Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Hi all,
Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really bad couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.
My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.
There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.
Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.
And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.
I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.
I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.
And I have been reading and reading to get back to this... I am so glad you are back!!! I have missed you and this thread will help...it totally helps me. Whatever the problems with the boyfriend if you love each other it'll work out. And don't worry about that mountain! You can totally kick its a**. And frankly, i know you keep complaining about your weight, but the picture from the mountain doesn't look like you are 'so fat' so get that right out of your head! We are here for you! And good luck with your Mom's surgery.
Perfect response. I echo this.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »In the interest of staying on track on this thread...
Confession: I have gained 16 pounds since I started this job in November. Granted it's a desk job, and I came from a fairly active job where I was on my feet a lot. This morning I was down two pounds from my current highest weight. However, my MFP weight is still lower than where I am currently, so I can't log the loss. And that makes me a little sad.
I have also been working SL 5X5s since November. I'm starting to feel strong! Last night I did 190 lbs on my squat, tried for 75 pounds on my OHP (but couldn't finish all my reps on the last set), and 215 on my deadlift. Lost my grip on the last deadlift. I think I need some deadlifting gloves to help my grip. I am going to be trying 120 pounds on my bench press tomorrow night, and 105 on my rows. I
lifting!
Who cares about 16 measly pounds when you can squat 190 lbs., deadlift 215, and bench 120?! I am jealous because I have never squatted using weights (I'm scared I will injure myself) and I haven't bench pressed since I was in high school and I could barely do the bar. Don't focus on the weight you've gained, focus on the all the lifting PR's you've smashed. I'm proud of you and I think you're super great!
I confess I have wanted to start the strong 5x5 but I am a chicken-*kitten*. I haven't figured out why it intimidates me. I've even downloaded the spreadsheet and watched the videos.0 -
Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
(Hello from page 970.)
Please don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. If he's old enough to drive then he's old enough to take responsibility for his own darned exams.
EDIT: Of course on page 971 there was an explanation. You're not a terrible mum! No-one is perfect.0 -
I just figured it is because she is so ignorant of the world. I've seen worse pairings on AR (e.g. The surgeon and pediatric nurse blind date this past season - she was brutal!)Italian_Buju wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I can barely eat rice as rice, I do not understand eating it as dessert when there are so many better things out there!!
Big Brother people - I just saw a clip of Audrey (transgender houseguest) being interviewed by Jeff Schroeder.....I do not know why they keep using him to do interviews and stuff for that show....he is a jerk....ugh
Julie just got choked up talking about said house guest saying that she hopes fans watch with an open heart and an open mind and learn something about a community they might not know about
I haven't watched any of the interviews...but what makes you say that Jeff is a jerk? I've always thought he was a sweet, silly, fun guy. I loved both him and Jordan.
As did I. I loved watching Jordan on Amazing Race, I just wish that she made it further. Never could stand Rachel.
I could not stand Rachel, ugh.
Did you not find that Jeff treated Jordan pretty poorly during AR?
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I've eaten 1600 calories today. My mother tactfully mentioned that we have lots of vegetables I could be eating. I should have eaten less I should be eating less. I feel awful.0
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Thanks for the friend requests!!
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »I confess that I love Taylor Swift's song Style but hate her new song Bad Blood.
Sorry but not sorry I love T Swizzle and all her songs
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I know you hate people apologising for asking you questions, @Susieq_1994, but I only do because I feel like that stereotypical ignorant privileged white girl, and I don't want to offend.
So...there is that - robe, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for it - the long black one with the head and face covering. But it gets to 60C in Oman, right? So, um...how do the women not die of heatstroke?0 -
One morning the kids and I were going out for the school bus and a BABY MOOSE ran down our street. Now bear in mind I live in a very ordinary Calgary suburb, this is NOT a normal occurrence. Of course when I told friends back home in England they were all "Oh yeah" like they imagined this was an everyday thing!Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age
) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
You're awesome. I like to think (optimistically) that in my area (which has a lot of new Canadians and also quite a large Islamic Academy private school) we're pretty accepting and knowledgeable about the larger minority groups in our city, but I know it isn't always the case and, speaking for myself, I don't know anyone who grew up in the Middle East (apart from some friends who grew up in expat compounds), so I find your life especially interesting. All my Muslim acquaintances are at least second-generation Canadians so I've never heard much about day-to-day life somewhere like Saudi Arabia or Oman.
Aww, thank you! I hope you're right, but I do doubt that everyone in a particular area is accepting and knowledgeable about Muslims. But I guess finding someone who is from/lives in the Middle East can be a new experience!
I once saw a guy in an online chatroom talking about how he worked in Saudi Arabia and how everyone owned a camel and used them to get to work and school, and everyone lived in tents. I thought it was ridiculously stupid of him to do that--it just promotes making Arabs look like a bunch of backwards weirdos. I don't think he had actually visited the Middle East in his life. -_-
Well I live in Canada where we all live in igloos and ride polar bears to work and school, so there! LOL
Some people are so, so dumb......
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LadyAbsynthe wrote: »I've eaten 1600 calories today. My mother tactfully mentioned that we have lots of vegetables I could be eating. I should have eaten less I should be eating less. I feel awful.
Don't feel awful. You may have been hungry & needed the extra calories & from the looks of it you ate pretty decently today. How much do you have to lose?0 -
smashley_mashley wrote: »2 confessions for today: 1) Bulk Barn is Evil. I have no will power (stupid gummy frogs)
2) hubby asked me to iron his shorts. This time, however, the iron was too hot for the synthetic material and I kinda, slighly melted a tiny hole in them. I am not saying a word until he irons them. Then I can blame the hole on him
Iron SHORTS? Totally judging that. hehe
We hang all of his clothes so they don't shrink. Hanging usually = wrinkles. It's hard enough to find clothes for tall guys.
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »LadyAbsynthe wrote: »I've eaten 1600 calories today. My mother tactfully mentioned that we have lots of vegetables I could be eating. I should have eaten less I should be eating less. I feel awful.
Don't feel awful. You may have been hungry & needed the extra calories & from the looks of it you ate pretty decently today. How much do you have to lose?
I wasn't hungry. I don't usually feel hungry so I don't know why it happened. I'm trying to lose about 25-30 pounds.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Well, this has been going on for a while. No need to ruin vacation plans over it. I'd just ignore it as best you can. You both deserve your anniversary and vacation and nothing is going to change with the step-daughter in the next few weeks anyway, I'm guessing.
Nineteen is a tough age! Yes, they should be adults, but their brains are still developing and lack maturity. She will get better at some point, but probably not until her early 20's, IME. My kids all became normal humans again by 21 or so.
I disagree, honestly. I'm 20, and I've had to adult (yes, I'm using that as a verb.
) since I was 14 or 15 years old, due to circumstances beyond my own control. The behavior of others my age frankly disgusts me sometimes--they're old enough to have some manners and consideration for the feelings of other people, they just don't want to bother.
Personal circumstances and situations can make a person grow up faster.
At my daughter's age, I had been living on my own for several years, working two jobs and trying to get pregnant.
My daughter can barely suck it up to work a summer job, help around the house a bit, and take on the stress of finding a place to live to go back to school in the fall.
Just for the record, she is rather selfish most of the time too.....it is a teenage girl thing, I am sure of it.....although I find at times she takes it to the extreme.
While I agree about circumstances and their effect on people, I don't think that's ever an excuse for being a self-centered, inconsiderate idiot to everyone around you. Sometimes I just want to smack people and yell "Have some manners!" or "Whatever you may actually think, the world DOESN'T revolve around you, and you didn't do anything to deserve to have your life handed to you on a silver platter!" That said... I'm actually an extremely polite person (to a fault) and would never do either of those things.
...But I really hate people with entitlement complexes. It may be a wee bit of a sore spot.
You are my soul sister. I am so fed up with the kids at my barn for their attitudes, sloppy behavior, ignoring the rules of how to handle horses, etc. Throwing multi thousand dollar saddles on the ground, discarding $35 crops and forgetting them, crumpled hundreds of dollar jackets in the back of the trailer. MAKES ME NUTS!!!!!!!! And I am NOT nice about it. I would have KILLED for the things these kids get and they have no respect. And not taking proper care of the horses causes a mental break down for me. I am not well liked by the children of the barn.
But the horses LOVE you!
That they do! And the dogs and the cats. I feed them all. And spoil them! My trainer yells at me for feeding all the treats to the animals but I have no shame in bribing animals to love me.0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
In my experience, Mormons love to talk about their faith, they even stop by your house to tell you about it when they don't know you! I think you have a good chance of him being very open to discussing it with you. No offense to any Mormons here - every Mormon I personally know is extremely kind and nice to be around.
I loved that part. Jehovah's Witnesses also do this. I usually pretend I'm not home because I've already found Jesus even though He was never lost.
Totally laughed at this!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I have a rant today:
I am having a "I hate diabetes' day.....not that I ever love it, but today it is really upsetting me.
This morning I slept in, it was the first day I did not have to get up and make lunch for my son. I came online for a bit and then noticed it was getting late and I had to get to my PT appt. So, I just had some toast for breakfast, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON MIGHT. I got into the shower,, and was so dizzy I nearly fell over. I felt sick for a long while. When I got to the office, I check my blood sugar and it is literally three times what it should be.
Why? Not because I did not take my shot or because I ate too much sugar....but because I did not have enough protein to slow the speed of the carbs in the rye toast (which has a lower GI level, which is why I eat it instead of my beloved "Italian" bread).
I have been sick all day because of that one mistake. It is after 6pm and I have not even been able to eat anything yet and I never made it to the gym. Even though my blood sugar is normal now, the rush high and crash low has made me tired and sick. I have a headache and just want to go to bed....
But, I must go put in the laundry now, and clean the kitchen, and deliver packages for our meeting next week.....UGH
That's terrible. Please take care of yourself0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »
Glad your 'team' is behind you. Is your sister even involved in Charlie's life?orangesmartie wrote: »[orangesmartie wrote: »It never rains but it pours!
Got home today, checked on mum all gone well, just wait for further biopsy results to make they got it all.
My dad said my sister's social worker rang yesterday. Some of you may remember I mentioned previously my parents and I have custody of her 2 year old son and she is pregnant again. Anyway, it seems that the picture is bleak for the unborn child ( a little girl) and the social are minded to take this one into care when she's born, and they wanted to know if we'd have her.
Of course the answer is yes. But I can't tell you how tired and stressed that makes me feel already. My mum and I run our own company together, but she will have to give up work to care for baby, so the earning to keep us falls on me and my dad only. Not to mention the burden of caring for a baby and a toddler. I can't leave my parents to do it all on their own, but I feel exhausted just thinking about a baby.
I.never wanted children.
And my nanna blabbed to my mum something I said at the weekend (when drunk) about finding driving home every weekend and having Charlie tiring. Which is true, doesn't mean I don't want to do it.
But now my mum is horribly upset. And it's the last thing she needs.
So tonight, everything will be eaten. And I am enjoying one night in lazy solitude. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no child, no expectations, just me, my sofa, my TV and some ice cream
That is so rough. I'm sorry. But it's not your responsibility... will you just keep taking the kids if she keeps getting pregnant? I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you shouldn't have to ruin your life (same for your mother) because your sister is irresponsible.
This child needs to be where she'll be wanted. And I'm not judging you because I completely get it. If I had to take care of another child now I'd be devastated, and I did want children. But it's not the best for you, and it's probably not the best for her... Wishing you the best though.
No we won't keep taking kids, because I will make it a condition that the social apply to the court for a forcible sterilisation order so there are no more. We can't afford more (apologies if that offends people, I don't want to open the birth control debate).
I appreciate the honesty of your thoughts, and I don't take it as judgement. I understand what you say about the child being wanted. And she will be. She will be as loved and adored as Charlie is now, the children do not make these choices. I do. And they will get the best of everything I can give them, including me. Those children will never know the resentment I feel towards their mother.
My partners have already been on the phone planning how we make this work.
No she isn't. She makes arrangements, but then fails to turn up. Or turns up and has no money to take him out, so wants to sit around my parents house all day. I refuse to allow her in my house.quiksylver296 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »[orangesmartie wrote: »It never rains but it pours!
Got home today, checked on mum all gone well, just wait for further biopsy results to make they got it all.
My dad said my sister's social worker rang yesterday. Some of you may remember I mentioned previously my parents and I have custody of her 2 year old son and she is pregnant again. Anyway, it seems that the picture is bleak for the unborn child ( a little girl) and the social are minded to take this one into care when she's born, and they wanted to know if we'd have her.
Of course the answer is yes. But I can't tell you how tired and stressed that makes me feel already. My mum and I run our own company together, but she will have to give up work to care for baby, so the earning to keep us falls on me and my dad only. Not to mention the burden of caring for a baby and a toddler. I can't leave my parents to do it all on their own, but I feel exhausted just thinking about a baby.
I.never wanted children.
And my nanna blabbed to my mum something I said at the weekend (when drunk) about finding driving home every weekend and having Charlie tiring. Which is true, doesn't mean I don't want to do it.
But now my mum is horribly upset. And it's the last thing she needs.
So tonight, everything will be eaten. And I am enjoying one night in lazy solitude. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no child, no expectations, just me, my sofa, my TV and some ice cream
That is so rough. I'm sorry. But it's not your responsibility... will you just keep taking the kids if she keeps getting pregnant? I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you shouldn't have to ruin your life (same for your mother) because your sister is irresponsible.
This child needs to be where she'll be wanted. And I'm not judging you because I completely get it. If I had to take care of another child now I'd be devastated, and I did want children. But it's not the best for you, and it's probably not the best for her... Wishing you the best though.
No we won't keep taking kids, because I will make it a condition that the social apply to the court for a forcible sterilisation order so there are no more. We can't afford more (apologies if that offends people, I don't want to open the birth control debate).
I appreciate the honesty of your thoughts, and I don't take it as judgement. I understand what you say about the child being wanted. And she will be. She will be as loved and adored as Charlie is now, the children do not make these choices. I do. And they will get the best of everything I can give them, including me. Those children will never know the resentment I feel towards their mother.
My partners have already been on the phone planning how we make this work.
That would NEVER happen in the States. She could have 19 kids (and counting... ) and the courts would say that is her right. I like your way better.
Its not a usual thing here either. We'd have to jump through a lot hoops just to try and have this go through. Its mainly used in cases where the mother has severe learning/developmental issues and cannot understand the consequences of sex nor care for resulting children. We'd also have to prove undue burden on the state and us. And these applications are granted only very rarely.
I know there will be a lot of people silently judging me for saying it. Its not something I would normally advocate, but i don't know what other options there are
Good for you! I wouldn't allow her in my home, either.
Nope, no judgement here. As a matter of fact, there are those of us that wish it was an option. It's terrible that people who have children taken away can reproduce at will. So sad.
I completely agree with this. I am always saying I wish some people were forced to be sterilized. Some people are not meant to have kids and it's so sad what happens to the children.0 -
What are you reading?Confession - I finally started another book yesterday, after taking a reading break for a while because I wasn't totally over my last one yet (what can I say... I get very attached to some characters LOL).
And now I'm annoyed because I can't read. My son was home this morning because he was sick, and now both are here and they need me or watch some cartoons so I can't read it in peace... and I need peace to be able to read. With the kids last day of school tomorrow, I have no idea when I'll get to it... I guess I need to learn to just tune the kids/TV out... And I still really want to keep watching X Files at night too!
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Italian_Buju wrote: »
I'd like to come to dinner then! Love fried chicken !0 -
Ask me!Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
Okay, just a few random ones:
Alcohol - that's a general "no", right? What about caffeine? I over heard someone the other day say that Mormons don't drink caffeine, but it was while standing in line at the grocery store and I couldn't tell if they were serious or what. I've never heard of that, but it concerns me because I know my SIL doesn't drink alcohol so whenever they are at our house I offer iced tea and pop, but he generally just has water. If this is true I feel badly and need to have lemonade or something on hand.
The cross - big thing for Catholics, but not for Mormons. I understood it to be because the cross has a negative association with Jesus. Is that true? If so, that makes sense to me. It always creeped me out a bit when Catholics have crosses all over with Jesus portrayed as nailed to them. Plain ones I can understand. ***This is not meant to offend anyone. I'm just curious, but I can take this offline if it bothers anyone.***
First let me say I am not even slightly offended, just so we are clear, but I do want to express the "Catholic Christian" point of view on this.
Jesus dying on the cross was the most amazing thing that He did for us. He came to Earth to fulfill that prophecy, and did it willingly. We idolize God for sending His son to do that for us. Therefore we remember that ultimate price He paid for the sins of mankind, by remembering his suffering and death. Good Friday is the holiest day of the year for us, much bigger than Christmas.
Side note: I crossed out Catholic and replaced with Christian because as I have said before, I was raised Catholic and still believe a lot of their teachings, such as what I just wrote...however, I do not follow any one church, as churches are man lead not God lead and I do and behave as I believe Christ would want, not a church leader.-1 -
Thank you, and for all the other supportive messages. I had a little meltdown there, but all will be well. Or he'll fail and have to re-sit, but that's not the end of the world either.Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
(Hello from page 970.)
Please don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. If he's old enough to drive then he's old enough to take responsibility for his own darned exams.
EDIT: Of course on page 971 there was an explanation. You're not a terrible mum! No-one is perfect.
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