The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@RubyRed427 I agree that not feeling deprived is a major goal. I have found that negative reasons for not drinking ("Reasons I Hated Drinking") do help me. But I'm working on developing more positive "Why I Love Being Sober" reasons. One of them is quite long-term. I plan to take my granddaughter to England's Lake District when she's 10. That's 4 years away. I especially look forward to returning to Beatrix Potter's house, the setting for many of the books we've enjoyed together. It will be a repeat of the 1986 trip I took with my then-6-year-old daughter (her mother). I look forward to being 4 years sober, super healthy and able to enjoy hiking and experiencing that beautiful area AND having no thoughts at all of how to handle alcohol during this trip with my favorite person on Earth.
I've kept a daily journal since June 15, when I determined to really go sober. It worked for 5 days and then I drank daily again until July 6, the day the Sober School class began. I haven't had any alcohol since July 5. The journal helps because I've recorded all my thoughts and feelings and insights and cravings and frustrations and anger. When I do feel wobbly, it's nice to go back and read through the journal and get a feel for what the real me knows and believes down deep--that sobriety is my best path.
@FeelinFooFoo glad you like Bex Weller. I think her "Happier Hour" was the first quit lit I read. Her Sexy Sobriety emails are always nice to receive.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. I'm up late feeling a bit panicky. That's rare without alcohol, but not all problems disappear without it, of course, especially during this crazy year. We all deserve the "I got (or stayed) sober during 2020" t-shirt!7 -
@donimfp Positives: not having to think about moderating or counting drinks, worrying about a hangover ruining the weekend, being able to jump in the car and go anytime, morning coffee with no headache, sleeping so soundly, no racing heartbeat at night, .... all positives.
Your future trip sounds perfect. I love Beatrix Potter's books, so sweet and pretty.
I like your journal idea.
Yes, I have to check out Bex today!3 -
When I read a post about someone thinking they need alcohol to help their anxiety, I feel like shouting "Alcohol is a huge reason you have anxiety"
From Healthline:
Alcohol changes levels of serotonin and other neurotransmitters in the brain, which can worsen anxiety. In fact, you may feel more anxious after the alcohol wears off. Alcohol-induced anxiety can last for several hours, or even for an entire day after drinking.5 -
Wishing you the best, @FeelinFooFoo! I don’t know anything about Bex Weller’s program, but my investment in the Sober School course was more than worth it. I hope you have a wonderful experience! Keep us posted.5
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@FeelinFooFoo I am sure it will be worth the price! I think being sober gives us a more peaceful state of mind. Working through cravings and thinking through the drink is easier when you string together many days of AF.
My problem is when I drink two days in a row and then a third day, I keep wanting more. It become like a runaway train.
The cravings start to lessons (as you know) around 10 days and then 1 month....
It's also easier to say "no alcohol period" than try to negotiate and ration my alcohol in my mind. Best wishes! You did one month before (maybe more even?) and you can do it again!4 -
@FeelinFooFoo You got this!
@RubyRed427 That is a good idea to workout on Friday evening. Look at it this way you are making progress with your trainer that you have paid money for. Do not undo all your progress. My trainer says that every time you drink alcohol (3 or more drinks) it takes about 72 hours for your body to metabolize it out of our system. So you aren't burning fat for a few of days. When you burn the alcohol out of your system and start burning fat the weekend rolls around and then if you drink on the weekends you aren't making progress. I tested this out and when I stopped drinking I saw my BF% went down and my MM goes up.
This weekend no alcohol for me. We went out to dinner with some friends and I had club soda. While my hubby had 3 LITs. He seems to have given up on trying to get back on track with the fitness goals. But I am not going to let him derail me. Spent most of the weekend shopping for lighting for my remodeling project. I am getting tired of eating out which I thought I would never say. Although I am making good food choices.
Glad everyone is doing well and staying strong!
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@FeelinFooFoo, that is interesting that you are encountering such resistance and skepticism from your loved ones. I think your reply is perfect: All you need from them is your love and support, not their advice or approval. I don't know, but it might reassure your partner if you tell him you aren't using the "N" word (Never). That is Kate Bee's approach in the Sober School. Even though I don't intend to drink again, I don't scare myself by saying I'm never going to drink again. I set a goal. Once I reach that, I set another one. My goal was to reach 100 days, which I did on Oct. 13. Then I set another goal--6 months, which will be January 6. At that time, I'll set my next goal. Maybe that would help your partner not feel overwhelmed, like he's "losing" his drinking buddy forever, if you just told him you plan to give it a go for at least x amount of time, at which time you'll reassess. Then if you want to return to drinking, you can. If you want to continue, you can. It did make me happy to think on October 14 that I had a guilt-free opportunity to make a choice to go back to drinking if I wanted to. I chose not to.
Anyway, I think you're doing great and learning a lot. Kate's class was expensive, but I've saved an amazing amount of money overall compared to what I would have spent if I'd continued drinking. Not to mention all the other benefits.
You go girl. You have love and support here!!4 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »My partner & brother (mostly my partner) has been moaning at me about the price of SS membership. I repeated a line that I have learnt from Bex. I said " All that I need is your love & support." I said to him, surely if you see that I am getting something positive from this, then you would think the money is worth it?? Besides, I could easily waste £60 on buying rubbish! And, it's my money to spend how I wish, anyway !! 😊
My brother has been saying "Oh, but you will crack / crumble by Christmas & new year, you will DEFINITELY drink!! Again, said to him, all I need is your love & support....
He asked to bet me £50 that I drink at Christmas and New year so I now have £50 riding on this. (Coming to think of it, that could go towards paying for another subscription 😆) I guess they are just worried I'm being 'ripped off' but you can hit cancel at any time, you arnt locked into something. So my brother has also said 'I bet you cancel that membership soon! Once you've drank again!'
I really get the vibe that the idea of me always not drinking, bothers them a little. My bro has been trying to encourage me to keep drinking. Saying 'your drinking wasnt that bad'. He compared it to other folks drinking habits. But he misses the point that it was MY drinking I was worried about, NOT other peoples! If Brenda down the street can happily drink X2 bottles of wine a night, does that mean that I should then feel okay that I only drink 1 bottle of wine a night?? Of course not that sounds ridiculous but it appears that that's what people tend to do with alcohol. That's the same as quitting your exercise programme because you found out that Karen doesn't exercise, so why should you ?!?
My partner has also hinted at not being comfortable with a 'never again' approach. Although he is generally supportive of me, he said, "well, there is nothing wrong with drinking now and again."
I can understand his point in saying this, but again, he is not ME and he doesnt get effected quite so badly by alcohol. And, I'm kinda fed up spending weekends laid up in bed trying to nurse the anxiety & low mood.
I think when people do that it causes them to reflect on their own convictions. So dont take it personal. I have learned to navigate around the pressure. Friends telling me I am no fun when I dont drink even my own husband said i need to get the stick out of my A**. But I dont let it get to me anymore because I am doing something to better me and to make ME a happier healthier person.4 -
I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.3
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@FeelinFooFoo, I am going to chime in on your post also. (Yes I keep an eye on everyone over here too).
Your partner and your brother are showing their own insecurities about alcohol with their statements. I heard all the same B.S. when I started telling husband and former drinking acquaintance I was cutting back or not drinking at certain times. "Oh you don't drink that much" I would hear. It was like nails going down a chalk board for me to listen to such insensitive nonsense.
You do what is RIGHT FOR YOU. Don't wait for applause or confirmation from them. They may be scared that you actually are right and that they might end up following your foot steps.
Lead don't follow ❣
(Creeping back to my own cave now)5 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.
I'm planning to complete this 90 days alcohol free just to REALLY give it a go. I plan to see how I feel and make a desicion afterwards. I am pretty scared but also excited to see how I feel after 3 months completely free of alcohol. It's nerve wracking and exciting at same time!!
You can do 90 days easy. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit. After 90 days you will feel soooo much better and see the positive effects from not drinking you will not want to go back6 -
@FeelinFooFoo you might want to check out "Mrs. D. is Going Without" by Lotta Dann. It's written as a series of her blog posts day by day (Not every day . . . she skips some and narrates), but it's interesting to kind of follow along as she progresses and you progress. You can see how she felt during the first 90 days and then beyond. Her book goes all the way to day 365. Anyway, good luck on your adventure.5
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Hey friends! Nothing new to report- still sober 50+ days.. I lost track. My goal is to get to November 5 which would make 2 months. And I inadvertently am doing sober October so that's good.
@FeelinFooFoo Keep on going!! No matter what anyone else says. I agree with what someone said that when people question our goals to keep sober, it makes them take a look at their own dinking patterns. Typical behavior. Just keep laser focus on your goal- your body, brain and mind will thank you. And your skin too!
I read "Mrs. D goes without". It was great!
Typical sober evening is filled with hours and hours of free time. Tonight, I went to the trainer. Baked cookies and banana bread. Worked on my puzzle. Took a bubble bath. Cooked ahi tuna for myself with peas. And a few more things. Seriously, it's amazing what you can accomplish while sober. I am no longer wasting my time sitting on a bar stool, and then coming home for more booze. I am no longer tired early in the evening. I have a lot of energy most nights.
Still craving once in awhile. But it is getting a little bit less.10 -
@FeelinFooFoo a week is a BIG deal! Congrats, and your dinner sounds delicious!5
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Hope you enjoyed your dinner, @FeelinFooFoo.
Last night (Friday), my husband was drinking bourbon. He normally doesn't overdrink at all, but I felt like he was pushing it a bit last night. I didn't say anything, but I thought to myself, "Yeah, I remember when I started drinking right after work and pretty much drank until bedtime. Glad that's over with." I think it might have been the first time I was truly happy not to be drinking and not wishing I could join in at all. It was just something to observe. Day 118 today. I'm saying that as a point of reference for when that non-regretful feeling happened. I'm finding it an interesting experience to just observe how this all progresses.
Oh, and I had a virtual check up with my GP yesterday. It was so nice to be able to tell her I quit drinking and to report my weight loss (26.2 lbs. since July 5). @FeelinFooFoo, I've found that not drinking has sort of automatically shifted me into healthier eating, except for the occasional craving for an ice cream bar, which I never ate before. I do indulge that craving when it happens.8 -
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Thanks to those recommending Bex Weller. I just watched the video about sobriety vs moderation. Wow that was super motivating and really resonated with me. Happy Weekend y'all. Americans, don't forget to VOTE!5
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It is a beautiful fall day here in the Midwest. Happy Halloween! I do remember Halloween nights when the kids were little. They would go trick or treating with my husband and I would keep sneaking drinks out of our liquor cabinet.
Today, I will be sober. I do not miss those morning headaches or queasy stomach. It is getting easier, little by little, to abstain. I am pretty determined to get to two months on Nov. 5th. That will be the longest streak in the last two years.
@FeelinFooFoo sounds like the Bex program is all around excellent! 7 days is fabulous.
@donimfp congrats on the weight loss too. Yes, now I look at others who are drinking and think , I'm happy I won't wake up feeling yucky.
@JenT304 Love sharing our sober journey together.
@MissMay I also check your thread. Both threads give me motivation.
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.
I'm planning to complete this 90 days alcohol free just to REALLY give it a go. I plan to see how I feel and make a desicion afterwards. I am pretty scared but also excited to see how I feel after 3 months completely free of alcohol. It's nerve wracking and exciting at same time!!
You can do 90 days easy. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit. After 90 days you will feel soooo much better and see the positive effects from not drinking you will not want to go back
Love seeing your posts. The profile pic is so pretty!3 -
I just was on the Bex Weller website and joined the Sparkle Project! I'm excited!3
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