Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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orangesmartie wrote: »[orangesmartie wrote: »It never rains but it pours!
Got home today, checked on mum all gone well, just wait for further biopsy results to make they got it all.
My dad said my sister's social worker rang yesterday. Some of you may remember I mentioned previously my parents and I have custody of her 2 year old son and she is pregnant again. Anyway, it seems that the picture is bleak for the unborn child ( a little girl) and the social are minded to take this one into care when she's born, and they wanted to know if we'd have her.
Of course the answer is yes. But I can't tell you how tired and stressed that makes me feel already. My mum and I run our own company together, but she will have to give up work to care for baby, so the earning to keep us falls on me and my dad only. Not to mention the burden of caring for a baby and a toddler. I can't leave my parents to do it all on their own, but I feel exhausted just thinking about a baby.
I.never wanted children.
And my nanna blabbed to my mum something I said at the weekend (when drunk) about finding driving home every weekend and having Charlie tiring. Which is true, doesn't mean I don't want to do it.
But now my mum is horribly upset. And it's the last thing she needs.
So tonight, everything will be eaten. And I am enjoying one night in lazy solitude. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no child, no expectations, just me, my sofa, my TV and some ice cream
That is so rough. I'm sorry. But it's not your responsibility... will you just keep taking the kids if she keeps getting pregnant? I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you shouldn't have to ruin your life (same for your mother) because your sister is irresponsible.
This child needs to be where she'll be wanted. And I'm not judging you because I completely get it. If I had to take care of another child now I'd be devastated, and I did want children. But it's not the best for you, and it's probably not the best for her... Wishing you the best though.
No we won't keep taking kids, because I will make it a condition that the social apply to the court for a forcible sterilisation order so there are no more. We can't afford more (apologies if that offends people, I don't want to open the birth control debate).
I appreciate the honesty of your thoughts, and I don't take it as judgement. I understand what you say about the child being wanted. And she will be. She will be as loved and adored as Charlie is now, the children do not make these choices. I do. And they will get the best of everything I can give them, including me. Those children will never know the resentment I feel towards their mother.
My partners have already been on the phone planning how we make this work.
You are an amazing person!!0 -
They love it until you ask awkward questions, then you won't see them for dust. There are a lot of awkward questions to ask.berlynnwall wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age
) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
In my experience, Mormons love to talk about their faith, they even stop by your house to tell you about it when they don't know you! I think you have a good chance of him being very open to discussing it with you. No offense to any Mormons here - every Mormon I personally know is extremely kind and nice to be around.
Eh, depends on how you ask and who you ask, I think.
One of my best friends from school is LDS and I don't think she ever refused to explain anything to me or got offended when I asked questions. She knew I didn't mean to hurt her if I didn't phrase something right, but I still made sure to say things like "Can you explain what your church believes about what happens when we die?" instead of "What's up with that whole baptizing the dead thing?"
I learned a ton about the LDS faith from her and I'm really grateful for the knowledge - it's saved me from putting my foot in my mouth when I meet Mormons often.
And bonus, when missionaries come to my door (which seems to happen a couple times a year) I can say "Oh, my friend so-and-so is in such-and-such ward, do you know her or her husband?" and then something like "I'll be sure to ask her about any questions I have about the Book of Mormon. Have a nice day!" That approach only takes a minute of my day and I know the missionaries appreciate getting treated like actual people. And selfishly, I really like that I don't have to feel like a jerk and that I might have brightened their day a little bit by actually being kind.
I'm not close to my friend anymore as we took very different paths and don't have a lot in common anymore and she's much more involved with church stuff and her kids and stuff now, but I still feel a great deal of empathy for those little missionary kids. I know what their lives are like while on their mission so I try to be a little extra nice if I can. I'm not gonna convert and I'm not going to invite them in for Bible study or anything, but I like to try to talk to them like any other person.0 -
CountessKitteh wrote: »
Thank you. I hadn't cried yet, but that pushed me over the edge.
Special needs kid. Not good at organising himself. Trusts his useless loving, helpful (who can't do it all, sometimes makes mistakes, but will always try her best) mother to do it for him.quiksylver296 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »
And now I feel worse because my husband asked why I didn't drive him to school. I don't know why - I should have, I was just in such a panic I wasn't thinking straight.Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
Not judging, but if he's old enough to drive...why isn't he keeping his own exam schedule?
I kinda thought that, too. (But not judging!)
I called the school and he did get there in time. So he wasn't prepared, but at least he's there.
Fixed that for you!
Yeah, @BZAH10 and all her warm and fuzzies will do that to you.
Thank you! And I absolutely cannot keep up with this thread so I've missed a lot, but I cannot quite figure out why you are in the front end of a car in your profile pic! You are super cute, though! And what IS that car?
It's a Tesla Model S, so there's no engine (electric with a battery that's smaller than a briefcase, that's under the body of the car). There's a store inside the King of Prussia mall, and my friend made a comment about how I was so short that I could probably hang out in the "enginge" compartment.
...so I did. 0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »[orangesmartie wrote: »It never rains but it pours!
Got home today, checked on mum all gone well, just wait for further biopsy results to make they got it all.
My dad said my sister's social worker rang yesterday. Some of you may remember I mentioned previously my parents and I have custody of her 2 year old son and she is pregnant again. Anyway, it seems that the picture is bleak for the unborn child ( a little girl) and the social are minded to take this one into care when she's born, and they wanted to know if we'd have her.
Of course the answer is yes. But I can't tell you how tired and stressed that makes me feel already. My mum and I run our own company together, but she will have to give up work to care for baby, so the earning to keep us falls on me and my dad only. Not to mention the burden of caring for a baby and a toddler. I can't leave my parents to do it all on their own, but I feel exhausted just thinking about a baby.
I.never wanted children.
And my nanna blabbed to my mum something I said at the weekend (when drunk) about finding driving home every weekend and having Charlie tiring. Which is true, doesn't mean I don't want to do it.
But now my mum is horribly upset. And it's the last thing she needs.
So tonight, everything will be eaten. And I am enjoying one night in lazy solitude. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no child, no expectations, just me, my sofa, my TV and some ice cream
That is so rough. I'm sorry. But it's not your responsibility... will you just keep taking the kids if she keeps getting pregnant? I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you shouldn't have to ruin your life (same for your mother) because your sister is irresponsible.
This child needs to be where she'll be wanted. And I'm not judging you because I completely get it. If I had to take care of another child now I'd be devastated, and I did want children. But it's not the best for you, and it's probably not the best for her... Wishing you the best though.
No we won't keep taking kids, because I will make it a condition that the social apply to the court for a forcible sterilisation order so there are no more. We can't afford more (apologies if that offends people, I don't want to open the birth control debate).
I appreciate the honesty of your thoughts, and I don't take it as judgement. I understand what you say about the child being wanted. And she will be. She will be as loved and adored as Charlie is now, the children do not make these choices. I do. And they will get the best of everything I can give them, including me. Those children will never know the resentment I feel towards their mother.
My partners have already been on the phone planning how we make this work.
That would NEVER happen in the States. She could have 19 kids (and counting...
) and the courts would say that is her right. I like your way better. 0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Well, this has been going on for a while. No need to ruin vacation plans over it. I'd just ignore it as best you can. You both deserve your anniversary and vacation and nothing is going to change with the step-daughter in the next few weeks anyway, I'm guessing.
Nineteen is a tough age! Yes, they should be adults, but their brains are still developing and lack maturity. She will get better at some point, but probably not until her early 20's, IME. My kids all became normal humans again by 21 or so.
I disagree, honestly. I'm 20, and I've had to adult (yes, I'm using that as a verb.) since I was 14 or 15 years old, due to circumstances beyond my own control. The behavior of others my age frankly disgusts me sometimes--they're old enough to have some manners and consideration for the feelings of other people, they just don't want to bother.
Personal circumstances and situations can make a person grow up faster.
At my daughter's age, I had been living on my own for several years, working two jobs and trying to get pregnant.
My daughter can barely suck it up to work a summer job, help around the house a bit, and take on the stress of finding a place to live to go back to school in the fall.
Just for the record, she is rather selfish most of the time too.....it is a teenage girl thing, I am sure of it.....although I find at times she takes it to the extreme.
While I agree about circumstances and their effect on people, I don't think that's ever an excuse for being a self-centered, inconsiderate idiot to everyone around you. Sometimes I just want to smack people and yell "Have some manners!" or "Whatever you may actually think, the world DOESN'T revolve around you, and you didn't do anything to deserve to have your life handed to you on a silver platter!" That said... I'm actually an extremely polite person (to a fault) and would never do either of those things.
...But I really hate people with entitlement complexes. It may be a wee bit of a sore spot.
You are my soul sister. I am so fed up with the kids at my barn for their attitudes, sloppy behavior, ignoring the rules of how to handle horses, etc. Throwing multi thousand dollar saddles on the ground, discarding $35 crops and forgetting them, crumpled hundreds of dollar jackets in the back of the trailer. MAKES ME NUTS!!!!!!!! And I am NOT nice about it. I would have KILLED for the things these kids get and they have no respect. And not taking proper care of the horses causes a mental break down for me. I am not well liked by the children of the barn. 0 -
Also PS, I'm sorry I only write novel-length posts, everyone! Apparently I really like to hear myself talk...brevity is a virtue I've never possessed, I guess.0
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Agree - most mormons are nice, normal people. But the deep theology is extremely complex (and contradictory) and most have only a very basic understanding of it.
They love it until you ask awkward questions, then you won't see them for dust. There are a lot of awkward questions to ask.berlynnwall wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
In my experience, Mormons love to talk about their faith, they even stop by your house to tell you about it when they don't know you! I think you have a good chance of him being very open to discussing it with you. No offense to any Mormons here - every Mormon I personally know is extremely kind and nice to be around.
Eh, depends on how you ask and who you ask, I think.
One of my best friends from school is LDS and I don't think she ever refused to explain anything to me or got offended when I asked questions. She knew I didn't mean to hurt her if I didn't phrase something right, but I still made sure to say things like "Can you explain what your church believes about what happens when we die?" instead of "What's up with that whole baptizing the dead thing?"
I learned a ton about the LDS faith from her and I'm really grateful for the knowledge - it's saved me from putting my foot in my mouth when I meet Mormons often.
And bonus, when missionaries come to my door (which seems to happen a couple times a year) I can say "Oh, my friend so-and-so is in such-and-such ward, do you know her or her husband?" and then something like "I'll be sure to ask her about any questions I have about the Book of Mormon. Have a nice day!" That approach only takes a minute of my day and I know the missionaries appreciate getting treated like actual people. And selfishly, I really like that I don't have to feel like a jerk and that I might have brightened their day a little bit by actually being kind.
I'm not close to my friend anymore as we took very different paths and don't have a lot in common anymore and she's much more involved with church stuff and her kids and stuff now, but I still feel a great deal of empathy for those little missionary kids. I know what their lives are like while on their mission so I try to be a little extra nice if I can. I'm not gonna convert and I'm not going to invite them in for Bible study or anything, but I like to try to talk to them like any other person.0 -
They love it until you ask awkward questions, then you won't see them for dust. There are a lot of awkward questions to ask.berlynnwall wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
In my experience, Mormons love to talk about their faith, they even stop by your house to tell you about it when they don't know you! I think you have a good chance of him being very open to discussing it with you. No offense to any Mormons here - every Mormon I personally know is extremely kind and nice to be around.
Eh, depends on how you ask and who you ask, I think.
One of my best friends from school is LDS and I don't think she ever refused to explain anything to me or got offended when I asked questions. She knew I didn't mean to hurt her if I didn't phrase something right, but I still made sure to say things like "Can you explain what your church believes about what happens when we die?" instead of "What's up with that whole baptizing the dead thing?"
I learned a ton about the LDS faith from her and I'm really grateful for the knowledge - it's saved me from putting my foot in my mouth when I meet Mormons often.
And bonus, when missionaries come to my door (which seems to happen a couple times a year) I can say "Oh, my friend so-and-so is in such-and-such ward, do you know her or her husband?" and then something like "I'll be sure to ask her about any questions I have about the Book of Mormon. Have a nice day!" That approach only takes a minute of my day and I know the missionaries appreciate getting treated like actual people. And selfishly, I really like that I don't have to feel like a jerk and that I might have brightened their day a little bit by actually being kind.
I'm not close to my friend anymore as we took very different paths and don't have a lot in common anymore and she's much more involved with church stuff and her kids and stuff now, but I still feel a great deal of empathy for those little missionary kids. I know what their lives are like while on their mission so I try to be a little extra nice if I can. I'm not gonna convert and I'm not going to invite them in for Bible study or anything, but I like to try to talk to them like any other person.
When I see them walking around my town, I always wonder "how did they get sent to ****, Idaho" when some of them serve their missions in Brazil or somewhere amazing. I would be p!ssed if I got sent to some normal American town instead of somewhere fun.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
You're awesome. I like to think (optimistically) that in my area (which has a lot of new Canadians and also quite a large Islamic Academy private school) we're pretty accepting and knowledgeable about the larger minority groups in our city, but I know it isn't always the case and, speaking for myself, I don't know anyone who grew up in the Middle East (apart from some friends who grew up in expat compounds), so I find your life especially interesting. All my Muslim acquaintances are at least second-generation Canadians so I've never heard much about day-to-day life somewhere like Saudi Arabia or Oman.
Aww, thank you! I hope you're right, but I do doubt that everyone in a particular area is accepting and knowledgeable about Muslims. But I guess finding someone who is from/lives in the Middle East can be a new experience!
I once saw a guy in an online chatroom talking about how he worked in Saudi Arabia and how everyone owned a camel and used them to get to work and school, and everyone lived in tents. I thought it was ridiculously stupid of him to do that--it just promotes making Arabs look like a bunch of backwards weirdos. I don't think he had actually visited the Middle East in his life. -_-
Sounds like something akin to every person from Texas owning a horse and having an oil well in their back yard. I live there and know it isn't true, just the stereotype that gets put out there.0 -
Confession: I think one of the main reasons I'm having such a hard time losing weight is because I love smokin' the reefer, and then I get the munchies and can't stop munching. 0
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But that's true, right?Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
You're awesome. I like to think (optimistically) that in my area (which has a lot of new Canadians and also quite a large Islamic Academy private school) we're pretty accepting and knowledgeable about the larger minority groups in our city, but I know it isn't always the case and, speaking for myself, I don't know anyone who grew up in the Middle East (apart from some friends who grew up in expat compounds), so I find your life especially interesting. All my Muslim acquaintances are at least second-generation Canadians so I've never heard much about day-to-day life somewhere like Saudi Arabia or Oman.
Aww, thank you! I hope you're right, but I do doubt that everyone in a particular area is accepting and knowledgeable about Muslims. But I guess finding someone who is from/lives in the Middle East can be a new experience!
I once saw a guy in an online chatroom talking about how he worked in Saudi Arabia and how everyone owned a camel and used them to get to work and school, and everyone lived in tents. I thought it was ridiculously stupid of him to do that--it just promotes making Arabs look like a bunch of backwards weirdos. I don't think he had actually visited the Middle East in his life. -_-
Sounds like something akin to every person from Texas owning a horse and having an oil well in their back yard. I live there and know it isn't true, just the stereotype that gets put out there.
0 -
chocolateandpb wrote: »Confession: I think one of the main reasons I'm having such a hard time losing weight is because I love smokin' the reefer, and then I get the munchies and can't stop munching.
Decisions, decisions....0 -
Does anyone get in food ruts? There's nothing I want to eat, so whatever I make doesn't really satisfie me... I guess that's why I've been snacking so much the last couple days.
I hate this! I tell myself that I will eat better tomorrow but I can't even think of anything I want to have for breakfast... that just sucks. Nothing just sounds appealing. Except junk. I'm feeling gross and disappointed in myself for eating 700 calories over maintenance today... mostly from granola bars etc.
I pretty much eat the same thing every day. When I don't eat that thing I get sad and wish I had eaten it. I like my food rut. Then I get tired and switch to a new habit! 0 -
@orangesmartie You are an amazing person for being able to take in one child! Just watching my brother's baby for a six to eight hours a day four times a week was enough to give me awful thoughts.0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »We decided to have a little White Trash Date Night last night and went to Red Lobster. My husband and I both worked at the Olive Garden when we were nineteen or so, and occasionally we get cravings for those stupid cheese biscuits that cannot be denied (a souvenir of the illicit parking-lot trades we used to do with the RL servers: bags of breadsticks for bags of biscuits.)
I can't believe we still eat that garbage once a year, but it was kind of fun anyway. It feels like returning to 1995 every time you walk inside. And every drink on the drink menu is sweet and slushy. And everything comes frozen out of a bag and then fried. It's so bizarre! But the less said about the clientele, the better (because, uh, no judgement....but wow. I mean, I get that it's a terrible restaurant and all, but are your cartoon-themed pyjamas really the appropriate sartorial choice for being out in public? They look great with your trucker hat and stained, white-with-no-bra tank top though...)
Bizarro-world, man.
Sound to me like the Wal-Mart of restaurants
What's funny to me is that the Red Lobster restaurant is considered a really upscale, super fancy restaurant here. We went there ONE time, just to try it, and spent almost 150 USD on our dinner. O.o If that's low-class, I can't afford to be high class!
That IS funny. Here they have a real reputation as, like....hillbilly fine dining. A lot of jokes get made because of the whole "People of Walmart" vibe. When we worked at the Olive Garden we could be pretty cruel about it in the kitchen, which I feel kinda bad about...but then when we now go to eat Cheddar Bay biscuits and deep-fried coconut shrimp and see people changing their babies on the table and saying things like "Gross, it smells like fish or something in here!" or yelling at the servers to bring them another Budweiser, we remember why we made so much fun back in the day as we glopped premade alfredo sauce out of a 10 gallon bucket onto everything.
But they are definitely not expensive here, either...my husband got something hilariously called the "Admiral's Feast" last night that came with a starter salad, lobster, crab legs, shrimp, and two sides and it was like $30 and one of the most expensive things on the menu. For comparison, where we live, a steak at a mid-priced chain (not a fine-dining kind of place but not bottom of the barrel) can easily run that same price or up to about $40, and a burger at a sit-down, inexpensive diner kind of place will often be around $15.
It's just a weird, anachronistic kind of place, at least here, a weird holdout from the 90s with gross carpet and vaguely sticky menus.
They make a Red Lobster mix that you can make your own cheddar bay biscuits. I found it at Wal-Mart.0 -
Yeah, how prominent the family is can have a lot to do with it.quiksylver296 wrote: »
They love it until you ask awkward questions, then you won't see them for dust. There are a lot of awkward questions to ask.berlynnwall wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
In my city there are very few Muslims. I know NONE personally, which is why I'm completely clueless but fascinated. And you are completely right: it's the fear of offending that keeps us from asking questions causes confusion and misunderstandings.
My step-daughter is married to a Mormon and I have several questions I'd like to ask him, but I don't out of fear of offending him. Hmmm.... perhaps this is something I need to work on.
In my experience, Mormons love to talk about their faith, they even stop by your house to tell you about it when they don't know you! I think you have a good chance of him being very open to discussing it with you. No offense to any Mormons here - every Mormon I personally know is extremely kind and nice to be around.
Eh, depends on how you ask and who you ask, I think.
One of my best friends from school is LDS and I don't think she ever refused to explain anything to me or got offended when I asked questions. She knew I didn't mean to hurt her if I didn't phrase something right, but I still made sure to say things like "Can you explain what your church believes about what happens when we die?" instead of "What's up with that whole baptizing the dead thing?"
I learned a ton about the LDS faith from her and I'm really grateful for the knowledge - it's saved me from putting my foot in my mouth when I meet Mormons often.
And bonus, when missionaries come to my door (which seems to happen a couple times a year) I can say "Oh, my friend so-and-so is in such-and-such ward, do you know her or her husband?" and then something like "I'll be sure to ask her about any questions I have about the Book of Mormon. Have a nice day!" That approach only takes a minute of my day and I know the missionaries appreciate getting treated like actual people. And selfishly, I really like that I don't have to feel like a jerk and that I might have brightened their day a little bit by actually being kind.
I'm not close to my friend anymore as we took very different paths and don't have a lot in common anymore and she's much more involved with church stuff and her kids and stuff now, but I still feel a great deal of empathy for those little missionary kids. I know what their lives are like while on their mission so I try to be a little extra nice if I can. I'm not gonna convert and I'm not going to invite them in for Bible study or anything, but I like to try to talk to them like any other person.
When I see them walking around my town, I always wonder "how did they get sent to ****, Idaho" when some of them serve their missions in Brazil or somewhere amazing. I would be p!ssed if I got sent to some normal American town instead of somewhere fun.
It's a big thing to video opening your 'mission call' letter (which says where you'll be sent) and post it to YouTube. Some of the poor kids are being sent like an hour from home and have to seem delighted by it. Also bear in mind that they aren't allowed any visits home and can only phone home twice a year (Christmas and Mother's Day) it's pretty tough.
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »I like being friends with the people from this thread.
Because I know nobody will put their judgy pants on when they see my diary.
Have you guys seriously had people judge you about your diaries?
I don't recall ever having anyone judge anything I ate but I think I had someone question me about my sodium intake a few times.
The only time I would judge someone about their food diary or delete them would be from them eating under 1,000 calories everyday.
I would only give constructive criticism if someone asked for it & usually only looked at food diaries to see if I could get any new food ideas. Personally I found looking at food diaries to be tedious.
Yes. I had people tell me I eat too much junk. Unfriended very fast too.
why would you delete someone because the amount of calories THEY eat? If they are not trying to force you to eat like that in anyway why does it offend you so much that you should delete them?-1 -
Fitness related confession: I attempted to do my HIIT workout last night, and by attempt, I mean, I made 2 rather pathetic rounds skipping some exercises as to not injure myself further. I think I actually DID injure myself further. My ankle was really swollen last night and my leg was really sore. I really hate that I got hurt so close to my vacation and I can't do a proper workout because of it.
Non-fitness related confession: My husband FINALLY messaged his daughter (actually, she messaged him after my request yesterday [small victory?]) and she is coming by Saturday because he told her he wants to talk to her in person. I am glad he finally did this and I hope he doesn't chicken out and lays down the law with her. I'm not sure if I will be present or not because I told my daughter I'd take her Father's Day shopping Saturday and I also have an eye appointment to get my trial contacts checked. A part of me wants to be there to support him, but a part of me knows me, and fears I might say something I'll regret. Not sure which part of me will win yet. Positive thoughts are appreciated.
On a related note, when I got home last night, I noticed her cat has managed to tear about a 4" hole in my carpet in the doorway of the room she's staying in. I was so irate that I started screaming at this stupid cat and telling her I hate her and she's got to leave. She didn't understand what I was saying and I am sure she didn't care because she proceeded to tear at the carpet once the door was closed again.
Unrelated but relevant to something I mentioned yesterday: I asked my husband about whether or not we're going to exchange anniversary presents and he said he thought we'd just do some shopping for each other while we're down there. I am on board with this idea especially since I already have an idea of what I want to buy him. He also mentioned that what he wanted to get me we couldn't afford but could make payments on it. I told him I didn't want any more payments and he said not even for a ring?! I love that man!
Sorry so long, but I had a lot to say.
tl;dr: I hurt myself working out, stepdaughter's supposed to talk to husband Saturday, and I may be getting a new ring.
I am sorry you hurt yourself. I did the same thing the Friday before I left for my last vacation years ago (to California and Oregon). I was running late because my alarm didn't go off and I ended up twisting my ankle and it swelled up as well. It was still swollen when we left Monday. I REALLY hope you heal fast.
I'm glad that your husband is going to talk to his daughter. I will keep you in my thoughts!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »I like being friends with the people from this thread.
Because I know nobody will put their judgy pants on when they see my diary.
I never put judgy pants on when I see diaries! I understand what it's like to struggle, and plus I just get jealous when it's full of yums... But yours is private, I can't even see it even though we're friends--so nobody can put judgy pants on at all!
I thought I had unlocked that for friends. I will fix it.
Thanks.
You're welcome! I love browsing diaries; you'll find a lot of 3000+ calories days if you browse mine, though (and a ton of empty days, these past few months, unfortunately.
).
Honesty is good though. I struggled about opening it for friends because I was afraid people would judge. But, then I thought "It's my lifestyle and if they want to judge, so be it. I'm usually pretty good - except a couple Saturdays ago when I drank my dinner.
Ha, mine is open to the public. I have no shame! (Actually, I just don't think anyone cares enough to go and stalk it.)
Mine is open too. But when I go over, I will often just put quick calories because nobody needs to know that I had half a pint of ice cream over my calories... at least this way they might think it was 200 calories of broccoli or something (as if).
But I never 'complete' my diary and I stopped posting pretty much everything on my feed (diary completion, weight loss etc) anyway, so I don't think anyone is looking.
I log what it actually is because I'm obsessive and I want to know exactly how many grams of protein, carbs, etc. had--I never use Quick Add when I can help it. I don't care if everyone sees that I ate 10 chocolate chip cookies or something. 0
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