Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »williamsbuffie wrote: »It has been a tough day. I know this was not going to be easy but even the people that help you....judge you....smh and crying
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you!
@orangesmartie I'm glad you took your meds! I hope they'll help you get into a better headspace.
@FluffySandwich Have a wonderful time on vacation, safe travels! Don't forget airplane window pictures.
Everyone else... MrM contacted me through PM. He let me know that he asked the others to stop engaging here, but wants us to understand their point--inconsistent moderation isn't fair to anyone.
Nobody has anything against our thread, and they don't want to get it removed--they just believe that the mods are being unfair by treating us one way and others in another. I think we can all agree that they're right, even if the comparison of the locked threads to this one are not very similar--the mods are usually super strict, and they've never made an appearance here (which I'm sure we're all grateful for).
Anyhow, he just wants us all to play nice and understand each other's point, if possible--I personally see their side, and I hope you guys do as well. I hope we can all avoid attacking or offending each other, and meet halfway.
Sorry about the novel.
Can you PM me and fill me in on what happened? It will take me days to go back through the thread to find it. Did Mr.M get booted from this thread?
Edited to fix quotes
Full explanation sent, along with the location of the pages you can find the conversation on, if you care to do so.
Please send to me too! I am too far behind and feel like I missed something critical!
Sent! 0 -
And now I feel worse because my husband asked why I didn't drive him to school. I don't know why - I should have, I was just in such a panic I wasn't thinking straight.Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
Oh, no! Don't jump on the guilt train! It's nearly impossible to keep up with everyone else's schedule and your own!
ETA: And you are NOT a bad mother!0 -
Yes, it's true that they can learn - my son has made huge strides. Bearing in mind he is diagnosed with multiple disorders (social and educational), he's done amazingly well and we're really proud of him, but I can see as BZAH says, the struggle will continue even though he's now legally an adult.catruledquilter wrote: »
Special needs kid. Not good at organising himself. Trusts his useless loving, helpful (who can't do it all, sometimes makes mistakes, but will always try her best) mother to do it for him.quiksylver296 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »
And now I feel worse because my husband asked why I didn't drive him to school. I don't know why - I should have, I was just in such a panic I wasn't thinking straight.Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
Not judging, but if he's old enough to drive...why isn't he keeping his own exam schedule?
I kinda thought that, too. (But not judging!)
I called the school and he did get there in time. So he wasn't prepared, but at least he's there.
Fixed that for you!
Good "repair job", BZAH10! Even special needs kids can learn to be more organized and on time...it just takes a LOT more work to get them there.
Thanks! Yes, yes they can be taught and I believe @Tubbs216 is doing a great job. The hardest part? As a mom learning to let go and give them more control. Constant struggle for me.0 -
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
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quiksylver296 wrote: »
I do work out. I run, I lift some weights and I do a boot camp class. I was super disciplined to lose 30 pounds and somewhere between 30 and 40, I just can't seem to get it back. the way I lost doesn't work any more....I need to find what "clicks" with my body and get over this pity party I'm having. I'm usually a super enthusiastic person, it's just got to be a funk
This is a key that is sometimes easily forgotten. This is an ever-evolving process. You have to learn to listen to your body and change up your workouts, your foods, your schedule, whatever you can really. IMHO, anyway. Also, look back at your food diary and see if you are missing essential nutrients. Could you be lacking certain vitamins? Just a thought.0 -
Agree. Sodium schmodium. Pickles have like, NO calories, so if you have to binge...berlynnwall wrote: »nyrgrrlfan wrote: »I hope I'm posting this correctly...I had a bingefest of pickle spears in the middle of the night last night...i still recorded them, but I now am in the negative for sodium for the rest of the day...
I'm almost always over on sodium. I know it's not great, but I'm focusing more on being under on calories for now. When I get closer to goal, I'll worry more about macros/micros I think. Just drink extra water!
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quiksylver296 wrote: »MissLaaber wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »MissLaaber wrote: »Confession: I've been such a horrible depression cycle for the past two weeks, work and life is just weighing me down. I rage quit my job yesterday but now I'm here, I love my job but my mental health right now isn't supportive of the job. I'm now stuck between do I stay and wait it out (mental healthwise) or do I stay and look to move on asap?
I'm confused. Did you quit or not?
I verbally quit yesterday but I've gotten texts and calls since then from my boss asking me to reconsider, I'm planning on meeting with him within the next few days to discuss. So what it comes down to is will things get better or will they stay the same? If nothing changes then I am job searching.
I say keep the job until you find something better. Gotta pay the bills. Also, if you haven't already, go see a doctor for help with your depression.
I agree with this. This is what I'd do, too. And who knows? Maybe after discussing things with your boss they will work with you and things will get better? Be honest and tell them what is wrong and what you'd like to change in order for you to stay. Nothing to lose, really.0 -
I love fried chicken0
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quiksylver296 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »If I had packed anything else to eat, this frickin' hard boiled egg that will not peel would be in the garbage right now! I confess I am irrationally angry at an inanimate object.
An ice bath after cooking can help with the peeling process. I understand the frustration. I hate it when the eggs don't peel right!
And you gotta peel 'em right away! I never have any success if I leave them in the shell for any length of time.
OK. I'm confused now. I cooked two. One wouldn't peel for nothing and the other one peeled fine. I think I got a defective egg.
I always peel them all right after cooking. Have heard if they are older they peel easier, so I put them in the fridge for a week and boil them the next week. Also heard that if you add a little baking soda to the water they are easier to peel, so I do that too. I seem to have less trouble since I started doing both of these things.
Awhile ago in this thread someone mentioned they told an egg to eff off and threw it away...still makes me giggle when I find one that's hard to peel.0 -
I will eat my favorite food and not eat the rest of the day just to not go over my calories.0
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riderfangal wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »Rant for the day. I offered to take my ex with my son and I when we go camping this weekend for Fathers day. At first he was all for it BUT because we can't leave exactly when he wanted to due to the fact I have a Dr appointment he threw a fit and now he is not coming. The irony of it is the Drs office just called to change the date of my visit so we could have went when he wanted to leave after all. Confession I might have sent him a snarky text telling him this. I shouldn't let him get under my skin or even offer to do things with/for him because I just get angry in the end and my son ends up being disappointed as well. Is it bad to wish he would just disappear off the face of the earth.
NO! Not bad at all. I've had issues with my youngest son's father since day one. Twenty-three years later he still causes us issues. Sorry, not to be negative and I hope your situation improves, but my ex was in jail recently for about 18 months. Quietest 18 months of my life! But, he's now out and back to his usual shenanigans.
Thank you for this. It just makes me so angry because I know the reality of the situation is he decided not to come because I said I didn't want him drinking ( he is an alcoholic and is a frequent visitor to the psychiatric wing) but he is putting it on my because I wouldn't change the appointment for him.
Also I am sorry your ex is like this too but I am glad you got a slight reprieve when he was jailed
Of course he has to blame you. Cannot take the blame himself. And he'll continue to do this for as long as you let it bother you. You tried. Now you say, "Welp, done with that!" put it and him completely out of your mind and enjoy your camping trip! They can only get to us if we let them. Brush it off and ignore it and he has no fuel to flame the fire. Until the next episode, of course. Sorry, but just know that you aren't alone, nor are you the bad parent here!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Agreed. And since this is a really supportive, safe zone, I honestly think a lot of people have been helped back from the verge of falling off the wagon by discussing their struggles here. Or had a helping hand back on when they have fallen. To be honest, I don't really care where this thread is, as long as it doesn't get nuked.Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: I ate nearly 4000 calories yesterday. Mostly in bread and cookies. Ugh.
Anyhow, it's prayer time and the fast has started--I'm off to pray and then maybe get some sleep (I hope).
@ndj1979 True and true, but that's okay. We don't mind being wrong when it feels so right.
Although there are quite a lot of confessions in these 959 pages, if you care to browse for them.
eh - my confession - not sure how this would be helpful to newbies as it appears to be a collection of gifs, notes on tv series, and other things, while I am sure are fun to discuss, I fail to see their utility to someone new to weight loss.
I think it's here in the General section because a lot of people feel free to ask questions in here that often get blasted into dumpster fire threads under normal circumstances. A bit like the restaurant-related questions you mentioned in that post of yours... The forums are a scary place for newbies. The "No judgment" in the topic line seems to attract a lot of them, actually.
What you see right now isn't what the thread is like all the time--it's actually evolving constantly since it's so active. Since a lot of us have been here from the beginning, we do often just chit chat all together, but confessions and questions still pour in a lot.
Same here, which is why I do kind of wonder why everyone jumps on the posters who dare to ask why it's in this particular section. Wouldn't it make more sense to explain all that before telling them to go away?
I don't understand why others are so offended by this thread? Apparently many more people than we knew or thought lurk and read every so often.
any other thread that was as off topic as this one would of been locked down by page 15….
just saying..
so the special status is interesting.
Good point... Maybe we're all special snowflakes.
Actually, I think the mods like the positivity and support that this thread continually generates, and since confessions still do pile in daily (and we don't judge them! Most of the time.), we're somewhat on topic. It would be pretty dumb to pull this thread when it's going so well--not that they don't lock down threads for dumb reasons pretty often.
there is plenty of support in the main forums, it just is not sugar coated.
I'd agree there is support in the main forums but the reality is not everyone is as thick skinned as you or I. This thread keeps the people (who would throw the towel in the bucket because they didn't like the deliverance on the main forums) coming back and maybe learning more about weight loss. May be a bit slower but better late than never.
I don't see how you need thick skin for someone to tell you that a detox is a bad idea, or that a calorie deficit is needed for weight loss.
If you are just going to coddle people then they are never going to learn about real nutrition and how to have long term sustainable success.
On the other hand, if you get yelled at and made fun of because you asked a dumb question, why would anyone stay here and give it an honest try? Rather, if you have a safe place to ask those questions and not get ridiculed, you are going to keep trucking along. Yeah, it might not be speedy. Hell, I've been trying to lose my last 18 (out of 44 pounds) for the last six months. There has been a lot of stuff I have gone through related to stress, medical conditions requiring surgery, etc. Most people understand CICO but life gets in the way and some people who are new, and even those that have lost their way a bit, may need the support to understand that it is okay to have a "bad" meal or a bad day, or even a bad shark week (sorry to those who hate that expression). For these people, it is reassuring that there is a stable and supportive group who have all been through this and will be there for them when they get back on track. I don't think this type of support would be considered "coddling". It is not like we are saying to everyone "it's okay, go have another box of pop tarts". Rather, we would say, at 200 calories, go have a single pop tart and get that craving out of your system, log it, and move on.
I started a thread about protein powder when I first discovered the forums and was told I didn't even understand my own question. I got a few helpful responses but I was basically attacked. I've never felt that in here.
In short, I LOVE it here and plan on staying as long as I can.
Same thing happened to me.
I asked a question about how the forums worked, and was attacked and nobody ever actually answered my question. (It was about some of them being locked).
I plan on staying here as long as its going as well.
This isn't really a response to you specifically - it's more of a response to the general conversation about this thread 'versus' the main boards, and your post helped me clarify my thoughts. I've been mulling this over, and I have to say that I find the main forums to be a critical source of support and information. I honestly don't think I'd have a chance in hell at succeeding at this weight loss/wellness stuff if I only hung out in the 'kinder, gentler' threads. As much as I appreciate those threads (including this one) and feel they serve a real purpose here, they're not enough for me. Please know that is not a judgment; it's just a statement about what I find helpful.
Maybe I just have a thick skin, and/or I've been on the internet long enough to recognize that some people use discussion boards as a way to try to flex their egos, and they're basically trolls. I learned to recognize those folks pretty quickly, and I just shake them off - because whatever they are saying (even if they think they are targeting me) has nothing to do with me and who I am. It's them looking into the mirror of their own insecurities. So they just don't get under my skin.
Others have a 'tough love' writing style, but they are not trolls. That can be more of a challenge for people who are new or who aren't as comfortable with discussion boards, so that's one reason I feel threads like this one can be important. But I feel like it's very important to learn to accept and appreciate the 'tough love' crew here (including some who popped into this thread to comment), because from what I have seen so far, most of the so-called 'mean people' are experienced, wise, well-informed, successful with their weight loss and fitness, and (most important) they really want to see others succeed too. I REALLY like those guys, and I need those guys.
tl;dr: I'd hope that any newbies here won't decide that the only place they're going to read and interact is in 'safer' threads. Work on learning the difference between being trolled versus 'tough love', and being asked to challenge your assumptions. Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone in order to soak up some of the amazing wisdom and experience that's available to you on MFP. It's worth it. I promise.
I agree.
I think a lot of the people who get irritated at the tough love/criticism here are the people who are doing very low calorie diets when they barely have anything to lose or have 100+ pounds & can get away with eating more, have severe eating disorders/body image issues & are told to seek professional help, or post multiple threads on the same topic because they didn't like what they wanted to hear.
I know personally I am grateful for a lot of the members here namely Sidesteel, Sarah, ACG, NJ, MrM, Acrylics, Ninerbuff, etc. because they speak the truth & have personal experience/knowledge to go with it. If it wouldn't have been for these guys I would have no idea what the heck TDEE is, wouldn't have thought of getting a food scale, would have still been restricting food items, & would probably be eating some low calorie amount. Hell I would probably have given up after hitting my first plateau around 250 pounds & be back up to 300 pounds.
Personally I can see how some of them lose it eventually with certain posters they're trying to help that continually dodge the helpful advice in favor of the get rich quick advice that will leave them in a fad diet & then gaining it back.
I know I usually speak up when it comes to someone who has a lot to lose that feels they should eat rabbit food or has no idea how they can eat over 1,200 calories. I try to remind them that this is a permanent lifestyle change & you should eat the way you will for the rest of your life not just until you reach maintenance.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »
I second this. I took out some personal frustrations on the punching bag last night.
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I had no idea. That makes me kind of sad...because I really always thought he was a great guy.Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I can barely eat rice as rice, I do not understand eating it as dessert when there are so many better things out there!!
Big Brother people - I just saw a clip of Audrey (transgender houseguest) being interviewed by Jeff Schroeder.....I do not know why they keep using him to do interviews and stuff for that show....he is a jerk....ugh
Julie just got choked up talking about said house guest saying that she hopes fans watch with an open heart and an open mind and learn something about a community they might not know about
I haven't watched any of the interviews...but what makes you say that Jeff is a jerk? I've always thought he was a sweet, silly, fun guy. I loved both him and Jordan.
He is a homophobe, so that right off the bat makes me look at him sideways.
Also, I do not find he treats Jordan all that well, and that is only what I am seeing on TV, I do not even want to know what is happening behind closed doors!
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KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
They get better. I have them on my arms, my hips, my belly, my thighs... they're much harder to see now. The main issue with weight loss is that they make better 'pockets' of leftover fat, apparently...
Mine are all white now on my hips. From when I was a teenager and gained a lot of weight. Also, at 22, your skin will come back. Its harder when your older.0 -
I have to say pretty much every comment here is AWESOME. I need to read the whole thread, but I am still back at the beginning when folks were processing eating cocoa powder. So happy that folks are being gentle with themselves and others.
^^^THIS is why we're here and what we're all about!
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Agreed. And since this is a really supportive, safe zone, I honestly think a lot of people have been helped back from the verge of falling off the wagon by discussing their struggles here. Or had a helping hand back on when they have fallen. To be honest, I don't really care where this thread is, as long as it doesn't get nuked.Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: I ate nearly 4000 calories yesterday. Mostly in bread and cookies. Ugh.
Anyhow, it's prayer time and the fast has started--I'm off to pray and then maybe get some sleep (I hope).
@ndj1979 True and true, but that's okay. We don't mind being wrong when it feels so right. Although there are quite a lot of confessions in these 959 pages, if you care to browse for them.
eh - my confession - not sure how this would be helpful to newbies as it appears to be a collection of gifs, notes on tv series, and other things, while I am sure are fun to discuss, I fail to see their utility to someone new to weight loss.
I think it's here in the General section because a lot of people feel free to ask questions in here that often get blasted into dumpster fire threads under normal circumstances. A bit like the restaurant-related questions you mentioned in that post of yours... The forums are a scary place for newbies. The "No judgment" in the topic line seems to attract a lot of them, actually.
What you see right now isn't what the thread is like all the time--it's actually evolving constantly since it's so active. Since a lot of us have been here from the beginning, we do often just chit chat all together, but confessions and questions still pour in a lot.
Same here, which is why I do kind of wonder why everyone jumps on the posters who dare to ask why it's in this particular section. Wouldn't it make more sense to explain all that before telling them to go away?
I don't understand why others are so offended by this thread? Apparently many more people than we knew or thought lurk and read every so often.
any other thread that was as off topic as this one would of been locked down by page 15….
just saying..
so the special status is interesting.
Good point... Maybe we're all special snowflakes.
Actually, I think the mods like the positivity and support that this thread continually generates, and since confessions still do pile in daily (and we don't judge them! Most of the time.), we're somewhat on topic. It would be pretty dumb to pull this thread when it's going so well--not that they don't lock down threads for dumb reasons pretty often.
there is plenty of support in the main forums, it just is not sugar coated.
I'd agree there is support in the main forums but the reality is not everyone is as thick skinned as you or I. This thread keeps the people (who would throw the towel in the bucket because they didn't like the deliverance on the main forums) coming back and maybe learning more about weight loss. May be a bit slower but better late than never.
I don't see how you need thick skin for someone to tell you that a detox is a bad idea, or that a calorie deficit is needed for weight loss.
If you are just going to coddle people then they are never going to learn about real nutrition and how to have long term sustainable success.
On the other hand, if you get yelled at and made fun of because you asked a dumb question, why would anyone stay here and give it an honest try? Rather, if you have a safe place to ask those questions and not get ridiculed, you are going to keep trucking along. Yeah, it might not be speedy. Hell, I've been trying to lose my last 18 (out of 44 pounds) for the last six months. There has been a lot of stuff I have gone through related to stress, medical conditions requiring surgery, etc. Most people understand CICO but life gets in the way and some people who are new, and even those that have lost their way a bit, may need the support to understand that it is okay to have a "bad" meal or a bad day, or even a bad shark week (sorry to those who hate that expression). For these people, it is reassuring that there is a stable and supportive group who have all been through this and will be there for them when they get back on track. I don't think this type of support would be considered "coddling". It is not like we are saying to everyone "it's okay, go have another box of pop tarts". Rather, we would say, at 200 calories, go have a single pop tart and get that craving out of your system, log it, and move on.
I started a thread about protein powder when I first discovered the forums and was told I didn't even understand my own question. I got a few helpful responses but I was basically attacked. I've never felt that in here.
In short, I LOVE it here and plan on staying as long as I can.
Same thing happened to me.
I asked a question about how the forums worked, and was attacked and nobody ever actually answered my question. (It was about some of them being locked).
I plan on staying here as long as its going as well.
This isn't really a response to you specifically - it's more of a response to the general conversation about this thread 'versus' the main boards, and your post helped me clarify my thoughts. I've been mulling this over, and I have to say that I find the main forums to be a critical source of support and information. I honestly don't think I'd have a chance in hell at succeeding at this weight loss/wellness stuff if I only hung out in the 'kinder, gentler' threads. As much as I appreciate those threads (including this one) and feel they serve a real purpose here, they're not enough for me. Please know that is not a judgment; it's just a statement about what I find helpful.
Maybe I just have a thick skin, and/or I've been on the internet long enough to recognize that some people use discussion boards as a way to try to flex their egos, and they're basically trolls. I learned to recognize those folks pretty quickly, and I just shake them off - because whatever they are saying (even if they think they are targeting me) has nothing to do with me and who I am. It's them looking into the mirror of their own insecurities. So they just don't get under my skin.
Others have a 'tough love' writing style, but they are not trolls. That can be more of a challenge for people who are new or who aren't as comfortable with discussion boards, so that's one reason I feel threads like this one can be important. But I feel like it's very important to learn to accept and appreciate the 'tough love' crew here (including some who popped into this thread to comment), because from what I have seen so far, most of the so-called 'mean people' are experienced, wise, well-informed, successful with their weight loss and fitness, and (most important) they really want to see others succeed too. I REALLY like those guys, and I need those guys.
tl;dr: I'd hope that any newbies here won't decide that the only place they're going to read and interact is in 'safer' threads. Work on learning the difference between being trolled versus 'tough love', and being asked to challenge your assumptions. Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone in order to soak up some of the amazing wisdom and experience that's available to you on MFP. It's worth it. I promise.
I agree.
I think a lot of the people who get irritated at the tough love/criticism here are the people who are doing very low calorie diets when they barely have anything to lose or have 100+ pounds & can get away with eating more, have severe eating disorders/body image issues & are told to seek professional help, or post multiple threads on the same topic because they didn't like what they wanted to hear.
I know personally I am grateful for a lot of the members here namely Sidesteel, Sarah, ACG, NJ, MrM, Acrylics, Ninerbuff, etc. because they speak the truth & have personal experience/knowledge to go with it. If it wouldn't have been for these guys I would have no idea what the heck TDEE is, wouldn't have thought of getting a food scale, would have still been restricting food items, & would probably be eating some low calorie amount. Hell I would probably have given up after hitting my first plateau around 250 pounds & be back up to 300 pounds.
Personally I can see how some of them lose it eventually with certain posters they're trying to help that continually dodge the helpful advice in favor of the get rich quick advice that will leave them in a fad diet & then gaining it back.
I know I usually speak up when it comes to someone who has a lot to lose that feels they should eat rabbit food or has no idea how they can eat over 1,200 calories. I try to remind them that this is a permanent lifestyle change & you should eat the way you will for the rest of your life not just until you reach maintenance.
Agreed. 0 -
You guys are super chatty! I didn't check this thread over the weekend and it took me until today to get caught up!
I don't usually send friend requests but will if someone says "add me" because I really like having friends on here but please don't judge my diary because it has been a mess lately.
No judging, remember? We're not allowed to wear judgey pants with anyone inside our village even if we're not IN the village at the time.
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Glinda1971 wrote: »I like being friends with the people from this thread.
Because I know nobody will put their judgy pants on when they see my diary.
I missed all the invites going around. You're still my only friend.
Thanks for being my friend, Glinda!0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »I think I'm going to take a break from logging for a little while, I'm so overwhelmed right now with everything.
The good news is, I have a doctor's appointment July 9th, so hopefully I'll get some help.
Raelynn had a 3 year old checkup on Monday, and her pediatrician is referring us for services through the school district for her. (Special needs, SPD and Anxiety) I'm glad someone is finally listening!
I'll still be here checking in, and once things get better I'll try to start logging again. Y'all are more than welcome to add me as well, I'd love to have y'all as friends!
My former best friend has a child with SPD and anxiety, and the therapy and services he got helped him so much. She also had good results with cognitive behavioral therapy when he was a bit older (5ish). Good luck to you guys!
Thank you! She was in therapy a few months ago, but they wouldn't address any of our concerns and brushed us off, so we talked to her specialist and stopped it. Not to mention, it cost us $1900 just for 6 months AFTER insurance payments. I'm currently trying to get us back on Medicaid as a secondary provider, dummy me didn't realize we could have kept our Medicaid even though we got insurance too at the time. She's made a lot of progress, but she's still got a long way to go.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »xMrBunglex wrote: »
FWIW, I do understand what you're saying, but the fact is we're on topic enough of the time.
Right, although they may also have to learn how to properly size a bra, make flapjacks or change the transmission on a Jeep Wranger on the way.Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Agreed. And since this is a really supportive, safe zone, I honestly think a lot of people have been helped back from the verge of falling off the wagon by discussing their struggles here. Or had a helping hand back on when they have fallen. To be honest, I don't really care where this thread is, as long as it doesn't get nuked.Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: I ate nearly 4000 calories yesterday. Mostly in bread and cookies. Ugh.
Anyhow, it's prayer time and the fast has started--I'm off to pray and then maybe get some sleep (I hope).
@ndj1979 True and true, but that's okay. We don't mind being wrong when it feels so right. Although there are quite a lot of confessions in these 959 pages, if you care to browse for them.
eh - my confession - not sure how this would be helpful to newbies as it appears to be a collection of gifs, notes on tv series, and other things, while I am sure are fun to discuss, I fail to see their utility to someone new to weight loss.
I think it's here in the General section because a lot of people feel free to ask questions in here that often get blasted into dumpster fire threads under normal circumstances. A bit like the restaurant-related questions you mentioned in that post of yours... The forums are a scary place for newbies. The "No judgment" in the topic line seems to attract a lot of them, actually.
What you see right now isn't what the thread is like all the time--it's actually evolving constantly since it's so active. Since a lot of us have been here from the beginning, we do often just chit chat all together, but confessions and questions still pour in a lot.
Same here, which is why I do kind of wonder why everyone jumps on the posters who dare to ask why it's in this particular section. Wouldn't it make more sense to explain all that before telling them to go away?
I don't understand why others are so offended by this thread? Apparently many more people than we knew or thought lurk and read every so often.
any other thread that was as off topic as this one would of been locked down by page 15….
just saying..
so the special status is interesting.
Good point... Maybe we're all special snowflakes.
Actually, I think the mods like the positivity and support that this thread continually generates, and since confessions still do pile in daily (and we don't judge them! Most of the time.), we're somewhat on topic. It would be pretty dumb to pull this thread when it's going so well--not that they don't lock down threads for dumb reasons pretty often.
there is plenty of support in the main forums, it just is not sugar coated.
I'd agree there is support in the main forums but the reality is not everyone is as thick skinned as you or I. This thread keeps the people (who would throw the towel in the bucket because they didn't like the deliverance on the main forums) coming back and maybe learning more about weight loss. May be a bit slower but better late than never.
great, but last time I checked it was not a site designed for any of those things. And people are always being chastised to "stay on topic"….
sorry, but based on a browse of the last ten pages or so that does not appear to be the case.
Not sure what that link was but I got blocked at work and a security warning! Yikes!
Hmm. Just a meme I found on google. No issues viewing here at my office. Sorry!
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Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."0 -
nyrgrrlfan wrote: »I hope I'm posting this correctly...I had a bingefest of pickle spears in the middle of the night last night...i still recorded them, but I now am in the negative for sodium for the rest of the day...
If you're just starting out, don't even worry about sodium. Just focus on calories.0 -
riderfangal wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »Rant for the day. I offered to take my ex with my son and I when we go camping this weekend for Fathers day. At first he was all for it BUT because we can't leave exactly when he wanted to due to the fact I have a Dr appointment he threw a fit and now he is not coming. The irony of it is the Drs office just called to change the date of my visit so we could have went when he wanted to leave after all. Confession I might have sent him a snarky text telling him this. I shouldn't let him get under my skin or even offer to do things with/for him because I just get angry in the end and my son ends up being disappointed as well. Is it bad to wish he would just disappear off the face of the earth.
NO! Not bad at all. I've had issues with my youngest son's father since day one. Twenty-three years later he still causes us issues. Sorry, not to be negative and I hope your situation improves, but my ex was in jail recently for about 18 months. Quietest 18 months of my life! But, he's now out and back to his usual shenanigans.
Thank you for this. It just makes me so angry because I know the reality of the situation is he decided not to come because I said I didn't want him drinking ( he is an alcoholic and is a frequent visitor to the psychiatric wing) but he is putting it on my because I wouldn't change the appointment for him.
Also I am sorry your ex is like this too but I am glad you got a slight reprieve when he was jailed
Of course he has to blame you. Cannot take the blame himself. And he'll continue to do this for as long as you let it bother you. You tried. Now you say, "Welp, done with that!" put it and him completely out of your mind and enjoy your camping trip! They can only get to us if we let them. Brush it off and ignore it and he has no fuel to flame the fire. Until the next episode, of course. Sorry, but just know that you aren't alone, nor are you the bad parent here!
This is why I love this thread. I am going to enjoy my weekend! Thank you!0 -
Oh, I will say "My friend Susie."
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
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Danielleb19830026 wrote: »I will eat my favorite food and not eat the rest of the day just to not go over my calories.
Mathematically, that'll work. Sometimes I skip lunch so I can have a big dinner. BUT it's a lot better to heave your intake spread out over the day & keep you metabolism humming throughout.
But if I'm having taco pizza for dinner, then dammit, it's water & Diet Mt. Dew all day!
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FluffySandwich wrote: »
Thanks! At least I'll be comfortableFluffySandwich wrote: »So I just realized that a few pairs of the shorts I bought today look a bit like pajamas. I'm wondering if I accidentally bought pajamas, but I doubt it as they were amongst all the other clothes and away from the pajama section
I don't think anyone at the resort is going to care anyway... people are going to be walking around in bathing suits all the time (count me out-too self conscious).
But this says something for my fashion sense!!
I admit, I laughed out loud when I read this. I've noticed that some of the non denim shorts do resemble pajamas. My daughter owns a pair. I'm sure you'll look adorable pajamas or not.
I have to get up at 4 so I can get to the airport and board my plane at 6:15 Not looking forward to getting up that early, but at least I'll be in paradise soon, eh? (I'm hoping my tub won't have mold like some reviewers are saying it will!)
But I'll miss this thread while I'm gone!
Adding my...have a GREAT trip! We'll miss you!0 -
Stupid site still isn't showing my new avatar. (Just an updated bicep vanity shot, but still!)0
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@chaelaz...I don't think anyone was defensive- more like @tubbs216 was having some fun and being funny posting gifs and memes, she's actually quite hilarious. I honestly didn't see defensiveness so much as people asking why you came into the thread and said what you said. Questioning motives isn't being defensive IMO.
I agree. I usually post my memes in threads to be funny & lighten the mood.
My favorite gif is this one.
&
this one
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Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us. 0
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