Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Worse laundry mishap is when you forget to take stuff out of the washer in time but still think it will be ok and dry it with that terrible musty smell still in the clothes.
Done that. Bad idea.
I hate when my husband 'does laundry' because inevitably, the next time I want to start a load, I open the washer and OH LOOK THE LAUNDRY IS STILL THERE. Sometimes it's 2 days later. I'd smack him.I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.
In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!
Haha. As long as I don't get a warning for spam. But I try to catch them and edit them (wish I could delete them). I did laugh that you got one too!Susieq_1994 wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
Will it make you jealous if I tell you that I have a fully automated washer that will wash, spin, and then dry the clothes, all in one machine?
Editing to add: Speaking of household chores that I can't stand... I hate, hate, HATE ironing.
I've heard of those fantastic things. An iron? I don't even have one. If it needs ironing, I don't buy it, lol.
You can totally delete your posts. Hit "Flag" and then "Report". There's an option that says "This is my post and I want to delete it". It's a total pain, though.
As for the ironing... Since I wear abaya (black baggy thing, for anyone who doesn't know...) I'll tell you all a secret: My clothes are very often as wrinkly as all-get-out under that big black sack. I only iron my husband's clothes, since his can actually be seen.
The part I hate to iron the most are the piles and piles of dress shirts that my husband wears for work. -_- It's really my own fault, though. When I wash, there'll be one or two. Then I procrastinate. Then I wash more, and there are two more. Then I procrastinate. Then, two weeks later, my husband asks why he has no shirts and I have a monster load of five thousand pounds of dress shirts... (There might be a teeny bit of hyperbole in that last sentence. Just a teeny bit.)
I do iron my own clothes when I'm going to my mother-in-law's house... Since I take off my abaya there and that would be SO embarrassing.
My bf also irons his own shirts (and most of the stuff that does need ironing, which isn't much) because he thinks I take too long doing it!0 -
52cardpickup wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »I made my co-workers go with me to the Whole Foods down the street from my work on our lunch break to look for a specific kind of ice cream (Halo Top), which they didn't have, even though other Whole Foods' carry it. My co-workers were trying to be helpful in suggesting other kinds of ice cream, but totally missed the point of this specific ice cream in the first place, which made me unreasonably internally pouty and now I feel bad. (The ice cream I was looking for has 70 calories per serving, 7 grams of protein, 4 grams of carbs, and 3 grams of fat. Ben and Jerry's isn't going to cut it, no matter how delicious it is
)
Also, they kind of think I'm a nut, now, for caring that much about a brand of ice cream.
I can completely relate to that, apart from the fact that I would have to be very comfortable with someone to drag them to a store for a specific treat, lol.
How is that ice cream, though? It kinda sounds too good to be true.
Everyone and their mother in another group I belong to (/r/xxfitness and the associated Facebook group) RAVES about it (specifically the Lemon Cake kind), so I thought it would be worthwhile to at least TRY it. I thought I'd buy it at work, because there are a bunch of fitness-minded people here who would help me devour it if I didn't like it. Alas, the store nearest me did not have it. I don't like artificially sweetened things, but when they're sweetened with sugar alcohols as opposed to aspartame I don't mind them as much, and if it's frozen it's even harder to taste the "fakeness" of it, so I thought I'd give it a go.
I'm going to see where else I can get it, and report back.
Now I will DEFINITELY have to find it. I LOVE lemon cake. I wonder if it's like sorbet more than ice cream? I'm a little worried about the sugar alcohols though. The last time I ate something with sugar alcohols, I had to change my address to the third stall in office bathroom.
Maaaaaybe start with a few spoonfuls of it at first to see how it goes? Like those people eating entire packages of those sugar free gummy bears?
That's about all the ice cream I can typically handle anyway. I just found out it's sold in the Dillon's (Kroger) a couple miles from my house. I will put it on my list for my next shopping trip.
Confession: The thought of eating a whole pint of ice cream makes me want to puke. I can have a few bites, a half a cup at the most, but then I'm done. Disclaimer, I am slightly lactose intolerant (never diagnosed), but I refuse to give up dairy.
Buy lactase enzyme pills and you won't have to give it up! I am lactose intolerant as well. I've never been diagnosed, but it's easy enough to piece together on your own! 0 -
girldownsouth wrote: »We used to have a washer drier. Had to sort into tiny loads for it to actually get dry, and was more likely to need ironing. I'd rather keep the taking from washer to drier stage.
We haven't got a dishwasher now, so have to wash up, I thought I'd miss it way more than I do, still would have one back without a second thought. My bf is another dishwasher rearranger though. No one else does it right.
My mum always had piles of laundry at various stages and turned it into a way bigger job than necessary. Left things too long so they all needed ironing. We stayed with my parents and brother for a while and my bf found it so frustrating that he took to doing all of it (and the dishwasher for the aforementioned reasons). I think my family thought it was witchcraft when things regularly started reappearing in their room the day after they'd worn it.
I can't imagine. I remember going without a dishwasher after I got divorced (when my kids were toddlers). There always came a point when every single dish, pot and pan in the house would be dirty. Those were the days we went to McDonald's. I was finishing school at the time, and swore that I would never ever live without a dishwasher again. My parents bought me one for Christmas after the first year and I've never been without one since.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Haha! What did you wear that day?52cardpickup wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
I don't like laundry either. Throwing it in the washer is no problem, but most of my clothes are hung to dry which is a pain.
Laundry I don't mind doing, but I bring it to work with me to do. Side benefit of working in athletics at a university is using the washer/dryer here I can do the equivalent of 6 loads washed/dried in 1 hour.
You can swing by and get my laundry any time! (eta: that sounds vaguely sexual and I promise you it's not! I apologize!)
I specifically only buy clothes that can be washed and dried. Nothing that needs any sort of special care. Last time I bought a sweater that needed to be hung to dry, my husband accidentally shrunk it in the dryer. I brought it to work without trying it on first after it had been washed (I wear workout clothes for my commute), changed into it and realized it had been turned into a crop top.
I used to have a beautiful cream cashmere cardigan. Very expensive. Somehow it got put through a hot wash and came out like it would fit a 6 month old baby; tiny, perfectly formed, but now made of cream felt!
I have done this...more than once, and never with inexpensive wool sweaters, just with J Crew cashmere. Now I don't even put them in the laundry basket in case they get missed when I sort laundry.
On the plus side, I've received three cute wool sweaters from the men in my house when they've had their own laundry accidents. They now fit me snugly with little three-quarter sleeves when they used to be men's mediums...
I have a laundry hamper that's sorted into three separate baskets--By the time laundry day comes up, all the laundry is pre-sorted and I don't have to do anything except throw it into the washing machine.
It's very useful!
We have five different baskets, including two of those compartment ones, and I still have to re-sort for stuff like wool sweaters, lingerie, etc., haha. I'm very picky about what gets washed with what and end up doing like ten loads per week for two people after I factor in sheets, towels, and kitchen stuff. I am a serious clean freak though and I won't put stuff like dishcloths in with bath towels or bath towels with sheets or my clothes with my husband's socks...you get the idea. Total psycho, and then I also have to split up stuff that goes in the dryer with stuff that gets hung up or whatever...0 -
All this talk of dishes and laundry takes me back to my childhood. I was the only girl- 4 brothers. Not only did I do the dishes and laundry, I often also mowed the yard! I am blessed now to have a husband who does all of that with no complaint! I am spoiled rotten!0
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All this talk of dishes and laundry takes me back to my childhood. I was the only girl- 4 brothers. Not only did I do the dishes and laundry, I often also mowed the yard! I am blessed now to have a husband who does all of that with no complaint! I am spoiled rotten!
I do pretty much everything in my house just because I'm such a clean freak...neither my husband nor our roommate cleans it well enough for me and I'm tired of nagging/re-cleaning anyway, so for everyone's sanity I just do almost all of it. Everything is much more peaceful that way and I don't resent it because they both try to make up for it by a) cleaning up after themselves and not leaving messes when possible and b) doing stuff like taking care of my car, taking out the garbage before it's super full, dealing with the recycling, etc.
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This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.
See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha
Awesomely embarrassing, yes!
I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.
I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.
Like this?
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There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.berlynnwall wrote: »The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.
He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.
The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.
Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes
I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.
Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.
I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
Brainstorming:
(1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
(2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
(3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.
I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.
@nonoelmo Can I hug you?!
The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.
The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.
I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.
I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part.
I'm a hugger so yes to hugs anytime. (ok, unless they are creepy hugs then no way! )
I did volunteer work with inner city Los Angeles kids for awhile. I saw some kids that had been through so much just really not know how to accept help. (A boy kicked out at age 13 because the mom's new boyfriend didn't like him for example. At age 15 after two years on the streets he was wary when we found a home. Also there were girls very much abused.) They were so hurt and put up so many layers of protection that it was hard to get through to them.
I saw a little later after your post that someone (sorry name blank) mentioned it may be too much too soon, and maybe it is but if she is going to live in your house there must be some VERY basic agreement. It can be spelled out. We want you here and I know this will be awkward and take getting used to but we do want you here. I know your husband is not the type to go to counseling but it sounds as if it would be helpful here. Whatever she does don't take it personally, it truly have nothing to do with you and all to do with how messed up she is.
Please vent here all you want and ((HUGS)) good luck!
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It's horrible and I think we've all been on that rollercoaster in some form or another, . But you sound like you can handle this and you will.quiksylver296 wrote: »
Thanks for the replies guys. This is why my heart is broken and I've been so (BEYOND) depressed lately. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday. I have cried every day.
I did the bad thing and checked on his phone because he's been so secretive (I was able to guess the password). I saw a lot of things that I never wanted to see.
I love him so I'm struggling with my feelings right now. I know most people can't change but maybe therapy? I don't know. I am in that strange place where I don't want to be without him but I don't want to be with him if he can't change.
Sorry to complain. I feel like it's cheating too since it's a violation of trust and he is being inappropriate. We are going to meet up Friday to talk. This is the guy I've been with for almost 11 years.
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Confession: I spend way too much on my nails because I have a girl-crush on my manicurist.0
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I'm pretty sure my frustration recently at trying to keep up with this thread is whenever I click on this thread it takes me to the last post instead of where I left off. Then I have to page back. Then I miss posts. Then I'm behind anyway.
In light of that, I'm probably the only person that is actually happy when @Francl27 double (or triple) posts because that's one less post I have to catch up on!
Seconded. Also, sorry @Francl27 I think it's funny and I love your various reactions when it happens.
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »So… I mostly need a place to noodle this around and get it out. I work for my State as a government analyst, so I have to be kinda vague and can't get into specifics. I make decent $, not great. Job security is awesome, but I like $ and I like to be challenged. I have an MBA already and I’m feeling the itch to go back and get my MS in Finance. It would be stupid to get an MS if I’m going to stay in government. I only need my BA for my job, so I’m already over-qualified.
I love the job security, but I hate that it’s not challenging, no advancement other than getting the standard automated raise every year, etc. I also love the thought of using my brain again (I’m a weirdo that loves school).
Hubby says do it, but if I do, I have to get out of government work (I can make at least $10-$15k/yr more in private sector work and raises are usually better). In private sector, the degree would pay for itself within 2 years, maybe less. Am I crazy to want to get out of “safe” government work into private companies?
I feel like I should be supportive of your dream and encourage you to make the shift to working in the private sector. Since finishing graduate school (quite some time ago, haha), I've worked in public (State/Fed) environments and for private companies as well as for non-profits. And I have to be honest and say that while I certainly don't think you are crazy, I still wouldn't advise you to leave the "safe" government work.
I loved school. I still love learning. I'm a research and data nerd and will be even after I eventually stop working! I also continue to like my work, and I am doubly blessed that it is meaningful work. I'll never have to wonder at the end of my career whether my work contributed to making a positive difference in this world, so I am deeply grateful for that.
But working for private companies isn't all that spectacular (mind you, I am not trying to compare what I've experienced to people who have horrible jobs that they should leave. I am talking here about reasonable work environments). There are some companies that are pretty nice, it's true. I worked for one that was always getting noted as one of the top companies to work for, and they certainly earned that honor. But when all is said and done the overall quality of work life there wasn't THAT much different than any other basically good job - they just had some extra perks and a creative management philosophy and structure.
Building a long-term foundation for yourself and your family with a degree of security that the private sector can't offer is an amazing privilege and opportunity. Believe me, I KNOW how mundane the state government environment can be. But I truly don't believe that the private sector offers enough that's genuinely different to make it worth the shift. Use the "safe" job as your anchor to get the degree you want. Explore part-time consulting, or teaching, or volunteering, or any number of other things you can do to feed your mind and spirit. There are so many ways you can apply your skills without giving up what you currently have. An MBA and a MS in Finance? That's teaching at a community college. That's consulting for non-profits (when I ran a non-profit I would have KILLED to have someone like you offer to come help out for a bit), or volunteering to assist community organizations build an infrastructure. Or maybe you'd prefer to offer your services in some way not remotely related to your degrees. Don't like what you're volunteering to do? Fine. Wrap it up and walk away and find something totally different, because with your current job as your anchor, you have that freedom. I'm just saying that in my experience I don't think it's worth giving up what you've got in order to go work in the private sector.
I feel sort of bad writing this and hope nobody gets too annoyed with me. But I did want to try to share a heartfelt and genuine response, even if you decide what I'm saying doesn't fit for you. Best wishes in whatever you decide
I am sure the others have already posted as I am usually late to the party since I don't have time to post while at work. BUT you should never feel bad about posting in this thread as it is a supportive environment for whatever it us we are dealing with. Thanks for your contribution!0 -
Confession.... I am experts at loading the dishwasher. To the point of a fault, where I spend almost too much time making things fit. Not by shoehorning them in or anything... It's like a game of Tetris to me.
YES! This is me! My husband, however, is absolutely the worst at loading the dishwasher...just throws them all over the place. It doesn't matter how many times I have shown him the "right" way to load it. He is not allowed to do it anymore, because I'll just have to redo it anyway...that may have been his plan all along??0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »
That sounds like another word for BS. I may start using it. "Don't give me that horse laundry excuse!"
Yep, I like it, I'm going to definitely start using it.
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I got flagged for spam and still do not know when or why..heartsstarspll wrote: »Confession: I just saw that I have 2 flags for alleged "spam". How did I spam you ask? Apparently replying to a thread about some city banning soda's in happy meals and saying it's none of their business what parents give their kids is spam.
I swear, it is laughable the things that get flagged around here. I can't believe how abused the system is. I have been tempted to flag posts I didn't agree with... but I realize it's dumb to flag something just because I disagree.
Confession: I am a little sad that I got flagged. It makes me feel like running away and never posting again. But reading and posting here feels like it will help me stay on track, so I guess it's a trade off. So I guess I will continue even though apparently someone out there doesn't like me (at least 2 people.. lol)
You're in a special club. Our own dear Susieq got flagged for no obvious reason, which led to the phrase 'spammy pimples'. I sometimes wonder if people will assume I'm a spammer because of my name.
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I guess that's negative? Sorry you're disappointed.raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »
Well, this is what I got.
I think it's always better to know though. Hugs.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »
Loading it I don't mind because it gets the dirty dishes out of my sight. It's always the unloading I dread. I have no idea why. I've timed it before and because I have a small kitchen it takes 5 min. to do.
I hate unloading because my glasses & cups seem to have a recess and every time I open it to empty, the .5oz of water left in the recesses splash and gets everything else wet and it's rinse water but not spotless water. Meh. Beats manually washing though!
You and I are on the same "wave length" today because that's what I was going to say about unloading the dishwasher, too! I detest when I take a glass out to put it away and it spills water all over my feet, generally because I'm barefoot at home a lot and then I have to wipe up the floor. Then I see how dirty my floor is and wonder who is going to clean it and when? Then I get annoyed.
It's even worse when you're just in socks, and then your socks are all smooshy wet. Yuck! (I need to put that in the Things that make you Irrationally Angry thread.)
That's STILL going?! Also, I despise wet socks.
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There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.berlynnwall wrote: »The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.
He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.
The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.
Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes
I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.
Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.
I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
Brainstorming:
(1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
(2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
(3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.
I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.
@nonoelmo Can I hug you?!
The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.
The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.
I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.
I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part.
The problem is that it might be too much too soon. Did you guys get to know each other at all before she 'moved in'?
I think you're right. We did a little bit, but I don't think it was nearly enough. We just did what was right when we thought she didn't have any other place to go. She didn't have to accept, but maybe she felt obligated to.
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There is something that I feel like I'm missing. I am not in the mental health field and it took me until 42 years old to recognize and counter passive aggressive behavior. So after saying that I'm not necessarily good at spotting stuff I feel that there is something going on beyond what you see. I'm not condoning her behavior, just trying to understand the root cause of it.berlynnwall wrote: »The stepdaughter did come by last night. She emptied the litter box and I assume fed/watered her cat. She was in the living room (with a friend she brought over without telling us) my husband and daughter. They were all chatting when I walked in. I said zero words to her, put away the groceries, and went to take a shower since I had just worked out.
Apparently, she told my husband and daughter that she was going to drop off her friend and come back. I don't feel I need to tell you this didn't happen.
My husband finally broke down last night and said "I don't know why she doesn't want to live with us." It was heartbreaking and I want to spank her for being such a little jerk to her dad.
Thank you for allowing me to vent incessantly about this on here. I really appreciate it.
How awful. That is really hurtful. Will he ask her why she is being this way, or is he more the type to just keep his feelings to himself? I feel like sometimes young adults and older teens don't realize how selfish they are being and a wake up call can help. I'm not sure if it would help in this situation though, but your husband may feel better if he at least tries to talk to her about what she is doing. That sucks.
He told me last night he was going to talk to her about how he feels. I really hope he does. I asked him why he's not upset that she's disrespecting him, and he said he is sad that she doesn't want to spend time with us. I think he's too sad to feel angry. He also told me that he's just happy he has any type of relationship with her even if it's not much of one.
The one thing that really set me off last night was he told me that she told them she's been sleeping on her mom's couch without cushions for the past 2+ weeks. This pissed me to the nth degree because she has her own bedroom with a queen size pillow top mattress at our house, yet she'd rather sleep on a cushionless couch.
Holy bed batman! I'd be there in a heartbeat, I didn't get my first "big girl bed" (aka anything besides a twin bed) until I was 24!! Totes jealous! Yes I said totes
I slept on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed until I was 20 when I got married and moved out. Then, I slept on a God awful futon for several months until I finally had enough and bought the queen. She's damn lucky and she just doesn't even appreciate it.
Ask her, point blank, why she's at your house. Make her put it into words, and if her answer doesn't match her actions, point that out to her and ask her why. If you or your husband just do the talking, it'll go in one ear and out the other. Require her to be active in the conversation.
I like that idea. Make her responsible and conscious of her behavior.
Brainstorming:
(1) She does not feel comfortable emotionally to be at your house - maybe she feels she does not deserve a safe, calm place and does not know how to act. Maybe it is more "comfortable" for her to sleep on that cushion-less sofa than to face a new/unknown place.
(2) Do you or your husband really know what stepdaughter has been told about her father, about you? It could be pretty skewed and even if she now knows it that past "information" could be coloring her judgement.
(3) Didn't she just lose a pregnancy? and a boyfriend ? She might be absolutely devastated deep inside and have no way to process and work through it if she has not be taught any healthy coping mechanisms.
I think you and your husband choose a course. Husband would be the best to say something along these lines. (Or a variation that works for both of you.)
I love you. I want you to be part of my life. I welcome you to live in our house. However there are boundaries and responsibility in this house. If you live here you must check in, daily, and preferably come home daily, so we don't worry about you. You must care for your cat. You must treat all members of this household with respect as you will also be treated with respect. I love you and want you here. We want to spend time with you. You have to decide what you want. You have 24 hours to decide to live here or not. In the meantime, until you make your decision you need to give me your key. Living here does come with a few basic rules (or whatever word you chose). We hope you join us.
@nonoelmo Can I hug you?!
The first bolded part was a point my husband brought up last night. She's not all that familiar with us, and more than likely doesn't feel super comfortable with "living" in our home. I 100% understand that, but her saying so, would have saved a lot of hurt and heartache and pissedoff-ness by me.
The second bolded part is something we've discussed. Basically, she was told nothing about her dad. She didn't even know his last name. So there is really zero history or past perceptions about him or I.
I think all three of us need to sit down and basically hash everything out hopefully like adults.
I may copy and paste word for word more or less, what you said in the third bolded part.
I don't have any suggestions or advice to add as I don't have children myself and you posted something about not posting about it anymore for now but I wanted to let you know I have my fingers crossed for y'all and thinking good thoughts for you and your family
Thank you! You seem like a very sweet and mature young lady. Your parents should be proud!
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I'll keep mismatched socks for a while, but after 5 years or so I realise that everyone has made all the sock puppets that realistically are ever going to be made (i.e. zero), and I'll chuck the spares. The mate will always be found the following week.berlynnwall wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..
I'm also a laundry lover. I get irritated if anybody else uses MY laundry machines. Just leave them alone and let me have this one thing.
I don't mind laundry. But I HATE folding socks. They will sit in a laundry basket for YEARS and everyone will have to hunt through for a matching pair.
I don't fold socks at all. I will give everyone their own socks in their laundry pile, but if they want to match them, that is on them. I also don't care if they just throw them all in a drawer and dig through in the morning. I have a relaxed attitude about this lol.
ETA: My men always seem to turn their socks inside out when removing them. For many years I'd turn them right way out. No longer. Ditto my daughter's skinny jeans & leggings. They know they get a pretty good deal in that I'm prepared to do their laundry, so they don't get to complain!
All of my husbands shirts come off inside out. He works outside...so in the winter, he wears lots of layers. He just peels them all off in one big lump...inside out. I turned them the right way for 12 years...the past two years, I wash, dry, and hang them up...all inside out.
Now, my 3.5 year old son's shirts come off inside out as well. Really?? 0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »
I'll keep mismatched socks for a while, but after 5 years or so I realise that everyone has made all the sock puppets that realistically are ever going to be made (i.e. zero), and I'll chuck the spares. The mate will always be found the following week.berlynnwall wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..
I'm also a laundry lover. I get irritated if anybody else uses MY laundry machines. Just leave them alone and let me have this one thing.
I don't mind laundry. But I HATE folding socks. They will sit in a laundry basket for YEARS and everyone will have to hunt through for a matching pair.
I don't fold socks at all. I will give everyone their own socks in their laundry pile, but if they want to match them, that is on them. I also don't care if they just throw them all in a drawer and dig through in the morning. I have a relaxed attitude about this lol.
ETA: My men always seem to turn their socks inside out when removing them. For many years I'd turn them right way out. No longer. Ditto my daughter's skinny jeans & leggings. They know they get a pretty good deal in that I'm prepared to do their laundry, so they don't get to complain!
When I'm getting ready to donate clothes that are too small, I choose a day right after I've done laundry and go through the kid's socks. Whatever doesn't match gets thrown out. I did use one sock as a handwriting helper for my kindergartner though, and we still have it. You cut a hole for the thumb and a hole for the two or three fingers to hold the pencil, and then the rest of their fingers are in the sock. Helps them get the grasp right.
Awesome! I'm totally going to use that idea! Thanks!!0 -
I guess that's negative? Sorry you're disappointed.raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »
Well, this is what I got. I think it's always better to know though. Hugs.
Yeah, it's negative. I have another test I'm going to take in the morning just to double check but I'm pretty sure it's going to be the same. I guess I'll be making a doctors appointment either way. Thanks for the hugs. ❤️ 0 -
xMrBunglex wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »52cardpickup wrote: »
I would hire someone to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. I FULLY REALIZE it just involves sticking a bunch of clothes into a stupid machine, and then sticking them into another stupid machine. Doesn't matter. Still hate doing laundry.
People think I am weird but I love doing laundry . Pulling it out of the dryer when it smells good. Folding it into neat little piles then hanging it all up in the closet . Just makes me happy..
You're hired!
I like doing our laundry & I'm not afraid to admit it! It's pretty much my Sunday chore & I like the sense of accomplishment when it's all done. (I even iron my own work clothes.)
Probably grew out of the fact that she has an entire department store wardrobe & the closet is 80% hers, and I have this little tiny slice on the right side. For years I had just 5 work shirts & 5 work khakis & she could go a month without doing laundry...so you could say I won the job by default.
But, she cleans the litterboxes, so it's a net win in my book.
I like you.
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Loading it I don't mind because it gets the dirty dishes out of my sight. It's always the unloading I dread. I have no idea why. I've timed it before and because I have a small kitchen it takes 5 min. to do.
I hate unloading because my glasses & cups seem to have a recess and every time I open it to empty, the .5oz of water left in the recesses splash and gets everything else wet and it's rinse water but not spotless water. Meh. Beats manually washing though!
You and I are on the same "wave length" today because that's what I was going to say about unloading the dishwasher, too! I detest when I take a glass out to put it away and it spills water all over my feet, generally because I'm barefoot at home a lot and then I have to wipe up the floor. Then I see how dirty my floor is and wonder who is going to clean it and when? Then I get annoyed.
This too! You guys are reading my mind!!0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »
Tangled > Frozen. There. I said it.
I love kid movies, too, and I'm 45. I'm pretty sure I can quote The Lego Movie from memory as my son has been playing it on a loop for like a month. Who's going to see Inside Out? That looks super funny!
I want to see that one. I started "Home". Didn't like it all and turned it off within 20 minutes
Eta: I still sing "Everything is Awesome!"0 -
My ex did it. One of the many reasons he is my ex. Hubby, in 7 years has not done it (that I am aware of) but would result in a big conversation and knowing me a fight. I feel it is inappropriate.Ok, so what would you all think about your husband/boyfriend/SO sexting coworkers.
I'm stuggling with my feelings right now.
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I don't particularly enjoy throwing clothes into the wash, but I LOVE sorting everything after they've dried. It just feels so crisp and clean.
I actually washed right before going on vacation just so I could come back home to my load being dry and ready to fold0 -
Ooooh I would like that! I have a soft spot for this movie and know all the songs plus half of the dialogues by heart :-)smashley_mashley wrote: »
Yes I am quoting myself because some how i messed up my original quote. Tomorrow I am seeing Dirty Dancing for dinner theater! Sheesh, how did I manage that one!!smashley_mashley wrote: »
I wouldn't call my self a girly girl either, but I love me a good chick flick. I love Grease and am going tomorrow night to see in at a dinner theater!!!
Me too.. So excited. I couldn't find the nutritional info online but with my workout today I have 1350 for dinner so I should be okay. I just wont have any alcohol.
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.
See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha
Awesomely embarrassing, yes!
I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.
I can join your little group. I was following someone into a store one day and the door almost closed on me. Scared the crap outta me and I probably looked funny jumping out of the way. Maybe all three of us could get it to work lol.
Apparently I walk too fast....or lack a soul, I have walked into those darn doors more than once. Maybe I'll try disco dancing up to them to give the doors a chance.0
Frozen. I have no shame.
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