Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

kelly_c_77 wrote: »

FluffySandwich wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

FluffySandwich wrote: »

And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here!

I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.

When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.

The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same time

Alma102724 wrote: »

FluffySandwich wrote: »

Alma102724 wrote: »

Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:

My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.

My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.

I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.

I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.

My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.

I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.

We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.

Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!

I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.

For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.

Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.

Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.

For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.

I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.

I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is that

I have to agree with this also. My parents were together for almost 50 years when my mom passed last year. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired at an early age. So once he retired, they were both home every day together for the past 25 years and were so close. They built their own little world in that house and now my dad has to live in it...alone. It is heartbreaking. Going through my mom's things to help clean out the house was just awful...everything in there had a memory to go with it...and we had to see my dad struggle with each item he touched. In my 36 years, I had never seen my dad cry...until last year. Now it's kind of normal to see him cry...because he does it so often.

Lefty1290 wrote: »

I plan on using up my remaining calories today on cookies and candy.

CountessKitteh wrote: »

ttcbelieve wrote: »

i get pint of ice cream, take half a cup and immediately put water in the remaining ice cream jar to make sure I don't have more. PS...yes I tried throwing it in the garbage but technically if the lid is still on, you can take it out and have some more ;-)

Could you purchase the tiny single serve cups? Even Ben & Jerry's has some of their flavors in those!

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Lefty1290 wrote: »

FroggyBug wrote: »

kecmw25 wrote: »

I confess that I am addicted to chapstick. I carry it with me everywhere. I mention this because I just had a 2nd one bite the dust on me this week and I'm so glad I have a spare in my desk at work. It doesn't have to be the Chapstick brand. I will try all kinds and probably have 10 tubes at home. I bought myself some for my Christmas stocking last year.

Same here. I love chapstick/lip gloss. I have a ton already but I always want more.

Confession: As a kid I used to eat chapstick. My favorites were mint and cherry.

I'm not addicted to chapstick, but I had bad chapped lips a couple of months ago and stopped in Books-A-Million at while at the mall and bought a tube of Burt's Bees Ultra Conditioning. Holy crap, what a godsend. It healed my lips in like 4-5 days. No balm has ever done that. I would just suffer and let it dry out/peel before. I will never buy anything else ever again.

I love Burt's Bees, I have the hand cream. It has lasted ages because you only need a tiny bit at a time.

Susieq_1994 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »

This potty training fiasco is really testing my patience right now. I love my kid, and I know she has other issues, but holy hell this is an exhausting venture!

I waited until mine were way too old to do it. I admire people who have the courage to do it with 2yos... My kids were 4.

Believe it or not, many Arabs insist that their children have to be potty trained by the age of one. This is especially strict in the non-Gulf Arab countries like Palestine and Syria. An American Muslim lady married to a Palestinian man once confided in my mother that she felt like a parenting failure because of her in-laws' shock that her son wasn't potty trained when he was one.

Susieq_1994 wrote: »

LBuehrle8 wrote: »

spacequiztime wrote: »

LBuehrle8 wrote: »

spacequiztime wrote: »

Lefty1290 wrote: »

I do not ever reveal my name online because it is ridiculously unique (I'm serious; I was named after my mom's best friend from high school) and I'm paranoid that someone who knows me will see it and know it's me.

Oh god, the idea of someone I know in real life recognizing me online scares me. I think I'd deactivate and remake if that happened here.

Why? Don't most people have Facebook? I'm surprised I don't have stalkers or anything because I'm so lax about information about myself. It's a blessing and a curse I'm so naive and want to believe everyone is good! You'd think after working with juveniles, being a corrections officer, and now working in child support I'd be the exact opposite!

My only experiences with Facebook come from a fake account I set up to get emails about movie screenings and trying to fix something for my parents. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person outside the 'net. It's just weird to think of people used to that side of me more open.

Ahh okay I see now! I'm the same here, there, everywhere haha Loud and I love to talk!

I'm actually the only Sawsan Al-Hadhrami on Facebook (at least I was as of last year or so), so the whole world can find me. But I don't really care, because I share next to nothing online (except in this thread... I share way too much in this thread!) and so I just use my real name everywhere. I've got nothing to hide, at least nothing in what I share online!

Tubbs216 wrote: »

flitterfoot wrote: »

raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »

Dnarules wrote: »

Wow, today has been busy in here. I can't even begin to keep up . But my name is Shirley. I hate it. Who the heck names their kid Shirley .

My oldest daughter is Rachel, and although I can't admit this to my DH, she was named after the Friend's character. Both daughters have somewhat unusual middle names, Raven and Rain. No Shirleys, because I just couldn't do that to them .

People call my daughter Raven all the time. I'm always saying "No, RaeLYNN, not Raven." She even corrects people, "No, it's Waewynn!" Sigh, I've doomed her to a name everyone will confuse with another lol.

Better than Amaryllis which is what I wanted to call our eldest. The only excuse I have is that I was only 21 and odd names was the thing bank then (and I really love the flower and that it means water goddess). Fortunately wiser heads prevailed and she ended up being called Gemma.

That's awesome!
When I was young and planning what my children would be called, I was always going to call a daughter Persephone Scarlett, but when it came down to it we named her Eliza. I think it was a safer option.

Francl27 wrote: »

Confession - I am low on protein today because I decided to have some frozen yogurt with my 200 leftover calories, instead of something with more protein, because I *gasp* wasn't hungry.

Confession #2 - I am amazed when people bump 2.5 yo threads. How do people even find them?

MoHousdon wrote: »

Tubbs216 wrote: »

LBuehrle8 wrote: »

MoHousdon wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

52cardpickup wrote: »

Tubbs216 wrote: »

m1xm0d3 wrote: »

52cardpickup wrote: »

kellienw335 wrote: »

Confession: I don’t know what my goal weight should be. I’m 5’9 and currently weigh 221. (That’s a big step since I’ve never admitted that to anyone!) I had the goal set at 200, but didn’t feel like that was low enough. It’s now set at 190, but now I don’t feel like that is low enough either. I weighed 180 the year before my son was born and felt awesome. I weighed 160 when I graduated from high school (and thought I was fat). I know I’ll probably find a weight where I feel comfortable and don’t have to kill myself in the gym every day. I understand all the numbers. Just not sure if I can get back to the 160s mainly because I don’t know if I have the dedication. Looking for some advice from some of you. That seems like a lot of numbers and rambling.

I'm 5'9" and currently 134. I was originally looking to get down to 135, but I'm now looking to pack on some weight again in the form of muscle. Not sure if I want to do that in the form of a bulk or a recomp. I'd be happy to send you some progress photos, if that would help you.

My biggest regret is not weight training more consistently in my weight loss, if I'm being honest.

Eventually, once goals are close to being met or have already passed, this is what it will come down to. If you want to be skinny as a rail, fine. Diet and cardio all day, every day. But unless you are naturally blessed, if you want a fitness magazine cover body, you HAVE to do some strength training.

Serious question here: What if you don't want that? I'm 47 - the only people who see me naked is my husband and my dog (she judges me - she recently lost 15% of her bodyweight and is smug about it). I live in a climate where I'm covered up a lot of the time. All I really want is to look ok in my clothes. I feel like MFP is often all about lifting weights, and I'm just not interested in doing that.

I agree with all of this. I feel like there's a lot of pressure from a lot of people to jump on the weight lifting bandwagon for aesthetic reasons, and a lot of people throw out "LIFT HEAVY" as the be all and end all of exercise without considering other people's interest/disinterest/goals/physical limitations/aspirations/time/what have you.

This morning there was a thread started by a person who was depressed because they weighed in at 501 pounds, and one of the first suggestions was that they start squatting and deadlifting. Seriously? SMDH. I get the feeling that people don't read the original post, they just respond with an automatic blurb.

On the other hand, weight lifting (OR resistance training, and THAT IS THE KEY!) is great for reasons aside from aesthetics... it strengthens bones and bone density, aids in living independently into old age, etc. It doesn't mean that you have to squat 300 lbs and bench press 1000, or look like Arnold, or stand in front of the mirror kissing your muscles and taking selfies. I just believe that an exercise routine should be balanced like an "eating routine" (don'twanttosaydiet) should be balanced.

sorry if this came across as judge-y *hangs head in shame and slinks off*

THIS (bold) is why I took up lifting.

And because it's easy. "Easy" in that it doesn't require grace or coordination or skill or athletic ability, all of which I lack. Just a basic awareness of your own body mechanics and the willingness to press on, even on those days when it feels like you've been run over by a truck (lorry for you Brits) and then thrown down a flight of stairs. At least that was my experience anyway... yoga bores me to tears, I can't do aerobics or zumba to save my life, never played sports, but I can pick up a barbell repeatedly. Hey, whaddya know, I'm good at something.

This weekend I walked around a garden center with a big spirea, two rhododendrons and a rose bush in my arms (it was a feat of balance as much as strength). Carried them to my car and put them in the trunk. I want to be able to do that 20 years from now, not be the frail little old lady waiting for the nice young man to help with the carryout.

Aesthetically, I've discovered that I like seeing muscles. Visible proof of all the work I've done. It keeps me motivated. I'm one of the ones who looked pretty good in clothes, but I wasn't too happy with the naked body that menopause has given me. I'm also learning my limitations -- there are some saggy bits that no amount of weightlifting is going to change.

I've seen it posted around these parts before but the key to "fitness" is to find an activity that you love and are going to stick with -- which isn't necessarily going to be the activity that someone else loves.

You, I like. You can stay in this thread

I try Yoga. I love the stretching part but I can't get my Downward Dog to bend at all and I end up doing what I like to call the Flopping Fish instead. I like Zumba but I kina look like a deranged zebra. Walking fast and lifting weights is what I like more. I can do it, I don't need to be coordinated, it feels good to make my body move.

Lol. Good thing, I'm addicted to this thread and you wouldn't get rid of me anyway Even having to catch up on 230 new posts at the end of the day yesterday didn't deter me.

I walk too. But if I look at the scenery too much or don't pay attention to where I'm putting my feet, I've been known to lurch and stumble. I'm THAT uncoordinated.

I think I've read all the posts but haven't been able to reply... welcome back @ShibaEars... congrats to all who have lost weight or reached goal... @Italian_Buju loving the pics of Little Rodent Boy's sweet little furry face (I've had to backtrack to see them, they don't show at work).

Not having kids, I've never seen Frozen or Finding Nemo or SpongeBob or any of those. I can probably identify the characters, however, solely from seeing the merchandise prominently displayed in stores.

I highly suggest you watch this! If no other "kid's" movie ever, watch Finding Nemo.

YASSS! Agree love, love, love this movie!

Thirded. Also 'Up' (and yes, I did cry within the first 5 minutes!)

Ooooh, yeah, Up is a great one! I also bawled like an infant in the first 5 minutes.

m1xm0d3 wrote: »

Confession.... I am experts at loading the dishwasher. To the point of a fault, where I spend almost too much time making things fit. Not by shoehorning them in or anything... It's like a game of Tetris to me. And it keeps me from getting dishpan hands #Palmolive LOL

Also, this weekend I ate 2 Jersey Mikes subs. #13 Italian on wheat, Saturday was a Giant 15" and Sunday was a Reg 7". I also ate a row of 7 glazed donuts on clearance for $.79 from Walmart Neighborhood Market on Sunday.

Also Also, my daughter had a perfect attendance for the first time in school this year and I keep almost slipping up by telling my co-workers. I can't tell them because on 2-3 occasions over the current school year, I called out of work because I said my daughter was sick. LOLOL

bkhamill wrote: »

I'm back! You people have been very talkative during my week away! I will never catch up on the 100+ pages I am behind now. I think I will just stay in the present and maybe try to read a page a day back there or something. I had a fabulous time in the Bahamas.

LBuehrle8 wrote: »

MoHousdon wrote: »

kellycasey5 wrote: »

Today at the grocery store I opened the doors to the pastry case just to SMELL the donuts. That's right. I didn't even want one and knew it would give me a tummy ache and be a total waste of calories. But they were just sitting there looking so pretty with the sprinkles and the glazes and of course the peek of jelly on the sides of a few of them. So there I was, like a crazy person with the doors open just smelling the donuts. AND......IT WAS HEAVENLY. Think what you will, it was a great morning

I did that yesterday with a rack of donuts on my way out of the store. I got really close to the rack just so I could get a really good sniff of the donuts. I didn't want one, but I just wanted to appreciate their aroma. I totally get you.

I'm one of those weirdos who enjoys smelling food, even others food! My coworkers think I'm crazy but it's almost an impulse