.
Welcome to the newcomers. Stay along for the ride and Never be ashamed to reach out if you have a bad day. We have been in your shoes and are still in your shoes. Sometime sobriety is like walking a tightrope between two high rises. We falter but we will get back on.7 -
@FeelinFooFoo I can't wait for you to show us the money! $50 big win!
@joelann10 Sounds like you both have a great supportive partnership.
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