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Unwanted advice at gym

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  • petitchatnoir41petitchatnoir41 Member Posts: 56 Member Member Posts: 56 Member
    Did you have headphones? They are a good way to focus and give off the impression you are trying to do your own thing.
  • nighthawk584nighthawk584 Member Posts: 1,980 Member Member Posts: 1,980 Member
    I would just add, make sure this dude isn't following you home...sounds a little creepy and desperate.
  • shaf238shaf238 Member Posts: 4,021 Member Member Posts: 4,021 Member
    It's only ever appropriate if you asked someone to watch your form and critique it. And even then, they may still not know what correct form looks like! He's an outlier in terms of approaching someone in the gym to tell them their form is bad. You crack on the best way you know how and if you have any doubt, like you said, you have a PT and that's the person you can turn to for advice. Keep at it.
  • CherimooseCherimoose Member Posts: 5,170 Member Member Posts: 5,170 Member
    aokoye wrote: »
    So what's your argument for women who get "approached," assaulted, even raped wearing anything low-key t-shirts and shorts to low-key baggy sweats? And over-the-ear headphones just make you more vulnerable.

    Assault and other crimes are irrelevant to the OP's question and my post, so i won't answer that here, sorry. Feel free to PM me.
  • fit_mama30fit_mama30 Member, Premium Posts: 178 Member Member, Premium Posts: 178 Member
    I don't know. I have been approached once or twice in the gym. The things that were mentioned to me were helpful. I don't mind someone approaching me and giving me advice.

    I'm not saying what happened to you is appropriate, but I also don't look like you. I've never been "hit on" at the gym. Usually it's just, "Hey, since you're so short, if you put the seat setting to this, you'll get a better range of motion and not put as much strain on the wrong set of muscles," or something along those lines.

    I'm sorry it happened but I'm glad your form is excellent. You LIFT your boohiney off, sister!

    Yeah, same here.

    Once a guy gave me a tip about stiff leg deadlifts. He was right and I wasn't paying attention to my form at the time so I welcomed the advice.

    I mean, it always depends on how the person is approaching me. The guy ended up talking to me for a while (no clue if he was flirting or not) but he was respectful and wasn't talking to me like he knew better because he is a male.

    Then again I've had random "advice" for other guys and it was just... GTFO, you don't know what you're talking about (he has awful form and is not in a position to give advice). And in those case you just nod and keep doing your thing.

    Also, I always have headphones but that doesn't stop anyone from talking ;)

    edited September 2019
  • PhirrgusPhirrgus Member Posts: 1,904 Member Member Posts: 1,904 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    Phirrgus wrote: »
    sijomial wrote: »
    sijomial wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    I meeean... the whole “no makeup and non-sexy” clothes advice is the step before victim blaming. “Of course you’re going to get hit on, look at what you’re wearing.” “They can’t help it, look at how you dress.”

    Can we please stop putting the responsibility for men’s behaviors on women and their bodies? We shouldn’t have to walk around looking (and possibly feeling as a result) like crap out of fear of being bothered.

    Also, I am here to tell you that looking like crap actually makes you MORE likely to be bothered. Because it marks you out as possibly lacking in confidence, possibly sufficiently unattractive and desperate that you’ll accept even bad forms of attention, and generally signals that you may be good ‘prey’.

    I got WAY more unwanted attention as a miserable obese person than I do as a fit, cheerful and well-dressed normal-weight person.

    This is so true! It’s like you can’t win. I would say that that one could track the “caliber” of treatment based on appearance, but that’s a whole other sociological experiment.

    Oh, and to the post above about the cute girl approaching the guys. I’m not quite sure how to put this except to say, it’s not the same thing. There tends to be a completely different energy between the two scenarios.

    I didn't say or suggest it was the same thing.
    Just a real life example of two people not sterotypes. Intended as an uplifting example as it happens.

    Oh, gotcha! Never mind then, lol, my bad.

    No problem.
    This thread has since become even more depressing!

    Must tell my daughter that next time a customer comments on the size of her breasts that apparently the correct response isn't to confront their behaviour and throw them out of the pub it's for her to wear a sack and sympathise that the bloke is having a bad hormone day.....
    I actually read everything to see why it's taking off the way it did and all I can think is "minefield". One wrong comment and BOOM! :D

    All I wanted to say after reading all the comments is that sometimes it's very easy to attribute views/thoughts/motives etc, in person, much less over the web. That said, There's very little I'm "hardwired" to do, although I'm glad those circuits are in place. I do not have to minimize anyone by my words or actions, and I don't have to tolerate it either.

    My point is, if I decide to take exception to something anyone says or does to me, it isn't because of "who" they are, or "how" they are, or what gender they are or perceive themselves as being or anything else other than that they're probably being a jerk at the moment.

    It's ridiculous that anyone should have to walk on eggshells or modify their behavior just to feel safe and/or live their lives as fully as possible.

    I'm doing the same and see the same reaction although it's not even the wrong comment. Confirmation bias and projection on display.

    It's one comment removed from context that fits a strawman construction in the mind of the outraged. Giving them license and justification to unleash wrath onto the strawman.
    Half of all internet debates would shut down were it not for that tiny bit of misplaced context :D Strawmen are fairly easy to deal with though. But a strawman handing out red herring is a bit tougher lol.
  • CSARdiverCSARdiver Member Posts: 6,257 Member Member Posts: 6,257 Member
    Phirrgus wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    Phirrgus wrote: »
    sijomial wrote: »
    sijomial wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    I meeean... the whole “no makeup and non-sexy” clothes advice is the step before victim blaming. “Of course you’re going to get hit on, look at what you’re wearing.” “They can’t help it, look at how you dress.”

    Can we please stop putting the responsibility for men’s behaviors on women and their bodies? We shouldn’t have to walk around looking (and possibly feeling as a result) like crap out of fear of being bothered.

    Also, I am here to tell you that looking like crap actually makes you MORE likely to be bothered. Because it marks you out as possibly lacking in confidence, possibly sufficiently unattractive and desperate that you’ll accept even bad forms of attention, and generally signals that you may be good ‘prey’.

    I got WAY more unwanted attention as a miserable obese person than I do as a fit, cheerful and well-dressed normal-weight person.

    This is so true! It’s like you can’t win. I would say that that one could track the “caliber” of treatment based on appearance, but that’s a whole other sociological experiment.

    Oh, and to the post above about the cute girl approaching the guys. I’m not quite sure how to put this except to say, it’s not the same thing. There tends to be a completely different energy between the two scenarios.

    I didn't say or suggest it was the same thing.
    Just a real life example of two people not sterotypes. Intended as an uplifting example as it happens.

    Oh, gotcha! Never mind then, lol, my bad.

    No problem.
    This thread has since become even more depressing!

    Must tell my daughter that next time a customer comments on the size of her breasts that apparently the correct response isn't to confront their behaviour and throw them out of the pub it's for her to wear a sack and sympathise that the bloke is having a bad hormone day.....
    I actually read everything to see why it's taking off the way it did and all I can think is "minefield". One wrong comment and BOOM! :D

    All I wanted to say after reading all the comments is that sometimes it's very easy to attribute views/thoughts/motives etc, in person, much less over the web. That said, There's very little I'm "hardwired" to do, although I'm glad those circuits are in place. I do not have to minimize anyone by my words or actions, and I don't have to tolerate it either.

    My point is, if I decide to take exception to something anyone says or does to me, it isn't because of "who" they are, or "how" they are, or what gender they are or perceive themselves as being or anything else other than that they're probably being a jerk at the moment.

    It's ridiculous that anyone should have to walk on eggshells or modify their behavior just to feel safe and/or live their lives as fully as possible.

    I'm doing the same and see the same reaction although it's not even the wrong comment. Confirmation bias and projection on display.

    It's one comment removed from context that fits a strawman construction in the mind of the outraged. Giving them license and justification to unleash wrath onto the strawman.
    Half of all internet debates would shut down were it not for that tiny bit of misplaced context :D Strawmen are fairly easy to deal with though. But a strawman handing out red herring is a bit tougher lol.

    It's born out of resentment and envy. Easily identified, but impossible to deal with as those mired in such a state are in a prison of their own making.

    "One reason why so many people are unhappy, not knowing why, is that they have burdened their minds with resentments. These evil thoughts pile right on top of happier and generous ones and smother them so that they never get expression. Resentments are a form of hate.... What a dearth of good will and co-operation there are among human beings and nations! What a world this would be if we all worked together, and as a popular diplomat recently expressed it-played together!" George Matthew Adams
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