Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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We believe in you.KevinPsalm23v4 wrote: »I've been UNSUCCESSFUL in weight loss because of bad habits that seem too difficult to change. I eat when I am not hungry and eat based on emotional comfort vs eating because I need to. Far too often I may get up in the middle of the night, feeling hungry I'll eat a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich or something else.
I looked at myself the other day and felt disgusted in how I look. For too many months I felt too apathetic to change <I won't say why publicly - only privately and in limited capacity as to why>. The other day it shocked me to feel I am the "fattest" at home, get called fat and even know I am the fattest among co-workers.
What I am scared of most is failing, not loosing weight and my willpower only lasting a few days.
You can not succeed at something that you are not willing to risk failing at and in fact success is just trying again each time you fail. You can do this, one baby step at a time. Choose one thing, one goal for today. Go easy on yourself and build on each little success.
“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”
― Confucius, Confucius: The Analects
You can do this!!
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Today, my husband and I were sitting together on our respective laptops, when he suddenly looked up and demanded... "Define yourself!"
...I confess that the first two words that popped into my head and spilled out of my mouth were "Ugly. Fat."
I also confess that this makes me sad.
Although I suspect that one of the first words I'd use to define myself is also "ugly", I'm now tasking you to come up with two POSITIVE attributes to replace those ones.
Off the top of my head, mine would be "funny" (I promise, I constantly make people laugh IRL, probably not so evident on here) and "analytical".
Ooh, that's a challenge! Umm, let me think... Positive attributes...
My first would probably be that I automatically think the best of people. If someone didn't show up for a meeting or did something inconsiderate, I always think of what might have been going on in their circumstances first and make excuses for them to myself, rather than just getting angry that they didn't meet my expectations.
My second... (Gosh, this is hard. X_X)... Umm... Does "I'm good at not offending people" count? Because, with confrontation being a major trigger for my anxiety, I'm pretty good at that. It doesn't sound particularly impressive, though...
Confession: It took me ten minutes to come up with those.
Happier confession: Due to some horrible financial circumstances growing up, I never got a high school diploma. After I got married, my husband paid for me to take the GED test. Well, I proudly proclaim that I received my diploma and transcripts in the mail today!
Also, I scored in the 99th percentile on ALL subjects except one, which I scored in the 97th.
I may be out of place here but I'll add them anyway about you.
Humble and Smart and Kind and Sweet and Gentle
Aww, thank you so much!! That's so kind of you. 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Today, my husband and I were sitting together on our respective laptops, when he suddenly looked up and demanded... "Define yourself!"
...I confess that the first two words that popped into my head and spilled out of my mouth were "Ugly. Fat."
I also confess that this makes me sad.
Aww, we can be our own worst enemy sometimes. I know it is hard (I suffer from this myself), but try to be nicer to yourself. Also, if I were asked about you, judging from your comments I would have said compassionate, animal loving and kind.
I completely agree with this and couldn't have said it better myself. I also want to know what his answer was...
Well, he knows that I have a lot of self-esteem issues. He's done a lot of comforting while I sob and ask why he could love someone so ugly and useless as I am. He said it was sad.
I am glad he is supportive but I have to wonder why your esteem is so low. You seem like a wonderful, kind, smart, loyal and dedicated person. You need to start thinking that way. No one can make you feel inferior or unworthy, only you can let yourself feel that way. And why??? What do you have to prove to anyone? Your life is your own. Be proud of those things you are happy with, celebrate them. And work on those things you want to work on. Be happy.
Very well said!
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Sheesh. You all have been busy today. Lots of good stuff and some newbies.
I went to the doctor to discover what I had feared. Strep. I wanted a few more days off work but not like this. I used my last PTO day today so tomorrow I have to use a vacation day. Sucks! My mom took me to the doctor and now she's cleaning my house. It's really nice being taken care of.
I'm glad you are being taken care of and on the mend! Get all better soon.
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Thank goodness for this thread! I feel a little better about my secret binging.
Last Sunday I ate a chocolate jam donut for breakfast that was left over from the day befores binge that included an entire pack of CC's, a jar of salsa, a choc jam donut and 1ltr of creamy soda, damn it was good. And I don't log on those days because I'm too embarrassed.0 -
We believe in you.KevinPsalm23v4 wrote: »I've been UNSUCCESSFUL in weight loss because of bad habits that seem too difficult to change. I eat when I am not hungry and eat based on emotional comfort vs eating because I need to. Far too often I may get up in the middle of the night, feeling hungry I'll eat a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich or something else.
I looked at myself the other day and felt disgusted in how I look. For too many months I felt too apathetic to change <I won't say why publicly - only privately and in limited capacity as to why>. The other day it shocked me to feel I am the "fattest" at home, get called fat and even know I am the fattest among co-workers.
What I am scared of most is failing, not loosing weight and my willpower only lasting a few days.
You can not succeed at something that you are not willing to risk failing at and in fact success is just trying again each time you fail. You can do this, one baby step at a time. Choose one thing, one goal for today. Go easy on yourself and build on each little success.
“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”
― Confucius, Confucius: The Analects
You can do this!!
Be kind to yourself. Will power is a daily struggle for many of us, keep moving forward. You can do this!0 -
Six or so weeks ago I mentioned my daughter and a potential ED. The follow up (first follow up) and nutritionist meeting were yesterday. She's gained a few lbs and that is what the doctor wanted. The nutritionist gave her some good information and what I like is that the nutritionist told her not to count calories or even think about it but to eat in a way (I don't remember the diagram but about 50% non starchy veggies, 25% fat/protein and 25% unprocessed grains/starchy veggies and this 25% is by the portion of food on the plate.) My daughter tried it for a meal yesterday and said it seemed to work, she didn't over eat and was satisfied. We also both have food intolerances. It appears my daughter is getting some cross contamination of wheat/gluten at her dad's house. She needs to be very careful in reading labels and such. She also *may* have a legitimate allergy to another food and may need to carry an epi pen. The blood work is at the lab. Nutritionist is also wanting daughter to keep a journal of what foods are eaten and results (mood/bloat/energy/etc) without any judgement, just curiosity.
While she was going through this process of relearning to listen to her body (still in process) and be ok with putting on a pound or two of weight I didn't log. I just tried listening to my body etc. I did have a few big food days (holiday) but I'm holding steady on the weight I've lost. As I am within 4 - 5 pounds of my goal and as I am at a healthy weight I am happy with even a very slow downward trend - a pound every month or two is fine. Daughter is traveling for a little while so I'm logging again and may be more careful to maintain a deficit.
Edited to take out a few details.0 -
Two positive traits.
(I need to limit them to two??)
This is actually an exercise I started doing with some inner-city teen girls I volunteered with years ago. We'd go through the alphabet and list something we liked about ourselves for every letter of the alphabet. Try it.
Ok. My two.
1) Tenacious/Persistent (My grad-advisor told me I ride the fine line between persistence and pig-headed stubbornness.)
2) Resilient - I am naturally optimistic and able to overcome setbacks, learn from my mistakes and failures, and move on to keep overcoming challenges
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funjen1972 wrote: »I wear the same stinky workout clothes for several days without washing. Ewww gross, I know. Always change my socks though lol
I actually do this too. Wear the same clothes for about three days. Cause if mom had to wash two sets of clothes, my work-out clothes and my actual clothes, on top of a pair of pajamas (which I also wear for about three days before putting them in the dirty clothes; but I feel that's less gross) I think she'd kill me. Plus, it's not like you're going to the gym to get clean and smell better anyways. I don't think this is bad or gross at all to be honest, so long as you shower after your workouts and all that.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »I confess that I love being on airplanes. There is just something truly amazing to me about it. I always want the window seat so I can stare out the window. My favorite time on a plane was when I left early in the morning, while it was dark and the full moon and stars were out. So breathtakingly beautiful.
My brother got to fly a jet at his military academy and I am extremely jealous, though I would probably be nervous if I were ever actually given the chance to fly one. This jealousy partially comes from admiring and adoring astronauts and knowing that most of them were pilots before moving on to outer space. I would love to be an astronaut, but I don't think I'm cut out for the job.
Chris Hadfield's book, An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth, is amazing!
My Dh and I went to one of his talks. Very interesting! He's the reason I had a Twitter account so I could follow him up there.
I'm with you on the wanting to be an astronaut, but as a 44 year old non-scientist, non-pilot I think that ship has sailed.
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Meh, it is human.moshizal9999 wrote: »I'm trying to get in shape to feel better about myself around women and to make someone else jealous. How is that for shallow?
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noaddedsugarx wrote: »I've just booked a holiday to New York and I'm so excited to try all of the American foods and restaurants people post here that we don't get in the UK. I've been to Florida 3 times when I was in my teens but mostly we just lived off Denny's and Subway. This time I'm gonna take full advantage of the yummy foods. I need recommendations!
For example I've never had Key lime pie and everyone raves on about it! I'm dying to try it. Now obviously I know you can get that here but I'm holding out as I imagine it's so much better in the USA!
My elder son lives in Brooklyn and works in Manhattan, he is always trying new things. I'll ask him for some recommendations for you.
My DOH! would recommend Carnegie Deli but only if you are keen on a pound of corned beef.
Roxy Diner in the theater district in NYC has some pretty amazing cheesecake!
A Sabrett's hotdog (dirty water dog) from a street vendor. A Nathan's hotdog but only at Coney Island, in Manhattan they're trash.0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »IAmTheGlue wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »Ugh...so bummed. I had my youngest son Sept 2014 and it was a horrible pregnancy (actually both of mine were but his was the worst), complete with severe Hyperemesis (basically you throw up 30-40-50x/day and break blood vessels in your face, damage your esophageal lining, etc.) I had a home health nurse come and give me IVs every other day because I literally couldn't eat or drink anything. I still threw up constantly, just not as much.
It did serious damage to my teeth. Most of my enamel has worn off, teeth are rotted out, etc. I've been working on fixing my teeth since last Oct. We have spent $10k (seriously) just since March on root canals/crowns and we are TAPPED out. That was AFTER the $3k insurance covered. Our credit cards are maxed, savings is gone. Since Oct it's been 4 root canals/crowns, 8 fillings, 1 tooth pulled.
I go in tonight to have the dentist check another tooth that I'm thinking he has to pull. Awesome. That'll be like another $400
Never mind the constant mouth soreness and losing pieces of the tooth.
I'm OVER IT. I just want to scream/cry/hit things. I'm tired of constantly being in pain and being broke from it. It's not fair to my children that $ that could be used for their care is going to my stupid teeth I'm also mad that I'm 33 and having dental work done like I'm 50.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. I have dental issues from an eating disorder when I was younger. It is never ending dental work and yeah, way over $30k from our pockets... ugh.
I do hope that they get you fixed up soon and you are no longer in pain. Dental pain is the worst.
OMG $30k I don't know how you haven't stroked out! I'm about to with the (relatively) smaller amount I've spent.
I even went back to work 3 weeks ago and a large part of the reason was so I could have secondary dental insurance through my employer plus have income to pay the dental bills. How sad, right? I'm working to pay my dentist *sigh*
This whole saga is terrifying! I feel for you and hope you (and your teeth!) are doing better soon. People always complain about the national health service in the UK, but this sort of story makes me truly thankful. Dental treatment is free for all pregnant women and a year after giving birth. They won't make your teeth pretty or white or super straight on the NHS, but they will fix all your root canels, cavities, etc. without bankrupting you. It's nice to have one less thing to worry about.0 -
Very few people know I write erotica lol0
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I can't wait to go home for the holidays and rub it in peoples face that I am not thinner than them. All the horrible comments they made about my weight will be thrown back at them without me having to say a word. Those that thought themselves thinner than me are now over twice my weight? Oh how the tables have turned!!0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Then you'll love this one: A few weeks ago, I was sitting on my exercise bike and I had my 7-inch tablet balanced on top of a little pocket (made for holding an iPod, so my tab wouldn't fit inside it) so I could watch Phineas and Ferb while exercising (I'm very mature, I know). I was putting on my earphones and accidentally jerked the wire. Result: The tab came flying towards my face, then went down and slammed into the frame of the exercise bike, bounced off like a rubber ball, flew two feet, and CRASHED into the floor.
It looks like spiders built webs all over the screen now.
Oh, that's rough!
ETA: oh, and I watch cartoons all the time
Ugh, I would honestly cry if my Kindle bit the dust. And as for the cartoons, you've seen my avatar, right? LOL0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »IAmTheGlue wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »Ugh...so bummed. I had my youngest son Sept 2014 and it was a horrible pregnancy (actually both of mine were but his was the worst), complete with severe Hyperemesis (basically you throw up 30-40-50x/day and break blood vessels in your face, damage your esophageal lining, etc.) I had a home health nurse come and give me IVs every other day because I literally couldn't eat or drink anything. I still threw up constantly, just not as much.
It did serious damage to my teeth. Most of my enamel has worn off, teeth are rotted out, etc. I've been working on fixing my teeth since last Oct. We have spent $10k (seriously) just since March on root canals/crowns and we are TAPPED out. That was AFTER the $3k insurance covered. Our credit cards are maxed, savings is gone. Since Oct it's been 4 root canals/crowns, 8 fillings, 1 tooth pulled.
I go in tonight to have the dentist check another tooth that I'm thinking he has to pull. Awesome. That'll be like another $400 Never mind the constant mouth soreness and losing pieces of the tooth.
I'm OVER IT. I just want to scream/cry/hit things. I'm tired of constantly being in pain and being broke from it. It's not fair to my children that $ that could be used for their care is going to my stupid teeth I'm also mad that I'm 33 and having dental work done like I'm 50.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. I have dental issues from an eating disorder when I was younger. It is never ending dental work and yeah, way over $30k from our pockets... ugh.
I do hope that they get you fixed up soon and you are no longer in pain. Dental pain is the worst.
OMG $30k I don't know how you haven't stroked out! I'm about to with the (relatively) smaller amount I've spent.
I even went back to work 3 weeks ago and a large part of the reason was so I could have secondary dental insurance through my employer plus have income to pay the dental bills. How sad, right? I'm working to pay my dentist *sigh*
This whole saga is terrifying! I feel for you and hope you (and your teeth!) are doing better soon. People always complain about the national health service in the UK, but this sort of story makes me truly thankful. Dental treatment is free for all pregnant women and a year after giving birth. They won't make your teeth pretty or white or super straight on the NHS, but they will fix all your root canels, cavities, etc. without bankrupting you. It's nice to have one less thing to worry about.
Wow, that is an awesome benefit! I am in the US and we don't have anything like that.
It is so expensive here. 0 -
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kellienw335 wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »I confess, I have to pee right now.
Me too!
Great minds think alike.0 -
krissyreminisce wrote: »Confession: I"m thinking of taking a break from logging and just being active and mindful of my eating. I'm just tired of always thinking about food and worrying about food. I'm just tired of agonizing over every little stupid calorie.
I hope it works. I've actually starting to lose steam for MFP. I only come to this thread and the Ice Cream/Gelato group page. I was active on the other forums and reading the blog, now I just don't even want to bother.
I've thought about doing that too. I lost 50lbs on my own before I ever found MFP. I know weighing and logging food is a helpful tool and it works (when you stick to it) but I find myself getting more and more obsessed with it again. Going over my calories leaves me feeling like a failure, which sometimes leads to binging because of the "I blew it" mentality. So then I feel bad that I ate, so I eat some more because I feel bad or like a failure, then again I eat some more and feel bad about that, repeat cycle. I want to lose weight and be happy and healthy, not see my life as being in the RED or the GREEN and hopefully get to a place where some number on a stupid scale doesn't matter. I feel like I need to fix the emotional me and hopefully the physical me will fall into place too.0 -
Feeling like crap today. I had a bad night of emotional eating..estimated 2000 calories over my goal ( I tend to not measure/weigh foods when I binge). I've done way worse..some days up to 5000 over! Anyway, I woke up today with an extra 3 pounds of water weight. Still did my workout though..running 8 miles with that bloated feeling is NOT FUN, but I did it. I knew I had a binge coming on at some point because tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my mom's death. Since that day last year, I have become a completely different person..I can't accept it, can't move on, can't find peace. I've become angry over little things and find comfort in eating. I gained 12 pounds because of it...would have been much worse if I didn't work out every day to counteract all the emotional eating/binges. I've been pretty good over the past two months..losing six of those extra pounds. I just need to get through today and tomorrow and really focus on finding a different way to deal with my emotions. I already feel like I'm going to give in again today though. Ugh! Sorry to be a downer. 0
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I was too tall for stirrup pants, so I had elastic clip-on straps that attached to regular pants so they could still fit like stirrup pants.
Okay, that's it... you ARE my twin. Or we're living parallel lives.
I made a set of those elastic clip-on straps (couldn't find any in stores) to do just that. Still have them. Still anchor some of my pants at the bottom since I wear boots year-round (because of the compression stockings). Plus wearing boots allows me to get away with inseams that are too short.0 -
I consumed more than my allowed calories yesterday and smoke cigs. 0
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Wrote an email to my daughter's teacher today about the quarter test date but have watched so many hunger games movies to get caught up I accidentally wrote "quarter quell" !
Very good! We should all try to shoe horn random literary (or film) references into our otherwise serious correspondences.0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »mysticlizard wrote: »I'm very pale like a bunch of you have said you are. I used to try tanning, but it didn't take. I've never had a tan or a sunburn in my life. I finally stopped trying and embraced my day walker skin. I sometimes get embarrassed by it, but I figure if people don't like it screw them. Being able to blind people with the color of my skin is a super power!
My daughter shares your super power. In our house we call it rockin' the Casper.
I'm also very pale & once had a co-worker comment on how white I was after coming back from Hawaii for the second time. The first time I went to Hawaii I had learned my lesson the hard way. Over there the heat is very dry & I thought well it's not as hot & humid like it is in Pennsylvania so I don't need to cake on the sunblock. Ugh! Huge mistake! I had huge welts all over my one arm from a horrendous sunburn. Luckily they didn't hurt, but it definitely taught me to be more vigilant while out in the sun.
We went to Mexico for our honeymoon and met a couple the 1st day that was from WI as well. The girl had the worst sunburn! It was my goal to go back to WI just as white as I left. I wanted people to be like, "I thought you were going on vacation"0 -
Food-related confession: I'm completely fed up with long pasta like spaghetti and linguine. Manual dexterity isn't my strong suit and I get so bored with twirling it into a manageable forkful, which seems to take me an extraordinary length of time, and I end up losing most of the sauce in the process so all I taste is the noodle. And there is usually some trailing end that I can't manage to train onto the fork that thwaps me in the chin anyway. I gave up ordering these types of noodles in restaurants long ago since I can't manage to eat them gracefully.
We had some leftover meat sauce and the SO made it with linguine last night (which obviously prompted this confession!). After the first couple of mouthfuls, I decided "screw it" and started hacking it up into smaller pieces with my knife. What the hell, I was in the privacy of my own home, who cares if I commit Pasta Sacrilege?0 -
Sadly, I confess...if I ever were to get divorced, though I like to think different, I would probably be "that older guy" that hooks up with someone younger...then feel all creepy about it.
On the radio morning show the other day, they were discussing the age ranges of men and women's "ideal" match. They went over the stats for women from 20's up to 60's, and generally, they were looking for someone within 5 years as their own age. For the men from 20's up to 60's, they were looking for someone in the 20-21 range. "That" older guy isn't as rare as you think.
The 'rule' for an acceptable age gap is half the older age + 7. So if you're 24, you can date down to 19. If you're 40, you can date down to 27. If you're 16, you can date down to 15. See, it works, the internet told you so!
I jest of course, date whoever you like so long as it's legal!0 -
Food-related confession: I'm completely fed up with long pasta like spaghetti and linguine. Manual dexterity isn't my strong suit and I get so bored with twirling it into a manageable forkful, which seems to take me an extraordinary length of time, and I end up losing most of the sauce in the process so all I taste is the noodle. And there is usually some trailing end that I can't manage to train onto the fork that thwaps me in the chin anyway. I gave up ordering these types of noodles in restaurants long ago since I can't manage to eat them gracefully.
We had some leftover meat sauce and the SO made it with linguine last night (which obviously prompted this confession!). After the first couple of mouthfuls, I decided "screw it" and started hacking it up into smaller pieces with my knife. What the hell, I was in the privacy of my own home, who cares if I commit Pasta Sacrilege?
I had the same conversation with my boyfriend last time I made spaghetti bolognese. I don't know why I always feel I have to use spaghetti, any other type of pasta would be fine and less frustrating.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Ooh, that's a challenge! Umm, let me think... Positive attributes...
My first would probably be that I automatically think the best of people. If someone didn't show up for a meeting or did something inconsiderate, I always think of what might have been going on in their circumstances first and make excuses for them to myself, rather than just getting angry that they didn't meet my expectations.
My second... (Gosh, this is hard. X_X)... Umm... Does "I'm good at not offending people" count? Because, with confrontation being a major trigger for my anxiety, I'm pretty good at that. It doesn't sound particularly impressive, though...
Confession: It took me ten minutes to come up with those.
Happier confession: Due to some horrible financial circumstances growing up, I never got a high school diploma. After I got married, my husband paid for me to take the GED test. Well, I proudly proclaim that I received my diploma and transcripts in the mail today!
Also, I scored in the 99th percentile on ALL subjects except one, which I scored in the 97th.
I think you are a nice person so that should be one of your good qualities you list. Also, it looks like you are very smart! You should be proud of yourself!! Congrats on getting your diploma! 0 -
Thanks again for the congratulations, everyone! Now begins the name change process...ugggghhh. I have a list a mile long.
And I'm totally with all you pale people (obviously, as you've all now seen photos.) We got pulled up onstage at a show this weekend and they spent the whole time making fun of us being whiter than the undead (...it was "Zombie Burlesque", hahaha.)
A friend of mine went to that show and said it was hilarious. I hope you had fun there too. I would be so embarrassed to go on stage though.
Good luck on the name change process...0
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